I have reached my first obstacle in life. This obstacle is very large, even though it is only my first. This obstacle is called fear. My fear is not like most peoples. For usual fears there is spiders, snakes, the dark, etc. For me i have two fears. The first one is of being abandoned. The second is of life.

Right now, i am facing the second fear.

I am 21 now. I have my drivers license, i have car insurance, i have a checking account. A part of my fear of life is that i fear moving forward in life. Payments have to be made, thankfully put enough money in the checking account to last me the first few months. But soon, i will have to get a job, so i can continue making those payments. I will have to start driving myself to and from work and from place to place. This terrifies me. I will be trying to go back to college in the fall. This also terrifies me. I will start having to no longer live as a child under her parents wings. This terrifies me allot. I...will have to start living. THIS....is my worst nightmare.

This obstacle that which is my fear of life, of living, of moving forward in life, is one i am not sure is possible for me to overcome.

The night before the first time i drove by myself, i had a paranoia attack. I truly thought i was losing my mind, and even felt it slipping.

If just one simple thought of driving to my grandma's, who only lives a few minutes away, sends me into such a state, what will become of me? What will happen the first time i have to drive into town? What will happen when i have to go to work for the first time? What will happen when i have to take the highway by myself to get to and from my college classes?

Life terrifies me.Life is my obstacle. This is very difficult. How am i to get past this obstacle, when i can't even take the next step.

My feet are frozen.