Minseok's P.O.V

We stood there, in front of our friends’ graves. And what hurts me the most was that, one of them belongs to Luhan. All these while, I thought I could hold in whatever feelings that might build in my soul when I first heard the surgery became a failure. But I couldn’t.

Nights after Luhan's funeral, I couldn’t come out and see my family. I was hurt, for the first time in my life, I lost my love. Tell me one person that could fortitude this life without knowing that your love is gone forever.

I spend days in my room, refuse to go out after I came back from Luhan's funeral. In just one day, I lost everything I have in life. I lost Luhan, and at the same time, I lost Krystal. The joint funeral was decided by Baekhyun, who seems cool handling everything. At the same time, he was hurting too.

Krystal died when a roommate of her in the mental hospital stabbed her with a knife during her sleep. It was a tragic death, yes. But the fact that I wasn’t there when she need me the most. I wasn’t there for her, until the moment she died.

I was busy with Luhan and I end up losing both of them. It was my fault, thoroughly. The fact that Luhan wrote me a letter before his surgery, I still fail to see that was the sign he will be gone forever.

Every night, I would read the letter, over and over again. I caress the words in the text, as if I would be comforting him, and mostly, I hope to comfort myself. I smile every time I read the last words of the letter.

I always love you Minseok. In life or death, my heart belongs only for you.

Then I cried, as I always did. A year has gone by and all I could do is stuck in the past. I couldn’t move forward, not with a future that has no Luhan in it. It would hurt me more, if I know I won’t have him through life.

We all started off as friends, seven friends that would do anything for each other. But in just a year and a half, three of us died, and four of us have no intention moving forwards with their lives. I always read about those happy endings they wrote in books and dreamt about having one with Luhan. But it’s all just a dream.

After we graduated last semester, the school was filled with sorrow. When we were asked to speak for our friends, Baekhyun and Siwon has written plenty of things for our schoolmate to know.

Baekhyun describe how his friendship was with Yoona. He told them what Yoona likes to do the most. How talented Yoona acted on stage during the rehearsal of the school play. He told them what it’s like to have Yoona as his best friend. He tells only the good ones.

Siwon told them, about his blindness that didn’t realized how Krystal felt for him. He told them that he was stupid for letting Krystal go on without him. He told our schoolmate not to regret anything if they act like him in the future. He speaks a lot about Krystal's behavior that impressed him. And the most important part was that, he said he was sorry; to Krystal.

When it’s time for me to go up the stage and speak for Luhan, I couldn’t do it. I was standing next to the stage and everyone was looking at me. Then finally, I walk to the microphone and stood in front of it, speechless.

On the back of my mind, I want to tell them how I feel about Luhan. I want to describe my friendship with Luhan; no, I want to describe my love for him. I want them to know what Luhan likes to do with me the most. I want to tell them what a talented singer Luhan is. Luhan has a voice of an angel.

I’d like to tell them what it’s like to have Luhan as my lover, how Luhan loves with unconditionally and irrevocably feelings for me. I want to tell them what it’s like waking up seeing such a beautiful face, and now, not being able to see it anymore.

Instead I stood there, with nothing to say. There’s so many things going through my mind, and I want to tell them all of it, but somehow, I also wanted to keep it as a memory that only I would know; as a story that nobody knows but me.

I remembered how I opened my mouth, as I slip a tear fell from my eyes. “I love him,” I whispered on the microphone. Then my eyes weld up with tears but I still continue, “I love him, so much.” My voice has cracked, but not once that I care with the fact, I’m crying.

I can see our schoolmate looking at me with sympathy; the one thing I hated the most but I ignored it at that time. Then finally, I said those words that I’ve been dying to tell Luhan. I looked up and smile to the sky, as that time we resembles on the outdoor grass stage.

“I always love you Luhan. In dea