Chapter 18 – tough one

I was troubled by the letter and the actions done by other fans and I seriously don’t know what to do next. Several thoughts came to my mind but I can’t decide on which one to do.

Work was never the same thing when I’m being torn between two things because the situation is severely bothering me.

Maybe i needed some alone time for choosing what to do next so i kept distanced from Donghae and the rest of the pack. For the mean time, all i need is a quiet, calming and reflective moment and place for me.

My boss was kind enough to give me a leave of absence from work and i took that chance to do some ‘soul searching’, if that’s how others can see it.

I know for sure that Donghae would go ballistic if he finds out that i’m out so i sent him a text message.

To: Chagi

Chagi, i’m be gone for a while. Office thing.

I’ll get back to you after everything. <3

I didn’t go out that far, i just went to Dosan Park and Han River deep into the nights of my free days so no one would notice me and it would be quiet.

The past year has been a total rollercoaster ride for me. A lot of different things happened in just a short while. It changes my life in every aspect. I learned a lot from the different people that i am with. And things seem to be going my way, to my advantage.

In this relationship that i have with Donghae, he’s the one who is always having a hard time. I mean, i was having some hard moments adjusting to his lifestyle and everything he’s connected to, but i know it’s tougher for him.

He’s been having a hard time hiding me from the public to protect me and my private life [if i still have that after We Got Married]. He’s having a hard time juggling his time for me and for his ever so demanding work.

Right now, i’m on the verge of choosing one of the two things that i think would be the best for the situation.

I don’t want to see him getting hurt and having a hard time because of me. He shouldn’t be the one shouldering everything because i’m part of it.

The dark night and the calming twinkling of the bright stars made me forget everything for a while, but i didn’t come here for that. I have to come up with a decision.

+++

“Donghae?” i called when i noticed the familiar person sitting by the door of my unit as soon as i got off the elevator. “What are you doing here?”

“Chagi.” He responded and stood up.

He came right in front of me and held me close to his heart. Words were stuck in my throat because of the sensation that was brought up by his small action. We stayed like that for almost a couple of minutes in silence before he uttered something.

“Whatever is it that is running in your mind right now, whatever decision you made in the last couple of days that you were gone... please Chagi... disregard them. Please... whatever is it...” he pleaded, still not letting me go.

I was ready to talk, to speak out the things that i want to say to him when i felt my shoulders slowly getting wet and his arms and body that were around me were shaking.

“Donghae...”

“HyunAe please. I don’t know what decision you have made while you’re away but whatever is it, please disregard it. Please. That’s all i’m asking for. Whatever the outcome of my sudden intrusion is, i’ll take it, just please disregard the first one.”

It’s not easy complying to what he is asking but... with him being like this... Sheesh.

Come what may...