Waking up to a blaring alarm is never been pleasing. Even though it always been at the back of my mind to wake up and come to work or school, doesn't make it any less annoying. As for myself, never once in my life have I ever wake up in the morning with the thought of the damn routine with a freaking smile. Trust me, I know someone who does. In the contrary, not having a routine makes me feel lousy. Just what in the world does myself want. The mix of the two maybe. Maybe life is more like what a DJ does. Digging for a good records, mixing, leveling, finding the right equalization for each of the songs played, to pace the energy and make sure people have a good time. If you doing so, then maybe you just lousy.

Before I came to Korea, I was so damn adventurous. Life was never close to lousy. Not that life is lousy now, just a little bit move closer to lousy. And by adventurous I mean travel a lot, out in the nature a lot, not THAT kind of adventurous. Or maybe I should give it a try? Nah, I'm with Krystal now, or so they want us to be. I mean we're giving us a try. I hope this crazy set up wouldn't move the bar even more south. I mean hanging out with Krystal is always fun, but this set up is either do us good or mess us up even more and I don't need more mess. School, work, all the drama, are enough mess for me.

I should have tons of books if I even decided to write down my morning rant. The constant Krystal's nags about the possibility of me suffering from an OCD starting to get into my head. My inability to decide without too much thinking of hurting someone else, tendency to arrange things in a particular order, the anxiety, well it is not severe but it is there. Damnit, Krystal! I've been reading the topic lately. But whatever.

It have been good 30 minutes after the alarm goes off. I jump out of the bed and go for a quick shower, of course after I make my bed. I feel a bit self-conscious lately, thanks to my dear princess. I become more aware of my doing and trying to lessen the "OCD-ness".

I left my flat not bother to make myself a breakfast or even a cup of coffee. I decided to just walk to the office since it still early, and it's not that far anyway. As I climb up the stairs to the lobby, I see Amber standing against the glass wall with her hands shoved into her jeans pocket just by the entrance. We greeted each other then she handed me a cup my sweet coffee. We make our way inside together as Amber nervously telling me something that makes me burst into a laughing mess. Tears trickle down my cheek. Lips stretched too wide it could rip my face in two. Stomach aches from the frantic laugh. Almost losing my grip of the cup of my coffee. I have to stop walking and lean to the nearest wall for a support. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's damn funny, not to mention Amber's red and nervous face.

"C'mon dude, stop"

I press my eyes shut causing another beads of tears running down my cheek. I can only mouth Amber "I'm sorry" as I'm yet capable to mutter a word. Amber looks down on her feet, still red from embarrassment. It gets me to stop. I huff out the remaining laughter, wipe away my tears then grab Amber's arm and start to walk again.

"I'm sorry, man, eheh, I mean, really??" There is still amusement thick in my voice, I can't help it.

Amber rolls her eyes, "You've been asking the same question!"

I bit my lip at her dejected look. "Okay I'm sorry, I mean wow, I didn't see that coming"

"Tell me about it" Amber still having her head down.

"Did you ?" A punch on the arm. "Ouch! C'mon, did you?"

"Not funny, Sam"

"Oh c'mon! Did you?" A silence. "Was I good?" Multiple of furious punches on my arm. "Ouch! Ouch~ okay okay I'm sorry"

Oh man, my cheek hurts so bad. Amber takes a sip of her coffee. "I'm really curio-"

"Fine! I did!!"

My steps paused and mouth fall open at her confession."Oh.my.god dude!" I cover my mouth with my palm.

Amber sighs. "I shouldn't have told you"

"Didn't you tell me to humor me?" I , speed up my walk to keep up with her.

"No. I just- I had to get it out, it's been disturbing me" Amber runs her fingers on her hair.

"Are you feeling disturbed now?" Amber looks at me and I wiggle my brows.

"Unbelievable" A hearty laugh escapes my throat.

"I'm sorry but seriously, have you been thinking about me that way?" My tone is serious now.

"No! Never! Dude, no!" Amber throws her arms in the air, frustrated. Lol Am!

"Geez, okay, chill"

"I don't know why I dreamt about it"

"I must be really g-"

"You're annoying"

"I know, right? Okay, no, is there something else bothering you lately? You seem so out of it. Other than the fact that you haven't gotten-"

Amber lifts her arm to land a punch but I put out my hands to block it. "You're the worst"

"Wow, what happens to your swear words?"

"Fine, you ask for it, you, Sam"

Mischievous grin appears on my face. "You want to?" I wiggle my brows. Amber rolls her eyes. "Oh how things will never be the same between us because of this" I let out a laugh as I shake my head.

"Nothings ever remain the same"

"Right, sorry, but seriously though, dude"

"I-I don't know, I mean I just-sigh~ha-have you two-"

"No we haven't" I cut her "You seriously think that I'm that kind of girl?"

"What kind of girl?"

"Who had on a first date?"

"Well technically it wasn't your first date with Krystal b-"

"You know what I mean"

"Right~ I don't know, I'm just so messed up"

I squeeze her shoulder and turn her body to face me. "I told you this was a ed up idea"

"I know" She huff, her head falls down.

"I'm sorry, man. I don't know what to do. I mean this is clearly hurt you, but like you said if we stop then it might hurt Krystal, so dude, I don't even know"

"It's okay, I get it and I'm sorry"

"We both have too much to be sorry for, so why don't you just buy me lunch?"

"How is that even an equation?"

"Whatever. Yes or no?"

"Maybe"

" you" I walk backward to the direction of my desk "Some other time, maybe" I wink at her.

Amber shakes her head as she walks towards the recording room. "I hate you"

"Oh you know you love me" I laugh, waving my hand to her.

//

"Yo yo yo, Taengoo!" I put out my fist and lean in for a side hug with the Kim Taeyeon.

"'Sup, Sam?"

"How's thing with your American girlfriend?"

She lets out her weird laugh. "Things great with the American girlfriend"

"Oh so you claimed that booty yours?"

"Oh hohoho, hell yea" She nods with that smug look on.

"Damn! Look at you, man. She do you good, she must be, right?" I place my hands on both of her shoulders, shaking it a bit.

"Oh she do me darn good, you know how American "

"Oh trust me I do" I know Taeyeon into , I just hope that Tiffany does too. And no, I'm not into if that's what you're wondering.

"Of course you do. Right okay, gotta find ms.Hwang to get her help me with something" She taps on my arm and wink before she turns on her heel.

"Geez you bastard! Oh wait!" I stop her before she runs too far "Have you seen Krystal?"

She is squinting her eyes for the sake of teasing me. "So you need some help too, i see. She's at the vocal room"

"Alright thanks. Don't get the wrong Hwang, Taeng"

"Oh I know what's mine. See ya, Sam" She waves her hand as she runs to find her Hwang.

So they finally got together. I'm genuinely happy for them. Gotta get that Hwang though, how dare her not telling me the good news. I make my way to the vocal room and push the door open.

"Princess?"

"Right here" A familiar voice call out from my left hand side. I walk towards her voice and greeted with her voice again. "Hei"

"Hei- Oh, sorry, I can come back later" I didn't see Jessica is sitting there. She is quite hidden from the door I came from.

Jessica waves her hand. "It's okay, Sam"

Right, it's okay. But it's kinda awkward~ Krystal is wrapping her fingers around my forefinger, looking up to me, smiling. Okay if they say it's okay, then it is okay.

"I was just- ehm d-do you wanna go and grab lunch with me, princess?" I might as well not holding up.

She smiles. "Sure. Give me few more minutes, please. They made us to sing one of the OST for Sul and Minho oppa's drama, so we need to fix something first before we start the recording" She explain.

"Oh you and Jess?" She nods excitedly. "Wow, it's great"

"You're directing the drama right?"

I shake my head. "Nope, I'm part of the editing team though"

She nods and lets go of my finger to runs her hand on my arm. "Okay, I'll see in a minutes, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be on my desk"

I ruffle her hair and smile to Jessica before I exit the room. Well that was easier than I thought, I mean to ask it in front of Jessica. Maybe Krystal is right, I think too much. I walk to my desk and see Tiffany spinning on my chair, mindlessly tracing the air. I smile at the sight.

"Got something for me, ms.Hwang?"

She stops spinning the chair and stands up and leans in to give me a hug, her eyes shaped into a crescent. She looks happy. "Hi, babe"

"Oh don't 'Hi, babe' me when you Taeyeon behind my back"

Her smiles gone as she looks at me in surprised. "How do you know?"

I roll my eyes at her. "I met Taeyeon, did you lend her a hand?" I wink at her. She blushes. Oh the joy of teasing people. "Aww look, pig Fany. You're pink and a pig"

She slaps my arm and pouts. "Taeyeon gave you too much information, didn't she?"

"There's no such thing, Tiff. I just know"

"How?"

"Because I know how erted minds work"

She scoffs. "Because you're one?"

I nod at her and fold my arms on my chest after I poke her nose. "Bingo!" She just rolls her eyes, I can't help but smile.
"Anyway, congrats Tiff"

Her eyes smiling along her lips and she excitedly clasps her hands and squeals. "I told you I'd be the one she dates"

"Yay!" I fake my excitement just to annoy her.

She slaps my arm. "Can you at least pretend to be happy for me?"

I smile and open up my arms for a bone-crushing hug. "I am happy for you, Tiff" I shake our bodies to the sides before I break the hug.

"Jealous?"

"More like a relief" She laugh heartily. "When's the party?"

"I thought you don't drink?"

"Does a party mean I have to drink?"

"In my party, yes!" I roll my eyes at her. "We can celebrate it this weekend in Taeyeon's, I mean it's just gonna be us three -oh you can bring Krystal or Jessica, or you can bring them both, whatever"

"What makes you think you can hangout with the Jungs?"

She rolls her eyes too much in our short conversation."Whatever, I'll order foods you like, you can join Tae on her game console or whatever, just us having fun, hmm? It's been a while since the last time we hangout. Make time for me this weekend? And of course there'll be some liquor"

I let out a small laugh. "Aren't you too excited for this?"

"I know and I just want to share the happiness with you, that's why I'm here" She literally squeals throughout her sentence.

"Okay, calm your , this weekend it is" She squeals again and jumps to hugs me.

"Sam"

Tiffany quickly breaks the hug and whisper, "You better take her with you, help me fix whatever it is between me and her" She taps my shoulder before she skips to leave. "See ya this weekend, Sam!"

Well played, Tiffany, very well played. And now Krystal is gonna ask me about it. I walk over to her, she naturally loops her arm around mine and we both make our way to the car park. "Hai princess"

"What was that about?" She sounds pissed but she manages to control her facial expression.
"Tiffany invited us to her party"

"Us?"

"Yes, you and me"

"Okay~ but why?"

"It isn't a party party, I guess, just her fancy term, it's a celebration of she and Taeyeon going official"

"Official?"

"Yes, as in a couple"

She doesn't say anything, probably battling with herself. Well she did say that she doesn't like Tiffany being around me but now that Tiffany is with Taeyeon, she probably weighting whether or not to let Tiffany close and whether or not she'd agree to come.

We left the company to her now favourite meet house at the park which now also her hideout as well. How original princess. We also make a stop at her favourite bread shop. She always have a spare stomach for bread and deserts, she said.

"Can I come over later?" She asks while she drives.

"Why bother asking? You know my combination anyway" She smiles sheepishly as she take a bite on her bread I hold for her on our way back to the company.

//

"Dude, you and Jessica are okay, right?"

I hangout at Amber's little heaven, the recording room. After the lunch I lost the mood to do the damn editing, so here I am.

"Why ask?" I am spinning on the chair next to Amber while she is busy with those complicated audio editing.

"I'm just worried. I didn't know that she did that"

"She lied, I think. I mean it's true that that day she talked to me about my contract, but she kissed me like she mean it. I can see her longing in her eyes, I genuinely felt those emotions in her. We missed each other"

"I think so too. She couldn't possibly that shallow" Amber says, still have her eyes on the screen with an earbud on her left ear.

"True that"

"It must be hard for h-"

"It is hard for you too, for me, for Krystal, for the four of us. Don't even think that I had it easy" I interject.

"We are so ed up, don't you think?" She sighs and slumps back to her chair. I nod my head as I lean back to the chair with my eyes closed.

//

"Jes- ms.Jung can I come in?"

She clears from behind the door and say, "Yes, come on in"

"Do you need anything, Sam?" She clasps her hand on the table and fix her eyes on me.

I sit on the chair in front of her desk. This room is just- sigh. "I need you to tell me the truth. Did you or did you not lie that day?"

"What are you talking about?" She is the master of controlling her expression but I can see her beyond that. She is surprised by my question.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about"

She leans back to her chair, but said nothing. "Listen Jessica, if we wanna end what we have and do this, at least let us have a good closure. I understand where you are coming from and I agreed, didn't I? And I promise you that I'm giving my all"

"Sam I just-" Hesitation.

"Jessica please"

She leans forward and propped her elbows on the desk, looking right into my eyes. Nothing's said, just a staring contest. But no, we're actually communicating through telepathy. Yep.

"Yes Sammy, I lied" She finally says.

I smile at her, not breaking the eye contact. "I know, I just need to hear it from you" I reach for her hand and envelope it with mine. She doesn't pull back. "Just so you know, I love you Jessica Jung, too much, I'll treasure our time together, I'm trying my hardest to wrap my head around this messed up thing. I'm doing this for you, maybe I'm doing this for myself. But I never question my love for you"

She smiles, tears b in her eyes, she topped my hand with hers, giving it a light squeeze. "We both having it hard and so does Amber and Krystal-"

"So let's just be ed up together now, shall we?" I cut her mid-sentence, and it gets her to laugh. We must be looking so pathetic. We are laughing with tears streaming down our cheeks.

"We don't have to hate each other because of this, we can still be friends" I add in between my sobs.

"Sure let's be friends" We smile to each other. Oh how complicated things are, especially with this two selfless s.

"Can I hug you Jess? I mean friends can hug too" She chuckles and nods.

I entangled our hands, I don't even know it tangled in the first place, stand up and walk over to her. I lower myself a bit -thank god this shorty wears high heels- and slowly wraps my hands around her torso and Jessica have hers around my neck as she rests her chin on my shoulder. I snuggle into the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent, close my eyes and tighten my hold. We stay like that for some times. Five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour, I dont know.

"I love you, Jess" She just nods in our hug. "Can I hear it as well, please?"

"I love you, Sam" She says after some times and then she breaks into tears, sobbing against my shoulder and eagerly trying to pull me even closer, tightening her hold. I rub her back, hoping to soothe the pain we both feel.

We break the long and comfortable hug after we regain ourselves after the outburst of emotions earlier but none of us step back. I palm her face and let my eyes linger in hers, she hangs her hands on my forearms, rubbing her thumb against the back of my hand, looking back at me with the same intensity.

"I love you" I say against her forehead, closing my eyes, let it lingers until comes her reply in a low and weak whisper, "I love you"

I peck her forehead one more time and kiss down my way to her eyes, cute little nose bridge, then her tip of the nose, and then tilt my head to kiss her lips, slowly and softly. Tears streaming down her cheeks again, I feel it against my skin.

God, love hurts.

"Does friends kiss on the lips too?" Jessica says against my lips.

She giggles and we break the kiss. I rolls my eyes at her and help her wipe away her tears. She lets out a hearty laugh.

"Way to ruin the moment, Jung"

She laughs again and cover with her hand, like she always does, I smile so wide it hurts. At least she is fine now, at least we are fine.

//

"Princess?" I call out for her as I enter my flat after getting few things from the convenience store on the first level.

"Bathroom" She shouts from the bathroom half heartedly, probably doing something on her phone.

"Is that okay if we have a ramen for dinner, princess? I kinda crave for one" I make my way to the kitchen, arranging packs of ramen in the counter and left out two packs to cook later.

"Wait a second"

I hear she flushes the toilet and the faucet running then not long after she steps out from the bathroom. She have clearly too big tee on and my red running short. She stands in front of the bathroom door and stretch her body up. I smile and shakes my head seeing her antics.

"So ramen for dinner you said?" She walks to the kitchen.

"Mhmm. Is that okay? Are you on a diet?"

She leans against the kitchen island bar and reach for the packs of ramen I bought. She examines the package, probably checking how much of calories it contains, and shakes her head.

"It's okay I can handle a ramen"

"Okay" I take the package off of her grip but she holds it even tighter.

"Princess?"

"I said I can handle ramen" She walks to counter for a pot and a bottled water.

"You mean you're going to cook it for us?"

Oh so she checked the cooking instructions earlier. I shakes my head and can't suppress a smile. Her brows knitted together with a fully concentrated pout as she trying to pour the right amount of water into the pot. After she satisfied of the water amount. She left the stove on to get the rest of the added ingredients. She rummages through the refrigerator to get some fish cakes, some greens, and of course my favourite, cheese. She then look around to find the chopping board, which I had to point out for her, then she is chopping the ingredients into her desired size. I lean to the kitchen counter and watch her being so absorbs in her cooking. Then I remember the cooking date we had few days ago and decided to a bit.

"Do you want me to help?"

She squeezes her brows together even harder and wiggle her finger at me, of course with her cute little pout.

"Oh yes, eggs" She says, more to herself. Then she heads to the refrigerator to get 2 eggs, one each. Believe me, I smile all the time since she decided to cook for us.

I come to stand behind her and take her hair and put it up into a failed messy bun. I lean to the side to see how it look. She bites her lips shyly as I do so. The bun is bad but she looks effortlessly beautiful nonetheless. I retreat to where I stand before and looking at her trying hard break the eggshell without getting it into the pot. She smiles happily and claps when she finally succeeded. I put my thumbs up in front of her face only to be grabbed by her and put it in between her teeth.

"Owh hohoho~ what was that for?"

"For breaking my concentration" She doesn't even spare me a glance.

I stand beside her as she stir and mixing all the ingredients together. She keeps checking the noodle, afraid it might turn soggy if she looks away. I put a strands of hair behind her ear. She maybe too concentrated to realize what I do.

"Do you want me to back hugging you like the last time you did?"

"Hmm?" Told you she didn't catch a thing when she is so focused.

So then I stand behind her and sneaks my arms around her toned abs and resting my chin on her shoulder. I can see her halts her stirring for a couple of second before I feel her muscles relaxed under my touch.

"Is it done yet?" I ask her.

"Almost" She said nonchalantly. "Can you please set the table for us?" She leans to the side trying to look at me with her mischievous smile. So she did hear me.

"Will do, princess" I let out a hearty laugh and peel myself off of her to set the table.

The table is set, and I hear the stove being turned off. I'm about to get up and help her bring the pot down. But she stops me.

"Sit" She says pointing to my seat.

"Bossy" I tease and sit myself back down. She lets out a giggles.

She gets everything on the table ready. For the final touch, she pours generous amount of parmesan cheese and topped it with crispy nori, just the way I like it. She never fail to make me smile 'till it hurts. I watch her every move enjoying her attentive gestures for me.

"Feed me please" I can't help but ask, she makes the atmosphere perfect to acting spoilt. I propped my elbow on the table and leans forward, slightly open my mouth.

She rolls the noodle with the most generous amount of cheese and nori to her chopsticks, brings the rolls to her lips to blow the heat out then brings it to my mouth. It's perfectly cooked. Not too soggy not too hard.

"Ahh it's so good. You cooked it perfectly" I give her two thumbs up. She just grins and keeps blowing another rolls of noodles.

She brings the rolls to my mouth but I backed up.

"Your turn now"

She shakes her head. "Say aa"

I smile and look at her but she never turn my gaze. I open my mouth and chew. Oh so long since the last time I have ramen.

"Princess"

"Hmm?"

"Look at me, please" She does as she told. But she can't hold the gaze longer. She quickly turns her gaze back to her bowl, busying herself with her ramen.

"Princess, what is happening to you? Why can't you look at me for more than 3 seconds now?"

A smile creeps on her face. Slowly grows wider, her eyes turn into a perfect crescent. She tilts her head to her shoulder, stealing one or two glances, covering her smile with her hand.

"Princess" I smile.

She shakes her head, still widely smiling. I arc my brows demanding answer. Instead of answering she wave her hand in front of my face. When I'm about to say something more, she place her palm on my mouth to prevent me from doing so. Again she avoids my gaze. I grab her hand and hold it in mine, searching for her eyes. But she hides on her shoulder.

"Do I have something on my face, princess?"

She shakes her head. After much of persuasion, I think our ramen turn soggy already, she finally gives up.

"It's just- I'm just so happy. Really really happy, Sam"

"So happy that you couldn't look into my eyes?"

She giggles. "It's because you make me this happy"

I think this is the the longest chapter I've wrote so far. I hope you enjoy the update!