I remember everything.

 

"Kris, where are you? Did you forget our wedding day?" I laughed, hoping it could mask my paranoia.

"Kris, they're waiting for you." I said hastily. "Please don't do this to me."

"Please don't leave me... Not like this." I said, finally putting down my phone.

 

After several messages that I left for him, I did not get any reply, call backs, response, no anything. We were fine. We planned this together. I designed my wedding dress, he spent his fortune for this day, we had it all planned! Why did he back out all of a sudden? I can't believe it's so easy for him to leave me like this! After all we've been through!? After all these years?

 

"I'm sorry, Jessica. I tried calling him, but he won't answer my calls." I heard Seulgi say softly. "I'll have Seohyun look for him." She said and ran towards her sister.

 

Yes, even Seohyun is here. I know she's not fond of me, but she's here. And she's not even aware of her brother's whereabouts. Their mother is here, and she's indifferent. My dad went to my side, hugging me tightly. I just cried in his arms. No matter how I deny it, no matter how I defend him, it won't change the fact that he's not coming.

 

"Did he tell you to postpone the wedding for the meantime?" I heard Alice ask.

"No..." I said honestly.

"That head!" My brother threw a fit, and I heard him call a bunch of his people to look for Kris. "He's a dead man when I see him!"

"Ed, please don't yell." I heard Victoria calm him down. "Jessica's crying. Don't rub salt to the wound, please." She said, and he calmed down. "Let's just go and search for his whereabouts.

"Victoria..." I called her. "You're his ex, do you know where he usually go?"

"Jes..." She said, like she's in the verge of crying, too. She took a deep breath, before she spoke. "I don't know much. Edison already had someone check the clubs, or the restaurants he usually goes to, but he's not there."

"How about, any quiet spots?" I asked desperately. It brings me pain that I'm asking his ex girlfriend. But I don't have much choice.

"I'm sorry, Jessica. But I don't know anymore." She said and cried. She came to hug me, and I just let her.

"It's okay." I said quietly. "He's gone."

 

I saw Yoona come to my side, and Yuri next to her. They both hugged me. Everyone is here. But why isn't he coming? Even my baby cried. I cried harder, holding my son. I can't believe Kris is willing to hurt us. Nevermind me, but our son. It's so easy for him to leave. Like we're just nothing to him. 

 

The next thing I knew, I was already lying in my bed, dressed in my pajamas. I remembered what happened. And I cried again, still not knowing why he never came. What have I done to deserve this? Have I been terrible? Did I do something wrong? I just don't know what I did wrong to be punished like this.

 

I heard my phone ring, and I hastily picked it up. But when I saw it was Young-bae who called, I felt disappointed. I just placed my phone down. I curled back to my bed, wrapping myself in the blanket. Is it normal for a human being to feel this sad? To experience this kind of pain? Because if it is, I hope everyone gets this kind pain. But no, I guess I'm pretty special because I've never been truly happy my entire life.

 

I went to the club, going to the counter top. I ordered a bottle of whisky. I started drinking heavily. I don't care what everyone thinks of me. I just want to drown, to forget, to numb the pain that I'm feeling right now. But it just won't go away. It really won't.

 

"Hey, miss. I think you're drinking too much." I heard someone say, and I looked back.

"I don't care. I'd rather die." I said and drank the whisky again.

"What is a beautiful lady doing here anyway?" I am annoyed by his question.

I looked at him, and I smirked. "And what is an underage guy doing here?"

"Ah, to drink, of course." He said and smiled. I rolled my eyes. And the nerve of this kid to sit beside me. "Beer."

 

I finished the bottle of whiskey, and handed the bartender my payment. I quickly went out of the club to go somewhere else. I really hate it when people annoy me when I want to feel sad. I went to my car, and drove. Even though I'm drunk, I can still drive. I'm definitely fine. The only way for me to know if I'm intoxicated is if I can't open my eyes. I can still walk, talk and see fine.

 

I drove too fast, and it took me to the place I first saw him. I was about to jump at that time. But he stopped me. Now, nobody's gonna stop me from jumping. I held onto the railings, tried climbing it. In the end, I just settled in standing behind the railings. How can I be so selfish? If I'm gonna jump, what will happen to my baby? Who will take care of him?

 

I just cried, because I realized suicide isn't gonna suffice. It's not gonna take the pain away. It's only gonna inflict pain on others. There are just some things that I can't keep on holding to. It's not like this is the first time Kris hurt me emotionally. He's very gentle. He can't hurt me physically, even when we made love. He was extremely gentle. But whenever he does something that I don't know about, it hurts me. Because he still can't trust me. After all the things I have done for him.

 

I can't stop my tears from falling down. I took my phone, and dialled his number once more, hoping he'd at least pick up. At least I would know he's alive. Because by then, at least I can start to hate him than just love him. And what if, that's the only way for me to move on? To start a new life? By hating him?

 

I took off my wedding ring, my engagement ring, and our promise ring. I kept it inside my pocket. I can't throw it away. I'd rather forget him than hate him. That's it! I'll forget him! I will do anything it takes to forget him! I went back to my car and drove home.

 

When I got home, I saw how frantic my brother has become. I saw him call a bunch of people, and I also saw him get ready to get out. I opened the door, and saw shock in his eyes. He ran towards me and hugged me. 

 

"You smell like !" He said, which made me smile. "Where the have you been?"

"I went to a club. To drink." I said, and he sighed. "Edison... I want to forget."

"Okay, I know you want to forget, but please drink again tomorrow. Let's not kill your body in one go."

"I mean, I want to really forget." I said, and I saw him staring at me with confusion. "I want to undergo hypnosis."

"What the ?" He said, and I cried. "Jessica, are you sure about that?"

"Yes." I said, wholeheartedly.

"Is that even safe?" He asked.

"I don't know. But we'll never know until we try, right?" I said, and I saw him frown at me. "Please, Ed. I need to do this."

And for the first time, his expression calmed down, and nodded. "I'll try to look for someone who can do that."