Chapter 63. Hope

She could feel his body on hers as they swayed. It was like the first time—the first time he held her close to him like he was never going to let her go. Like the first time she felt his lips on hers. Like the first time her body reacted on his. Like the first time she saw him smile… heard him laugh…

There was nothing else that she felt but him. All her senses were only concentrated on him; even the music stopped existing, the people faded around them. There was no other feeling but knowing that she was in his arms and that she had been waiting to be this close to him again after that night they shared. Joohyun closed her eyes as her forehead dropped on the crook of his neck as he guided both of them in this dance that was barely a dance. It was just an excuse for them to hold each other; an excuse to quietly tell each other that there was no end to the feelings they shared.

And yes, she gave Yonghwa this.

The tears threatened to fall the moment he slowly removed his body from hers and her hands fell on her sides. Her eyes settled on his sad pools

“Sometimes I ask myself why do I keep hanging on and insisting my feelings to you... trying hard to prove to you that my intentions are pure and that I love you no matter how you push me away.” Yonghwa stopped his gaze dropping on their feet, then he looked back at her, “Is it still worth it? Whatever I say is causing you pain, whatever I do is making you cry. Should I just stop?”

Her lips opened but no words came out. Joohyun did not expect to hear this. She was about to protest but he continued.

“Maybe I should since it seemed to be the only way to make you stop from crying. Is it time to give you up?”

Joohyun didn’t know how long she stood there while watching him walked out of the hall. Her heart ached— an overpowering kind of pain. Only a few minutes passed when she realized that it was her own father who led back to their table. Joohyun felt weak with what happened—with what he said. How could he? He didn’t even give her time to reply.

“Are you okay?”

Taeyeon held her hand while someone was talking on the stage since the program was starting.

“Y…yes…” she lied.

“Okay, tell me if you want to rest for a while, maybe we can have a room here,” Taeyeon smiled helplessly at her. Suddenly, she felt like kicking the person that made her sister like that but she saw it coming and she warned Joohyun.

“Where is he? Did you see him?” She sounded desperate and she hated the empathy that was written on her unnie’s face. It was making her even sadder.

If that was even possible.

“I saw him leaving,” Taeyeon forced a smile, “Joohyun-ah, what if you just go home and rest?”

Shaking her head, she sighed mirroring the smile her unnie was giving her, “I’m okay… I have been waiting for this.”

“Just tell me—“

Joohyun shook her head and dabbed the dew on one side of her eye, “Really, I am. Family first.”

“Yeah, family first…” Taeyeon gave her a pat on the back and focused on the chairman’s speech.

~~~

He drove away from the hotel— away from his heart. It felt like she trampled on him by not explaining what was happening. Then again it must be something so complicated for her to explain, the sad fact though was that Joohyun was not giving him anything to fight for. It was like she was pushing him so far away despite the obvious fact that she was still very much in love with him.

The way she looked tonight was disarming him. Joohyun just grew more and more beautiful every time he saw her. But along with that realization came the pain for their future. Yonghwa wanted her so much more now than ever—his princess. The taste of a fairytale he was given but he only made his princess cry. Should he accept his defeat?

After all, fairytales were for children— for Euna.

The night sky echoed with wistful breeze as he stepped outside the car and looked out in the darkness around him. It was where he proposed to her— he regretted it because his intentions were not purely out of love but coupled with fear and selfishness. If she said yes that time, if she accepted him then maybe they would still be together now but it would have been more complicated.

Still, you would have had her. The irony of the situation.

The ring was now with his daughter. Yonghwa thought one day he would really have the chance to give it to Joohyun— when he’d become stronger and better. Perhaps the ring would remain with Euna as a souvenir for the mother she almost had.

Yonghwa was even more regretful for Euna.

~~~

Did he give up already?

The question repeated over and over in her mind. The sick thing about it was that he didn’t even wait for the party to end then he would have known the truth. Although the truth should have come from her but she was just too stubborn to tell him.

Now she was suffering.

Now Euna would have to suffer because of her. Joohyun winced when the little girl just blinked after she told her.

“Why do you keep on leaving?”

At her age, Euna sure asked difficult questions. She laced her arm around the little girl and pressed a small kiss on the crown of her head. It was difficult to tell her that she was leaving again and, this time, there was really no excuse. “I need to…” Joohyun managed to say, “If I don’t go, I would get hurt more. I’m tired, Euna, I’m so tired of waiting for your father who let his insecurities and uncertainties rule him over.”

Euna shook her head, “I don’t understand.”

Even she could not understand the need to get away when things get hard for her to carry. That night he left her in the middle of the dance floor— that night was one of the saddest time of her life. Her family got together that night but Joohyun felt so incomplete. Her heart broke when he walked away from her. She hardly slept and when she did, her tears were her cradle. Maybe he was not what her umma said, the one who would fight for her till the end. It hurt her so much to think that he gave up on her like that because that night was the final lap, the end of it all.

But he left.

Yonghwa was right though— this whole thing was making her cry. They really needed to stop that crazy game of push and pull and only being far away from him could distract her thoughts. Being away would give her the chance to rearrange her feelings and fix whatever that was broken. It hurt more than she imagined.

“I think he doesn’t believe that I love him enough. If only he believes that I will never love another man—that he would never doubt my feelings for him. I want to go away because I’m tired of waiting for him to realize that nothing matters but love…” Euna’s face contorted and Joohyun only said those things to herself. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, you won’t understand me now, but please let me go… tell me it’s okay for me to leave, even though deep inside your heart it’s not.”

Euna lifted her hand and brushed her mommy’s tears. Leaving was never okay because she tried it and it was really a sad thing to do. When she left and thought about not seeing her appa and halmeoni made Euna think that they would be very sad too and cry. She didn’t want them to be very sad and cry and she wanted to go back home but she couldn’t. Maybe that was what her umma was feeling, she didn’t want to go but she had to. She sniffe