Junhyung

The cruel sound of my alarm clock rips me out of my sleep which was far away from a blissful one. My eyes are burning and I feel miserable. It takes me a couple of seconds to understand that I slept on the coach of my living room. The moment I try to get up a sharp pain throbs inside my head. Immediately I stop moving and close my eyes until the pain settles down and the dizziness fades away. I need to get up and go to work. I can´t turn in a sick leave from work with the concert and the comeback right around the corner… Carefully I start opening my eyes. They still burn. Well it is just to be expected…cause I didn´t get much sleep. Out of nowhere thoughts of Jang Hyunseung start sending my blood pressure soaring. Today is that guys first live. In a hopeless attempt to stop an upcoming headache I slowly start massaging the point in-between my eyebrows. With my other hand i try to find my cell phone. Somewhere around here…under the blanket…found it. With half open eyes I search through my kakao talk list until I find him. Doojoon. He is the right guy for this job. In the end he is the leader.

“Doojoon. Text him good luck from me as well. Today.” Done. Without waiting for a reply I toss my phone to the other side of the coach and stand up. Ok. Maybe I should take it slower. Slowly I drift back onto the coach. First attempt of getting up- failed. I start searching for my phone again. This time i´m going to check his instagram. In times like this a secret instagram account always comes in handy. Evil smile.

No one needs to know that i´m secretly following him in order to check up on him. Especially not he himself needs to know. Let´s see. Jang Hyunseung. H89… last night he posted a pic of chips…crab ships…ok. Well…good for you. At least you have been enjoying yourself with your bag of crab chips while I was facing a serious crisis here. I still don´t get how I ended up driving to his place last night. Well whatever. I need to get up and ready for work.

Only now I realize what is in front of me. I start laughing even though it is pretty pathetic. An empty bottle of wine and some remains of Ssampyoksal…the stuff Hyunseung eats at midnight. At least that is what he said back then in that interview for… I don´t remember. I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. A couple of weeks ago I went and got myself the same room perfume he uses…well just because…back then I thought well whatever it is just a scent. A million other people use this as well anyways. There is no special reason i´m getting it-except that I like the scent and it helps me to fall asleep faster. Yeah, that was what I had in mind back then. Completely deceiving myself. Ah, i´m getting a headache. Whatever.

Pissed at myself I toss my phone once again away but this time it doesn´t land on my couch, it falls onto the ground. I can hear the sound of the display cracking as it hits the hard floor. Great. Immediately I pick it up but the damage is done. RIP phone…Great. Thank you, Jang Hyunseung. This being said I get in the bathroom to wash up. I look miserable. My dark circles are beyond help. Well nothing a pair of sunglasses can´t fix, I guess. Do I feel like eating something? Breakfast? Guess not. My stomach seems to be out of order this morning as it still tries to digest yesterday´s feast. Maybe I try picking up something while I’m on my way to work.

I quickly pet Hyungnim a last time before leaving for work. But Hyungnim has his own way of dealing with me so he bites me in my trousers leg. I try to brush him off gently but he doesn´t yield. This dog…surely knows that he is the boss. Being sweet to Hyunseung and tough on me. This dog of mine truly is mankind’s foe. Ok. Maybe i´m exaggerating a little bit but still. At least I consider him unfair. He is still has a good grip of my leg as I start nagging him: “Hyungnim, why are you like this to me? Do you have a split personality? To Hyunseung you act so cute and to me? You are a little devil. Did you hear me? Is it because Hyunseung is pretty?” The second those last words escape my mouth I freeze at the spot. The realization kicks in right after. I start sweating. The hangover is worse than I thought. A forcefully pulling Hyungnim rips me out of my thoughts. “Hyungnim-ah, Appa gotta go to work.”, I tell him with a sweet voice. He looks up to me without letting go. “Don´t make such a se*y face. I´m not going to stay at home today. Appa will go to work and earn a lot of money in order to buy you food and clothes and toys. So let Appa go. ”, I tell him jokingly. Like being struck by lightning he lets go and runs off. I´m totally surprised. Got to go to work-really worked well just now, am I thinking while taking off to work.

“Uhmm, Taejoo-ah, you´re here?”, i´m asking while entering our little studio. My friend who is busy watching something on his phone doesn´t even look up. It surprises me because even though he is wearing his earphones Taejoo still hears me.

“Hmm. Yes. I wrote you a message on kakao.”, he replies shortly.

“Ah, yes. My phone broke this morning. I couldn´t check up on my mails. Sorry.”, I reply  in the same manner, “What are you watching?”

He still doesn´t look up to me, “How did you get your phone broken?”

“It accidentally dropped on the floor.”, i´m replying calmly…knowing that it is a lie. In the meantime I started mixing myself a coffee. As I walk over to Taejoo I finally see what he is watching. I freeze on the spot. “Is that Hyunseung´s MV?” Maybe something in my voice gave me away but my friend looks up to me. Obviously confused.

“What’s with your temper today? And…anyways you look like . Did you party last night, or what?”, he asks worried.

Great. I was annoyed to begin with and this just rubs salt deeper into the open wound. “I´m perfectly fine. This is what I look like on a daily basis. My no-make-up face.”, I reply annoyed. In disbelieve Taejoo pulls his eyebrows up but doesn´t say a thing - at first. Like he was trying to read something on my face he fixes his gaze on me. A couple of seconds later he just says “Well. Whatever” and continues watching Hyunseung´s music video. At first I try not to care…but once Taejoo giggles and gets shocked while watching the MV I can´t contain my curiosity. My self-discipline just flies out of the window. I sit next to him and restart the video although it was already halfway through.

Hmm. Isn´t that top exposing to much on the sides (0:08)…ok…that girl…isn´t her top exposing to much of her chest area as well (0:18).

 “Isn´t she hot?”, Taejoo asks suddenly. No, she is not. “She is not bad.”, I am lying. Wah! His face is too close to hers (0:30). Ok. He touched her arm (0:35). OK. HE IS TOUCHING HER (0:41). ALRIGHT! Where are you touching him, woman (0:42)! I realize that my blood slowly starts boiling…i´m still not sure why. But I don´t like what i´m seeing right now.

Cute (1:09). Wait did I just think Jang Hyunseung looks cute? Woman (1:11)! Please wear something! What on earth are you doing, Jang Hyunseung! Don´t doodle on her chest (1:16)! I have enough! I´m not watching it! I´m so going to stop watching this! Now you even doodle on her leg (1:22)?! Yeah woman. Slap him! Good girl (1:23)! Wah! What´s with this hot way of brushing your hair backwards (1:42)? Don´t do weird stuff in the elevator(2:36)! Ok…now you are dancing together…closely…fine (3:10)! Fine! And now you are on the verge of making out! Fine! Great!

Thank god. It is over. I started sweating in the process of watching it. I´m definitely never going to watch it again. “The song and the MV are great aren´t they?”, Taejoo asks me excited. I just nod as a reply. “Wah! Look at this fanboy comment! He is totally insane. Look how angry he is!”

Fanboy? I lean in and start reading. Me and the boy are all along the same line. That´s bad. “Whatever. Don´t mind it. Just one of Hyunseung´s countless fanboys. Let´s get back to work!”

“Ah, by the way did you wish Hyunseung good luck?”, Taejoo asks without giving the fanboy a second thought.

“Sure.” I smirk, “Through telepathy.”

Hyunseung

It is weird being all by myself. I´m sort of nervous. I check my phone once again. Nothing. No new text messages. While I watch myself in the mirror in front of me, I once again check my phone. Still nothing. My reflection looks back at me with sad eyes. Does unrequited love have a freshness date, I wonder. Does it expire one day? In my case…when? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? In five years? Aiming for a goal which might not even exist is tiring. Especially if you are already going for it for nearly six years. One last time I’m checking my phone. No new text message ergo still no message from Junhyung. Thank you, you babo!-are my last thoughts before I enter the stage…