China, one day before the concert

Hyunseung

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated with your seat belts fastened until the aircraft has reached its final parked position," says a friendly woman's voice shortly after a successful landing.

Once again my eyes wander off to Junhyung who sits a couple of seats away on my left side. He is wearing sunglasses and is listening to music. He is so cool and handsome as always. Today and tomorrow we are going to stay in the same hotel room – he and I – alone. Just the thought of it fills me up with happiness on the one side and anxiety on the other side. Come what may I can´t let myself be found out! 

“I´m going to share a room with Hyunseung.”, Junhyung said with a deep and determined voice. But of course, all better thinking went down the drain instantly and I agreed. Just remembering that moment which happened in the practice room a couple of days ago makes me sigh and I start to my head against the seat in front of me.

“Hyunseung? Are you ok?”, Yoseob who is sitting next to me asks concerned.

“Yes. I´m perfectly fine.”, I answer without stopping. It is obviously a lie.

“Please stop! It is embarrassing.”, Yoseob whispers eagerly and grabs my shoulder, “People are watching!”

“I don´t care! Just let me be!”, I reply monotonously. Right now, I couldn´t care less. I´m mentally facing a serious crisis – right here- right now. Last night I couldn´t even sleep. There is nothing I could possibly do now. All that remains is to hope that we are sleeping in separate beds and that we are going to spent as less time as possible alone together.

“Is Hyunseung Hyung alright?”, Doongwoon asks suddenly. The maknae who is sitting right behind Junhyung at the aisle looks at me with worried eyes. His voice caught Junhyung´s attention and he looks over to me. I freeze as our eyes meet. Well at least I think that our eyes met, but I can´t be too sure due to Junhyung´s sunglasses. The charismatic rapper takes one of his ear-plugs out and watches me.

“You Ok?”, is all he asks me. There are no traces of sarcasm or irony in his tone. And although his question is short and it doesn´t lack what I might call empathy. I stop immediately and I can feel myself blushing. As I try to avoid his gaze I stutter a ‘Yeah, yeah. I´m fine.”

For a second he eyes me suspiciously but then just nods and puts his ear-plug back in. Those were the first words we have spoken to each other in the last days. Although we had dance practice every day since Junhyung´s announcement that we are going to use the same room, he had been so busy that he usually was the last one to arrive to practice and the first one to leave.

I feel like I have only seen his back in the last days.

Suddenly a big warm hand touches my arm: “Hyung, are you really alright?”, Doongwoon asks once again. His eyes are blood-shot seems like i´m not the only one who had a restless night. I put my hand on his hand and nod with a genuine smile. My actions must have reassured him as he let´s go of my arm and responds with a smile as well.

“Yah!”, Yoseob whispers once again into my ear and holds onto my other arm.

“What is it? Why are you whispering?” I ask him a little bit annoyed. He comes closer to my ear and starts to whisper again. His warm breath tickles as the singer tells me his news.

“Did you know that Junhyung has his own fancafe?”

“So what?”, I whisper back. I didn´t know! Those fangirls! But wait a minute, why is Yoseob suddenly telling me something so random out of the blue?!

“But it is a special fancafe…”, he explains further with a mysterious smile.

I can feel my heartbeat getting faster. What is all of this about?

“What are you talking about?”, I ask and can´t help being flustered.

“It is special…”, the singer says once again and starts to giggle, “It is a fancafe for fanboys only!”

“WHAT!”, I want to scream but Yoseob´s hand covers my mouth immediately. I automatically look over to Junhyung who didn´t seem to have noticed our conversation. What on earth is going on? Since when does Junhyung have a fancafe with only male members? And how did Yoseob find out?

“I was searching the internet for something else as I stumbled upon it.”, the singer explains like he was able to read my mind. I nod and signal Yoseob to take his hand away. He waits a couple of seconds before he take it back.

Things started to get hectic in the aircraft all of a sudden as the plane finally stopped. And a million different thoughts run through my head simultaneously. I need to ask Yoseob quickly! Quickly! Maybe there won´t be a chance later on to ask without causing suspicion. So I try to seem as indifferent as possible as I ask him quickly.

“HA-HA! That sounds like fun! What is the name of the café?”, I just hope that my voice was natural and convincing.

“It was….”, he says and gets up.

--

The second we get out of the airport I see the two black vans waiting for us. Junhyung quickly gets on the first one and I walk over to the second one. Only now for the short period of time it takes from the airport to the hotel I have enough time to check out this page Yoseob just mentioned. So I can´t ride the same car as HIM! I sit at the backseat and signal Doojoon to sit next to me so no one else sees the content on my phone. I can only trust him.

“What is it?”, he mouths silently as he obediently sits next to me. I just shake my head as response and start to open my internet browser and type the name of Junhyung´s all-male fancafe. Like it is not enough to have all those cute girls as competition, now there are even cute boys tailing after him! I won´t lose to anyone!

I registered in no time. There are pictures of him everywhere taken from his social media sides…and there are fanfics…and chatrooms…ok. Let´s open one – the one with the newest posts. It is about Junhyung arriving in china. News really travels fast in the internet. We just landed about 45 minutes ago.

Alright.

Alright. Let´s just read it!

As I was starting to read Doojoon suddenly took my phone out of my hand. Surprised I look up to him. The look on his face says everything. Don´t! It is a look full of pity and sympathy.

“Stop torturing yourself.”, he says in a whisper. “Please!”, he adds nearly pleadingly. I avert my gaze and stare at the back of the seat in front of me.

“We need to stop. You, Doongwoon and I…all of us…we need to let go.”, he appeals urgently to me, “We are just destroying ourselves. Let´s stop with that.”

He pauses. His words sink deep into my brain and my heart. Of course, he is right. I can only agree with him. And as i´m agreeing with him my heart gets struck by a sharp pain.

“I know that this whole trip and the fact that you are going to share your room with him is going to be nerve-racking for you. But please. I beg you! Pull yourself together and forget your feelings!”, the leader continues. At this point I can´t tell if he is even talking to me anymore or if he is trying to convince himself, so I just nod silently and we remain silent for the rest of the ride.

As we arrive at the hotel Junhyung, Kikwang and Yoseob already checked in.

“Hyunseung-ah! Junhyung took both of the keys to your room. It is the suite with the number 2047. Kikwang and Yoseob are staying in the room opposite to yours, suite 2046, and Doojoon and Doongwoon at the end of the hallway in suite 2045. You go ahead. I´m sure Junhyung is already upstairs.”, Manager-nim calls out to me the second I enter the hotel.

So I just directly walk over to the elevators and go up. The closer I get to the room the slower I get. As I finally reach the door – and getting here felt like it took for forever- my hands are shaking. I´m nervous to the point where I feel like throwing up. I take a deep breath in order to calm myself down and focus on Doojoon´s words. Forget!

Suddenly the door opens and a startled Junhyung faces me.

“The ! You startled me! What are you doing in front of the door and not getting inside?”, my love asks me still fighting against the aftereffects of the fright.

“Beauties.”, I reply automatically and without a second thought, “ I was thinking about beauties.”

He looks at me like he has seen an alien.

“Ah…ah…..so that´s what you were doing.”, he says while forcing an unnatural smile on his face.

I really want to keep this embarrassing moment short so I just force myself inside.

Forget! I need to forget!

As I walk passed him I can faintly smell his masculine cologne.

…a nice scent…

…the best scent in this word…

Forget! Like a mantra I desperately repeat it again and again.

…

“Hyunseung?”, I was so deep in thought that I forgot about him for a second, so his voice suddenly startles me.

“Hm? What is it?”, I try to act like nothing is wrong and I’m just my usual 4D-self.

As I look up to him he suddenly avoids my gaze. I can tell he is uncomfortable. A terrifying thought crosses my mind suddenly and without a warning sign. Maybe? Just maybe he found out about my feelings towards him? Maybe I was too obvious! Maybe that is the reason he wanted to share this room with me? Because he wanted to confirm it! It is a trap! Oh, please someone save me …T.T!

His ears are slowly turning red and he is still cautious not to meet my eyes. What is it he wants to say- it must be something big?! I´m too afraid to ask?...T.T

After fighting an intern battle with himself the handsome rapper finally says in a nervous tone: “You can wash up first. But we need to hurry up. The rehearsal is going to start in an hour.”

After finishing his last sentence he steps out of the room. Even I can tell that he wanted to say something else – but he didn´t. So the man of my dreams just left me puzzled – once again.

Junhyung

Oh man! What´s wrong with me?!- I keep asking myself as I´m now leaning against the cold wall behind me. Except me, there is no one else on the hallway. Am I stupid or am I stupid?! What was I going to ask Hyunseung? `Hey, Hyunseung! Did you accidentally see me reading a fanfic about us? Did you see I subscribed to a fanfic of us? Did you see me shamelessly reading the new update during working hours?!

I turn around and start to pump my head against the cold wall. What have I been thinking at that time?! Why did I leave my phone in the room?! It was Taejoo´s fault for surprising me and accusing me of reading P*rn!

“Hey! You,alright?”, a familiar voice calls out to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I stop hitting my head against the wall and curse my bad luck for meeting him now. I need to be careful and not let my guard done or else the sharp leader will see right through me.

“Yeah. I´m fine. Just…”, I need to come up with something – something which makes sense…

“Is it Hyunseung?”, he asks and I turn around startled. How does he know? Is he the culprit after all?!

As our eyes meet he observes me carefully. he knows that something is up.

“Did Hyunseung do something?”, he then asks warily.

Now it is my turn to be surprised: “Hyunseung? Why? Is something the matter?”

Doojoon watches me for a second before he replies: “No. Nothing. Never mind. Be ready in an hour.”

I just nod and signal him that I’m about to go inside my room. The leader nods as well and sets off to his room. As I enter my room I find Hyunseung sleeping soundly in the double-sized bed.

I lay next to him and keep watching him sleep. All the time telling myself that i´m watching him for no particular reason…although my heart already knew that that was a lie.

After the rehearsal

Hyunseung

“The rehearsal went by pretty smoothly. I hope everything will be fine tomorrow.”, Yoseob starts up the conversation and stuffs up his face with a fried shrimp.

“Hm. You are right.”, Doojoon answers and reaches out to the kimchi , “ But the lighting was a little off during the second half f `midnight`. I hope they can fix it until tomorrow.”

“It felt really nice to perform on such a big stage after so long.”, Junhyung mentions while trying to get a hold of the sidedish in front of Doongwoon. I just nod and watch him eat. Junhyung sits right in front of me and the maknae sits right next to him and is facing Kikwang which led to an uncomfortable silence on this side of the table.

“Hyung? You want a fried shrimp?”, the maknae suddenly asks me and puts a shrimp on my rice-bowl.

“You are such a considerate maknae!”, Kikwang states caustically, but Doongwoon just ignores him and keeps eating.

“HOL!”, Kikwang puts his chopsticks down, “Are you ignoring me, now?!”

“YAH! You, two! Stop it, already!”, Doojoon raises his voice which leads everyone to quiet down.

“Did something happen? Did you guys have a fight?”, Junhyung asks suddenly. Obviously he has no clue what is going on between those two. So does Yoseob.

“During rehearsal I messed up and took Kikwang-Hyung´s spot. That´s why he is pissed off right now.”, Doongwoon lies. The seond Doongwoon calls Kikwang `Hyung`I can feel his muscles tensing up.

As naïve and oblivious as Junhyung is, he just nods and believes in anything.

“You should be more careful tomorrow.”, the rapper reminds him strictly. The maknae nods in agreement and continues with his dinner. A short while after Kikwang starts to eat in silence, too. There is still a long way to go for those two – I think as I watch Junhyung eat.

A last time Yoseob tries to start up a conversation.

“Can I come over to your room after dinner?”, he asks Doojoon who had finished his dinner already.

“No.”, he answers without hesitation, “Seyeon is coming over to my room.”

And just like that the entire conversation died out.

--

Junhyung´s and Hyunseung´s room after dinner

Junhyung

“Ah! I´m so full and tired.”, I say and jump onto the bed as soon as we enter the room. Hyunseung who was hesitant to enter at first walks over to his suitcase quietly and unpacks it.

“You are as neat as ever.”, I state more to myself then to Hyunseung but he still answers.

“Old habits die hard.”, he says without facing me. His blond hair really suits him well.

“So…how about your other habit?”, I ask while I try to sound caring and indifferent at the same time.

“What …”, Hyunseung pauses and freezes on the spot – he got hwta I was aiming for. A long and somewhat uncomfortable silence follows. Only the sound of him clearing his throat can be heard.

“That habit as well…dies hard.”, he finally answers and starts to unpack his stuff again.

“I understand.”, I say and lay back.

A couple of minutes later after Hyunseung finished unpacking he walks up to me.

“I go and wash up.”, he says bluntly and goes inside the bathroom. He didn´t even wait for my reply.

For a long time I just lay down and stare at the ceiling. So Hyunseung still holds on to his unrequited love – I say to myself. Although he wanted to give up…I guess it is not easy after all. I wonder what kind of woman she is? Maybe it really is Hyuna?

I get up and start to undress. I can hear the sound of the shower. Why is Hyunseung such a coward?! I enter the bathroom completely and see a starteled Hyunseung turning around in the shower. I can see the shock and panic in his wide opened eyes.

He wants to say something but I just say: “ Turn around. I was your back.”

He does as I said and turns around to face the wall. His skin is soft and warm. There is no fat on his slender and beautiful body. Suddenly as I wash his back I remember the fanfic and I can feel myself getting aroused. I need to focus. Focus.

“Can I wash your back as well?”, Hyunseung asks and it sounds like his voice is trembling – but it could also be the sound of the shower- I can´t really tell.

“Ok.”, I say and switch positions with him. His hands are big and his fingers are as slender as his entire body. His touches feel gentle and caring. It is a nice feeling.

“Can I wash your hair as well.”, Hyunseung asks me suddenly which takes me by surprise. Nonetheless I agree. So he starts to shampoo my hair and rinse the foam off.

“Let me do it one more time.”, he says out of the blue and without waiting for my reply e starts to massage the shampoo in. Slowly and more carefully. It feels nice. Really nice.

“Hyunseung? If you continue I might get bold. You have been on it for nearly ten minutes. It is enough.”, I finally say after ten minutes of shampooing.

“Ah! Yes! Sorry! “, he answers and starts to rinse the foam off once again.

“If you can´t give up your unrequited love, you should just confess.”, I say bluntly. I guess I caught him off guard because he stops to rinse my hair. Me and my stupid mouth. As soon as I said it, I started to regret it.

“Ah, just forget…”

“I confessed.”, he whispers with sadness in his voice.

“You did?”, I ask surprised.

“Yeah. Not too long ago.” , Hyunseung answers softly, “But my feelings didn´t get across.”

“How dense can a person be?!”, I say and state my disbelief. Hyunseung finally mustered up his courage and the person still doesn´t get it!

 “You want me to talk to her?”, I offer my help.

I can feel that he is hesitant for a split second.

“No. I guess, it is of no use.”, he says then, “ ok. I´m done. Your hair is washed. I´m done, too, i´m stepping out.”

“AH! Yes, of course. Thanks.”, I say and take the shower jelly while facing the wall.

Of course, i couldn´t see Hyunseung starring at me. Starring at me for the longest time. Reaching his hand out – the hand which shampooed my hair a couple of minutes ago- and stopping halfway. Longing for me and my love. He whispers something, but his words are overpowered by the voice of the shower.

When I finally turn around, he is gone.

--

Hyunseung

I lay down and stare at the ceiling. My thoughts are running wild. They always go back to the sweet memories of me washing his hair. I put my hands up and examine them carefully. These hands touched his skin, his skull, his hair, his back… A warm and comfortable feeling spreads inside my chest and I feel like my heart is about to stop any minute.

“Are you exercising?”, Junhung asks while stepping out of the bathroom. He only wrapped a towel around his lower body. His sight is breathtaking.

“There was a fly! I was just trying to catch the fly!”, I stutter nervously and sit up. I try my best not to stare at him, but this is a rare chance to see his body and I don´t want to miss it either, so I steal glances at him.

He smiles and mockingly says: “Did you catch it?”

I nod.

“Well, then we are saved.”, Junhyung jokes and gives me his killer-smile.

Before I can say something he turns around and takes the towel off. The rapper changes quickly into his jersey and walks over to the other side of the bed.

He laughs as our eyes meet. “Aren´t you a peeping –tom?”, the charismatic rapper teases me. Immediately I can feel a burning heat welling up inside me. the second I realize that i´m bushing I turn around to the opposite side and burry my head in the pillow.

“Good night!”, is all I can say in this startled state I’m in. He is laughing once again and I can suddenly feel his big hand softly ruffling my hair – I stop breathing. My heart is beating so hardly that it might jump right out off my chest.

“You are cute.”

And you are my beautiful nightmare.

--

Hi guys! i´m finally back. i know it has been a long time since i uploaded but a lot of things happend in my life. i decided to upload a chapter every month. last year i used to upload a new chapter every week but it is sort of impossible now. especially now that the story is slowly developing in a more romatic direction i want to prepare the next chapters with care and not rush threw them. thank you for all the comments and the guesses :). well, this month there will be another short intermezzo chapter. there are two more things i wanted to talk to you guys about. i want to write another fanfic as well but about another couple - you know that i love junsueng and i will ship them until forever- but i want to try writing a fanfic about nyongtory. i haven´t started yet and i don´t know when i will upload anything, because i don´t have much free time. i just wanted to let you guys know. please don´t think i´m a traitor T.T.

the second thing i wanted to talk about is the controversery regarding hyunseung. honestly, that is probably one of the reasons why this chapter took so long. i was really sad - especially after seeing some fancams showing performances with only five members. nonetheless. i believe in hyunseung and beast. and i believe in junseung . i´m not going to stop shipping them and although hyunseung is not my bias i still love him and believe in him. me, personally, for the longest time i was worried that hyunseung might be overworrking himself. as far as i can remember and ever since his father passed away Hyunseung was doing beast activities, troublemaker activities, musicals, solo activities etc. i can´t remember him resting for a while. i hope everything turns out fine. let´s stay strong and support the group.

thank you so much for your comments. i love you! take care and see you next time :*