Yoseob

“Hurry, Seobie! Hurry!”, Doojoon calls out to me as the doors of the elevator open. I was standing behind him and looking around when he pulls me into the elevator. We are holding hands more so we are interlocking fingers. It started this morning completely out of the blue. Doojoon reached out his hand to hold mine. At first I didn´t give it much of a thought, cause in the past we occasionally held hands, but still. Today seems different. I don´t know why, but I am nervous- ever since we got here yesterday.

yesterday

“Why didn´t we get a third room?”, I ask suddenly while we are on our way to the 4^th floor.

“We don´t need a third room. Let´s save money.”, Doojoon says bluntly, “Besides it is not the first time that we share a room.”

“Yes…that’s true.”, I reply half defeated. He is perfectly right, in the past we shared a room regularly. But that is way back in the past… things were different back then. The feeling was different back then.

He stops and looks back at me. With perked up eyebrows Doojoon sizes me up before he whips my bag out of my hand and goes ahead.

“Don´t be irrational and follow me. Why are you acting like a new bride just before her wedding night?”, he says teasingly.

“YAH! Who is acting like a new bride?!”, I answer angrily but he doesn´t even look back nor does he reply. I have no choice but to follow him to our room.

I stop at the doorway watching Doojoon enter the room and putting our bags on the bed.

“There is just one bed?”, I state the obvious as the sleeping situation catches my attention at first sight. I had a vague feeling that it would turn out like this and it turned out like this. Just one bed – a double bed. Doojoon and I are going to sleep in one bed.

Doojoon turns around and looks straight into my eyes but says nothing at first. His steady gaze starts to make me feel even more uncomfortable.

“There were no other options. Just bear with it for two nights.”, he says balancing and turns around. Immediately he starts to unpack. I can´t tell if it is due to the long journey or due to my countless complaints but Doojoon´s muscles which due to him sweating slightly became apparent through his shirt tensed up.

“How long are you going to stand in the doorway?”, he suddenly says without turning back or looking at me, “Come in and close the door. I´m not going to eat you up, you know.” His voice seems to be somehow annoyed but also sad what causes a sharp pain in my chest. He was so happy and excited about this trip to Spain and I’m ruining it by nagging all the time.

Slowly I close the door behind me and walk over to him. Doojoon is still busy unpacking. His black shirt is wet and sticking to his body emphasizing his narrow waistline and broad back. Without a second thought I give him a back hug. He freezes on the spot. As I tighten my grip around his waist I whisper gently, “Let´s shower together.”

I can feel how Doojoon swallows hard before he says, “You can go in first. I can shower later.” Although I feel rejected I’m not going to give up so easily.

“What are you talking about? Let´s share the bath and save money. Didn´t you say that you wanted to save money on this trip?”, I reply eagerly even though I know that it is a weak excuse.

A long awkward silence follows as I´m waiting for Doojoon´s answer. I´m still back hugging him so I can´t see his face.

Suddenly Doojoon holds onto my hands and starts to bob left and right. Playfully he then says, “Are you trying to seduce me, Soebie?” I blush immediately and my heart starts to race. Am I trying to seduce him?

“What are you talking about?”, I stutter. “Don´t tell me that the great Yoon Doojoon, the leader of beast, gets seduced so easily.”, I add mockingly trying to overact my insecurity.

“Ah, yes. You are right. It takes more than this to seduce me. I´m the leader of beast – after all.”, Doojoon replies jokingly as he is still holding on to my arms which are wrapped around his stomach. “Let´s go take a shower!”, he adds and pulls me to the bathroom.

As we enter the small bathroom I try to let go of him. Doojoon who realizes that lets go of my arms immediately- like they were on fire. He looks around nervously like he is searching for something.

“Where are the towels?”, he asks and keeps searching the mirrored bathroom cabinet but without any success. Before I can say anything he dashes out and says: “You go ahead. I go get some towels.” Just like that he leaves a puzzled me behind in the bathroom.

I start to take off my clothes and go into the shower. I still don´t get him. What is Doojoon thinking? Honestly, why is he acting like this? First he is hot and then he is cold. One day he is obsessive and the next day indifferent. He hugs me and holds my hand but on the other hand he does the same thing with the other members as well. Am I special to him or not? Like back then, when he hugged Hyunseung and stated that he was cute. What was all that about? Just remembering it makes me heavy-hearted. And that´s exactly the point! Why is it bothering me in the first place? What´s wrong with me? Why am I like this? How can I expect to understand Doojoon if I’m not even able to understand myself?

The warm water runs down my back and warms up my body. Doojoon still hasn´t returned with the towels. After finishing my shower I get in the bathtub to relax. As I was already giving up my hopes for Doojoon and me to bath together, he suddenly knocks the door and enters the bathroom with a couple of towels. Without looking at me he puts the towels aside and starts to take off his clothes revealing his muscular upper body including his broad chest and chocolate abs. His well trained upper arms, well shaped backside and his “package” are no jokes either. No matter how you look at him he is one hell of an attractive man.

What on earth am I doing? Looking at my friend with….lustful (!) eyes! And to top it all, I’m getting aroused by his male body. I must be losing it- is what I was thinking as I immediately cover my semi-hard front with my hands. The adrenaline shoots through my veins. Suddenly it gets unbearably hot in the bathtub. I wish I could just stand up and leave but that´s impossible. Not just that I have a pocket-rocket but Doojoon stands between me and the door. There is no escape.

As I was nervously looking around still covering my front Doojoon´s and my eyes meet for the first time ever since he entered the bathroom. He avoids my gaze instantly and goes into the shower. A long silence follows. I watch his back as he showers. Slowly my member settles down while my heart doesn´t. My eyes are glued to his body unconsciously.

“Get in the bathtub with me.”, I suggest innocently the instant Doojoon gets out of the shower. He seems to be surprised and nervous at the same time.

“The bathtub is too small for two people.”, he replies nervously and looks away. Quickly Doojoon grabs one of the towels and wraps it around his lower body.

“We could close ranks.”, I suggest once again while I my heart races crazily. My suggestion catches Doojoon off guard. Surprised he looks over to me but says nothing. Once again his steady gaze makes me feel uncomfortable. Reflexively I cover my chest with both of my arms because I get embarrassed all of a sudden. I really do act like a new bride before her honeymoon-night.

“I´m off. I have plans with Manager-hyung. We are going to have some drinks in the lobby. When you are done you can come, too.”, Doojoon says coldly and leaves the bathroom without waiting for my reply.

What has gotten into me? We could close ranks?!? Someone please punch me…or…wait I’m going to drown myself in this little bathtub. Yes!- No, the water is too shallow. Nevertheless I’m still putting my head under water in order to fight back my embarrassment. The water has gotten cold. I should get out of the bathtub but I can´t. I’m afraid to face Doojoon now which is ridiculous because we are sharing this room. Sooner or later I will have to face him. I need to think. Yes, think, Yoseob! Think!  

I haven´t done or said anything bad. It wasn´t an indecent suggestion in the first place. We are both males. There is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about. I just asked him to get in the bathtub. Also we are friends and we bathed together a lot in the past. Hell yes! Bathing together is a crucial part of the Korean culture! I haven´t done anything wrong!- is what I was thinking as I got out of the bathtub. I´m just going to pretend like nothing happened because in the end nothing happened in this steamy bathroom. Just me getting all aroused over the MALE body of my BEST friend! I´m doomed.

I take one of Doojoon´s towels, wrap it around my body and leave the bathroom. As I enter the room Doojoon has already left. Quickly I put on some new clothes and dry my hair. Manager-Hyung and Doojoon are down in the lobby drinking and I’m not going to miss out on that.

Although before I was nagging about sharing a room and a bed with Doojoon, deep down inside me I was eagerly anticipating it. My desire to spend time with him, see him and touch him goes hand in hand with my fear of what follows next. Besides Doojoon is not a big help. His uncertain and opaque behavior got me in this emotional mess. Did something change between us or am I over thinking and misunderstanding the situation? Is it me who changed? The underlying cause of this is sitting downstairs and I’m eager to see the bottom of this.

-

I pass through the lively lobby of our hotel and enter the even livelier hotel bar. It takes me a couple of minutes to spot Doojoon and Manger-Hyung. The two men sit on a table at the farthest end of the well-attended bar. Doojoon sits with his back to me. Slowly I walk over to them. Once I narrowed down the distance between us to a couple of meters I’m able to overhear their conversation.

“You need a girlfriend.”, Manager-Hyung says bluntly.

I freeze on the spot.

Doojoon starts to laugh suddenly and replies, “Why? What makes you think like that?”

“You seem to be depressed and sort of lonely lately.”

Doojoon laughs again and takes a sip of his drink.

“And you think a girlfriend would do me good?”, he asks casually.

“Yes. Women can really bring out the best in you.”

“Hahaha, but women also can turn your life into a nightmare.”, I interrupt them abruptly. I don´t like the idea of Doojoon getting a girlfriend.

“Oh, Yoseob-ah, you´re here.”, Manager-Hyung calls out to me, “Sit. Sit.”

I take Manager-Hyung´s offer and sit down but closer to Doojoon than to Manager-Hyung.

“You don´t need a girlfriend. Girls are just trouble. They are loud, expensive and you can never figure them out. Just stick to your friends if you are lonely.”, I reason while trying to sound as indifferent as possible. Doojoon keeps quite and stares at the bottom of his half-full glass while Manager-Hyung starts to laugh.

“Ah, yes. That´s the other side of the coin.”, Manager-Hyung says as he is still laughing.

We kept on drinking until midnight but never talked about this topic again. Doojoon was unexpectedly silent the entire evening and even now that we are in our room. I got in the bed first. I´m tired and dizzy from the alcohol. I kept on drinking this coffee-liquor. It was nice but it couldn´t easy the uneasiness in my heart. I never thought that Doojoon might feel lonely or that he wants a girlfriend. Has he been acting like this to me because he was feeling lonely? Did I really misinterpreted Doojoon´s actions towards me up until now? My chest feels heavy. No matter how much I think about this situation I’m still unable to make head or tail of it.

Doojoon gets out of the bath and lies down next to me.

“I can cease your loneliness.”, I propose in a whisper. I have no clue what has gotten into me but now it is too late for regrets.

There is no answer from Doojoon. I feel how my blood shoots into my head and my heart races like there is no tomorrow.

“I´m serious.”, I confirm once again. Doojoon turns around and looks straight into my eyes. Due to the poor lighting I’m sure that he isn´t able to see my blushing face.

“Don´t go back on your word.”, is the only thing Doojoon replies before he turns around.

“I won´t.”

I have no clue what is happening between us and if Doojoon feels the same way, but for me there is something between us that wasn´t there before and it sets my heart on fire.

i´m really sorry that i´m a little bit late with my upload for last week...but there was a lot of work at my workplace and i was sick... i plan to upload this weeks chapter this weekend. thank you for all your nice comments :)