Hyunseung

That was fun and exciting. There were a lot of fans shouting my name and cheering for me. That was amazing. I feel great. I hope I did my best. Next time I need to work  harder. Ok. Where is my phone?

“Where is my phone, Manager- Hyung?”, I ask the second I get off stage. I need to check up my messages immediately- maybe there is a new text. No one knows-right? Maybe the impossible is possible…

The manager hands me over my phone…but well…there are new text messages but none of them is from an unknown number. The first text I read is one Doojoon texted me, during my rehearsal. Good luck from me, Yeosoob and Junhyung. Junhyung? So you didn´t even bother to text me yourself?! Wah! Yong Junhyung! What was I expecting? The impossible is still impossible, even if you are teammates.

I´m sad and disappointed but how do I put it? I´m sort of used to it by now…I guess…to the joy, the disappointments and pain of my shattered hopes. All in all i´m used to the poison they call unrequited love.

“Hyunseung-ah, get ready. We are leaving soon for your interview. After the interview we are heading back to the company. You have dance practice for Beasts upcoming concert.”, Manager-nim calls out to me while I was reading the other good-luck and good-work messages.

“Hmm, ok”, is all I have to say. We are heading back to the company for team practice. This means that he will be there as well. I just have a couple of hours left to calm down, settle my feelings of hurt and act indifferent. The last thing I want is for him to know how hurt I feel. I don´t want him to see me acting girly or petty over this. I need to take it like a man. Because I am a man and I have my pride.

“Hyunseung-Hyung! Hyunseung-Hyung! Hyunseung-Hyung!”, a bunch of fanboys are screaming while I leave the building in order to get to the van. “I love you Hyunseung-Hyung! Hyunseung-Hyung! You are really pretty! AH!!!! Hyunseung-Hyung! I wish my girlfriend was as pretty as you!”, one screams. It gives me goose bumps all over my body. I hate it when people call me pretty. The more I hate it when Junhyung calls me pretty because it makes me flustered and shy. I´m afraid that I might give something away and that he catches up to my feelings. That would definitely mean the end of everything.   

The interview ended quickly. I´m not a good talker anyways so I just answered the questions shortly. Now we are on the way to the company for team practice and my heart beats faster as time passes. Soon I’m going to see Junhyung…just the thought of it makes my knees weak. As the car stops I get out of the van and enter the building. Everyone greets and congratulates me. Without me noticing my eyes keep on searching for him subconsciously. The story of my life-I guess. Whenever wherever i´m searching for his presence. But as always there is no Junhyung to be found.

While i´m headed to the practice room I meet Taejoo-ssi on the way. “Congratulations to your solo debut, Hyunseung-ssi.”, he says with a sincere smile on his face.

“Thank you.”, is all I wanted to reply at first but he added, “Junhyung-ah and I just watch your MV. It came out very well.” The second he mentioned Junhyung he completely caught my attention.

“So…you and Junhyung watched my MV?”, I ask while trying to act indifferent.

“Yes. We saw it this morning. It turned out well.”, he repeats himself.

“So…what did Junhyung say?”, I ask once again this time a little bit impatiently, because I never thought that he would actually watch it. The thought of Junhyung watching me makes my heart race a million miles a second.

“Well…I need a moment to think…what did Junhyung say? What did he say?”, he mumbles more to himself then to me, “I guess he said, that the chick was hot.”

Right that instant I feel like I’m falling into a dark black pitch. He is watching MY MV but the only thing he cares about is the girl in the video?! Yong Junhyung! The never ending story of my life!

“But well…you see…Junhyung was not very talkative this morning. He looks like crap because he didn´t sleep much and all he mumbles is: don´t make this se*y face, I need to get to work- or something. I don´t know. Maybe he has something going on with someone. Who knows.”, Taejoo tries to wrap it up. But this leaves me even more unsettled. Junhyung has maybe something going on with someone? A girlfriend? Someone from the company? Or someone else? An outside girl? I´m so stuck in my thoughts that I don´t even realize that I just left Taejoo without any notice. But well everyone knows that I’m 4D, so I guess he doesn´t mind.

Subconsciously I open the door to the practice room and the first thing I see is one pair of very familiar eyes. Junhyung. My heart beats so fast that it might jump just right out of my chest. Shocked I realize that we are alone. He and I – together- alone.

“Uhm, you´re here.”, he says with his deep voice which makes butterflies in my stomach.

“Uhm.”, is all I can reply. A long awkward silence follows. Without him noticing I start to check him up. Taejoo was right. Junhyung looks like crap today- still handsome though. I don´t dare to ask what he did yesterday in order to look like this today. We are not so close. But I really want to know. Did he meet up with a girl or not? What´s up with: don´t make this se*y face- and stuff? I have so many questions…

“I saw your MV.”, he says suddenly.

“Uhm, really?”, I ask indifferently, “ What did you like the most?”

With his beautiful eyes he looks straight into mine, with his heartbreaking deep voice and a smirk he says: “The chick was hot.”

This unrequited love of mine is divine punishment.