While Kikwang furiously pulls up his pants he gives the maknae black looks. The dancer burns with anger after Doongwoon forcefully dragged him out of the recording room into the gentlemen´s bathroom on the same floor. They still don´t know who caught them in the act the last time they were intimate in the toilet weeks ago so they decided not to do it at Cube entertainment, but Doongwoon just acted on his own authority and ignored Kikwang´s wish to never do it at work again.

That is what pisses Kikwang off the most. The selfish maknae just does whatever he pleases without a care in the world! Kikwang´s blood starts to boil the more he thinks about it.

Doongwoon just dragged him out wordlessly in front of everyone and forced himself onto the dancer. Without saying a word Doongwoon pushed him into one of the cabins, pulled his pants down and entered the dancer right away. Nor did he answer Kikwang´s questions or complaints neither did he prepare the dancer before entering him. Although the pain vanished quickly and made way for the pleasure, Kikwang is going to have the rewards of it for at least the next couple of days.

Doongwoon who doesn´t even bother to look at Kikwang pulls up his pants casually and flips his bangs backwards. He is about to leave the bathroom wordlessly as Kikwang finally snaps:

“What on earth has gotten into you?!”, Kikwang screams angrily.

Doongwoon stops midway.

“You shouldn´t scream. Someone might hear you.”, the maknae answers calmly.

Kikwang chuckles forcefully. Before he goes on: “Funny. Really funny. Since when do you care about being overheard by others?!”

Without turning around to face Kikwang Doongwoon keeps quiet – what makes Kikwang even more furious.

“You have no shame, you selfish b*st*rd! Even after doing all those despiteful and disgusting things to me!” –Kikwang´s voice is shaking.

Doongwoon actually twitched the instant Kikwang said the words despiteful and disgusting. Those words were like knife s cutting deep into Doongwoon´s heart. Sharp powerful words displaying his Hyung´s true feelings.

“But I always made sure that you were enjoying yourself as well, Hyung.”, Doongwoon replies desperately trying to overplay his hurt.

Kikwang blushes instantly but his anger and hurt pride as a man get the upper hand in no time. So he bursts out the first thing which comes into his mind:

“Are you nuts?! Have you lost your mind?! Who would like to be done by a man over and over again? You just did whatever you wanted. Telling me that you love me-“

The dancer stops and looks around for a couple of seconds in order to get his thoughts straight.

“- you know what?! Your love is selfishness. So stop fooling yourself and pull yourself together. You selfish b*stard! You just do whatever you want with my body, whenever you want it. I´m so sick of this and I’m so sick of you! So you know: You and I – we are not in a dating kind of relationship and we never were.”

He pauses before the dancer releases the final blow : “As for me I will regard everything related to you like stepping into dog poop.”

Cruel. Hyung is too cruel-is what Doongwoon keeps on thinking and although he feels like crying he starts to laugh bitterly. For seconds his laugh is the only thing which can be heard in the bathroom which smells of disinfectants.

Kikwang stares at him in disbelief. He is about to lose his self-control.

“You think this is funny! Am I funny to you?! Yah! Doongwoon-ah, turn around so that I can beat it out of you!-”

Doongwoon stops to laugh but he doesn´t turn around. His heart is on the edge of falling apart and he doesn´t want Kikwang to see it.

The maknae looks up to the ceiling as he listens to his Hyung´s ongoing complain´s. The bright lights flicker as he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Suddenly he feels tired and powerless as time seems to have stopped for them. Kikwang´s voice doesn´t reach him anymore because the maknae retreated into his shell. It is a small shell deep inside his heart. A shell Doongwoon wished hadn´t existed in the first place. A long time ago he used it in order to lock something up. A truth hidden in a corner of his heart.

 He never thought that today was the day. The day the maknae had to face the truth. He hoped beyond hope that the two of them would work out - that Kikwang would come to love him one day, but all his hopes were in vain. Doongwoon was done with deceiving himself. It was time to wake up and let it go.

“YAH!!!! ARE YOU DEAF! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!”

No. Doongwoon was not listening. He was starring into blank space and recalling the past. All the times they were intimate, all the times Doongwoon chased after his Hyung, all the times he confessed his love to his Hyung. Friends with benefits. So that is their status. No. Doongwoon was wrong. They weren´t even `friends with benefits`, their relationship-status was ‘stepping into dog poop’. Doongwoon splits into laughter one more time. Tears start to run down his cheeks.

Kikwang whose face turned bright red from anger grabs his arm and turns him around so that Doongwoon faces his Hyung. But Doongwoon can´t stop laughing – the pain inside his chest is just too overwhelming.

“You know what? I´m done with you! I´m not going to get dragged around by you again! I had enough!”

Doongwoon finally stops to laugh. It gets awkwardly silent inside the bathroom for a couple of seconds. The dancer is still holding on to the maknae´s arm.

“Fine.”, Doongwoon says suddenly in a serious tone.

A completely surprised Kikwang lets go of his arm and stares at Doongwoon in disbelief.

“Heh?”

Doongwoon sternly returns the look with eyes cold as ice. Although his heart is bleeding and he hoped for a happy ending, it was time to embrace the truth and let go of his delusions.

It is like time has stopped for Kikwang as he hears Doongwoon´s final words. At first the dancer didn´t get it. He just heard the coldness in Doongwoon´s words. But then it sank in full force.

-“I grew tired of you. You are a troublesome toy.”

That´s it.

Doongwoon leaves the bathroom.

--

Junhyung

Right in front of the bathroom I feel somebody´s hand grabbing me and pulling me back. I turn around in shock and see a breathless Hyunseung holding onto my arm. As he grasps for breath he struggles for words:

“..no…don´t…bathroom..no …”

“But as long as Doojoon is not around someone needs to take care.”, I answer seriously.

He is still struggling for words as he looks up to me. He seems to be terrified; I can see it clearly in his eyes. Hyunseung tightens his grip around my upper arm – determined to stop me from entering the gentlemen´s bathroom. I can faintly hear Kikwang´s and Doongwoon´s voices arguing inside. This is bad. Somebody needs to stop them.

“Hyunseung-ah. Let me go. I need to see what´s going on between those two?”, I try to reason calmly, “I have no clue why they started fighting all of a sudden, but this is bad for the whole team.”

Hyunseung shakes his head and for the first time I can smell the alcohol. He came drunk to work.

“They just ran off like that. It seems to be serious.”, I add and face the door handle.

“We shouldn’t meddle in their affairs.”, Hyunseung finally says.

“What do you mean – meddle in their affairs?! This might affect the entire team!”, I answer touchily.

“Let´s wait and see.”, he suggests and averts his gaze, “I think once they leave the bathroom they will have made up.” He blushes slightly.

“What are you talking about? Is the bathroom a magical place where all your-“, I start to argue back but Hyunseung suddenly raises a warning finger and forces me to stop midway.

“You hear?”, he asks me.

… he is right. I don´t hear anything anymore. They stopped arguing.

“See!”, Hyunseung says with a contented smile, “They made up. So let´s go back.”

I starts to pull me away from the bathroom.

“Stop! I need to pee.”, I hiss and pull him back to the bathroom. Once again he stares at me terrified and in shock. It looks like a million thoughts are running through his head and finally he let´s go of my arm. As I turn my head to face him our eyes meet and I can faintly see something – his fear.

I stop in front of the door without entering the bathroom and give him a puzzled look. What´s wrong with him?

“You ok?”, I ask casually although I’m a little bit worried.

He looks down. A couple of minutes pass by without us talking, but I can feel how he starts to tense up.

“Can I use your phone?”, he suddenly breaks the silence.

“Sure.”, I reply.

The second I want to hand my phone over to Hyunseung a faint sound comes from inside the bathroom. But before I’m able to realize what is happening, Hyunseung whips my phone out of my hand and runs away.

Shocked I follow him. He runs and runs way up to the next floor and stops in front of the bathroom.

“YAH! What was that all about?”, I hiss at him and grasp for breath. My lungs are burning due to the sudden exercise. Thank you Hyunseung!!!

“You said that you had to go to the bathroom.”, he answers bluntly and points at the bathroom of this floor.

This leaves me speechless. Are you serious, Hyunseung?( -.-) You made me follow you so I could use the bathroom in the ing second floor of this building although the toilet in the first floor is perfectly fine?!

I bump into him deliberately before I enter the empty toilet. He follows me silently.

--

Still Junhyung

After finishing our businesses we walk over to the sink.

“Are you serious about Seyeon-ah?”, I ask casually while washing my hands.

Hyunseung, who started to wash his hands as well, stops for a second, but then continues to wash his hands without saying anything. From the corner of my eye I can see how he looks up into the mirror which is in front of us. He looks like he is fighting an inner battle with himself.

As usual I have no clue what is going on inside his head. I asked a simple question. What´s so difficult? Either you are serious about her or not! No need to think about it for hours and hours. Just as I was about to drop the subject Hyunseung turns around to me. He looks serious what intimidates me a little bit. I have never seen him like that before – he looks like he was ready for anything.

“I´m in love with someone else.”, he says suddenly in a serious tone and I can smell the alcohol. He is looking straight into my eyes. I don´t know what surprises me more – the fact that he loves someone or the fact that he said it so straight forward - or the fact that he actually told ME about it. I´m seriously speechless and I feel uncomfortable all of a sudden.

I can sense how Hyunseung watches me carefully. His eyes track down my slightest movements and I’m aware of it.

“For the longest time I´ve been in love with someone else, that´s why I couldn´t care less about Seyeon.”, he repeats himself but once he mentions Seyeon´s name his tone and his facial expression change. He gets bitter.

Due to the sudden turn of the events I´m still lost for words. I never imagined that Hyunseung would open up about his private matters and talk to me. That´s why I have no idea how to react or what I have to answer. So I just nod silently.

Hyunseung faces the mirror again. He looks tired all of a sudden. It is more like he is talking to himself as he continues to speak:

“I´ve been in love with someone else, but I couldn´t make the person love me.-“, he pauses for a minute and watches himself in the mirror, before he once again turns around to me and faces me with a bitter smile on his pale face: “ That´s why I´m going to give up…”

“… this fight.”, he finishes his sentence in a whisper . And all of a sudden it gets silent in the gentlemen´s bathroom. [Say something i´m giving up on YOU! Care! Please! For god’s sake care please care for me!!! – That´s what Hyunseung wants to scream out so badly that it hurts, but he can´t. He just can´t. And for the first time he understands what Geurim was talking about when she talked about the pain of unspoken words.]

A couple of minutes pass by without us talking. Hyunseung seems to be absorbed in his own thoughts whereas I’m trying to comprehend Hyunseung´s surprising confession. Although we have been working together in a team I didn´t know that Hyunseung had such heavy problems. Come to think of it I don´t really know much about his private matters. I wonder who Hyunseung´s unrequited love is – maybe a co-worker….maybe Hyuna?

If Doojoon was here, I could dump this matter on him. I´m sure that the all-knowing leader already knew about the state Hyunseung was in. But the leader was away and he asked me to look after everyone in his absence. I sigh. It is not that I don´t like Hyunseung but we are just co-workers or something like that.

I get a sneak peek at him. He looks terrible. Pale, tired and hurting. I sigh once again. I guess it can´t be helped. Doojoon is not around and Hyunseung looks like he needs a friend.

“Hyunseung?”, I approach him and try to make my voice sound caring and gentle.

He turns his head around and faces me with a surprised look on his face – to me it seems like while he was immersed in his own thoughts he had forgotten about my presence.

“Can I help you?”, I ask and give him a gentle smile. He stares at me but says nothing as responds. He just keeps staring and staring for nearly a minute.

I was already about to drop the matter as I see him faintly nod. So he wants my help.

“How can I help you?”, I ask patiently – Doojoon owes me once he is back. I will make him pay for putting me into this awkward situation. “Just tell me what to do and I will do it.”, I add.

Hyunseung blushes slightly and nods. I wonder how much he drank and why he suddenly opened up to me. He averts his gaze and starts to look inside the mirror in front of us. It is quiet in the empty bathroom.

All of a sudden he starts to speak quietly. His voice is shaking as he talks to me.

“I suffocate.”

I give him a questioning look. But he continues without facing me.

“Unspoken words. I feel like I’m suffocating due to the many words I could never say to the person I love.”

Words he wasn´t able to say…to the person he loved? Strangely I can understand him. I really understand him. Sometimes words especially unspoken words can become a noose around your neck slowly tightening and pressing your life out.

I nod.

“Junhyung? Would you listen to me?”, he whispers with a shaking voice, “ Only once. Just for once. Just for a couple of minutes can you pretend to be the person I love and listen to the things I have to say?”

“You mean like a stand-in or proxy?”, I ask in disbelief and completely surprised due to Hyunseung´s sudden suggestion.

He nods.

He seems to be desperate if he asks me – a guy- to be the proxy for the woman he loves. But he also seems to be serious. That´s why I can´t just brush this off. I was the one who offered his help in the first place. I sigh.

“Ok. Let´s do it.”, I say enthusiastically and smile.

Hyunseung who watched my reflection in the mirror turns around to face me and smiles at me shyly.

He clears his throat and looks straight into my eyes.

“I love you.”

I´m sort of shocked because he just gave it to me straight – without a warning.

“I loved you for so long.

[pause]

I still love you and I wished that you would care for me as much I care for you.

[pause]

I wished your entire mind was filled with thoughts about me because my mind is full of thoughts about you.

[pause]

I wished I was someone special to you because you are special to me.

[pause]

I wished your heart would beat as fast as my heart whenever I’m near you.”

Hyunseung takes a deep breath.

“Basically I wished you would love me back.”

He takes another deep breath before he concludes.

“But that will never be the case because you will never care and never love me. That´s why I hope that one day my heart will stop to miss a beat every single time I see you – that one day I will be freed from this curse called love.

[pause]

And when that day comes I hope I can look into your eyes calmly and think to myself ‘Ah, he was just somebody I used to love.’ “

Hyunseung´s facial expression changed. I have never seen anything like that before.  He was smiling but his eyes were displaying pain and sadness. It was like he was telling me that he was giving up on loving….me? The woman? I don´t know. But although his love was painful, giving up his love was painful as well.

Oh man! He looked pitiful. Pitiful. I sigh. And before I know it I reach out my hand to him.

“Come.”