I’m on the rooftop, standing in the cold. The sky’s dark and it’s snowing. The flakes are falling on me, touching my face as I’m looking up. I’m lifting my hands a bit and catching them. My tears continue falling. I’m crying in sorrow and depression. The voices in my head keep continuing. I’m gulping, stepping forward and briefly glancing down. It’s pretty high. Falling would totally kill me. No, I feel dead anyway. Something dead can’t die again, right? If I jump, I’ll be freed from this pain. I… I wonder if Cassiopeia ever felt like this… I’m lifting my face, breathing in deeply and closing my eyes.

“Yunho…”, I’m whispering into the night sky and shedding my last teardrop.

And then I’m doing it, stepping forward while spreading my arms, my eyes still closed.

“Yah! What’re you doing?!”, suddenly Siwon’s voice’s to be heard.

He’s instantly grabbing me and pulling me back, throwing me against the wall next to the rooftop door.

“Were you attempting for suicide?!”, he’s screaming at me, “Are you nuts?!”

I’m looking at him in shock. Did… did I really try to kill myself? I… I didn’t mean to… I… I…

“Jaejoong!”, he’s again yelling at me, shaking me and slapping my cheek, “Come to your senses, you hear me?!”

I’m staring right into his eyes, but I can’t talk. My lips are trembling. I’m scared… Scared of myself. How’d I attempt this? My parents… my sisters… Yoochun and Junsu, all my friends… How’d I do this to them? No…

“Yah, do you hear me?”, Siwon’s now worrying and shaking me, but this time softer.

I’m suddenly sobbing really loud, biting my lower lip and crying like never before. My former label-mate’s looking at me in worry.

“I… hate Yunho!”, I’m admitting and the ache in my heart’s embracing me, “I loved him! How could he do this to me? How?!”

Siwon’s lifting me up and shoring me.

“Come on, let’s walk in. You… you need to see the psychologist. You need to rest.”, he’s assessing and bringing me back into the building.

I’m shivering a lot, but that won’t keep me from stopping Siwon. I’m grabbing his forearm and standing still.

“Siwon… I think… I…”, I’m stuttering.

He’s abruptly covering my mouth, making me shut up.

“Listen Jae, I’m not going to inform the commander about what you tried to do. You know, this’s a criminal offense.”, he’s telling me and first dragging me back to my room.

As soon as we enter, Junsu’s getting up and looking at me in little worry. Yoochun’s slumbering and Changmin’s playing with the stress-ball. Yunho’s not looking at me.

“Yah, your friend tried to kill himself!”, Siwon’s informing them all of a sudden, “What’ wrong with you guys?!”

No! Why’s he telling them! No! I’m abruptly pushing Siwon away and stumbling backwards to lean on the wall. Yunho’s looking at me in shock, while Changmin’s catching the ball and stopping to play with it. Junsu’s instantly running towards me and grabbing my arms. He’s wiping my wet cheeks and holding my face with both his hands.

“You… you didn’t, right?”, he’s asking me, his inner brows lifted in worry, “Jaejoong… why?”

I’m lifting my shoulders and pouting sadly, while shaking my head slowly as I tremble. I… I’m sorry… Siwon’s leaving, probably going to call the psychologist. Junsu’s hugging me and pressing me against himself really tight. I feel better in his arms. I’m so thankful… I really am. I’m closing my eyes and burying my face into his shoulders. His presence’s easing my pain.

“Uhm… Junsu…”, suddenly Yunho’s saying, “Could… could I…”

I’m lifting my face, as my JYJ-fellow’s letting go of me. He’s briefly glancing at me and then stepping away. Taking place on his bed. Changmin’s attentively watching us. I’m lowering my gaze, as I don’t feel comfortable standing in front of Yunho. The love bite… I’m not ok with this. I feel bad.

“Listen to me…”, he’s starting to talk, “I… I went to Yujin, and we talked a lot. I won’t deny that I was terribly nervous when she invited me into her… sleeping room.”

Ouch. Why’s he telling me this? Is… is he enjoying hurting me?

“Look at me!”, he’s suddenly ordering loudly and touching my chin to lift my face, “I couldn’t do it!”

I don’t care! It’s not that he didn’t, it’s that he went there! That he actually didn’t trust in his feelings towards me. It’s as if I were his toy, he keeps playing with… Yoochun’s waking up, rubbing his eyes, and glancing at us with a confused expression. Junsu’s signaling him to stay out of this. Changmin’s leaning back and humming a melody to keep his head free of our talk.

“I said look at me!”, Yunho’s yelling at me and grabbing my upper arms, pulling me closer, “I love you, ok?! I ing love you! And I admit that I’ve been a jerk! I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! Jaejoongie… if you reject me this time…”

I don’t need him to continue talking. I’m harshly shaking off his hands and slapping him hard. The slap's reverberating again and again in our room.

“I hate you!”, I’m saying with a cold expression, “I really hate you. You put out the last spark of love that I kept for you. Don’t touch me ever again!”

Yunho’s grabbing my arms again, this time tighter. I’m trying to escape his grip, but he won’t let go.

“Don’t you touch me!”, I’m yelling at him, “Thanks to you, I nearly jumped off the roof!”

He’s abruptly loosening his grip and looking at me in shock. His eyes are tearing up. Changmin’s climbing down his bed and pulling back his friend.

“Yunho… just let him go.”, he’s ordering and looking at me with a dark expression, “He’s not good for you anyway…”

Huh? Why’s he saying that? Is he so mad at me, because of Cassiopeia? But… he doesn’t have to be so harsh to me… It wasn't just my fault... What an evil maknae… Junsu’s walking up to us too and standing next to me.

“Yah! How dare you?!”, he’s shouting at Changmin and putting his hand on my shoulder, “Yunho’s not good enough for Jaejoong!”

What the hell? Are they fighting about us now? Is this another sneaky plan? Yoochun’s slowly approaching and looking at us with an empty expression. He seems really confused…

“Excuse me… where am I?”, he’s asking us and grabbing his own arms in fear.

No… don’t tell me he lost his memories again! Oh no… not now! Changmin and Junsu are still on it, now quarreling over who’s to blame for our separation back in 2009. I can’t believe where this’s going. Now that Cassiopeia’s gone, this’s getting out of control! Yunho’s staring into my eyes, still shocked about my words. He’s then shaking his head and coming to his senses.

“Don’t you… love me?”, he’s asking me earnest.

He wants me to answer honestly. I’m smiling fake, my eyes closed briefly, before giving him the answer.

“I loved you.”, I’m saying confident, “I really did.”

Meaning that I no longer do. He’s nodding sadly and turning away, when suddenly Changmin and Junsu are starting to fight. Physically.

“Get off me, you !”, our maknae’s cursing at my friend.

What the hell’s going on?! Are they nuts?! Yunho’s dragging Junsu away from his fellow and keeping them apart. He’s doing this, while shedding tears… because of me. Yoochun’s running into the restroom and locking himself up. He’s really scared. Too scared, to be honest. Ok, someone please help me with these idiots! I’ve got my own problems! I ended a relationship and nearly killed myself! I’m the one, who’s to be taken care of… I… I… I’m selfish.

“Stop it!”, suddenly someone’s screaming hella loud, making our ears nearly bleed, I believe.

It’s Shura, the commander. She entered our room, without us noticing. Changmin and Junsu stopped to fight right away, while Yunho’s drying his tears. I’m not moving an inch. Shura’s looking at me in anger. Did Siwon tell her?

“I’ve changed my mind for the New Year’s Event!”, she’s telling us with a calmer voice, “I’ve realized that Tohoshinki’s dead. So, JYJ will be the opening and TVXQ the ending of the event. Prepare yourselves until next week.”

What? Wait, why’s she doing this? Wasn’t she a hardcore fan of us five? Didn’t she organize this event, just to see us perform outstandingly together? Changmin’s clenching his fists, as he’s really disappointed about this. Junsu’s pouting. They’ve practiced a lot for this event…

“Shura…”, I’m gulping and continuing, “What about the recording…?”

Yunho’s looking up. I can tell he’s jealous. The commander’s tilting her head and taking out the cassette, showing me that it’s still there.

“I’ll send this to both, SM and CJes.”, she’s admitting meanly, “I warned you, but all you did was to try kill yourself.”

No… why did Siwon tell her?!

“What… what’s this recording?”, Yunho’s asking hesitantly, since he heard SM being mentioned.

Shura’s smirking and putting the cassette back into her pocket.

“It’s you and Hero in the showers.”, she’s informing him, “Prepare for the death of your careers. TVXQ and JYJ.”

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