Punch Drunk Love.

Baekhyun's eyeliner really worsens my mood as much as it worsens his appearance. Seriously, he looks like an drug addicted wannabe musician who can't get a single gig but is still confident enough to wear leather jackets in the spring heat of Seoul.

"Nice to see you all!" He greets, trying to overtone the music. He flashes a white, sparkling grin at us and it almost doesn't look fake. He probably uses a lot of Listerine.

I suddenly have to ask myself since when we're actually supposed to be friends of his. I feel like I've missed something. When the hell did this happen? Was I stoned? Asleep? We will never know.

Luhan's greeting is even more loud and annoying than the music already is. Minseok simply smiles at Baekhyun while I don't even bother to move my face in the slightest.

Baekhyun's eyes meet mine for a second, and for a faint moment I reckon to see a slight, dangerous sparkling in them. Like he knew something I don't know. It makes me feel nauseous. Worry that Luhan might have told him something about my 'purpose' starts to rise inside of me.

"You all have fun, alright? Try not to vomit on the furniture!" Baekhyun finally screams through the noise of what he probably calls music. It's stuff I listened to when I was eleven years old and convinced that I was an emo. The time of my life, to be honest.

Not even three seconds later there are three girls besides him, all of them at least a head taller than him. One of the girls instantly rams her tongue down his throat.

I don't understand the female species. I don't understand guys either. But dogs are great. I like dogs.

Luhan nods in respect at the ual scene, looking pretty impressed. However Minseok's expressions change from disgusted to fascinated to serious.

I already hate this. It's loud and sweaty and disgusting.

But I try to remember who I am doing this for, yes, I'm doing this for someone. I don't even know who it is, it's really not myself or Park Chanyeol, because none of us would be left happily if we are to meet in such a place. Let's just say I do this "for the team", that makes me sound nice and sporty.

"You are a butterfly."

Luhan suddenly is behind me, screaming in my ear. I already know that this is going to be one of his infamous non-motivating motivation speeches.

"And butterflies have wings. Go and fly!"

And with those words he jogs me into the mass of dancing people. A wingless butterfly, alone in the cruel world of twerking college students. 

Bumping into countless youths, wearing heels that are too thin and lipstick that is too sticky, I try to make my way through this living hell. Being blessed with great friends, I realize that this is a battle I need to fight alone. And this is round one: Getting out of this hell.

So I struggle my way through the huge amount of drunk and teens, just to be confronted with the fact that I’m awfully short and that there’s obviously no way I’m going to survive this. But then it happens.

A hand on my , another on my neck, and a deep laugh in my ear later I jump to look into dark eyes. The pair of brown orbs glows dangerously in the dimmed light of the room, making me shiver slightly. I want to yell at him, insult and threaten him, but my voice goes under between the pumping sounds of an electro beat. My limbs get weak from all the pressure of dancing bodies hitting me from every angle possible, so I hardly notice him guiding me out of the mass until we reach a table in the corner of the room.

I lean against the table, which is full of snacks and drinks. I try not to look at the couple making out only three steps away from me. I take a look at my savior, not sure if I'm frightened, thankful or angry.

Kim Kai's hair is pulled back in a way that's probably supposed to be stylish. I can't tell though, being more of a fan of bangs and bowl cuts. I'm kind of weird after all. No idea what youths these days find attractive.

He wears a tight V-neck shirt and black leather pants, complimenting his figure and making him look lean and manly. There's no doubt, this is Kai, not Jongin.

Kai throws his mischievous signature grin at me while filling a cup with pink punch.

"You can thank me later", he says, handing the cup to my speechless self. "Try to act more like you look, alright? Attractive woman, not a helpless lamb. See you."

One blink and he's gone, fading in between the dancing teens and I really ask myself if he has schizophrenia or if I'm just hallucinating.

I touch my throbbing forehead. My vision is still swirling from the racket Luhan's action caused me. I should have brought earplugs, I feel like my head's going to explode any second.

Slowly breathing, I remember the plan. Finding Park Chanyeol, looking great, attracting him. That's it. I'm going to do it. Round two, I’m ready to rumble.

I try to gain more confidence by remembering the  face of my ex-boyfriend. He was hot, damn hot. I can score something like this again. I somehow managed to do this once, so let's do it twice. It’s too late that I realize that it might not have been such a great idea to remember my relationship with Lay, though.

Flashbacks of tears, shattered glass and kisses. Holding hands in the rain, laughing with each other. Screaming and ignoring calls. Pretending to be okay in front of the others, pretending it was just one date and nothing else. Five months of suffering.

It all rushes back to my memory.

Chuging two cups of sickening sweet punch along with the first one Kai handed me help to erase the memories, but make my headache only worse. The sweet liquid makes my throat hurt and I suddenly question if this is ordinary punch or some weird vodka remix of the usually harmless drink.

I faintly hear someone yelling my name in the distance, voice muffled by the music.
I turn my head, but the huge amount of people stuffed in the awfully wide room doesn't make it possible for me to find whose it is.

I need some air, I really need air.

I lower my spinning head, focusing on my own feet. The intense red of my pumps make me question my eyesight, though. Don't trip. Don't do this now, don't…

I've never actually be drunk, so this is a new feeling to me. Of course there were nights in high school of sneaking out of my parent's house to meet up with Luhan, drinking beer in the basement of his house. But those nights of muffled laughing and feeling of tipsiness does not compare to the headache I feel now. This here does not feel comfortable in the slightest.

Compared to the relaxing, warm feeling of blazing while taking a bubble bath or enjoying some soju with Chen in the hallways of the dorm, this feels like a splatter party in my gastrointestinal tract. Like my skullcap is in war against North Korea. It's nothing besides pain and dizziness.

When the air suddenly smells fresher, I look up to see the outline of a balcony. I slow down to regain my strength, then I speed up, following the trace of fresh air.

It's a huge relief to feel fresh air fill my lungs when entering the balcony. I'm drunker than I've ever been in my entire life, so I'm not to blame that I don't notice the back of a person in front of me first.

A very, very tall person wearing a black hoodie and plain, baggy jeans stands near the bannister of the balcony, with his back in my direction. Wearing a snapback that doesn't fit him properly and makes his black hair stick out in all directions, he looks totally out of place with his awful fashion sense in a place like this.

The balcony is surrounded by trees, ordinary ing trees, but I still see cherry blossoms fall as soon as the figure turns around. Park Chanyeol has never been more beautiful than in this moment; eyes wide open and lips slightly parted in something I assume to either be surprise or stun.

His hoodie hangs loosely around his hips and his jeans look just as wrecked as his worn out converse. His hair is even messier than usual with the snapback that clearly doesn't fit his head - and makes his ears stick out entirely. Yes, Park Chanyeol is absolutely stunning to me and I can feel my heart pumping for him.

Let the fight begin. The final round.

"Hello", I weakly breathe out, addressing the goddess in front of me.

Seriously, I'm not supposed to find someone who's dressed like this attractive. But I don't know what it is, but something about this boy is charming me so badly.

"Hello", he answers, his plump pink lips slowly curl into a mind-blowingly sweet smile. I feel a tingly sensation creeping up my stomach until his look drops, facing the floor.

Awkwardness starts to fill the air. The cherry blossoms fade.

I decide that it's not the moment to care about my reputation, that I don't have a reputation that would be worthy to care for. And hell, I'm drunk as , so why am I still thinking? Alcohol is supposed to make things go fluently!

So I collect all my courage and walk on the edge of the balcony until I stand beside the guy of my dreams. His raven eyes meet mine, as the previous hint of surprise appears once again.

Is he wondering why I approach him? Well, I'm wondering, too.

"Not a party person?" I flash a confident smile at him, feeling not so confident meanwhile, but still proud that I didn't even stutter.

I'm the man.

To my relieve his perfect pink mouth curls into a huge smile, showing all his teeth. It makes him look like a total psychopath, like a creep, like he's going to eat my organs. I feel my chest become warmer instantly, because yes, he is indeed my dream guy. I don't ing get it, but he is.

"Yeah, I came because Baekhyun wanted me to. That little guy can be demanding." He smiles a slurry, drunk smile. He's clearly had too much already.

I concentrate on not concentrating on his words too much. Because I do realize how much of a disgusting, impure human being who of course has to interpret something ambiguous into his words I actually am.

Go get a grip, I warn myself. Don't picture him being Byun's just because that would make your life easier. He is straight, so make him yours, god damn it.

I smile again, hoping more than ever that he didn't notice my little internal war. "I know that feeling, Luhan forced me to attend, too."

Park Chanyeol nods in compassion, but without saying anything else. For a second he looks like he's going to say something, but his gaze instantly focuses the floor once again. Ugly tiles. Why do tiles always get all attention?

Those tiles are even uglier than the previous ones. I hate tiles so much, I swear to SHINee I will destroy all tiles in this world one day. My drunk mind wants to say "Notice me, not tile-san, senpai!" for a second, but after slapping the drunk part of my brain internally I decide to try the oldest trick in history.

Knowing that I'll hate myself the next morning, I start to fake a shiver. "It's so cold tonight, I wish I would have brought my jacket!" I complain dramatically, reminding myself of Luhan. I put this thought aside, looking at Park Chanyeol with the biggest eyes I have.

Park Chanyeol's face turns into a frown, and I know that I'm a huge failure. "Isn't it like 27°c right now?"

Oh. . I forgot the heat.

"I-I don't know" I stutter defensibly, trying not to cry out of frustration. "I'm still cold."

I then remember how some people tell me that I look really cute, that I don't look like my personality at all. This is the first time that I hope that this is true, because faking cuteness is my only idea to make senpai Park Chanyeol notice my desperate self. I blame it on the punch.

I sigh in a high pitched voice, ruffling my hair. "So cold! You probably don't feel it because of your strong arms."

What the flying , this does not even make sense. I wish I could just die right now.

But I think it works; his eyes widen, his cheeks turn red and - wait, is he looking at my cleavage?

Is that the reason he avoided me, because of my -

Oh my god, I think I just figured out how guys work.

After a quick moment of inner face-palming I see how great this discovery actually is. This is absolutely great! I only have to use my ! are the key to world peace, will make me help getting through life, are my only friends in an awful world like this, are-

My rant about the useful aspects of s suddenly gets interrupted by the rustling of cloth. I look up to see a topless Park Chanyeol in front of me, face bright red and hands holding out his hoodie.

You heard me right, ladies and gentlemen. Topless as in without wearing a top.

"H-here. This will warm you up!" He stutters, avoiding looking at me at all costs. I have never seen a face being this red in my entire life.

I think I'm about to fade at the sight of Park Chanyeol's obviously not trained, pale chest. He looks so ing weak and pre-debut, it's unreal.

And yes, it turns me on. A lot.

I take on his hoodie in a hurry, only to have an excuse to avoid this heavenly display. At this point my cheeks feel like they're warm enough to start a fire.

His hoodie is soft and warm and smells like a mixture of cologne, washing powder, sweat and a whole lot of punch. It's the most wonderful scent I've ever breathed in, only because I know it's his. Otherwise I would have cringed instantly. No saint person would enjoy a sweaty hoodie, but I never claimed to be saint anyway.

"A-are you still cold?" His deep voice brakes in the middle of the sentence, making him sound like a teen in voice break. He's so helpless, I almost feel better about my social disability.

"Yes" I mumble, hoping that he will hug me to make me feel warm.

I absolutely forget that I'm supposed to feel guilty because I make him stand half on the balcony of Byunbaekbasic, but I honestly don't care. I'm too busy trying to save the image of his s in my system.

"Oh" He says. Awkwardness once again fills the air. "Maybe you should go back inside."

"No!" I answer too fast and too loud, making him jump in surprise and dropping the snapback in his hands. I'm not even nearly done to save parkchanyeolss.jpg in my memory! 

"I-I mean. I mean it's really loud in there and… yeah." His gaze lingers on me, making the tingly sensation appear again. I feel like a highschooler all over again.

"Don't you want to dance?" He whispers. The sound of his voice, now so silent and raspy, nearly makes me scream.

But I'm a fangirl, I already learned how to control my urges in public.

"Y-yeah." I clear my throat awkwardly. "But there's no one I'd like to dance with inside... so…"

"What about Kai?" He tosses in, his voice suddenly cold. He's sounding almost… hurt? "I'm sure he would love to dance with you."

I stare into jet black orbs, furrowing my brows immediately. "I don't want to dance with him, though." I reply sternly.

Park Chanyeol looks adorable with his big black eyes looking down at me and I suddenly realize just how tall he is in comparison to me. I never stood near enough to him to realize that I hardly reach his chest, even when wearing heels.

"You are so small", he suddenly says, as if he could read my thoughts. "You should not hang out with guys like Kai."

His voice is deeper than ever, suddenly sounding dangerous, but at the same time strangely soothing.
My heart refuses to stop beating so hard it hurts. I feel like I'm going to piss myself if I can't touch him anytime soon and that would really ruin the mood (and my dress).

"I don't hang out with Kai." I ensure him, sounding shaky. "He means nothing to me."

"It didn't look like that when you were inside."

Wait… what?!

"You saw us?" He looks away, and I take it as an obvious yes. "Is that the reason you're not inside?"

Park Chanyeol is a shy boy, that's for sure - but I never expected him to avoid my gaze while going bright red. But as seconds of silence turn into minutes, the red of his skin eventually fades and the awkwardness and silence rises again. This whole situation drives me crazy. The tension is too huge for me to ignore it.

I finally find the courage to look up at him again, and damn, I forgot he's shirtless.

This can't be real. I am dying.

His eyes are looking at me, myself. My. ing. Self.

He looks so good that it makes my brain blank out.

"We could dance," he suddenly blurts out. And poof, the tense atmosphere is gone. His face turns red again, though.

Here we go again, awkwardness pt. 2.

"There's no music," I say hesitated. Saving my is suddenly more important than touching his body. I don't ever want anybody to see me 'dancing'.

All of a sudden a loud rustling sound comes out of nowhere; no, from under the balcony to be exact.

"You rrreadey?" A voice I know too well slurs. I can barely hide my panic.

, , ! Does Luhan really have to do some drunk under the balcony I was supposed to make out on?

"Yyyeah. Let's do dis, bruh." A second voice appears. Another one that's far too familiar.

And then Luhan and my lovely ex-boyfriend appear out of the dead angle, carrying an old-school ghetto blaster. "Oh god, please don't," I whisper to myself.

Park Chanyeol's stares at Luhan and Lay in shock and I really want to die. "Aren't those your friends?" He asks. The tone of his voice tells me that he doesn't realize how serious this is.

"Yyyyes, we are!" Luhan waves at us with both hands and I have no idea how he was able to hear this. "Woooooh, yooou gotz him ~! Good job!" He giggles his drunk, girly giggle.

I'm gonna stab him hard.

"Dun worrey, bruh!" Lay says too loud and too high pitched. His habit of saying 'bruh' far too often appears when he's not only stoned, but also drunk as . "We got sum music you two lovebirdiiiies can have , I mean dance to!"

Luhan laughs his off, and I ask myself why Minseok isn't overseeing that brat. He must be either dead or shackled.

And with another laugh, the idiots start to blast some music.

It's the song Lay always forces us to listen to when we get high. He says this song bonds our friendship. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore as Luhan and Lay start to sing along.

"Y'all went to highschool!" Lay starts and Luhan answers with "I went to school high!" Their Chinese accent doesn't make the lyrics sound convincing in the slightest.

I wish they were just like Chinese people are in the eyes of the world. Hard working, serious and intelligent. But what do I get instead? Two pale drunk Asian boys acting as if they're hardcore or whatever. 

They suddenly remind me a lot of the Bangtans.

Just as I'm about to yell and throw my heel at Luhan's face and strangle Yixing with Luhan's that I'm planning to tear off.
But before I have the change to run amok the shirtless beauty besides me touches my shoulder.

I feel a tingling sensation again. This is probably what people would call arousal, but I want to at least pretend to be pure tonight. His smile is striking. "They have music. We can dance."

I look up at him, probably already teary eyed. I'm not sure if he's really that calm or only to dumb to understand enough English to get how stupid this whole situation is. Whatever it is, I think it's absolutely lovely.

Without saying anything else I take his hand and but it on my waist. He blushes again, looking at the tiles - god, how I hate those.

As the beat of the song goes on, Park Chanyeol and I dance a slow waltz that doesn't fit this song or Luhan's and Lay's cheers from below. This is by far the most beautiful moment in my life. 

"My name is Chanyeol!" Park Chanyeol suddenly blurts out.

I nearly trip out of surprise. "I know," I answer and he blushes furiously once again.

That guy really needs to see a dermatologist, I don't think this is normal.

"I-I… I wanted you to know. B-because maybe you did not memorize my name. You never really seemed to notice me in class."

I look up at his raven eyes and read insecurity in them. I suddenly realize that I'm actually the senpai in this setting.

"But now I notice you now." I say in my shoujo manga voice, because hell yeah, I want to be cheesy sometimes too!

Chanyeol smiles at me, his teeth show once again and one eye looks suddenly bigger than the other one.

He is beautiful. I’ve never actually been near enough to marvel at his beauty like this. He’s so near that I can see every single pore on his chin, that I can smell his scent, feel his warmth. I feel like I’m in heaven.

Luhan and Lay are far away for me right now. Everything that counts is the perfect boy I’m dancing with.

"You smell… like... coconut," he suddenly says, making my heart skip a beat. "I-I… coconut makes… m-me..." He starts to cringe; I stare at him in worry.

"Is everything al-" I have no time to finish my sentence before he vomits all over my shoes.

Luhan and Yixing scream out in horror but I can only stay frozen, watching him cringing.

Well, it’s quite common that people can't deal with the smell or taste of coconut. It's like licorice - you either hate or love it. But it's still… shocking that he reacts like this. This basically means that my whole life will make him vomit.

I am practically a coconut.

I want to pin it on the alcohol. He vomited last time I saw him drink, too, right? It must be the alcohol. Coconut is still perfect. Maybe I’ll believe I don’t smell sickening as in his opinion if I say it often enough.

I’m not disgusting, no. It’s the alcohol. It must be the alcohol.

I'm not sure if this is the best or the worst day of my whole life anymore.

It's the worst, the tiny voice in the back of my head whispers. He was ing god damn drunk, that's why all of this happened, it says. Even though you tried to forget it, he's drunk as hell. You're nothing special.

I can only gulp while looking at the vomiting Park Chanyeol at my feet. It's already the second time, but I still don't feel like I'm getting used to it.

I feel like I lost the fight.

Punch, knock down. 

It's hard to explain to Byun Baekhyun why his best friend vomited all over my shoes while being topless. He probably thinks I have some weird kinks, but I honestly couldn't care less after I find Minseok to be locked up inside one of Baekhyun's bathrooms. 

Some sloppy goodbyes, fake smiles and waves later we part from Baekhyun and later Lay. I find out that Baekhyun seems to be awfully disappointed by the fact that Kris did not attend his party.

Kris seems to be his idol or something. I can only shake my head at this.

The drive back home is silent. The mood is absolutely down and not even Luhan dares to say anything.

I awkwardly dry my tears using toilet paper in my bathroom. After changing into pyjamas and throwing my dress into the laundry I take my make up off, not even bothering to do it right. 
My eyes are smudged up and my lips that once wore red lipstick look like I smeared paint all over my lower face.

I take my time to look at the debauched reflection in the mirror. Red eyes from crying and eye bags to the max. Then I notice Luhan's face in the mirror, showing me that he's standing behind me. I didn't even hear him get in, but I couldn't care less at the moment.

I silently brush my teeth, ignoring him consequently. After I'm done and want to leave the room, he hugs me and suddenly everything spurts out of me.

Tears, cries, all my depression flows onto Luhan's shirt I'm clinging too. His arms hold me tightly and as I feel my back getting hugged, too, I realize that Minseok must have heard me crying.

He my hair gently, and I know I'm home.

I fall asleep locked in between the arms of my brothers telling me that everything is going to be alright again.

Well, at least if I'm going to change the scent of all my hygiene products.

...

...

...

Coconut is dead to me.