In my room.

warning: mentions of uality/ual themes.

summer is disgusting. It's hot and sticky and always involves falling for tall, pretty faced idiots.

Yixing and Chanyeol sit next to each other, discussing  the latest episode of some cartoon starring a blue bird and a raccoon that are employed by a gumball machine. I don't really focus on their words, but rather on how my two tall mistakes look so pretty next to each other that I want to punch them.

People stare and gossip about Park Chanyeol being part of the Chinese gang. He's not, and Baekhyun and Kai aren't, either, but who cares about the truth anyway? I don't even know what's up myself.

And while the afternoon sun shines down on us, I close my eyes and picture the old days. Luhan, Minseok, Me, Chen, Yixing, Kris and Tao ordering pizza, watching bad horror films and laughing our off at Tao pissing himself. 

I don't want all this to be gone.

And then there are Chen and Baekhyun, cackling about some girl's once again, making me wonder if Lay doesn't mind. Tao is refusing to talk to anyone, playing his Kardashian game on the phone. And lastly, there's Kai, awkwardly hugging me all of a sudden.

"Hmn?" I look up at the boy, whose hair is all tousled up from laying in the grass of the campus yard.

"Are you alright?" He whispers, not wanting the others to pick up on our conversation. It's not a problem anyway, since they're all egoistic little s.

I shrug. "Yeah."

Kai's hug around my back gets tighter. "You're lying."

I sigh, rolling my eyes. "Dude, I'm really grateful that at least someone seems to notice about my crisis, but it's not something I really want to talk about."

"Don't dude me, dude, when you're not treating me like your dude!"

"Since when is a dude something special?"

"So you're saying I'm not special?"

"You're my special dude, dude."

"Dude."

Little do we realize that all eyes are now on us, who are talking a bit louder than intended.

"God, go get a room you two." Tao rolls his eyes at us.

"Yeah, stop ing Chanyeol in front of us."

"Baek!" Chanyeol gets red and punches his friend, only to get a punch twice as hard back that gets him whining.

I glare bitterly at Baekhyun. Chanyeol's ing himself, I want to say. Chanyeol could have had me if he wanted to, I want to say.

But instead of doing so I lean against Kai and munch down the rest of Lay's pringles, which I coldheartedly wrest from the protesting boy's grip.

Sehun's text messages become weirder the later the time my clock displays gets. They go from "good morning noona have a nice day" to "I'm thinking about you noona" to "I'm imagining you on your knees in front of me my-"

"What the heck, Sehun," I sigh, facepalming a little.

It's after midnight and I'm laying in bed, trying to find piece and be pure and chaste, and there's that little trying to t with me.

Go to bed, kid, or the sandman will pee on your existence next time you sleep, I type in, because who knows what else to respond with when there's a hot high schooler that wants to seduce you for some sick reason.

He answers immediately, the only good thing about him is that he doesn't seem to have a real life.

boy
did you ever imagine my brother ing you hard?

"Did I ever imagine something else?" I mumble to myself.

To: boy
find our chill man that's nasty

boy
that means yes. Do you really think he'd be capable of that?

I curse myself for actually holding in to think about it for a second. Would Chanyeol be able to hard, yet alone do even more adventurous things with his Amber and I suspect to be tiny?

Sehun answers my thought with another buzzing of my phone.

boy
I guarantee you I would you like he never could

"That's not hard to believe." I sigh, shaking my head. What am I doing here? I should block him for the night and finally go to-

boy
or would you like to get ed by both of us?

"HOLY ." My phone flies three meters wide because of my sudden panic reaction.

I stand up from my bed to run in a circle, screaming. The same reaction I have every time a SHINee member takes his shirt of. ( you, Onew, when will it happen?)

I hear the vibration of my phone, which is now laying on the ground, but only stare at it on fear. Do I really want to see what's next?

I do, my libido decides. So I crawl to the spot it lays, carefully, like approaching an animal, before snatching it up and reading the message.

boy
I bet you'd love that noona. I could you in the while he-

I can't continue reading. Everything inside of me is screaming yYYYESSSSS while my mind panickes and my hands tremble.

boy
we would do you so hard noona. And you would see that I'm the better er.

"Yes, you are a er," I whisper.

To e or not to e, that is the question.

But because I know how my desperate self would answer that question, I turn off my phone and leave my room to visit the guy that makes ual frustration fade.

The king of unyness.

"Hey Kris," I great the master of whatever the opposite of dropping might be.

"It's-"

"Yeah, I know what time it is. Can I talk to you? Oh, hi, Minseok!" I wave at my sleepy friend who's sharing a room with the giant and take a look at a snoring Luhan. "Go to sleep, I need to talk to Lil' Kreassy here."

"Alright," Minseok yawns. I can see the scepsis in his eyes, but he's too tired to be a mum right now. I feel uncomfortable at the sight of his bed, cluttered with books and notes. He must have fallen asleep while learning.

So I drag a pyjama wearing Kris out of his room (You might think he's the type to sleep in boxers, but the Captain America pyjama shows his true nature) who can hardly keep his eyes open.

"What are you doing?" His voice is weak and reminds me of the night he got really, really drunk and told us about his childhood dream of being a mounty in Canada.

"I'm going to talk to you about several things we need to discuss. I can only talk with you about this, since Kai is awkward, Tao a gossiping , Chen would laugh at me and Lay is useless." I sigh. "And Luhan and Minseok are no options at the moment, they are busy enough. You have to fulfit your duty as a back up friend, duizhang."

I know that the last word will get him awake, since a true duizhang like him can't withdraw a member of the squad calling for duizhang.  

I open the door of my room after the way to the girl's dorm and lock us in, in case some teacher gets by and hears a male voice coming from my room.

"Sit down," I command the zombie-like Kris. 

Instead of sitting down, he decides to lay down and hug my Arpacasso. He's not the same when he's tired.

"So, let's discuss the latest. Chanyeol's seventeen year old brother offers me his 24/7 and I don't know how to handle it, Chanyeol turned my confession down, laughing, and I saw you and your boy at the funfair and oh, by the way, he was my high school crush and I hate you very much for this." I pause to take a breath. "Any questions?"

"You saw what?" Kris, now fully awake, clumsily gets of my bed to face me. "What did you see?"

"You sticking your tongue down Kim Junmyeons throat while grabbing his glorious ." Behind all my hatred lies a bit of jealousy and respect. Man, what would I have given to be the one to do this to Junmyeon in high school. I was such a .

I still am now, only not for Junmyeon. Not mainly.

"Oh god," Kris groans, palming his head. He sits down on my bed once again, facing the carpet. "Did anyone else see?"

"Yeah, Chanyeol."

"Okay." He nods, more to himself. "I'm doomed."

"Why? You can come out any time. Chen and Lay are a couple and we can all agree on Tao being gay, so no one really cares if you fancy guys."

He groans once again. "It's not that I fancy guys. Junmyeon is... I don't know what he is."

I sit down next to him, putting my arm around him and try to comfort him. "I understand you. That angel could turn anyone homo. It's okay."

Kris looks at me with a face that tells me that my words didn't help at all. 

"Did you tell Tao?" He then asks.

"Why?" I squint my eyes in mistrust. "Are you thirdwheeling him?"

"What?" He blinks at my mimicing of his words from a past discussion in confusion. "No! I've never had anything with Tao!"

"But Tao likes you."

Kris sighs. "He will get over it, eventually. He's my best friend, I don't want to lose him so I'll wait for the right moment to tell him."

I've never seen Kris so emotional. Or emotional in the first place. It nearly feels like he can be taken seriously. Then I remember that he got kicked out of art major and his father sued the college.

"Don't you dare hurt him. I will hear no end of it."

"You're so empathic."

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too. Now," I sit up, "let's talk about the real problems." 

After giving him a short update on what happened in the library (I am really relieved that I didn't tell Chen about it instead. I can nearly hear his laugh in the distance.) I get my phone from the nightstand and turn it on again.

Five new messages, wow. That guy cybers with himself.

"See?" I give Kris my phone so he can read the chatlog. "He wieners me. He ing wieners me with his ing wiener."

Kris' face scrunches up in disgust. "He's seventeen? He doesn't look seventeen."

I glare at Sehun's icon, a picture of himself wearing his usual tense expression, looking up at the camera and showing a piece sign. I don't get how he looks so able meanwhile.

"Wait, that is the guy that kissed you that day, isn't he?"

I'm offended by his surprised expression. "Of course he is! How many brothers that stalk me do you think Chanyeol has?"

Kris snorts and proceeds to scroll through the chat. "That's disgusting, I don't want to see that," he says while continuing to read. "He offers you a ?"

"Yes." I try not to sound . A single glance at Kris is enough to make myself dry again. What do girls see in him, again?

His following words hit me like a car. "Maybe you should give him a chance."

"What the- Okay, what the is wrong with you? Don't you listen to my words? He wieners me and never misses a chance to try to me and-"

"I think he has feelings for you." Kris face somehow looks handsome in this light, looking down at me without his usual face expression. "And I'm not sure if Chanyeol has."

Ouch. Another punch in the guts.

"But Chanyeol bought me tickets for SHINee, and-"

"You're trying to find reasons to hold onto him. But what I think," Kris unlocks my phone - I should really change my code - and looks at the chatlog once again, "I think he's more mature than Chanyeol."

Getting feedback longer than three words from Kris Wu? That's so out of character. Is he trying to be Kai  a better person or something?

"You say that while looking at pictures of his , Kris."

"He used no filter. He's an honest guy."

"Kris."

He sighs. I can tell that all he wants to do is going to bed. "You know I like Chanyeol, and I would have supported this, but it's not leading anywhere. This guy here," he now opens Sehun's icon instead of the dickpic he send me, "He's safe game. You need safe game. Someone who's constantly there. I doubt that you can become happy with that up and down you're experiencing with Chanyeol. And you do at least have a bit of feelings for that guy, so I would go for it. I saw him talk to you and I saw him cry over you. He might be young, but at least he knows what he wants. And he truly wants you."

I look at Kris, his face and the concern in his sleepy eyes, and for some reason, I'm not angry. I want to be angry, I want to yell at him, but I can't because I feel numb.

"I love Chanyeol," I say, for the first time in my life I say the words I never even dared to think of. "I really love him, Kris. And Sehun is cute, Sehun is fun and I like him more than I should, but I god damn love Chanyeol and I love everything about his stupid persona. I wish I wouldn't, because I also think Sehun is a better match for me, that I'd be a lot happier on Sehun's side. But the one I like is Chanyeol. He's the one." I take a deep breath. "Damn, that was cheesy."

Kris stays silent. I think he's impressed while he stares at me quietly. Then, after a long pause, he hugs me.

Kris is no warm person. He's not one for body contact. That's why his hugs mean the world.

"I wish you the best on your way. Always. I'm glad I could tell you that before graduation."

My heart aches. Right, I'm about to lose another big brother.

"Thank you, Kris," I whisper, hugging him back. "Thank you so much."

But still, even after being so certain about my decision, as soon as Kris leaves and I'm alone in my room, thoughts flood my mind. 

I look at my alarm clock.

It's after two am, and my room feels too familiar to me. The sheets Sehun touched me on, the tumblers that still are on my nightstand due to my laziness, and Kris' words are more than thought-provoking.

"He truly wants you."

"I think he has feelings for you, and I'm not sure if Chanyeol has."

I close my eyes in this restless night, that one boy crossing my mind. I hate myself when thinking about the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

The faintly lit area where my eyes stop at is the spot he stood on while complimenting my room. I have no idea why, but I feel warm at the memory.

And then there's Chanyeol when I close my eyes, who feels like my whole universe, my sun, my moon and everything in this world. 

I never felt anything this strong for a guy romantically. And I can't stop asking myself why it has to be this stupid little dip.

Still, I can't escape Sehun in this room. Even if I forget him for a little while all the things in my room seem to miss him.

It's three am when I dial the number of Oh Sehun, tears filling my eyes.

The next morning is just as sunny and disgusting as expected.

I wake up with an uncharged phone. Memories of last night come back and I curse myself for letting Sehun talk me to sleep after more than two hours of conversation.

I never talked with Chanyeol that much, I think bitterly while brushing my teeth. I glare at my reflection in the mirror. 

This day's promising to be annoying. First of it all, working on project gets redesigned due to the new circumstances - getting banned from the library certainly isn't something that's good for my reputation.

"I heard that Chinese girl got kicked out of the library because she was buying crack from Park Chanyeol!" It echoes down every hallway in school.

What the .

I'm not Chinese, I'm not even Asian, where are their ing eyes? Have they never seen someone Chinese? I really want to throw Tao at them so they can see.

So at point four o'clock Chanyeol arrives at my room, obviously uncomfortable with the current situation. I'm one hundred percent sure that it's his first time entering the girl's dorm and that he'd rather visit an active volcano. Which is pretty much the same thing.

I don't have the type to feel sympathy for that giant twelve year old. We got work to do.

"Hey!" His voice is too loud and breaks in the middle.

Is he trying to sound friendly? He sounds stupid.

He also looks stupid. His clothes are rumpled and his non existent hairstyle dishevelled. I ask myself where he had been to look like this. 

"Hey." I don't intend to sound cold, but I end up doing it anyway. The stomach ache his appearance gives me doesn't help either. 

He honestly looks like he just had , but I really want to believe he just fell off the stairs or something and was not ed by Baekhyun, or worse, ing a girl.

Does he talk to girls? Does he know any girls? 

I feel ready to throw up. Why am I so paranoid? As if that loser ever touched a . No need to worry, I tell myself.

"I brought snacks," he mentions. Then he looks at me, the doorframe and at me again, as though not sure if he's allowed to enter the palast of femininity. Urgh, no, that sounds like an euphemism for . He's not going to enter this palast, that's for sure.

Sadly.

I don't end his struggle. I don't even look at him, not sure if my heart can stand the sight of an angel in sweatpants. He wears a T-Shirt, I notice. Is it because I told him it looks good?

"Uhm." Chanyeol coughs awkwardly. Still no reaction from me, so he decides to just come in and close the door carefully.

After standing awkwardly in the middle of my room for a while - I don't miss on him curiously eying my interior - he finally sits down on the chair next to mine. Luhan originally brought it to be able to look over my shoulder when I'm studying Mandarin, and now Chanyeol's flat finds refuge on it.

How time's change.

He carefully places the sweets he bought on my desk. I can't see what exactly he bought due to the white grocery store bag, but I assume two bottles of Milkis and those sickening sweet chocolate cookies he enjoys so much.

He opens his gorgeous mouth to talk, but I speak up before he has the chance to start a sentence. 

"Since we can't use books anymore, we are going to use the most retarded and unreliable source ever when it comes to school work - the Internet."

I pat my laptop lovingly. Sometimes I feel bad for it, flooding it with gay and sparkly boy bands, but at the same time I think it should be grateful for his owner not being a brony.

"Aye aye, ma'am!" Chanyeol salutes and grins at me brightly. Terrible attempt to save the mood. I assume he understands that he's the cause for my pissed behaviour.

"Whatever," I mumble like the cool emo guys in anime that don't give a about the female protagonists. I turned into what I despised the most.

Chanyeol sulks a bit. He looks so cute that I fear my eyes will get damaged if I keep looking at him without wearing shades.

Without another word I start my baby laptop and type in my password: SHINeearesomeshiningmothererssince2008ilovethosehoes. My fingers move inhumanly fast, since I'm accustomed of writing the very same thing down for years now, but according to Chanyeol's facial expression he thinks I'm The Flash.

My desktop greets us with a tasty wallpaper of SHINee during Ring Ding Dong promotions. Damn, dat hair, Jonghyun. Dat hair.

Chanyeol makes a face that tells me he's mildly umamused by my choice of background. He's probably jealous of Jjongs hair, 'cause damn, dat hair. Damn.

"So." I stretch my arms for what's going to happen. "Work starts now." I double click my browser.

I wait a while because I'm a patient person and I know how slow my baby reacts. But nothing happens.

Furrowing my brows, I double click again.

Nothing. 

"Wow, great." I check the connection. Why does this have to happen now?

Chanyeol patiently waits while I'm clicking the browser like crazy.

There's one thing I love about my browser. Other than most popular browsers it saves the tabs of old sessions until you close each tab separately. This allows me to collect all my beautiful tabs for later, so I don't have to search afterwards. 

But it becomes a problem when about twenty windows suddenly open, that all have saved the last tab you've opened. Especially when the of a Minho look-alike that gets ed in his precious echoes through your room in canon, while your crush sits next to you.

"ing !" I panically click 'x' on all windows, but not fast enough to retain Chanyeol from getting a glimpse of said glorious .

It's over as quickly as it began - only that it feels like the torture lasted a hundred years to me. My cheeks are on fire and my hands are trembling, but Chanyeol is absolutely silent.

This must be the most embarrassing moment of my life. Really, nothing can compare to this. 

I'm on the verge of crying. This is so, so, bad and he will leave and-

"Can you restart it?" 

What the actual-

I turn around to see Chanyeol's face, bright red and partly hidden behind huge hands. His teddy eyes still are focused on the monitor. 

"It's for research, isn't it?"

Why isn't he stuttering? Why does he smile at me all of a sudden? Why the is he so y?

"Yeah," I say. I have no idea why I'm out of breath. "Research."

God knows why or how, but my hands find the touch pad once again and the video starts to play.

Moans fill the room as the guy straddles almost-Minho's , making him-

"HOLY !" Chanyeol suddenly shrieks out loudly. 

I pause the video after about ten seconds, scared to dead.

Chanyeol looks absolutely terrified - his face is hidden by the hem of his shirt and his eyes are big and traumatised. "Was that a d-d-?"

I clear my throat to find my words. Of course there was a dibidibidick, it's a damn we are talking about. "Have you never seen a ?"

"N-no, I mean, yes! But," he gulps audibly,"they both...The girl had a , too."

I stare at him. Is he serious? "There is no girl. That's gay ."

It's comical how Chanyeol's face changes in slow motion. Confused, helpless, and then I can see his brain clicking before he lets out a deep, ear-splitting scream.

I can barely hear the girl next door punching against my wall. But Chanyeol just continues to scream and I'm frozen in shock, hoping for him to run out of air. But it doesn't happen.

Twenty seconds later there's a loud knock at my door and Krystal Jung's voice politely telling me to get a hang of my kinks and at least use a ball gag if my sub is going to be a sissy and disturb everyone with his manly screams of ual arousment.

I'm not sure how to deal with that advice, but it makes Chanyeol stop.

The atmosphere is really, really awkward. Note to myself: Never show your crush gay .

Chanyeol is the first one to break the silence. "We should continue our research," he says, and his voice sounds so different now. It reminds me of silk and velvet but also of thunder and rain. He sounds like rain and freshly laundered bed sheets but also like an earthquake. Just like Baekhyun's voice usually sounds like caramel - it's hard to describe.

His expression is unreadable, but his lip is trembling while talking, and his adam's apple bobs as though he's nervous. The strong urge to kiss him comes over me. 

Is it me or did he gain some confidence over night?

"Y-yeah." My voice sounds too quiet and unsure, more like a question than anything else. I face my laptop again, now opening another browser, because hell, I don't need more drama.

"Let me do it." There it is again, thunder and silk, velvet rain and big cold hands over mine, directing the mouse. His other hand, dangerously near my chest, types something in. I can only hear the slow clicks of the keyboard, not daring to look. I know he can hear my heartbeat, because I can hear his skipping a beat, too.

"Research," he says again, and I nod, then open my eyes.

Chanyeol doesn't move his hands. The right one is still on mine while the other one lays on my desk, right before my chest, as the Chanyeol selected starts.

I can barely breathe, too aware of my surroundings. I can feel his pulse on the back of my hand and when the girl on the screen, short, innocent looking and busty, starts to release high pitched moans, his veiny hand cramps above mine.

Chanyeol's breathing sounds so y that I think I'm about to fade. I steal a glance at him, only for our eyes to meet. 

Why is he staring at me instead of the monitor?

My own question goes down in a wave of new thoughts, because Chanyeol's lashes are so long and his eyes so black and his mouth so kissable and I want to-

"Nihao, motherer!"

Bang.

I jump out of my thoughts thanks to an intruder kicking in my door.

Luhan stands there, throwing confetti, yes, ing confetti and wearing bright, neon coloured sunglasses and flip flops. "Guess which big dicked friend of yours did pass all the exams!"

Chanyeol and I stare at Luhan, who's throwing himself on my bed, making his flip flops hit the floor. The continues to play and Luhan only notices us when the girl's moans turn into overacted shrieks.

Luhan lookes shocked right before taking his glasses off to look at me - only for his jaw to drop.

This idiot entered my rooms with ing glasses that make him blind and now starts to grin the biggest grin since the return of the joker.

"Here, Channy!" Suddenly, Luhan takes something out of his pocket, throwing it at Chanyeol's bright red face. "I hope it's not too big. See you cuties later!" 

And with those words Luhan leaves my room, Chanyeol, me and the he throw at him alone.

I won't ever be able to find piece in this room ever again.