THE NAME I LOVED.

warning: mentions of an dub-con.

Sehun is a huge brat.

There isn't one minute in the bus ride back where he doesn't stare at my chest.

"Yeah, I got it already. I'm a big pile of chub, so don't freak out because I got s, bro."

Sehun only blinks at me, then he bursts out laughing.

"I think you would make a great match for my brother. Too bad that I will take you away."

Words that make me feel uncomfortable and flattered at the same time.

Despite my protests, Sehun insists to walk me to my room after annoying the out of me in the bus.

I'm tired and I don't have the strenght to argue too much, to be honest. The day had been too exhausting for me.

"I don't want more rumours to occur. Go away before I get violent."

Sehun laughs once again. It sounds so nice and light that it makes me smile a little.

Ugh, I actually start to get fond of this cuss.

"At least show me your room, noona. I don't bite, I promise."

He could be a or worse, laugh at my SHINee posters, but there's something about that smile that makes me go weak after a long, long day of having to pretend to be strong; so I open my room and switch on the lights to let Sehun in.

The normal me would kick his huge out of the dorm, but I'm not normal at the moment.

His judging eyes lingering on my posters make me nervous. Luckily he starts to look around other parts of the room, soon.

"It's pretty," he states. I have no idea why I feel relieved.

He then points at the mini fridge I use as a nightstand. "Do you have alcohol? Let's drink."

I look at him sceptically. "I'm no fan of alcohol. My friend stashes some vodka away in here, because no one searches for it in the girl’s dorm. But I highly doubt you would be capable of drinking some of that."

Sehun grins. "Wanna bet?"

I slap his arm, making him grin even wider. "You are twelve years old, damn it! I'll buy you a pack of bubble gum if you're nice, so shut up."

His eyes sparkle dangerously, and suddenly there are large hands in my neck.

My heartbeat increases.

"Don't," I warn him sternly.

"Drink with me, noona. Come one, only one glass."

God, this boy calling me noona will be the dead of me.

"It's Monday night, don't you have school tomorrow?" I step away from him, hoping that my pulse will decrease.

This is a high schooler, not Chanyeol, I repeat in my mind over and over again.

Sehun rolls his eyes, now heading to the fridge, opening it despite my protests, to take out one of Luhan's bottles that are filled with transparent liquid.

"Let's see how much you can take, noona." His grin is dangerous, it scares me and I want him to leave my room immediately. But at the same time I want him to stay as close as possible.

What is wrong with me?

You are heartbroken, the voice in the back of my head whispers. You associate him with Chanyeol. Stop doing that.

I swallow hardly when Sehun fills two of my pink Hello Kitty tumblers with alcohol. The scent alone makes me fear for my life. I don't want another member of this handsome family to puke on me.

"To us," Sehun says as we touch glasses.

I watch his lips while he sips on the heavy fluid without even blinking. He smiles at me, encouraging me to do the same.

I'm going to hell anyway, I think to myself before chugging the whole glass down.

Big miss steak.

Sehun laughs out loud at my coughing.

The loss of oxygen makes tears fill my eyes. Then, suddenly, something warm and soft is on my cheek. I realize it's Sehun, wiping my tears with his thumb.

I look up at cold, dark eyes - and all of a sudden they are the big puppy eyes of Chanyeol, staring at me lovingly.

My mind goes blank, wild thoughts circulating through my head, making me totally fall apart when his lips find mine without any warning.

Our kiss is slow and sensitive. I'm trembling, shyly kissing his plump lips back. His hands wrap around my face, holding me in place while he gets more passionate, my lower lip. I shiver as soon as I feel his tongue on mine, the kiss getting wild and needy. Sloppily kissing soft pink lips, my heart is bumping so fast that I think I'm about to die.

"Noona," Sehun whispers into the kiss, making me come back to reality.

Oh, god. This is Oh Sehun.

"," I spit out, parting from him hurriedly.

Sehun, still holding my face, blinks in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I-I can't do this. I'm don't feel comfortable." My gaze drops to the floor.

Silence follows, until I hear a soft chuckling. "It's okay. We have enough time."

"No. We won't ever do that again, Sehun." I look up into black eyes again.

I feel dizzy.

Sehun stares at me in a daze. There's a sparkle appearing in his dark orbs, making me shiver once again.

"What?" I ask, surprised by the sudden emotion in his cold eyes.

"You called me by my name for the first time." He smiles, and he never looked more like an actual high schooler. It breaks my heart.

"You see my brother in me." Sehun's eyes are cold again, even though his mouth curves into a grin. It's fake. "I don't care, though. You can scream his name while I pound into you."

My heart skips a beat.

Holy , this is getting explicit.

With those words Sehun presses me into the mattress, making me squirm underneath him.

I try to shake him off, but his hands are lean and strong. "Get away from me, damn it!"

He eyes me like an object, mustering my body. "What would you do if I would take you here and then?"

, , .

This is serious.

I'm going to get by a child.

"Scream loud enough everyone will find out you're a ," I state sternly, which only makes him grin again.

"I don't care," Sehun whispers, attacking my neck with wet kisses.

I feel weak and the vodka, Sehun, the whole day makes me dizzy. My arms are weekly trying to push Sehun away, until black eyes focus on mine and images of Chanyeol rush into my head once again. The soft, wet lips on my neck are suddenly his and I feel myself leaning into his touch.

A dark moan escapes his mouth, but it's not his voice. It's not deep, it’s throaty and raspy but not deep, and the reality hits me hard.

Oh Sehun is on top of me.

I need to end this before it escalates even more.

Sehun's lips move to my collarbone, making me shiver slightly. I take several short breaths, trying to stifle my moans.

"Stop," I breathe out, wreathing under his touch.

"Don't hold back," Sehun whispers in my ear, before nipping on my ear.

I need to be harsher.

My mind is going blank and there's only one option left. I can't take it anymore, so I moan out the name of the boy I imagine doing this to me.

"C-Chanyeol!"

Sehun stops his movements. His face leaves my neck and he stares at me with cold eyes.

For five glorious seconds I think my plan worked, until I feel him grab my waist and pull me over to him, spreading my legs.

I kick in panic but his grip is firm, holding my legs apart to press his clothed against my thighs.

Blood rushes to my head, making it impossible to think. My pulse, heart and mind are going crazy.

I don't want this. I can't do this.

This is not Chanyeol.

I won't make this mistake.

"Sehun! Stop!" I yell out loudly, tone demanding but breathless. 

And before I realize it, I slap Oh Sehun's face.

It makes him freeze once again, touching his cheek in horror.

Fear starts to rise inside of my stomach. I know he's no bad guy, he wouldn't do this to me. That's at least what I continuously repeat in my mind in order to make myself believe it. He will let go of me.

His eyes, black, but not as black as his brothers, bore into mine. I can't read their expression.

Finally, he gives up his hold on me - standing up from my bed and leaving the room with a faint "Sleep well, noona."

The only sound in the room after the door closes is my rapid breathing and my pounding heart.

And I'm alone with the knowledge that this will have awful, awful consequences and I can't rewind time.

It feels like the name I loved is now only a far, distant memory. Because everytime I think about it, I think about his name, I say it in my mind, it makes me fall apart a bit more.

"This is all your fault, Park Chanyeol…" are the last words I whisper before I silently cry myself into sleep.

There's a message by boy, greeting me after waking up from a night of countless nightmares featuring Park Chanyeol telling me that I'm a , Park Chanyeol in a wedding dress meeting a smoking wearing Baekhyun at the altar and Park Chanyeol and Kris rapping together.

The last one was the worst, to be honest.

boy
I want to make up for last night. I have a surprise for you. Please wait patiently it will be ready soon

"Please don't let it be his ," I pray, looking at poster-SHINee in hope.

Not having the guts to answer Sehun, I climb out of the bed, my ankle reminding myself of how awful the last day had been.

I play with the thought of not going to classes today. No psychology and having to look into black eyes again.

I play with the thought of telling Luhan about what happened (because I don't think Minseok's pure heart could handle that ), but I decide to just try to forget that it all happened. Avoiding is the key.

At the time I arrive at my locker I already missed two classes.

education, holidays with the Bangtans have changed me.

My locker is just as ugly and messy as I remember it, but I still feel that there's something off. The familiar smell of mould caused by countless of half-eaten sandwiches and leaked drinks greets me, as always. And as always I take bodyspray out of my bagback und stray the out of it until the awful scent of my locker fades. Of course it would be more helpful to just clean it up, but ain't nobody got time for that.

While searching for my anatomy book because Health lesson is starting soon, I find out what's odd about my locker.

And it is literally 'Odd'.

A ticket for M!Countdown.

ing tickets to see SHINee.

I'm unable to move for a while. I'm not sure if five or fifteen minutes have passed, but I'm absolutely positive that I'm late to Health.

But who the cares when I can see SHINee?!

The beautiful treasure in my hands are attached to a little sticky note in the shape of a duck. I don't know anyone who would carry such gay stationary around.

I will meet you there. Sorry for what happened yesterday. I'm not good with words, sorry…

The handwriting is messy and the ink is smudgy. I would have imagined Sehun to have a prettier writing, but it doesn't ing matter because SHINee.

It's SHINee, oh god.

He must have seen my posters and bought me those tickets.

When did he have the time for this?

Are they illegal tickets?

Are they even real?

Putting those questions aside, I take out my mobile to text him a huge wave of hearts.

It's rare to get emoticons from me, this is a huge honour.

"Maybe I fell for the wrong brother," I mumble to myself, pressing the ticket near to my heart. Great, now I feel guilty that I haven't slept with him.

Not good with words, my . You're a god damn womanizer. The wet dream of every noona.

Carefully putting the ticket in my wallet, right next to the little window showing off Onew's Odd photocard (I had to buy the album seven times, but it was absolutely worth it), I start to hurry to my lesson.

Miss Kwon hasn't even arrived yet, which is a huge relieve for me. I make my way to the last row, smiling at Kai as I pass him. He's cornered by fangirls, so I don't talk to him, even though I'm nearly dying to tell him about the ticket.

The whole day goes by in the blink of an eye. I decide not to attend Psychology, because I'm a coward I don't want to ruin my mood. It's SHINee time.

I still wonder when karma's going to destroy everything. I mean, I made out with the younger brother of a guy who already thinks bad enough of me. Isn't this a reason to go to hell?

But dancing to Farewell My Love is more important right now.

And so days pass by with me not attending any lessons where I could possible meet Park Chanyeol. My grades will suffer, but my heart would explode if I saw him now.

So I ignore Baekhyun calling out to me, I ignore Kai and decide to tell him after M!Countdown what happened. And I don't tell Minseok or Luhan anything.

I basically float around for more than a week, avoiding humanity, wearing pants and sneakers for the first day since years because I don't ing care about my looks anymore. There's no one to impress and I'm not happy with myself anyway, so who cares?

This seems to alarm my friends a lot. I can see them looking at me in worry but I just escape before they can ask me questions.

Thank god that they are not in my grade and have a huge lot of exams right now. The year's going to end soon and I already wrote all my . So it really doesn't matter.

The only thing that startles me is how Sehun doesn't answer to my thank messages. I think about calling him, but in the end I can't find the guts to do it.

And as time goes by, the day of SHINee's Goodbye Stage comes.

Odd era is about to end and I'm able to witness the last stage. I feel my heart swelling.

God bless Oh Sehun, the kid that nearly me.

So on this fateful Thursday I dress myself casually in my Onew-fanshirt, wear an aqua coloured cap and my SHINee World tote bag. Of course I carry around SHINee light sticks.

I'm a freak, but I'm proud of it.

The bus is filled with women in their late twenties and a bunch of ajummas, all wearing colourful T-Shirts.

Shawols.

I feel home.

The ride is really fun, because the crowd of crazy Shawols start to sing SHINee's biggest hits and scare all other passengers away.

A nice woman that reminds me a lot of Minseok's mum feeds me with rice balls and starts to talk about how she already has grandchildren. Her bias Taemin, of course he is. I'm too fascinated to be disturbed.

It's a noona fandom, and I love it. No fan wars, just harmony and slight ia.

It's okay.

The bus halts at the right station, and we all start to scream and shout and letting all out. It's the most exciting day in my life.

I wonder how I managed to not annoy everyone with the fact that I'm going to meet the boys I love for over five years now.

The row in front of C&E Center Studio is huge. Guards are everywhere and I can't spot Sehun in the crowd.

I take out my phone to message Sehun a 'where r u' only to receive a message about two seconds later.

That guy sure does answer quickly.

sehun cute lil dongsaeng shineeboi saviour ♡♡♡♡
at home. you wanna meet?

"What?" My eyes widen in shock. Did he seriously forget?

To: sehun cute lil dongsaeng shineeboi saviour ♡♡♡♡
im waiting in front of the ing mnet studio where the r u little dont tell me u forgot

sehun cute lil dongsaeng shineeboi saviour ♡♡♡♡
I don't get what's going on

A second later I get a call from him, picking up angrily.

"What do you mean you don't get what's going on? The stage is today, damn it!"

"Huh?" Sehun sounds sleepy and confused. "What stage? What the heck are you talking about?"

"Your present for me! The ticket for SHINee! They were in my locker!"

"I- what? No, this is a misunderstanding."

I stop breathing for a moment.

"But you said you were trying to make up for… that night... I even messaged you ing emoticons!"

I'm honestly getting nervous. If he doesn't know about this, who gave me the ticket?

Sehun coughs nervously. "Uhm, I thought your messages were sarcasm, you know. That your're still angry. I actually bought a plushie for you, I wanted to give it to you as soon as I would be sure that you're not angry with me."

"Oh god." My world is spinning.

This is turning into a nightmare.

Someone pulled a prank on me. Those tickets must be fake.

I can't breathe anymore.

"Hello? Are you okay, noona?"

I hang up without saying anything, my world quickly falling apart.

"The next, please!" I hear the guard at the front door yell, letting the three women that are not too far in of me in.

.

I'm nearly at the front now. They are going to find out about the fake cards. I'm going to jail and stain our fandom.

I need to flee.

I'm about to make up some stupid excuses like "I'm not ready to meet Onew yet" "I need to lose ten kilograms first" or "My dog is dying, I gotta go", when there's a familiar silver Volvo coming to sight, driving recklessly and coming to a halt in the middle of the studio grounds.

Guards are already going over to the expensive-looking car, when a tall figure gets out of the passenger seat, bowing and apologising in a hurry, before running over.

Running over to me.

The Volvo drives away, but I can catch a glimpse at the driver who gives me a grin and thumbs up.

I feel ing fooled.

The words that were written messily on the sticky note in my locker come back to my mind.

And suddenly everything makes sense.

"Sorry for what happened yesterday. I'm not good with words…"

"I'm so sorry for being late!" He pants out. His hair is messy from running and his shirt is too short. "Baek got into a traffic jam!"

His shirt startles me at first sight. It's bright aqua green and says 'SHINee World III'. I stare at it in absolute shock.

"Kai lent it too me, it's a bit too small," he explains, flustered. "I'm not really into idols, but he told me about how much you love it, so I thought I'd give it a try."

My heart is bumping incredibly fast. My gaze goes up to gorgeous black eyes.

The eyes of the name I loved. Park Chanyeol.

 

Dead yet? I hope this wasn't too disturbing for you guys, I promise, it's necessary for the plot!

The next chapter will follow soon, I'm on a roll right now.

And thank you all so, so much for your kind comments and for subscribing! You all had me jumping and screaming randomly, really. It made me so happy.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned!