Beautiful. 

 Uhm... want a snack?"

Chanyeol laughs hysterically, making the situation only worse. 

I nod, eyes still lingering on the that now lays on the ground.

Chanyeol fishes something out of the white plastic bag he brought with him earlier. Just as expected, there are two bottles of Milkis and-

"It's Hello Kitty," he says, smiling more to himself since he's not looking at me directly.

I stare at the snacks he bought. 

In one of his giant hands are the very same Rilakkuma treats he wanted Baekhyun to buy him the very first time we met. And in his other hand lies an exact copy of the first snack, only in pink and starring Hello Kitty instead of Rilakkuma.

I stare at it for too long. "Thank you," I finally reply, voice weak, and accept the little box. 

"There's a toy inside! Look!" 

Chanyeol's smile is wide and he looks so happy, just like my best friend didn't throw a at his face earlier. He's so pure and precious.

I look at my box in shame and embarrassment. It's possible that he can forget about what happened just a minute ago, but I can't. I doubt I'll ever do.

Nonetheless, I smile a bit when fishing out a little Hello Kitty figure out of the box filled with candy.

"Look, we match!" His grin is so bright as he holds out his Rilakkuma figure to meet mine. "Hello Kitty noona, I'm Rilakkuma!"

It's hard not to start crying.

So I only smile and look at the beaming boy; until my eyes fill with tears.

I love you so, so much, Chanyeol.

its been two weeks since ive last seen pcy and im currently a wreck, I write down in my new diary. but its ok lmao who cares??? i still love him tho

Only two days ago Minseok bought the little pink diary I'm currently glaring at to document my thoughts, just like he's asking me to. I study Psychology, so I know that he thinks I'm going insane.

i really want a chicken burger rn tbh. pcy and a chicken burger man thats the korean dream

I am, probably.

But at least he stuck a thousand glittery Japanese stickers on the small notebook to indirectly force me to use it make me feel better. He knows my psyche too well already.

Two weeks can change a lot. In two weeks you can move out of the dorm because you're sick of your room, the environment, and you can become a monotone pile of self-hatred.

I'm miserable, and I'm angry about it. I've never been like this in my whole life. Not even after Lay broke up with me out of the blue, not after my mum and stepfather divorced and left me behind, never ever did I behave like such a loser.

I'm not the kind to cry over guys. I'm the kind to shrug and listen to SHINee's new songs on the repackage album and immediately feel better.

But still, here I am, emailing Miss Song my report and apologies for not coming to class. I'm sick officially, but since I do feel sick, sick and tired, I don't necessarily think of it as a lie. It's an excuse.

It's pretty clear that project was a failure and that I can never look in his eyes ever again, not after the awfulness of our last meeting, when I actually really started to shed tears in front of him, not after he kept avoiding me for a week.

And now the semester ends and the holidays start and I do what I'm the best at - ignoring calls and not answering texts while listening to older, mellow SHINee songs. But ignoring Sehun's calls and all my other responsibilities in life are my main hobbies at the moment.

Luhan and Minseok decided to move in with me for the remaining time Luhan can spend in Korea. It's just until the holiday's end; another reason to drown myself in the bathtub. But I can't open my eyes under water and I don't want to die with ugly red eyes so I put that thought aside until I find a swaggy way to die. Or wait until Onew enters the military.

So I decide it's the best to leave the whole last semester behind me and cherish the time that's left with my brothers instead of being emo.

But it doesn't go well when I feel like , Minseok is treating me like I have only two months left to live (which is not too untrue) and Luhan hits on me to make me feel better.

i hate pretty boys, I write down in my diary. you cant be mad at them and it makes you feel mad at yourself. i wish pcy was a chicken burger tbh. luhan would be fries because i dont like fries but i payed for the menu so i eat them anyways. this is our friendship basically

And then my doorbell rings the out of my flat.

"Chen's here with pizza," (He needs to apologize for telling me that none of this would have happened if I opened up my heart and legs for Chanyeol a bit more, which had me trying to scratch out his eyes. It's a pity Minseok stopped me.) I shout out to Luhan and Minseok who are sitting in the kitchen, "I'll open up!"

But instead of the familiar dinosaur with the camel face standing at my doorway, a familiar lanky boy appears.

Not exactly the one I'd love to see right now.

"You're a ing stalker!" I scream out in horror. "How the hell did you find out where I live?!"

Sehun just shrugs. "Bangtans." He then rises his hand, showing me a huge laundry bag. "I brought you a dress for prom night. But since I," he checks is watch, "graduated about two weeks ago and you didn't show up nor replied to my messages, I'm here to invite you to my house party next Saturday." He takes off the plastic off the dress and reveals a pastel pink fabric. "I hope you like it, because I won't allow you to wear an other one."

I'm a bit speechless.

"Yo yo, Chen! Did you bring some pott too, because-" Luhan stops right behind me. "What the , why is Channy's brother here?" I look at him for help, but he only laughs. "Hi, by the way. Remember me? You once hit on me." He wraps his hand around my shoulder. "You got good taste, I'll give you that, noodle boy."

Sehun's eyes widen. "Is that your boyfriend?"

"Uhm…" I look at Luhan for help once again, but before he can say anything, the idea hits me. This could solve everything! "Yeah, he is!" I half jump into Luhan's arms. "He's my bae!"

Sehun lowers the hand holding the dress in confusion.

"Why is it so crowded here?"

.

Minseok appears at Luhan's and my side, looking puzzled as hell. His and Sehun's eyes then meet.

"And who's that?" Sehun furrows his brow.

Okay, , … He's-

"He's our boyfriend." Luhan forces Minseok in our embrace. "We three are actually all engaged. With each other." I can hear his grin in his voice without having to look at him. He can finally live out his biggest dream - making both Minseok and me his es.

I kind of feel sorry for Sehun, who looks like he's seen a ghost. "What?"

Minseok seems to understand the situation now. "Ah, yeah. Those two are… they are indeed my lovers." He awkwardly clears his throat. "I love them."

"In a ual way, too," Luhan adds. I suppress the desire to let his face make love to the floor.

Instead, I smile brightly. "Yes! Look at our love!" I peck Luhan's cheek. "Much love!"

There are no words to describe Sehun's expression. "Are you kidding me? Who are those guys really?"

"Mister, we told you we are her fiances." Luhan fakes annoyance.

He then pulls me into a tighter hug and suddenly our lips meet for the second time in my life. I fight the urge to kick his balls while he gets a bit too passionate and try to look sincere. Endure it, I tell myself. You can kill him later.

After Luhan pulls away, the real show begins - he grabs a shocked Minseok and kisses him just as seductively as he did with me. 

Now I'm fighting the urge to cry out in joy. My OTP kisses! My ing OTP is real! Everything inside of me screams.

Meanwhile Sehun watches the little gay in front of his eyes with a mixture of shock, confusion, disgust and worry.

The kiss lasts too long to be casual, and the atmosphere is getting heated. I take my chance and grab Luhan at his shirt, slightly dragging him from a pink flushed Minseok.

Luhan clears his throat. "So, what do you want?"

Sehun's brows are furrowed again. I'm not used to seeing him show so many different facial expressions. 

"Fiance or not, she promised to be my date for-"

"Ah, yeah yeah. Let me tell you something about promises, Danny boy." Luhan fans his hand as though telling a child a life lesson. "Promises, son, promises mean nothing in a world like ours. If you want to get what you want, you should better become rich and buy the you love."

Did he just labeled me as a ? Really?

To my surprise Sehun only shrugs. "I still got seven-hundred-thousand Won from my birthday."

Luhan's eyes widen. I can tell how his brain is processing how many Yuan all these Won are. He's studying business administration, I know his show-me-the-money-face.

After a short silence no one of us dares to break Luhan suddenly starts shaking Sehun's hand.

"It's nice to make business with you, Park Sehun."

"My name is Oh."

"It's nice to make business with you, Park Oh."

Sehun blinks in confusion.

"Luinghan, did you just sell me for lousy five-hundred Euros?

"I'm doing this for you!" Luhan turns around to me, shaking me with pretended force. "It's for your college fond."

"I am already in college!" I yell at his face, his pretty face that I want to rip apart.

"Ah, yeah. Right." He lets go of me to scratch his head in thought. "For your license then?"

"That's not even half enough for a license."

He shrugs. "Whatever, then for some pott. We can buy the next fifty joints with those bugs. Can you once think about the family instead of your own profit?"

"You are going to ing China in less than two months, Luhan!"

"Oh, right. We have to hurry the up if we wanna smoke all this . Better call Yixing."

"Are you ing kidding me?!"

Meanwhile Sehun and Minseok watch us arguing, Sehun slightly amused and Minseok like he regrets all of his life choices.

"Just come in," Minseok sighs in defeat.

And this is how I end up having dinner with Oh Sehun, Luhan, Minseok, and later also Chen and Yixing who come late but with pizza and i-just-had--faces.

"You got game, man," Chen asserts after his third glass of cheap vodka Luhan bought. "Chilling with Chanyeol's brother and stuff. Man, you popular those with es."

I only glare at him. "Stop drinking if you're unable to hold a bit of that cheap ."

He opens his mouth for a comeback, but closes it as soon as Lay starts to cuddle his face in the crook of his neck.

"Disgusting." I chug down a glass of the clear liquor. What did I say about drinking again?

Sehun suddenly starts to stare at me. I feel uncomfortable, but I feel like he's trying to tell me something. 

"Don't look at her like she's meat, Park." Luhan's mouth doesn't leave the edge of his glass. "You didn't even pay yet."

"My name is Oh."

"Oh who cares."

Sehun is about to whoop Luhan's , but then Chen howls. "You're a hoe now?" He excitedly smashes his glass on the table. "Can I book you?"

Lay sulks. "Chenchen, but I'm your hoe!" The tall Chinese starts to cling to the midget's arm again. "Chenchen-ge…" Then, he closes his eyes and dozes off.

"You guys make me throw up… Wait, I'm actually going to throw up. Be right back, es." Luhan storms off in a hurry to stain my bathroom.

"No one's a hoe." Minseok sighs out in frustration. "Sehun, stop staring at her, it's freaking us all out."

"Well then, excuse us." Without a warning, Sehun takes me by my wrist, stands up and lead me out of the room.

"What the ?" I struggle against his grip. He pulls me out anyway, closing the kitchen door behind him.

"Were you two a couple?" 

"Huh?"

"That tall Chinese guy and you. Were you two a couple?" His voice is stern and cold.

Chinese guy? Does he mean Chen? No, wait, he said tall. Luhan? Or… Lay?

"What?!" I laugh like a maniac. Because a) I don't have an idea how he came to that conclusion and b) because it's absurd and true. "No, he's gay. Duh."

Sehun's noodle arms are stronger than expected. Strong enough to pull me into a tight hug I can't escape. 

"Which of those guy's haven't touched you yet?" He murmurs in my ear. His tone is bitter, hurt.

"Don't act like I belong to you. And yeah, okay, we were a couple for a few months. But the others don't know, because it was not… serious."

"You like tall boys?" His hug gets even tighter, if possible. He's so skinny, even skinnier than Chanyeol, but his chest feels surprisingly… comfortable. 

His voice gets raspier as he continues. "This guy, my brother… me? You got a thing for tall boys, huh?" He chuckles and it sends shivers down my spine.

I start to feel hot. My blood is rushing to my cheeks. "Sehun, please, don't-"

"Please, wear the dress for me, noona." He rests his head on mine. "I want to see you wearing it, even if you didn't accompany me to prom."

There his lisp is again, making him not only sound y and raspy but also cute and desirable as hell. 

This is bad, very bad. I curse this family of nice voiced tall devils.

"Alright, if you let go of me."

Sehun actually let's go, so I can see his small grin of victory. I look at the dress on my bed, not sure how this will end.

"I will use the bathroom, wait a-" 

Loud sounds, reminding me of tractors and a combine harvester erupt from my bathroom. Right, a deer is throwing up there at the moment…

"I will face the wall, noona." Sehun turns around. "Get dressed."

I want to protest, but another tractor sound distracts me. "Alright… but don't cheat."

He chuckles silently. "Don't worry, I will see you sooner or later anyways."

The heat rushes back to my cheeks. Since when do I even blush? 

I take the fabric of the dress in my hands. Silky and soft, in a pale pink. It's simple, no laces or bows, just a strapless dress. It looks like a surprisingly fitting mixture of cute and classy.

Somehow I feel like he knows me more than I thought. This dress feels like a mixture of Sehun's simple style and the girly cute clothes I wore not long ago. To avoid me from thinking too much about me wearing jeans all the time now I start to slowly undress, too aware of Sehun's presence and slightly shivering.

Despite my expections, I actually manage to get into the dress. Only the zipper on the back is causing me problems. I twist and turn but can't zip it up.

"You sound like you need help." I hear the grin in Sehun's voice. "Can I look?"

I sigh in defeat. "Yeah, help me with the zipper."

Sehun turns around to me - for a second he remains frozen, staring at me - but then the shocked expression of his gorgeous face fades, and so do all my self-doubts; because he's looking at me like I'm the prettiest girl in the world.

But he himself looks beautiful. His face is glowing, but even when he smiles I can see all those scars inside of him.

"Here we go." His voice is so small, only a whisper, when he zips up the dress. His body is so near that the little hairs on my neck stand up.

"Turn around," he whispers in my ear. 

I gulp slightly, but comply, showing him my front.

"You look like a princess, noona." He smiles at me and it looks sincere. He looks so much like an ordinary boy in love instead of the boy he's usually.

The dress is too short and too tight for my liking, also sleeveless, which usually makes me feel extra uncomfortable. But the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at me makes me feel like a special snowflake nonetheless.

"Noona."

He comes near again and his black eyes capture me in their stare. "Let me touch you."

My breathing gets heavier. Chanyeol, I remind myself. Chanyeol, I love Chanyeol.

But do I stand a chance?

Kris' words echo in my head. 

"I think he has feelings for you, and I don't know if Chanyeol has."

Sehun's hand graces my chest, his touch careful and his eyes asking. My pulse quickens.

I'm about to say no, no you're not allowed to touch me, but his other hand is already at my waist, pulling me close.

His lips come near, too near, so I turn away my head and cover my lips with my hand, mimicking Onew's move in View.

Once again, SHINee showed me the solution.

And it actually works, Sehun slightly backs off, although looking hurt.

Those black eyes that won’t let me go, slightly filled with tears, they are beautiful. Sehun's eyes are beautiful. In his eyes are sadness as well as discouragement, and I can only imagine how lost he must feel. He's still so young.

"Sehun..." I'm out of breath and a mess, though nothing happened yet. "I am not in love with you, I'm-"

"Yeah, you love Chanyeol." Sehun's right hand stops moving - before harshly groping my chest. I gasp in surprise. "It doesn't matter anyway, right? I can be like him for you. We look alike, just close your eyes and-"

Slap.

Sehun freezes, mouth open in shock. His hand slowly creeps up to his red cheek.

"Don't disvalue yourself, Oh Sehun!" I yell. "You are great the way you are, you don't need to become another person!"

Sehun swallows. His eyes start to water. "Why am I not enough then?"

I have no answer for this. So I just stand there, watching as tears start to roll down his perfect face.

"I know that it’s awkward, but... I will listen to your story."

Sehun's eyes get wetter and wetter as he's staring at me. "I hate him," he whispers. "I hate everything about him. I won't stop fighting over you, noona."

Those words make my heart ache so much in pain, sympathy and guilt while my lips ache for his.

My whole body aches to embrace the boy in front of me.

Chanyeol, I remind myself. Chanyeol… His dorky smile, the unruly black hair and the loud, annoying laugh. Everything I adore.

I want to protect Sehun at all costs, but not as much as I want to be with Chanyeol.

"Someday you will make a girl very happy, Sehunnie. Please treat her as nicely as you treat me, alright?"

Sehun hugs me tight before breaking out in tears again.

Luhan throws up for another ten minutes, before carefully stepping inside my bedroom. The evening ends with Chen and me playing video games, Luhan and Lay blazing and Minseok hating us all. Sehun leaves early and I can see the despair in his eyes when he asks me to see him at his house party one last time.

I carefully put the dress in my wardrobe. 

"Thank you, Sehunnie," I whisper, hoping Sehun can here me, wherever he might be right now.

school started a week ago and i'm already death. guess what? being a sophomore even more than expected. so, sorry for the long wait, you probably don't even remember this story anymore lol.

this chapter was supposed to be longer but i split it in half because the rest didn't fit the topic anymore.

more actual plot will follow in the next chap. i got some surprises for you in store. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

btw, sorry that this is so emo. but wouldnt we all be emo in this situation?

tell me your opinions and i'll hopefully see you next chap!