Oh Sehun can't believe what had happened.

He holds onto the doorknob, still shaking. The door shrieks while opening, giving the traumatized boy access to the house.

He's calm while taking off his shoes and getting into slippers, but as soon as his eyes catch a glimpse of his own hand, he starts to tremble again.

Sehun never expected to go that far. Yes, he's never been a gentleman in the first place. He never treated women the best, and he was aware of that. He dumps them, he uses them for his entertainment, he stands them up. But he never thought he's be a guy who lays a hand on a woman, let alone the one he's in love with.

He loves her. He's so sure he loves her, because if he wouldn't, why does she look so pretty to him while sneezing, why does every insult and swear word out of sound sweet and why does her laugh, which resembles a dying animal, bring a smile to his face? She's cuter, funnier and more lovable than all the perfect, beautiful girls he has dated already.

He stares at his own hand in pure disgust. Why did this happen?

As he enters the house, it's even darker than outside. There's a small light coming out of the living room, and when Sehun approaches it, the source of his frustration appears.

Chanyeol is laying on the sofa, lanky legs sprawled and hanging around loosely. He's even too tall for the long sofa their mother bought specially for him. It kinda annoys Sehun, he thinks it's rude for him to grow even after going to college.

Sehun can't believe that this thing is his brother. So baby-faced and immature, pizza stains around his mouth and wearing a dirty sweater and pajama pants with some stupid Japanese bear on them. He looks like an oversized child, Sehun thinks. It's so annoying, he's so so annoying and ruins everything.

"You are a liar."

Chanyeol jumps up in surprise. "Sehun-ah!"

"She said you lied," Sehun simply continues, voice monotone and hateful. "You want to tear us apart, don't you?"

Chanyeol looks genuinely surprised, Sehun can tell that even in the faint light of the TV. A cartoon, of course. Once again, it's a stupid cartoon he's watching, and it makes Sehun's anger only greater.

"What do you-?"

"Shut the up and listen." Sehun steps in front of the TV, blocking his older brother's sight. "Stop trying to steal my girl. She is mine. I won't repeat myself. Back off, or you will regret it later."

Chanyeol blinks a few times, seemingly baffled. Then, something in his eyes switch and Sehun can't tell if he's imagining it - until his brother opens his mouth.

"No wonder she's cheating on you!" He yells, the deepness of his voice nearly making the ground shake.

Sehun stumbles back in shock. For a moment everything's silent, only the sounds coming out of the TV remain.

Sehun's heart beats faster. Did he ever hear his hyung yell? He remembers sleepovers with Baekhyun, were Chanyeol would start screaming at the screen while competing at video games, but never, not only once did Sehun hear him raise his voice against him.

"Is this a game to you? Really, you still think all girls have to fall for you? She's not like everyone else!" Chanyeol's voice gets louder and louder. Sehun blinks a few times, not sure if he's seeing right. Somehow the lanky, weak boy, he's been kicking around all his life seems to be someone completely different; he nearly doesn't recognize this angry, deep voiced guy in front of him.

"You failed in keeping her. That's not hers or Kai's fault. You got your chance, now you gotta leave her to someone who cherishes her." He's pausing, breathing heavily, before raising his now shaky voice again. "You let your guard down. Don't think you have no rivals."

And an eye blink later, the tall stranger leaves a horrified, frozen Sehun alone in the room.

He just stands there, in pure shock. Is this really the boy he grew up with? His heartbeat increases. Is he afraid? Is he afraid of his own brother, the soft giant he has always been making fun of?

This night, Sehun types the words I love you a hundred times, but no response arrives. He blames it on bad service, he blames his on his old phone that once belonged to his dickhead of a brother, he blames it on everything and everyone besides himself, since that would be far too painful to endure for him.

It's already past midnight when he heads out again. The night is chilly and he's only wearing a thin tee, after he got out of his brother's clothes as quickly as possible. Sehun hates the smell, the feel, everything about it. So freezing to death was a better alternative to him.

He stops in the doorway to her flat. He wants to knock, he wants to hold her and tell her not to leave him. But then again he remembers her words, how she hesitated to tell him that Chanyeol's not the one she's in love with. A single tear, one of many that were shed this night, rolls down his cheek as he thinks about the one and only time she told him she loved him. Was this also a lie, did it only happen because of the pain his brother caused her? Sehun can't organize the thoughts that circulate restlessly through his head. He's embarrassed, he decides. Not only because of what happened, but also because he's also hesitating to believe in her, to not think about his brother's words.

So he takes a last look at her door before turning around and heading towards a too familiar street.

Sehun looks older than he is, handsomer than any boy his age. An advantage when it comes to spending quality time. Bars, clubs, they all let him in and tonight was no exception, even though it's late.

His mind gets hazy after his fourth shot. Not hazy enough, Sehun thinks and downs another one. He's not sure how much money he got, but it'll be alright, he decides. Money doesn't matter right now, as long as there's still more to drink until his thoughts get drowned completely.

"No wonder she cheated on you."

Cheating, huh? He smirks slightly. Has he ever cheated on a woman? Sehun doesn't remember ever being in a serious relationship so no, he didn't. It actually kind of surprises him. No, it actually makes him furious the more he thinks about it. The imagine of his still-girlfriend, kissing not Kai but his brother makes his blood boil. The certainty that they spend time in school together, that they even went out to Starbucks together, increases his pulse. Suddenly he's sure it was a date, he's sure he has already ed her and his anger is overflowing.

A mediocre looking girl had stared at him for more than half an hour now. In his furiousness Sehun gives her a look back, the best one he got actually, and makes her blush. On second sight she's actually pretty cute, especially while looking all flustered. Sehun grins. He already knows how this is going to end.

Ended the night ends with him in the bed with the cute, nameless girl, pounding her brains out. Her moans sound like the voice of someone else in his drunk state, her face is blurry and suddenly everything seems like he's doing the girl he actually loves more than anything else.

He's throwing up only twenty minutes later. Good thing his one night stand is asleep and can't hear him crying in the bathroom. He types I'm sorry noona I'm so sorry but I love you and holds his mobile phone tightly to his chest.

He wakes up in his own bed, to the buzzing of his phone. Four new messages, it says. He's surprised he's only awake now, before the memories of last night rush back to him. He feels like throwing back again as he opens the messages in a hurry.

from: noona, 11:34am
i hope you didnt suicide or some

from: noona, 12:51am
youre too pretty to die u are idol material

from: noona, 01:21pm
ffs sehunnie im honestly worried u lil duck

from: noona, 01:21pm
* god damn it

Sehun smiles a bit. That's so much like her, he thinks. No emoticons, only plain texts written in a hurry - but he still feels like talking to her in person because he can totally see her saying all this to him.

And there it is, the guilt. He hurt her, both mentally and physically, he even cheated on her. He actually cheated on her and he has no idea how to tell her this.

Still staring at the messages, clueless at what to answer, he desperately contemplates whether to tell her about last night. He's so sure it won't happen again, he knows it won't, and he also knows she's probably better off not knowing. But then he imagines her teary eyes and trembling lips and tears streaming down her face and he knows he needs to tell her before she finds out herself.

Chanyeol prepares lunch with their mother. Sehun watches the scene in disgust. Of course, his mother wouldn't ask where he had been last night. He never listened to her and does what he wants anyways, so he has no idea why her lack of control hurts.

The both of them don't notice him so he decides to sneak out and run all the way to her flat.

Climbing up the stairs feels like making his way to his own funeral. He knows what's behind that door - a gorgeous, pure girl that deserves better than this and her two brothers that will beat his .

Sehun takes a deep breath before knocking.

The soon opening swiftly and she appears. She looks so innocent, so small and still wearing Hello Kitty pajamas. Sehun's heart melts and he has no idea why, because he's usually disgusted by overly cheesy cuteness. He likes older women for their -appeal and independence, how pretty and well endowed they are. But there's just this tiny human being, still older than him and pretty well endowed too, but also very pink and angry looking.

"What were you-"

Shan doesn't remember being such a crybaby, but the mere sound of her voice is balsam for his aching soul. He wastes no time wrapping his arms around this beautiful little person and hold her as tight as possible.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry, but I swear I love only you."

"Sehun...?" She asks, her voice quiet and surprised.

"Please forgive me," he whispers. "Please."

"I don't think I couldn't," she responds.

His heart drops. This is about to hurt her, this is about touching her and not cheating on her. How is she supposed to ever believe in him again if he tells her about it?

"I cheated on you," he finally says.

Sehun can feel her froze in his grip before trying to get out of it. He only holds her tighter.

"I'm so sorry. I only did it because I was jealous and drunk. I'm sorry."

Suddenly, her limbs limp. Sehun's scared she's hurt so he lets her go to look at her face; only to see an absolutely neutral expression.

"It's okay," she responds. "We were never a real couple anyways, so no need to apologize. You're still young, right?" She smiles, but her eyes become sad. "Of course this would happen. You're also popular, huh? That's good for you. I'm glad you're having fun. Excuse me please, I need to help my friend pack his things for his departure. Goodbye, Sehun."

The door falls open in one swift movement and once again Sehun is left behind.