Like a fire.

Weeks pass, and the end of term greets us from afar.

I'm not ready, still stuck up with a huge pile of unnecessary emotions and a group project about . Good thing all the stress makes the space between my legs feel as dry as the Sahara. I couldn't deal with additional ual frustration while being so busy with so much that is going on.

The worst is not that Baekhyun wears this smug grin on his face ever since Chanyeol and I ran into him while holding hands after getting out of the suicide ride.

It's not that Kai is still shocked about it either, acting like he's never seen intertwined hands even though he gets senior everyday.

Of course I want to exfoliate Baekhyun's smooth and clear skin with acid every time he hints that Chanyeol should me already. Of course I want to hang out with Kai without him being all awkward about it.

But what actually bugs me, is what I don't do.

Hanging out with my true friends.

I feel like I changed the squad. Baekhyun, Kai and Chanyeol call me over to lunch, making Tao, Chen and Lay stare. Baekhyun, Kai and Chanyeol ask me to hang out, to party and to grab snacks with them, but I can't, because I rather wait all day for Luhan or Minseok to message me to spend time with them. 

It doesn't happen, though.

There's no minute I don't think about them. What are they doing? Are they eating well? Do they sleep enough? Is Minseok getting ually harassed by Luhan again? The worrying never stops.

Another thing is Sehun trying to win me. I feel like a trophy he wants to earn so he can show his brother who's boss. All the cheesy good night messages and the love confessions he texts me give me a stomach ache. In some moments I even catch myself closing my eyes and imagining his lips on mine. 

So for the following weeks I go through a major emotional downswink consisting of my friends yelling at me for hanging out with my new friends while I cry over my best friends being absent and the little brother of my project partner trying to seduce me.

Some nights I ask myself how to stop all this. If I should just date Sehun, if we could be happy together. If I should ask Chanyeol out, if he might like me back. If I should just stick with Luhan and Minseok for the rest of my life and accept Luhan's plan of marrying both me and Minseok.

But then the morning comes, lessons continue and in the blink of an eye it's after school and I have another appointment with Chanyeol on project .

I'm getting ready for my library visit, when someone knocks on my door. 

Startled by the interruption, I make sure to don't make sounds. If it's a , or worse, Chen telling me that I'm a traitor and forcing me to get drunk with the remaining members of the original gang, I of course can't let him know I'm there.

"It's me!" A familiar voice then announces.

My heart makes a double back flip.

I rip open the door, falling in his arms. "Luhannie! I missed you so much!"

There's no time to contain my emotions or act cold. This is my beloved Luhan, who I haven't seen for far too long. This is a precious moment of reunion.

Luhan laughs, caressing my hair. "Someone missed daddy, huh?"

"Shut up, don't ruin it." I hug him tighter. "Please don't ever leave me alone again."

I don't know why, but Luhan suddenly gets stiff. I can feel the atmosphere turn cold.

"Luhan?" I look up at him. 

His face hardens. "Look, we need to talk about something"

My heart stops beating. "No," I whisper in horror. "Please don't tell me you-"

"I'm sorry."

I can hardly walk. My legs feel like they're giving up on me entirely.

The way to the library is nearly too long to handle. The headphones in my ears start to feel out of place, even though they are the only thing that are distracting me from my thoughts.

A familiar tall figure stands at the door of the library, wearing an oversized hoodie in the heat of summer. His friendly smile soon fades.

I must look terrifying right now.

I want to open my mouth to let actual words come out, but instead a desperate sobbing echoes through the hallway. Three drumming sounds of heavy, huge footsteps that let the ground shake later, I find myself sobbing into black fabric and lanky arms.

"Luhan goes back to China." My voice is hardly audible between sobs and the muffling of Chanyeol's hoodie. "He goes to Beijing to undertake his father's company. It's all over."

Chanyeol's grip on me gets tighter. I can feel him laying down his head on mine. It's embarrassing that he needs to bend his back for that.

"Go, find him. Spend every minute you can with him." Chanyeol's voice is warm and mature and my heart starts beating so, so fast.

It's hard to get away from his comfy arms to nod at him and storm off.

I need to find Minseok.

"Minseok!" I yell, kicking in his door. There's no time for knocking.

Maybe I should have knocked, though.

Minseok and Luhan are entangled in a tight hug. I can hear sobs, and I'm not sure who they belong to because both of them are obviously crying.

I can't stop my own tears at this sight. Luhan and Minseok look at me, gesturing me to come near. I lose no time to find their hug, cuddling against the two most important people in the world.

"I love you," Luhan whispers, his voice raspy and weak. 

My own sobbing increases as Minseok's hold on us increases. I cry against his chest. "I love you too."

"And I love you two." Minseok sounds the calmest, but I know he's just as wracked as we are right now.

"Promise that you will wait for me." Luhan steps slightly back to look at us. "That this," he gestures at our little circle, "will never be dead. That in some years, we all will be together." Luhan looks at me. "You will graduate and become a mind blowing psychiatrist and you," his eyes now linger on Minseok, "you will be the best god damn lawyer in the world, alright? And we will meet again and if I can't move in with you guys, at least you two need to stick to each other."

Minseok and I look at each other, then nod simultaneously. 

"This will never die," I whisper. 

"The three of us will always stay together," Minseok adds. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

It's cheesy and unnecessarily emotional, because, let's face it, we all knew this day was going to come. Because we knew that Luhan wouldn't stay forever, since he originally only was an exchange student anyway. That his father only let him study abroad so he can get ready to become the next CEO.

But still, it hurts more than a thousand Oh Sehuns and Park Chanyeols ruining my life.

Luhan closes the space between us with another hug that feels like it lasts forever.

It sadly, doesn't.

Since not all exams are written yet, Chanyeol's advice of spending time with my family as long as I can doesn't exactly work out. Seeing Luhan and Minseok work so hard in order to archive good grades makes me want to drop school forever and become a Pokemon trainer.

Another factor that contributes to my bad mood is Baekhyun talking non stop about the field trip in autumn. It's still an eternity until then, but he won't stop annoying me over who to share tends with.

"I assume you and Yeol want to share a tent?" He says during lunch break. 

I somehow convinced Tao to let 'hyun', 'he's-not-even-that-hot-and-my-skin-looks-nicer-anyway-I-bet-he-uses-bronzer' and 'Loseryeol', how Tao calls them, sit with us. 

Chanyeol nearly chokes on his Milkis and Chen starts to cackle like a maniac. I feel like he and Baekhyun will become good friends soon, and I'm not happy at all about it.

"I can share with Kai," I simply say. Better for Baekhyun, more gaytime with Chanyeol. I bet even he, the almighty king of s, hasn't done it in a tent, yet.

"Yeah, sounds cool to me," Kai agrees. I mentally brofist him and his look tells me that he brofists back. Shawols are calm and silent people (unless the topic is dubulge or something similar).

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Alright, him, Kai."

Chanyeol starts to cough on his sandwich. That guy can't eat without spitting, I swear. "B-Baek!"

"Chill out, Yeol. I'm just trying to help here." Baekhyun snickers a bit. 

Tao sighs out loudly. His eyes tell me that he doesn't get why we hang out. 

Yixing however, seems to be fine with the three. He especially seems to like Chanyeol. I'm not surprised. They are both dumb and tall and hot.

To escape Baekhyun's and Chen's heated discussion about the pro and cons of using buttholes for ual pleasure, (Baekhyun seems to play in team . It makes me wonder if Chanyeol's is magical and feels like a ?) Yixing and Chanyeol arguing over which magical creature is the coolest ("Phoenixes can create fire! And they never die!" "BUT UNICORNS ARE FLUFFY!") and Kai going over to the neighbour table where he hits on a pretty senior (He really seems to have a thing for noonas. That he used to be Sehun's best friend doesn't surprise me. I bet he used to go on noona hunting sprees with him), I grab Tao and leave the cafeteria.

"Seriously, what do you want with those guys?" Tao groans. The hallway is relatively empty, so he doesn't have to act like he's not a mean but a mafia member.

"I like Kai, the rest is trash. Especially Baekhyun." I shrug. "They just keep following me."

"I can see that. That Baek eyes you all the time and Creepyeol looks like he still can't believe you're bothering with him."

"He eyes Chanyeol, too. So I don't really think it matters."

I ignore Tao's last statement, because I don't want to start stuttering about how Chanyeol would never think something like this. Senpai can't like me back until the second season starts and his dramatic background and childhood story comes out. In Chanyeol's case it's probably something about Sehun always winning at board games, which scared little Chanyeol deeply, or some like that.

Tao looks at me in disgust. "Does that guy have a thing for flat butts or something?"

I raise a brow. "Excuse me?"

"Urgh, don't be a about it. You have them to compensate the issue."

"What the , man!" I twist his s, which makes him shriek like the little girl he is.

"Calm down, gosh! I never said your 's flat, it's not, but I don't know why, it's still kinda bori- it's average, okay?! Don't look at me like this, you're scary!"

"Don't insult my . I named my cheeks after Luhan and Minseok."

"I thought they were your s?"

"It changes by mood."

"Oh. Okay."

Tao is my friend because he knows where to stop when it comes to asking questions and tolerates my weirdness.

Psychology class actually starts to be fun the more I get to know Amber Liu. She's absolutely crazy and retarded, it's like looking in a mirror. Everytime she does I feel like we're related or something. I'm glad she sits next to me.

What makes my encounters with Amber less pleasant is not only her friend/cousin/brother/boyfriend Henry, who hates me with deep passion, but Chanyeol looking at Amber like he wants to strangle her.

"What do you have against Amber?" I ask him in the library after school. I'm sitting on a detailed report of a that was supposed to cause a child to kill the neighbours cat in a satanistic ritual or something. It's so absurd that I can't take it quite serious.

"Huh?" Chanyeol looks up from his book, ears and cheeks red. I peer at the illustration of a female he's been staring at. It's not exactly relevant for our project, I want to tell him. But this can wait.

"You always are so unfriendly with her." I shrug, eating the cookies Chanyeol brought with him. Somehow I feel so badass to be with a guy that smuggles food into a library. Living life on the edge.

"Am I?" Chanyeol avoids my gaze. I throw a cookie at his face, hitting the bridge of his nose. Maybe it's straighter than before now. A new alternative to plastic surgery. "Ouch! That hurt!"

"Yeah, boo hoo. Now explain yourself."

I have no idea why he's embarrassed. But he always seems to be embarrassed about something. Today he really feels insecure about his skinny arms because he's finally wearing a T-shirt after I practically forced him to. He looks stunning, it makes his collarbones and the shape of his shoulders more visible, and the black and white stripes suit him.

But since I can't tell him that, I simply have told him that he finally looks like "a person". This seemed to cheer him up, but apparently it's not enough to keep him from trying to cover his arms.

They are pale and kind of manlier than I though. I suppose I expected him to be completely hairless, but I can see his goosebumps on the tiny black locks every time my eyes graze his long, slender arms. I have the feeling he's getting off of me watching him, sometimes.

"I just don't like her." Chanyeol is so pretty, it's a huge problem. I want to eat his face.

Ugh, focus on intimidating him instead of thinking over scenarios you can e to, later. But Chanyeol as a unorganized doctor trying to find out why my heart beats so fast is not a bad idea. Yes, Doctor Park, it aches down there, too... ah...

"Just tell me why. I mean, she never did anything?"

"I just don't like her, okay?" Chanyeol's voice gets louder. I her someone yelling a "Pschhht!" in the distance. "She's so loud and hyper, sometimes," he continues in a supposed-to-be-whisper-voice.

Loud? Hyper?

Really?

You're not even kidding? 

The return of the glasshouse.

"I think we're similar. That's why I like her." I stuff another cookie in my mouth. My supposed-to-be-diet stopped after hearing the news of Luhan leaving. Ow, here's the heart ache again.

"You're not similar at all." I have no idea why his voice is all silent and serious now. "She is distracting you from the lessons and-"

Then it clicks.

"Park Chanyeol, are you jealous of me giving attention to Amber?"

Chanyeol freezes. His face becomes red as a firetruck, this would look cool in slow motion.

"Aw, you little . You're jealous." I can't contain my grin. 

"Just because of you two always talking in English! What do you even talk about all the time?"

You, mainly. You and the assumptions of who has the tiniest in class. Again, it's you.

Amber's totally going to become my wingman.

"Just things, man. Don't freak out. It's not girls stuff or something, since Amber and I are manlier than all boys on campus, anyway."

Which isn't really difficult, by the way. 

"You are not manly, look at you." I don't know if he sounds flustered, upset or annoyed. "You are so tiny and... c-cute. Just like a... princess."

Oh my god, I'm about to vomit rainbows.

I'm barefaced, wearing sweatpants due to my current depression and didn't brush my hair before doing my bun, and he calls me cute and princessy. If he would have said that about me some months ago, it would have been valid.

But now, while looking like a homeless, he still thinks so? 

I'm gonna ignore that part about being tiny, though.

My brain mailfunctions. Everything I see is Chanyeol and his unkempt hair and I'm counting the little pimples on his skin and oh god he's still so, so pretty.

"Not as cute as you," I suddenly blurt out. Without thinking. Because I'm dumb.

The athmosphere instantly becomes awkward.

, , . What did I say?

"You think I'm cute?" Chanyeol suddenly speaks up. Something in his eyes sparkle up.

It's like a fire that has just been lit. I feel like I could explode when I look into his eyes. I feel a fever starting to rise inside my body. 

"Yeah," I murmur. "You have a mirror, don't you? You are probably the cutest guy I've ever seen."

Oh, god. Why am I making it worse?

The heat in my head makes it hard for me to concentrate. My feelings take ahead of me.

"Cuter than Suho?" His voice isn't anything but a whisper. It's so quiet, I can hear my heart freaking out.

"Yes. Much cuter than Suho." My cheeks feel as hot as the sun now.

Am I blushing? Please, don't tell me I'm blushing.

"As good looking as Suho?" His voice is quiet and careful.

"Better looking. Prettier, more handsome." I look him straight in the eyes. There's that fire again.

"As attractive as him?" Chanyeol now looks away. His cheeks are bright red.

"You are more attractive than, he, Kai, or any other boy will ever be."

It's silent again. Voices of students and my heartbeat are the only remaining sounds.

.

I overdid it.

He thinks I'm a creep, he thinks I'm ing with him, he-

"I think I'm in love with you." 

My heart skips a beat after the words leave my mouth.

Silence, once again.

My blood starts to boil. I stare at Chanyeol's lips, his face, and then, all of a sudden, Sehun looks at me.

"This is not over yet."

The memory of Sehun's painful expression, of his harsh words echo teough my mind, making it impossible for me to clear my thoughts.

I feel more sick the longer the silence continues. The heat turns into a head ache that can't be tamed and a heart that is beating non stop.

My face scrunches up because of all the conflicts and options I'm contemplating right now; I can tell it by the way Chanyeol's own face changes after I try to smile at him, ease the tense atmosphere.

The rose colour on his cheeks fade.

My smile falls. For a moment, everything's silent. My heart stops beating.

And then he... laughs. 

He laughs out loud, so loud and deep it feels like the ground shakes, so loud that it worries me and my otologist who can probably hear this from the distance.

"I nearly believed you!" His voice is horse and breaks in between his laughers, and he's spitting in my face while talking. "For a second," he pauses to snort with laugher, trying hard to catch his breath, "I thought you were hitting on me! Hahahaha!"

I stare at him, unable to digest this situation.

"Ha, hahaha... Ha." I weakly laugh with him, forcing myself to smile.

I'm happy that the libarian kicks us out because of all the noice, so I can make my way to the dorm to bury myself under bed sheets and cry.

The fire has been extinguished.