I'm sorry.

Park Chanyeol had kind of always avoided the female species. 

It began in elementary school, when he was only nine years old. There way this girl who was really tiny and cute, the smartest girl in class. Long, sleek black hair and puppy eyes. Her teeth were kind of demolished, but Chanyeol let it slide because he had a crush on her.

He didn't know how to deal with it. Everytime he would enter class she would sit there, reading one of her books silently. She was so quiet a never talked to anyone.

"Go kiss her," his best friend Baekhyun adviced him. The top of Chanyeol's head only reached his chin barely, and he swore to himself that one day he would became tall. "I bet she will say yes if you ask her if she wants to marry you!"

But Chanyeol couldn't do that. 

He wasn't like Baekhyun, having countless wifes in three different grades and always a girl to hold hands with. He was no cool guy like Kai either, a younger boy from the neighbourhood who had a girlfriend in sixth grade. He indeed didn't understand much about girls, since the only things he was good at were playing the guitar and taking care of his ferrets. But girl's didn't like ferrets. They were all about cats, which Chanyeol couldn't understand.

There we had it, girl's were a mystery to the boy.

So he grabbed his guitar and a piece of paper and started writing; he wrote a song to explain all of his feelings to the girl he liked. He even did household chores for his mom to be able to afford a ring for their engagement - after cleaning up his room and washing countless potatoes he had 3000 won, enough to go up the nearby kiosk and buy one of those sweet rings that came with a pack of strawberry bubble gum. 

He hoped she liked strawberry.

And then, when the day came and Chanyeol nervously clenched on his guitar afterschool to find her at her usual spot behind the monkey bars, he had his heart broken for the very first time.

Because there she was, holding hands and exchanging smooches with his six year old little brother Oh Sehun.

"Sehun-ah," Chanyeol whispered in shock. His eyes filled with tears.

The girl jumped in surprise, blushing furiously.

But Sehun only grinned, he stared at the tears forming in his brother's eyes like it meant nothing to him.

Chanyeol's guitar fell to the ground and he ran away without looking back, the tears never stopped flowing.

That day Park Chanyeol decided that he doesn't like falling in love.

After having a official and democratic vote with all the members of the Chinese gang (Luhan thousand percently faked, because we are only seven and there were like twelve ballots with his handwriting only. Greedy .) it's decided that I'm going to visit Oh Sehun's party.

"You should not go alone, though," Chen says. "I saw the thirst in that kid's eyes." He sighs dramatically. "What a horndog."

Glasshouse, Chen…

Luhan excitedly rises his hand. "I can look after you!"

I laugh out hysterically and message Kai instead.

be my +1 for oh sehuns party dont question it pls

And because Kai is wonderful and a ty koala but still a good koala he immediately calls back.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

Well, that's certainly not the answer I've expected.

"Wait a second, I think I just had a strockelet. Did you actually say no to a friend in distress?"

I can hear Kai sighing. "Bro, look, I got nightshift in the hospital and-"

"Aw, come on, owl boy will probably be happy if you leave him alone for at least one night!"

"Owl boy?" I imagine how confused Kai must look.

"The guy with the huge eyes and the plump lips. He looks like an owl."

"O-oh." Now I can see him blush in front of my inner eyes. "You mean Kyungsoo…"

"Yeah, whatever. Kyungbro can live without you. Give him a break. es love you even more if you act uninterested. Heck, why am I telling you this? You are the playboy of our school, you should know!"

"W-wait a minute! It's not like -" 

Then ten minutes of Kai stuttering about not being gay for owl boy (he never denies being gay for Lee Taemin though) and how much he loves s follow. To cut a long story short, he is intensely gay for owl boy, so gay that he won't leave him alone in the hospital for a night but eventually agreeing to drive me to Sehun's house.

So here we are, two days later, me fixing my dress nervously because Tao forbid me to wear tighs and Kai driving in slow motion, because safety first. I feel really weird exposing the ugly skin of my legs, but according to Tao black tighs are not in fashion in July. I don't understand the youth.

"It's kinda sad that you two don't get along anymore. Don't you miss him?"

"Actually, Sehun and I are friends again."

Kai's confession comes a bit too late, regarding that we are already dressed up and in the car to Sehun's house.

"You mean your disguise is senseless?" I rip off his fake moustache. "Dude, you never tell me !"

"Aw, man! I though it looked cool." He sulks a bit. "I messaged you like a hundred times. I wanted to meet up to watch the new MV together and waited forever, but you never reacted. That's why I couldn't tell you."

I feel a bit sorry for turning off my phone for such a long period. That Kai really waited for me to watch the Married to the Music MV instead of just screaming and hitting play makes me feel loved.

"We're there." Kai stops the car in the middle of an average neighborhood. 

One house, looking extraordinarily ordinary, gets his attention. He smiles a bit at the sight. 

"Memories," he whispers before parking the car in front of the already illuminated house. I can hear the music from afar and nearly every window of the house shines brightly in different colours because of the light from inside - nearly. One window is completely black.

Probably his parent's room, I think. But somehow I don't get rid of a weird presentiment building up my stomach.

I feel unwell. This is not only Sehun's house, but also the house Chanyeol grew up in. My stomach forms an uncomfortable knot.

"Didn't you say your friends would meet you there? Why did you want me to drive you then?"

I watch the street from the window of Kai's passenger seat before my sight drops to my thighs. "I wanted someone who knows Sehun to tell me that I'm not making the wrong decision."

A second later there's a tanned, warm hand coating my pale cold ones. Kai's hand is huge enough to warm both of my hands, but only because his heart is so full of warmth. It would be enough to make all polar bears die.

I look up at his face and his smile, and then he tells me exactly what I needed to hear.

"You are Chanyeol's girl. He might not know it yet, but you're his. Don't worry about Sehun."

I kiss Kai on the cheek. "You're the best."

He smiles and me, and it makes me feel powerful suddenly. Heck, if a shawol believes in me, I can do anything!

So I step out of the car like going to war, not looking back. I'm gonna make it through this night without being weak. I'm gonna do a friend a favour by visiting his party. Nothing more.

My pink dress lightly flutters in the wind, and I feel a breeze on my and some guys are howling behind me, but I don't give a and proceed making my way through drunk high schoolers that are all taller than me that already pile up in Sehun's garden to throw up.

Didn't the party just start half an hour ago? Why is no one able to hold a drink?

As soon as I enter the house, even more teens are piled up in the small living room, a huge amount of them girls wearing dresses that are even shorter than mine. So technically, Sehun gave me a decent dress. He seems to be used to girls that are releaving much more this.

Making my way through Sehun's side chicks and countless guys that look like they're fresh out of middle school isn't as easy as expected. It's not as crowded as Baekhyun's party was, but the flashing lights are confusing me and making it nearly impossible to recognize the people I'm looking for. So I trash the idea of finding my friends, because I get the feeling they actually lied to be about attending the party. Instead, I focus on finding Sehun to let him know I'm here so I can go home.

Doesn't have Sehun parents or something? If he was my son, I would send him to one of those Jesus camps in Texas to get his life together.

"Ayooo, noona!"

I turn around at the semi familiar voice. I have to squint my eyes to recognize one of the Bangtans. It's the one with the emo face.

"Noona, are you here to hit on Sehun's brother again?" Another Bangtan appears, wrapping his arms around emo face and getting a "Don't touch me, gayass" in return. It's that one that didn't hit voice break yet and constantly has the expression of someone who's eating cake.

"I have no time for your ." I roll my eyes. "Have you seen any of my people?"

"That orange haired one is in the backyard, I think. He's pretty hung." Cake face looks like he's thinking. "Another tall guy is with him, he looks a bit like he's on drugs."

I sigh. Luhan and Lay sighted, alright.

"Did you maybe come through one that looks like a hamster? I really need to find him. Or at least Sehun."

"Oh! You mean Minseok?" Emo face's eyes lighten up. He probably remembers eating Minseok's pancakes. "No, I haven't seen both of them yet."

"Alright. Greet your leader, the hope guy and the pretty boy. By the way, is he still single? Oh, and say hi to that one with the shredder voice, too. I hope he has found his mothership. I think I forgot one… Salt, pepper? Ketchup? I don't remember, but greet him." I give the laughing boys thumbs up and proceed to make my way through the partying children Sehun calls his friends.

After another five minutes of searching I suddenly see the back of Tao's head. It makes it easy to recognize him, since he's probably the tallest in the room.

"Finally," I sigh out and walk over to the Chinese giant. 

"You have no idea about him! I am his best friend and I know him the best!" Tao is yelling at someone, audible enough to make some of the teens around us stare in curiosity.

I step back carefully. Should I walk in or…?

"If you're Yifan's best friend, why didn't he tell his boyfriend about you?" Another voice I faintly recognize hisses back.

Yifan? Who the would call Kris by his birthname when - 

Then it hits me like a truck.

I am watching an argument by Kim Junmyeon and Huang Zitao about Wu Kris.

.

"Boyfriend?" I can only see Tao's back, but I already know how is face must look like.

"So he didn't tell you." Junmyeon sounds exhausted. As much as I love Tao, I'm certain that he started this argument. "You see, if you two are really best friends, we should get along. I'm Junmyeon, nice to meet you."

" you!" Tao yells at the short boy. I can hear a slap. "Kris would never do this!" He sobs.

"Taozi!" I call out, but he already runs out of the room, opening the door and shutting it loudly.

Not looking back at a confused middle school crush of mine I start to run for Tao, but before I can chase him or yet alone arrive at the door, big pale hands are are wrapping around my waist tightly and holding me close.

"Sehun," I gasp. "Now is not the time, I need to-"

"Found you," he whispers, his lips grazing my ear softly. A shiver runs down my spine.

"My friend, he-"

"He can wait, since I waited for you too." He turns me around, forcing me to face his godlike figure.

His raven hair is covering his forehead, making his striking, always slightly furrowed brows only pop out slightly. His face looks relaxed, and with relaxed I mean his usual, stoic expression. But I feel like I can see the glimpse of relieve in his eyes. "Noona, you came," his eyes say while his mouth keeps shut.

"Sehun," I breath out. It's hard to speak for me already. Why does he have to smell like cologne and fangirl tears. "It's an emergency, Tao has-"

Once again he shuts me up, this time by running his fingers through my hair.

"No." It's only one world, but it makes me stop functioning. The music and the pounding of my ear merge into a new beat, his soft voice the vocals. 

"Come." He grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly, before leading me upstairs, away from the buzzing of the party.

He drags me with him and makes me collapse against his crisp white shirt as soon as we arrive the end of the stairway. The second floor of the house is darker than the first, but I can faintly see the lights down the hallway and some more teens, but I hardly notice because Sehun's skinny body feels so warm and comforting suddenly, and his arms around me feel strong and soothing. I inhale his scent and suddenly feel dozy.

"I'm so glad you came." Sehun lays his chin on my head. "I missed your warmth, noona."

I close my eyes and enjoy his arms silently. I can feel his chest heaving when one of his hands wander down to my lower back slowly.

"Sehun, stop."

"You say you want me to stop, but you don't move and I can feel your goosebumps." He chuckles lightly. "Let me have you tonight, noona. You also want it."

"We already talked about this."

The hallway is so dark that I can hardly see his face. Only the remainings of the nearby rooms illuminate his face slightly, but it's enough to see his expression become hard.

"Why?" His grip on my wrist tightens painfully. "Why are you refusing to love me back?"

His black eyes are full of hatred and despair. I struggle against his touch but he doesn't let go.

"Because I love him, Sehun!" I desperately try to free myself from his grip. "You know I can't fight it, I'm in love with Chanyeol and not with you!"

Silence falls over him and for a second he only stares at me. He stares at me like I'm filth, like I'm not worthy of living. I try to walk away, to free myself, but his grip only gets tighter until I yelp out in pain.

"Let me go!" I scream and punch him, but his other hand stops my fist before I have the chance to actually hurt him.

"I love you. Why don't you understand that I'm the one for you?" His eyes are filled with desperation and his voice is as cold as ice.

His eyes glow dangerously. I start to panic because he scares me, he ing scares me and if I can't escape he'll -

"Let go of her, Sehun."

A voice as deep like no other appears out of the dark and suddenly I can make out an opened door right behind me so I turn around and get the shock of my life.

There he stands, wearing pyjamas and slippers, but looking ready to kill.

My pulse speeds up, making my heart beat as heavy as never before. My limps get weak and everything becomes blurry, a huge headache blocking my thoughts.

Where did he come from? And why…?

Then it clicks in. Holidays. He spends his summer holidays at home and his home is the same as Sehun's. 

How could I have been so blind?

"Go to your ing room!" Sehun yells back. "It's none of your business!"

"Yes, it is." The deep voice is filled with a strange maturity and self-consciousness I'm not used to. "Let ago of her immediately."

It's too much, the situation is too much for me to handle until I can't do anything but fall.

I barely hear the two boys call out my name in shock. Two pretty faces and four black eyes staring down at me.

But when I open my eyes again and my vision is clear, there's only one boy.

"Chanyeol?" My voice is weak, raspy, I nearly didn't recognize it.

"Yes," he whispers.

My heart skips yet another a beat. All memories rush into my head again and I realize what happened. That he must have heard everything.

And he doesn't look happy. Not at all.

I look at us in our memories for a moment. The two of us inside good memories, laughing and joking about Baekhyun's make-up, working on our project, exchanging shy looks during Psychology class. Riding the rollercoster and nearly throwing up, his hands on mine and Hello Kitty and Rilakkuma. Am I the only one left with good memories?

Is this a world I created by myself, a world he's actually not a part of?

It's impossible, I tell myself. This must be an illusion. He can't have that expression, because he has to like me back, he needs to smile and tell me he loves me because I am so sure he likes me back.

"How much did you hear?" I ask timidly.

He stays silent for a bit, then mouthing the words I never wanted to hear. 

"Everything, I guess." His smile is pained. His expression makes my heart ache. I'm sure I know what's about to come. 

"Look… I'm sorry," Chanyeol whispers. "I..."

I faint once again.

im satan 

ok so this week really ruined me. luhan having his solo, park ing chanyeol creating a soundcloud acc and JONGHYUN RELEASiNg HIS ALBUMjdkdkdlll. thats why  this time i choose a jjong song from the new album as a title. #gojjong

i had to rewrite this chapter three times and it still didnt came out like i wanted it to be. not angsty enough but hey, this story is supposed to be comedy anyway.

because of luhan's mv i even wrote some totally unrelevant luhan in the middle of the night. the next day i was like ????? plot????? and had to rewrite the whole chap lol. 

anyway, enough blabbering. tell me your thoughs about this. and pls dont cry