VIEW.

The ajummas behind me are chuckling and whispering about how handsome my 'boyfriend' is. It surprises me, because I never met another person that thought of Park Chanyeol as handsome.

Shawols seem to have the same taste.

Maybe I have to start worrying about Kai.

Still, my main problem now is that I'm not sure if I'm angry or happy about this little… surprise.

How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on SHINee now?

"Are you still mad?" The deep voice of Chanyeol asks shyly.

"Yeah, I guess." I look at the floor.

No tiles, no hate.

Chanyeol wants to respond, but it's our turn to be let in.

The guard checks our ticket and smiles and us. I am 100% sure he thinks we are a couple and that I dragged him into this.

There's that painful bumping in my chest again, signalling me that I need to find my chill.

But how am I supposed to calm down when I'm about to see SHINee and there's Chanyeol beside me?

The crowd is huge and we all get into a room that is far too tiny for us all.

Because of the fact that I was one of the last in the line, our position isn't exactly the best. I can be glad that I'm at least in the middle because a lot of women let us go first.

I can practically see their heart melting at Chanyeol's sight. I'm not sure if he notices, but I sure do. And I don't like it, at all.

Chanyeol and I don't talk. I am too busy giving him the cold shower and he's too busy being helpless.

When the show starts, everyone screams.

The two most exiting hours of my life are about to start. I peer over to Chanyeol, who looks rather curious.

The show beings with various artists, like a popular pop duo and some newcomers. It's nothing too interesting, so I take my time to take a look at Chanyeol's gorgeous features.

His eyes catch me staring. I look away quickly, acting like I know of nothing.

I'm so mature.

Guilt tries to spread through my veins. I stop myself from thinking about it too much.

This boy bought me tickets to see SHINee, and I nearly got ed by his brother. And he doesn't even know that we meet.

That's not okay. Not at all.

I'm going to hell.

Until countless of performances, the hosts finally start to talk.

I scream until I'm hoarse for Key, which obviously startles Chanyeol. I don't care, though.

I'm about to faint.

The show continues with countless of boybands that are obviously lip synching. There are some nice artists, but I'm not here to care. I cheer, nonetheless. Gotta be respectful.

The longer the show continues, the more I have the feeling that I'm drowning in the crowd. I have the feeling that everyone in here is taller than me, making it hard to see the artists perform.

I glance up to Chanyeol in envy. Stupid giraffe is taller than the whole crowd and every idol on stage.

Then, after nearly two hours of waiting and awkward silence, SHINee gets announced. I start to tremble a bit.

Chanyeol looks at me, I think he knows what's about to happen.

I'm not prepared when Odd Eye starts to play.

Halfway into Key's intro monologue I start to tear up. I do the fan chants, sobbing and jumping up to see my precious babies.

The fact that Key wears an eyepatch and the boys all look even better in real life doesn't make it easier for me to stay sane.

My jumping increases when Minho starts to rap. I'm desperate to take a glimpse at the boys I respect so much.

I curse myself for not getting a place in the front.

Without any warning, big hands wrap around my hips. I nearly scream out when I realize that Chanyeol is lifting me up, just high enough to not cause any trouble with other fans or the security.

He is lifting me up so I can see SHINee.

I cry so hard at this. This whole situation.

I'm a sobbing mess when Onew starts singing, cheering for him. I'm pretty sure my voice is loud enough to be heard in Europe. My mother is probably hearing this and wonders what the she did wrong when raising me into this.

Odd Eye ends and I feel dead and gone.

But they don't give me a break. View starts to play.

Chanyeol's grip is still firm. I wonder how he can lift me up like this, because I'm pretty sure I weight more than himself.

He has the body type of a cracker. I feel a bit guilty for not dieting.

View is loud and fun and I've never felt better. Singing the chorus, doing the fan chants, I feel alive and like the luckiest girl on earth.

The boys are doing a great job, singing live and dancing perfectly. Taemin looks like boyfriend material, Jjong hits every note, Minho wears an ugly hairband and Onew smiles innocently at the crowd, like the cutie he is.

What a beautiful, beautiful view.

When the song ends and the winners for tonight's comebacks get announced by Key, my heart slowly picks up a normal pace.

I get down again, but Chanyeol's arms still remain on me, hugging me from behind.

It's absolutely rude.

He is being an and now he's the most wonderful person on earth.

What is he trying to do? Where's the purpose?

My anger starts to boil up again as soon as the show ends. My hope of seeing SHINee close up gets crushed, since we all are forced to leave the hall immediately after the show.

Chanyeol and I still don't talk. He is holding my wrist, though, in order to not get lost.

I guess.

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?" He suddenly asks, just as we get out on fresh air again.

"Yeah," I mumble, waving at the ajummas that bid me goodbye.

What a wonderful fandom we have. God bless the shawols.

Then, I face Chanyeol to say what needs to be said. "It was wonderful. Thank you for everything. Have a good night."

I bow half-heartedly, in order to get away faster.

Chanyeol doesn't let go of my wrist.

"I need to apologise for what… what I have done." He looks at me with those black eyes that ruin me so much. "It was not okay to… just assume that you toy around with Kai. I know you are not the type to do something like this."

I swallow hardly.

Yeah, not the type…

I curse Oh Sehun in my mind for giving a reason to hate myself even more.

"It's okay," I only say. "Just, please… don't listen to people spreading that Kris is my boyfriend. He is absolutely not my type."

Chanyeol's eyes widen a bit, but he quickly recovers. He looks at me curiously before dropping his gaze, flustered. "W-what's your type, then?"

I hesitate. What does he want to hear now?

I don't know how to answer this.

Honestly, a week ago I would have taken the chance and made a move on him. Telling him how much I enjoy his ugly smile, how much I want to kiss those peachy pink lips. But now, looking at him and knowing what I could say, what I should say I just feel… empty.

It doesn't feel right.

"I don't know. I guess I like short boys," I say, being absolutely honest.

I'm done with lying and concealing. Short boys are cute, that's it. What else should I say? I like you, Chanyeol? Because no, hell no, Chanyeol would not like a girl back who he called not long ago. Because that  is not going to fall for a boy like Chanyeol.

His mouth forms a little 'o'. I kind of don't feel sorry for him. It doesn't matter how cute he looks right now, I feel empty and sad looking at him. His words from a week ago still echo in my head.

I've always been resentful. It's my nature. That's why my friendships never last.

You talk about me? - Bye.

You make fun of me? - Bye.

You choose to leave me alone in order to come back as soon as I don't need you anymore? - ing bye.

I had enough of relationships like this.

"So… uhm…" Chanyeol puts his hand out awkwardly for me to shake. "Can we be friends?"

I feel numb as I fake a smile and take his hand.

He's warm and soft but it does nothing to me.

"Yeah. Friends."

Chanyeol and I part quickly. There's no talking, no going out to grab a snack, not even riding the bus back together. Just mumbled goodbyes.

He talks some stuff about having to go somewhere, and I absolutely can hear that it’s a lie and he just doesn't want to spend time with me, but I couldn't care less because I'm more than glad to be able to return to the dormitory peacefully.

But 'peaceful' is relative.

I come back to Luhan throwing a rave with countless random guys in the boys' bathroom.

It can be heard in the girl's dormitory, heck, it probably can be heard in Narnia, making it impossible for me to sleep.

I have no idea how he managed not to get kicked out of school. Yet.

Thanks to his rich CEO dad.

Tao's father is a member of the Chinese mafia, Kris father and Luhan's father are CEOs of two of China's biggest companies and Yixing is… a normal dude.

Which means that three of four Chinese people in Korea must be rich motherers.

This sounds so accurate, I should have become a statistician.

The bathroom is filled with countless teens losing it to underground techno or whatever you call this eardrum. There's not even one centimeter that isn't filled with teen flesh.

The bathroom looks totally smirched. Graffiti, crushed mirrors, stains that make me worry. So that's how guy's bathrooms look like? Even in expensive Korean private colleges?

Luhan even managed to change all light bulbs into colourful ones to give the room a certain disco vibe. At least he's organized and prepared to make sure the ambiance's nice enough.

"Hey!" Luhan is happier to see me than I expected him to be.

"Hey," I answer monotonously. He probably can't hear me anyway. It's so loud that I can't hear myself. But lip reading must be enough.

I feel slightly out of place in pyjamas and braided hair. Especially after seeing Baekhyun dance on a urinal, wearing no shirt but patches on his s.

Where the does he… and why… I… oh god…

I'm not fitted for college life. I'm still a helpless elementary student not being able to get over the first ed lesson in fourth grade.

Luhan might be dense and tactless, but he also is my best friend and knows me better than anyone else. So he knows when it's appreciated to take me out of this mess to talk.

I don't cry. Not even a bit. I feel empty and dead and weird, so there are no tears coming out of my eyes.

It takes a while to tell Luhan everything that happened in the last weeks. Everything I didn't tell him. Sehun, the ticket, Chanyeol. I expected him to get angry, but he's sweet and understanding and his hug feels like home.

I might insult Luhan, and Luhan might be an . He might do stupid things all the time and continously get me into trouble.

But he's my family.

Luhan is everything I have in this life. And I'm not even sad about it.

He holds me tight until I'm able to cry. Tears steadily rush out of my eyes, but Luhan stays silent, kissing my hair silently. We don't need to talk. We understand each other worthlessly.

"You know I love you more than anything else?" I sob out, half laughing, half crying.

Luhan flashes me a soft smile. "It's mutual."

"So you love me as much as you love Minseok?" I joke, drying me eyes.

Luhan's expression is serious. He looks so mature and grown-up, it makes him not only pretty, but unbelievably handsome. I sometimes forget he's a human because of his sheer beauty.

"Yeah," he finally answers. "I love you like I love Minseok."

My heart swells a bit.

Primary because I am very touched, but also because I feel bad for asking. Minseok has always been the apple of Luhan's eye, and I suddenly feel like I'm destroying a precious bromance. 

And in times like these, a bromance is the most important bond in life.

A should never intrude the friendship of two men.

I also feel like betraying Minseok by implying that Luhan was more important. I'm supposed to love them equally. And I really, really do, but... there's something about Luhan's and my friendship that… that is special.

Minseok is my everything, but Luhan is another story.

"You make me want to throw up."

Luhan laughs, knowing that I'm back to my old self. I can't be nice to him for too long. But that's fine, because it's another form of expressing love.

The next morning is grey and cold.

I look out of the window, expecting chilly weather. But as soon as I open it to feel the air outside it's obvious that it's going to be a hot day.

Summer in Seoul is the worst thing ever.

Especially when you're like me and have ugly skin on your legs. So dressing up in skinny Jeans and a loose shirt sounds best to me.

I feel like the era when I wore skirts only has faded. Firstly I'm running out on money to spend on black tights and secondly I don't have the nerve to look feminine and elegant at the moment. My collection of Mary Janes disappear under my bed, replaced by various pairs of white sneakers.

My friends are startled.

"Are you sick or something? You look… casual." Tao's face is judging.

So is Kris'. I at least think he is, I can't tell because of his face.

"Yeah." I sit down with them on lunch break, successfully surviving the previous lessons. "I'm looking for a change in life, or something. I think it's just summer exhausting me."

Minseok smiles cheerfully at me. He is so cute, he's turning me into a diabetic. "You still look great."

"Thanks." I take off my snapback, not caring about how awful my hair must look like right now.

I'm kind of glad that there's no Luhan to comment on my style and no Jongdae and Yixing to make out with each other. It's just a peaceful lunch break with some of my friends.

Yeah, 'peaceful' really is relative.

Two delicate hands are on my shoulders. I convulse, expecting some random girl to put a prank on me. When I turn around I see two brown eyes, outlined by thick black lines.

Baekhyun smiles at me sweetly.

He's up to something.

"Since you haven't been showing up for quite some time in your major, I took it as my duty to inform you about our field trip."

"What field trip? You're not even in my major, dickhead."

Baekhyun isn't deterred. His smile doesn't fade, either. "It's a class trip for all first years, dummy."

My eyes go wide. Seems like this was the intended effect, according to Baekhyun's grin.

"First years only?"

"First years only."

Alright, I'm ed.

"Well, then. Thanks for informing me." I attempt to shake his hands off, but this only leads to his grip becoming stronger.

"You will be happy to hear that I signed you up for some neat group activity. Teams of fours, so I assumed that you'd love to be with us for the whole week."

Does he want to get punched that badly?

Minseok seems like he's about to either have a talk with me about skipping class or giving Baekhyun a lecture about respecting people.

I shakily breathe in, remaining composed. I can still throw a fit if this turns out like I think it'll turn out.

"And who are the other two?"

Baekhyun grins broadly.

Alright, it's time to throw a fit.

"So you dog-humping piece of a rotten potato chip really want to fight, don't ya?"

Okay, it's obvious that my Korean isn't advanced enough to insult someone right. But I tried.

Baekhyun laughs his disgusting, nice sounding laugh. He really has a pretty voice. I don't get why all people have nice voices while I sound like a rusty door.

"Don't worry, don't worry. I have no intention of making it hard for you. Even though you make me hard for you."

That's Minseok's time to shine. Or better said, the time for him to punch Baekhyun's face so hard he starts bleeding.

Tao shrieks, Kris yells out, the whole ing cafeteria stares and I'm frozen in shock.

Minseok doesn't like Baekhyun, I get the point.

Baekhyun is an , I also get that.

But flying , that was intense.

"Minseok!" I scream out, staring at the boy in shock. He's still breathing heavily, looking like he's ready to beat the out of Baekhyun. "What the , man!"

I turn to Baekhyun, who's holding his bleeding nose and flinching as I try to get near.

"Let's get you out of here." I grab Baekhyun's arm and drag him to the girl's bathroom.

"Wow, babe, you want to make up for it?"

"Shut the up. Let me see your nose."

Baekhyun's handsome face is blood stained. I carefully wet a paper towel to get it wiped off.

"Kai's there to take care of you, if you feel too uncomfortable around Yeol and me," he suddenly says. There's something apologetic in his voice.

"Well, thanks."

I know he's actually no bad guy. He'd actually fit in my circle of friends, but we already have a Luhan.

"I need to apologise for Chanyeol, too. He's a good guy, I swear. He's just a bit helpless. Don't take him serious."

"I actually never did." I smile at him nonchalantly, touching his nose to see if there's a fracture. Minseok is humanity's strongest soldier, after all.

Baekhyun laughs a bit. "I can't hold that against you."

We both smile at each other silently for a moment.

Guys like him are always like this. Nice as long as there's no one around.

"Can I ask you something?"

"No."

He chuckles, before his expression gets serious. "Did everything go okay, yesterday? You know, when you met. Don't tell anyone I said this but… he seems awfully down."

"Oh." That's everything that comes to my mind. I don't know what to say. "I'm sorry for that," I add.

I wipe the remaining blood from Baekhyun's face. Nothing's broken. Minseok went soft on him.

As soon as I'm done, Baekhyun adjusts his hair in front of the mirror. I'm surprised that no one barged in, yet.

Then, he turns to me.

"Let me show you something."

I follow Baekhyun to the boy's dorm, well aware of the fact that lunch break's far over.

I'm ready to call the police if he's planning to pull some nasty like 'lol I wanted to show you my rate it pls', so I'm not too worried to go along.

We arrive at the floor of his room. The deafening sound of Alternative Rock is welcoming us from afar.

"Is this coming from out of your room?" I ask, shouting over the music.

He only nods.

As we get nearer to his room, I realize that this is not simple Alternative Rock. I know my , I had phases in middle school, okay.

This is Grunge.

"Who the is blasting Nirvana at that time of the day?"

Baekhyun answers my question by opening his door.

Park Chanyeol is lying on his bed. His hair is greasy and I think I see a peanut puff stuck in between his locks.

He wears a white shirt which is actually too oily and fat stained to call it white anymore. Is that a salsa sauce stain on his belly? I'm not sure.

His boxers don't show Rilakkuma, but are plainly grey. That's probably a bad sign, too.

There are bags under his half closed eyes and his face is full of severe acne. I suddenly don't feel all that bad about my blemishes anymore.

To complete that look of complete despair, there's a half-eaten Pizza is in his bed, right on the bare sheets while one piece just lays on his chest.

Huge speakers on Baekhyun's side of the room make Kurt Cobain yell about how much of a Negative Creep he is.

"I'M A NEGATIVE CREEP, I'M A NEGATIVE CREEP… AHHHHhhHhHhhhh"

What the , find your chill, dude.

The sight of Chanyeol being such a mess while listening to music by a dead guy is kind of traumatising. What's even worse is that I know that he managed to get into this condition in only -

I look at my watch.

- about 15 hours?

Chanyeol's eyes meet mine. He immediately sits up getting the slice of Pizza on his boxershorts. Shaking it off he runs to the speakers to get cable out of the socket.

Nirvana stops playing and silence enters the room. The only sound is the beeping in my ears, caused by the loudness of the just played music.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "Uhm, so you like Nirvana?"

Chanyeol looks at the floor. "…yeah."

"Oh, cool."

Silence.

"Okay, gotta go to classes, right?" Baekhyun looks at me, earning an eager nod.

"That's right. Gotta get some education. Have a nice day!"

Baekhyun and I flee out of the room, only to hear the next Nirvana song getting turn on already.

I see no use in skipping Psychology today, since Chanyeol's currently incapacitated.

I actually find myself thinking about the miserable sight of the boy for the whole lessons. I can't concentrate on whatever Nietzsche once said and how that is related to the human's psyche.

The image of him is stuck in my head.

"Everything's cool?" Amber rips me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? Uh, yeah. It's all cool." I smile weakly.

"'Kay. Tell me if something's wrong, dude. I'm there."

I nod, appreciating her talking to me.

She musters me in worry, and I know that she's also startled by my new appearance.

Sehun calls me that night, shortly after midnight. I contemplate not to answer, but in the end I pick it up.

"Noona?" His voice is out of breath and… concerned?

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I sit up, already in bed and half-asleep.

"Thank god you picked up. Why did you ignore all my calls?"

I sigh silently. "I don't know I was just… busy, I guess."

"Busy with other guys?"

"Sehun."

"Alright, alright. I get it. But have you seen what's in your locker?" I can hear Sehun's smile.

"What? No, I haven't looked today. What did you do?"

Sehun chuckles. "Go see yourself."

His tone alarms me. I expect a bomb or a wild animal trying to eat my face.

That's why I make my way to my locker, at ing half past midnight, wearing pyjamas and slippers.

But I did not expect this.

Will you be my date for prom night? is written on a banner hanged up in my locker, accompanied by a huge Hello Kitty plushie carrying a heart. Rose petals are everywhere and I'm speechless.

"Have you seen it?" Sehun's voice comes out of the speaker of my phone.

I swallow. "Sehun, look…-"

"Come on, noona. You can even bring your friends. It is going to be fun, I promise."

"How the did you get that stuff into my locker?"

Sehun laughs out loud. "Some pocket money for the janitor and it was done."

"Holy , man. That's creepy."

Sehun laughs again. "So will you say yes?"

I sigh, smiling slightly at the display in front of my eyes. It's too cheesy to be real. "Maybe."

Sehun starts to cheer, and I take the plushie in my arms.

"But! No touching, no weird . This is a bro date, alright? And I will bring my friends to punch you if you do . And believe me, my friends are creepy as hell. They are freaks. Crazy. Insane. Don't mess with them."

Sehun laughs even louder. "It's okay, noona. As long as you're there. You will fall for me, anyway."

I sigh to myself.

If you only could choose who to fall in love with, life would be so much easier. But I still highly doubt that I'd choose Sehun. I'd probably start to try to get my way with Minseok, scaring him away in the process.

But maybe... just maybe I really did choose the wrong brother.

Silent steps echo through the hallways. A lanky boy is coming back from the music room, after spending half of this night there.

It's nice and quiet, he thinks. He hates gatherings of random people. He's not exactly social.

In fact, people avoid him.

It might be his fault for falling asleep in the weirdest locations. For having that weird eye-twitch when laughing. And for just being too loud and hyped up whenever he's feeling comfortable or happy.

But in the music room it's quite. It's only him and the school's guitar. He can't afford one himself, he's busy enough to pay tuition fees, so he only has the nights to sneak into the room and live his passion.

The way back to the dorm is pleasant, only him and his thoughts once again. The silence is soothing.

Reaching the ground floor, he suddenly starts to notice sounds.

A voice.

As he gets nearer, he hears that certain voice of a girl laugh.

He knows who this voice belongs to.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Don't ever do something that cheesy again, okay?"

Her voice is beautiful, but her words make him feel sick.

Do they date?

He hides behind a pillar, hoping that she doesn't notice. She's busy talking on the phone anyway.

She wears the pyjama she wore the second time he had met her. He still remembers her smile, how she laughed at Baekhyun's stripping.

Her smile now looks different.

Like she's in love.

"Alright, alright. Let me go to sleep, idiot," she growls at whoever's on the phone.

There's a huge plushie in her arms, and he squints his eyes to see the suspicious looking inside of her wide opened locker.

He doesn't wear his glasses so he can't read the words that are written on the blanket that's hung up in her locker, but he can see the hearts painted on it. He can also see the rose petals spread everywhere and how she smiles to herself before she closes the door.

He feels like crying.

The only sounds that remain are the delicate steps of the girl going back to her dorm, followed by Park Chanyeol's silent sobs.

A little ode to my favourite fandom featuring Nirvana, because I had 'phases' in elementary school & I found out that Chanyeol said he enjoyed this band in his youth.

I honestly struggled with doing this to Yeollie, but what's a fanfic without senseless drama?

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, tell me if you're team Sehun or team Chanyeol! (or team Xiuhan because hell yeah I am.)