destination.

Week six out of six starts with an angry Kim Jongin at my doormat.

"How could you?" His koala face is crunched up in anger. I think about tousling his fur hair and giving him eucalyptus to calm him down.

As if on cue Minseok appears next to me at the doorway, dressed in my pink frilly apron and oven gloves, carrying a sheet full of freshly baked cookies. 

"Oh, Jongin. You should have called, I would have made a cake instead of cookies." Minsemom greets my friend with a friendly smile.

"Not the right moment," I whisper out of the corner of my mouth.

His mouth forms into a knowing 'o' and he disappears back into the kitchen quickly.

I look back at Kai awkwardly, who seems to try hard to remain intimidating. His nose twitches and it takes me a moment to realize he's snuffling the heavy scent of pastries lingering in the air.

"You want cookies, don't you?"

A slight blush of embarrassment appears on Kai's face. "Y-yeah."

"So?" I ask carefully after ten minutes of excessive cookie eating. I can guess what's about to come, which makes me even more anxious.

Kai, now a bit affable since he's only 10% angry koala and 90% cookie crumbles, stretches himself and lets out a loud yawn. Good news, he seems to be in guzzling coma. This will make it much easier.

"You," he points at me lazily, "you did bad things. You're a bad, bad girl."

I rise a brow. "I'm sorry… daddy?"

Kai and I stare at each other for a second before we both burst out in hysterical laughter.

"Did someone say daddy?" Luhan appears at the door frame, as usually only clothed in underwear.

"Go away, mom," I groan, still half laughing and causing Kai to brake out in another wave of giggling.

Luhan contemplates whether or not to give me a comeback, but decides on running up to Minseok, who's watering my plants. "Go tell her you're the mom!" I hear him beg out of the living room, so I yell "You're both my moms!" back.

Kai and I start to laugh again, especially after an angry Luhan threatens to slap our faces with his , but gets stopped by Minseok in the last moment. The poor boy ends up carrying a yelling Luhan out of the room and leaves us alone in our laughing.

Kai clears his throat after we're done making fun of Luhan. "Now that was awkward," he chuckles out. "Daddy? Really? You read too many OnHo fanfics."

"How do you know it's from a OnHo fic?" I rise a brow. "You're being fishy."

He blushes brightly red and I start to laugh out. "Kim Jongin, you're a bad, bad boy."

He gives me his signature grin. That one that is Kai-ish, not Jongin-ish. The werewhore grin. I can only imagine how many fangirls he has already slayed with this. But after a moment he sighs. "You know why I'm here."

"Because you think I'm being an ?"

"If you put it this way," he clears his throat. "Yes."

My gaze shifts from Koala face to the cup of tea in front of him. Maybe I'm going crazy, but milk on the surface looks like Chanyeol's left ear.

"So?"

"So, what?" I shrug, now giving him an uninterested expression. "What am I gonna do now?"

"Breaking up with Sehun?" Kai's voice is tiny, careful, like he's approaching an animal. I know for sure that he fears I'm gonna run amok and push his head inside my toilet or something.

"Why should I? It won't change anything. I will end up making Sehun sad and then he will appear on my doormat and cry and I will become weak and we will hook up and Chanyeol still won't love me back. That's the circle. It doesn't matter."

It's silent after I close my mouth and Kai looks at me for a long time before opening his own. "He likes you back."

My heart skips a beat.

It's annoying me and I hate myself for it, but it actually skips a beat. After all those failures and disappointments, the tears and the humiliation, there still seems to be some hope left inside of me, that actually makes me believe his word. Some part that clings to my dreams. But only for a second, before I shake that paltriness of mine off.

"Yeah," I half mumble, half laugh out. It's hard to stay non-sarcastic. "Of course he does, I'm ing hot."

"I'm serious!" He nearly yells at me and catches me unprepared. I never expected him to be this passionate about romantic , since he s twelve noonas per day while being single forever. "Don't tell anyone this, but… He really seems to like you. Baekhyun always bullies him because of this."

"Baekhyun needs no reason to bully someone. He's short, short people are evil."

Kai looks at me with sceptics. His face says "glasshouse" and I sigh.

"Yeah, I'm evil myself, so I know."

He seems to be satisfied with that response, but it doesn't keep him from talking again. "I'm serious, dude. You two, you're meant to be."

"Take out your ships on someone else, Jongin." He grimaces slightly. "And if you don't want to leave now, you better watch the SHINee performance that came out an hour ago with me."

He doesn't need to be told twice and jumps up from his seat to follow me to my bedroom, where Luhan molests my Playstation with his untalented hands (He's so bad, it's messed up. I'm sure I could train a dolphin to play better than him. And dolphins don't have thumbs.) and Minseok cleans up like the mom he is. I still don't miss the serious expression he gives me out of the corner of my eyes. I know this topic will get warmed up eventually, but this is going to be a problem of future me.

Talking of problems, my bell rings ten minutes into SHINee and chill Kai gives me a look that says "I hope it's not Chen, he's creeping me out".

The usual, thoughtless me, would actually expect Chen to gatecrash or Tao visiting to freeload. Or even Lay, because he somehow doesn't understand the concept of giving one's ex some privacy. But something inside of me is so aware of how ed up my life is at the moment, that it doesn't surprise me at all to open the door to Sehun in a hoodie that smells like his brother and cheetos.

"Gross." I grimace at him. Step one of concealing you're dying from the inside because he exactly looks like his brother because of the messy clothing: Insult people. Insulting people always helps when you're feeling self-conscious, unsure or overchallenged. Maturity is a lie.

"I love you too." He flicks my forehead lazily. "Smells like food in here."

"It's just you, cheeto ."

"Is this how you treat your boyfriend?" Sehun's monotone face is everything that makes it possible to tell him apart from his brother. Of course, he's a bit shorter, kinda noodley and has a that I would recognize from a 12km radio, but the resemblance still makes me feel uncomfortable.

"Yeah, if he's smelling like old mouldy cheetos and crack while looking homeless and trying to steal your food."

His mouth curls up into a smile that would make any noona fade. "My stuff is in the laundry, I had to wear my brother's ."

A stab through my heart takes my breath away for a second. I knew it, I ing knew it.

Damn those grey sweatpants.

"Another guest?" Minseok once again appears behind me and freezes when he sees Sehun. "Oh!"

"Who is it?" Luhan excitedly runs over, only to crack a laugh at Sehun's appearance. "Yo, Park, looking fine."

"My name is Oh."

I open my mouth to tell everyone to off (besides Minseok because he's my angel) but the universe is trying to make me suffer extra hard today and Kai joins the little gathering at the door.

"Jongin?" Sehun's mouth falls open, and so does Kai's.

"Sehun…?" He looks uncomfortable and damn, I feel him.

"What is he doing here?" Sehun turns to me and suddenly grabs my arm harshly.

I yelp in surprise. "W-we were just chilling together, he's a friend and-"

Sehun cuts me off with a disbelieving snort. Damn, he's intimidating for a twelve year old. "Tell those fairytales someone else!"

I expected everything, but not him turning around and leaving.

I stand there in confusion, unable to move, until, for some reason, I start to run, cutting out Kai yelling after me and Luhan screaming that I shouldn't run for when I can have him instead.

I rarely run, mainly because I'm fat and unfit, so breathing is particularly hard. When I finally catch a glimpse of a noodle walking down the street in front of my apartment complex, I shout out his name.

I never knew noodles could run, yet alone run like this. Then again Sehun has really long legs and it's only natural that he's too fast for me.

"Oh Sehun! Stop!" I yell again and to my surprise he actually holds on to turn around.

I hate seeing him cry, especially after being the reason for his tears for so many times already. But this time, he looks different. No vulnerable expression, no sad black eyes. Instead of that a mixture of anger and disappointment stain his beautiful features.

In feel my throat going dry as a knot makes it impossible to make me speak up. The words I wanted to say disappear, and instead I whisper words I never believed to mouth one day.

"Just… just don't leave. Please."

The atmosphere turns cold. The streets are empty on this Monday noon and it's damn hot. There's no excuse for my shivering.

"He told me everything." Sehun's voice is soundless and weak. He lips again and all I want to do is hugging him.

"Who… told you what?" I can barely hear my own voice over the painful beating in my chest and the thudding in my ears. All my senses are warning me, telling me something terrible is about to happen.

"Chanyeol."

If possible, my heart rate increases even more. The memories of me crying in the bathroom and his warm hug come back. Of the worried expression on his gorgeous face.

"Chanyeol?" I repeat, baffled, confused, but most of it all, fearful.

"He told me about you and Jongin. I didn't believe it at first but…" He lets out a sad chuckle.

"What?" My mouth falls open in pure shock. "Why… would he say this? This is not true, Sehun!"

"Spare me. He heard both of you talking to you on the phone. About how you should leave me."

Suddenly, everything becomes clear. I remember being in the car back home and getting a hysteric call by Kai.

"How is this supposed to work out if you're with Sehun?"

The words echo through my head for several seconds, before I understand.

Chanyeol listened, Chanyeol heard him say those words and Chanyeol thought I cheated on Sehun.

"No… no, this is a misunderstanding! You gotta believe me, Sehun! This is not what happened." I grab his sleeve in panic. "Kai didn't know of you, of us, and after he found out he asked me if I liked Chanyeol, and told me I would have to break up with you if I want him!" My mind goes blank in my hurry to tell him, to stop him being sad, so I end up spilling the actual, uncensored truth. It's only a moment later when I understand what the actual heck I just said.

I watch his face turn into a hurt expression, mirroring my own fearful emotions before he speaks up with his trembling, small and lisping voice that makes me break. "So, do you?"

I stay silent. I only look up at him, at the two black eyes that fill with tears.

"Answer me!" He screams, making me realize where we actually are and that people start passing us.

"Sehun, don't yell, just-"

"I yell as much as I want, damn it!"

"You have no right to yell at-…!"

A stinging sensation on my cheek makes me twitch and cover my face in shock. Sehun stumbles back, his expression turning into a mixture of shock and disbelieve.

I lift my hand to touch my reddening face, barely realizing what just happened.

Sehun trembles, his hands cover his own mouth. ", I didn't want this, I-"

"Just go home," I whisper. "Go home and tell your brother to off."

With wobbly legs and tears running down my face I turn around and make my way back home, ignoring the pain on my face and most of all, in my chest. The voice of Sehun yelling after me fades and becomes distant with every step I take towards my flat, until the only sound that's left is the clicking of my key.

My thoughts wander, wander back to five years ago, before all this started.

My mom has taught me a lot of things.

The first time I came home with a weird Chinese boy, she told me not to believe in guys. Just like she didn't, until she decided to remarry this guy she barely knew and go pack to Europe. We made a deal: Finish school and leave Korea. But when a check with money for a fancy college appeared in the mail, plans changed.

"I'll buy you a flat, don't worry," she promised over the phone. "And you go ahead and study well."

Luhan's parents are rich, Bill-Gates-rich, but to think that not even a week after I told him I'd leave Korea a mysterious check would appear is more than baffling, along with how easy it was for her to leave me behind and start a new life.

"It was your dad, wasn't it?"

Luhan would still, after more than two years, shake his head and smile at me.

It's Monday afternoon, Minseok is grocery shopping and Kai left, so there's only Luhan when I come home with a red mark on my cheek and teary.

"Why did you want me to stay here so badly?" Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth.

Luhan walks over to me in shock and places a cold hand on my cheek in disbelieve. I must look bad. I chuckle at that thought. Who would have thought a skinny guy like this could be this dangerous?

"What did that bastard-"

"Why did you want me to go to the same college at any cost, Luhan?"

Luhan is close, so close I can see that his eyes. The sun shines brightly through my window, and his eyes still look so dark, so…

"Are your eyes black?" I whisper in confusion.

Luhan blinks, surprised, before he chuckles. "After all these years, you never looked me in the eyes?"

"I though… I honestly though they were dark brown."

"Come here." Luhan takes my hand and leads me up to the window.

Then sunlight shines down on us and illuminates his face in a way I've never seen before. It's like looking at him for the very first time.

Luhan, who always seemed so annoyingly perfect, looks more like a human than ever. The outlines of small pimples are visible, and there are pale blemishes around his cheek.

"You wear make up…" My voice is shaky from doubt. I carefully lift a finger to touch his face and smearing his foundation on my finger. There they are, even more visible. Luhan had blemishes, Luhan had pimples and Luhan had blackheads around his nose. How could I never realize? But still, his eyes are black to me, barely dark brown on the outsides.

Luhan looks at me with an expression I can't quite interpret. But for sure there's a smile on his lips, even if only slight.

"Still black," I whisper, locking eyes with him. I feel hypnotized all of a sudden, as though I'm standing in front of someone else, as though this is not my perfect but bratty childhood friend Luhan, but an even more dazzling young man.

"I asked my father to pay for you," his hand finds my cheek once again, "because I wanted to protect you. From this." He chuckles sadly as his hand starts to softly graze the burning red mark on my cheek. "What did he do to you?"

"We… had an argument." I swallow as Luhan's expression turns cold. "Nothing severe."

"I'm gonna end him for touching you."

A small chuckle escapes my lips. "Why are you still so protective of me?"

The air around us suddenly changes. The cold eyes turn warm again and look at me with such an intensity of feelings.

"You're my little sister." he whispers, a hint of sadness in his voice.

For the second time today tears escape my eyes, but this time a gentle thumb wipes them away.

When Minseok is home again, we all eat dinner. Several hours of fun pass, spend with my little family. It's already past midnight when I excuse myself and leave the flat.

The night is clear and I can see the stars from the rooftop, even if the smoke around me is blurring the sight. If Tao were here, we could smoke together and gossip a bit. I smile at the thought.

The light of my mobile phone illuminates the darkness.

"I'm so sorry. I love you please, forgive me, noona," I read out to myself, my lips barely moving. I don't know why this is so amusing to me. Maybe because I actually feel pity for Sehun, maybe because I'm tempted to call him and tell him it's alright. And maybe because I know I can't escape this circle of wanting to avoid him, but actually giving in.

I'm at a point where I feel more lost then ever. Luhan will leave, I can't stop being with Sehun, Chanyeol won't love me. Kai's words from the afternoon come back to my mind.

"He likes you back."

I snort. Not even Chanyeol is dumb enough to reject a girl two times and tell her she looks good while kissing his brother only to suddenly start to fall for her.

"Seems like I can't even trust Kai anymore." I laugh a bit. Is he lying, or did he misunderstand? The only thing I really know is that I'm stuck with the wrong brother.

Is everything already decided?

Why can’t I stop?

Will I be able to see my destination?

I breathe out and close my eyes.

a bit sloppy and short, but i will proof read later. i really wanted to release this chapter in time, because all you readers have been so good to me! i love you and your cute comments, and even though i dont have many subscribers and they hardly increase (sobs) im happy to have some loyal readers! every single comment means the world. thank you so much guys ;;

hopefully see you next chap!