Obsession.

Oh Sehun kind of always has had the magic touch for the female species.

It began in kindergarten, when he was only four years old.

He was a pretty boy. All women would stop and turn for him, squeaking about how cute he was. Naturally milky white skin, deep dark eyes, silky black hair and an unbelievably beautiful face. Sehun had everything he needed to succeed in life, so he soon found out how to deal with all the hype about him. Every time he would enter a room he was the number one, all eyes were on him and he knew exactly how to take advantage of it.

Most of the times, though.

"Mum said you have to clean up your room," his brother Chanyeol said nearly every Sunday morning, when the boy would laze around and the older one enters the room with a staubsauger.

But Sehun wouldn't do that. He would just bat his eyelashes a few times, whine a cute "hyung" and soon his brother would pick up the trash and clean up his floor while Sehun read manga on his bed.

How Sehun hated weak-minded people.

He wasn't like Chanyeol, having no guts and own will at all. He was no loser like the boys next door, playing in the yard and acting like babies. He indeed didn't understand much about children his age, since everything he was good at included making girls fall for him and impressing people with his calmness.

But it didn't make him impress this one person in his life.

"Sehun! I told you to clean up your room!"

Every week was the same, his mother would enter the room, see Chanyeol cleaning up and yell at her younger son for using his brother all the time. Chanyeol would laugh and say it's no big deal, like the perfect little boy he was.

The door would fall shut and Sehun would be alone in his still half messy room. 

So he practised on the girls in his class, in the neighbourhood, on his female teachers. His smile, his pout and how to make his eyes sparkle. They all fell, but his mother didn't.

All she saw was Chanyeol.

And then, one day when Sehun came back from elementary school he got into an argument with his brother. He always leaves his stupid bear plushies all over the living room. How Sehun hates this baby stuff, toys and such. It made him sick. So Sehun walked up to his intimidated older brother started to punch the smaller boy. 

He didn't stop until Chanyeol layed on the ground, crying and whimpering. 

"Sehunnie, I'm sorry!" He cries and Sehun only gets angrier because he hates that voice, he hates his miserable personality and his weakness.

Because it was always Chanyeol, Chanyeol with the great marks in school, Chanyeol who would help his mother wash potatoes, Chanyeol who had real friends that didn't just envy him and used him to get close to girls. Chanyeol, this pathetic little nerd who had everything Sehun could only wish for.

And when his mother came home Chanyeol of course stayed silent about the incident. During dinner he would smile and laugh loudly and pretend it's nothing. But Sehun could see him shiver.

What a wimp.

"Chan-nyeol, you don't look good, dear. Did something happen in school today?"

But of course his mother would not notice the tears in Sehun's eyes. 

It made him sick how she pronounced his name, how she would his unruly black hair. Sehun had prettier hair, his was straight and smooth and his brother's hair looked simply stupid. Chanyeol was ugly, a nerd, his ears were weird, he wore glasses and was a ferret loving freak.

So why did Sehun want to be him?

In the end the attention of all those faceless females didn't matter, because he wasn't the only one in the heart of the one person he actually wanted to impress.

He didn't want to lose to Chanyeol.

This day Oh Sehun decided that one day he will win against his brother.

It's called karma.

You hurt someone, you get hurt. The cycle of life. Nothing new, nothing surprising.

But still, it feels like going up in flames.

I wake up in Minseok's arms, to a yelling Luhan. I don't understand his words, but I hear a timid, deep voice answering.

"It's not like it's my fault she feels like this..."

My heart feels like bursting, so I close my eyes again, waiting for it to stop.

The next thing I know is being in my bed, two warm bodies beside me. I don't even bother checking who is lying next to me. 

I stay still, acting asleep. I'd like to pretend that everything's alright and nothing ever happened. 

"Are you alright?" Luhan's breath tickles my neck.

"I was until you asked, ." The words come out shakier than planned.

Minseok caresses my hair and I close my eyes again, letting tears flow.

"I hate guys," I sob. "I hate guys so ing much."

"No, you don't." Luhan's hand joins Minseok's. "You hate humanity."

My sobbing increases. "You at this," I whine. "Please just stay quiet."

"I'll make breakfast." Minseok gets up and leaves me alone with Luhan in my room, whose arms instantly pull me closer.

"You deserve better," he mumbles, voice muffled by my shoulder.

"I told you to shut up."

"But seriously. You're an eight. Eight dot five."

"Luhan, do me a favour and die."

"I'm a ten. Minseok is a nine. We could date."

"Are you telling me I'm uglier than the both of you?"

"No, you just have the charisma of a rock. Smiling a bit and tuning down your saltiness would help."

"Leave my flat." I jostle him out of the bed without any warning, smiling at his scream.

No way I'm gonna throw away my saltiness. It's everything I have left.

My friends are not the brightest crayons in the box, but they actually are discreet enough to don't come up with the recent incident. 

Repression is the cue, I think while blazing on the rooftop with Tao. Because apparently my landlord is an uptight little who 'can smell the smoke through walls'. His threats are empty though, two bats of my lashes and wet eyes and he's silent and asks me to see a doctor.

"I hate hoes." My puff is aggressive and makes me cough, even after years of practice. 

"Damn right. Who needs those hoes anyway." Tao flicks the joint out of my hand. 

Being love sick really bonds friendships. Tao hates Kris, I hate Chanyeol. And if there's something that makes loneliness more bearable, then it's hate and gossiping.

"Stupid tall hoes. Look at me, I'm 190cm. I'm so cool," I imitate Chanyeol's deep voice and ugly laugh. "Hi Baek! Oh, Kai-ah, you look so cool today, whoa~ Today I found a ladybug, do you think I will be lucky? Ayyoo, wassup Krease?" I snort. "Hoes."

Tao hands me the roll and I'm very happy uniting it with my lips because I really need to stop quoting Chanyeol or else I'll cry.

"Hello, I'm Wu Yifan aka Kevin aka Kris aka Chingchongshamalamadingdongnihaochopstick aka stupid dumb lying and I am so great, I speak four languages." Tao rolls his eyes after faking Kris' fumy voice. I don't miss the pain in his eyes and the irony of calling someone 'Chingchongshamalamadingdongnihaochopstick' while being Chinese himself though.

"Tze." The joint finds its way back to Tao. I look at it longingly for a second. "As if talking three languages was so great. I speak four, and one of them is talking . I will destroy those hoes."

Tao laughs and puffs the last bit. "We need to roll another one first."

"More like another ten ones," I sigh.

"Stop ruining your health and come get lunch!" Minseok yells out of the window all of a sudden. Tao and I jump in surprise before looking at each other and bursting into laugher. 

"Great timing," he chuckles. His mood is obviously better now.

Weed is a magical plant. It even tops spinach in the ranking of my favourite vegetables.

"Mom, we're coming!" I call out and Tao laughs so hard he nearly falls three stores down.

Eating with the Bangtans is a routine in my life now. If someone would have told me that I'll end up actually spending my free time with this prepubescent little s I probably would have killed myself to prevent this from happening. I still can't remember their names properly, but I guess some things really never change.

Life is peaceful. The Bangtans and us would have lunch together and in the evening it would only be me and my original folks minus Kris who's currently ignoring all of our angry calls, calling it 'hiatus' as if we were a band or something. We would be playing our usual games and blazing the 500 euros Luhan actually got from selling me. Every day is the same, and the routine makes it easier.

"I once had a nightmare of Uncle Ben shoving chopsticks up my violently because I was new in Korea and eating with chopsticks felt so unreal to me," I confess under the influence of my favourite vegetable.

"Why Uncle Ben though?" Chen doesn't laugh at me, because he's actually chill and non judgemental when high.

"Rice."

"Oh. You still can't eat with chopsticks."

"I know."

And then we all laugh, the six us as happily together and it nearly, nearly feels like I'm okay for a moment. Like I won't be crying myself to sleep soon.

Telling Kai what happened is the hardest. I can't lie at this Koala face so I actually have to tell him the uncensored truth, live and uncut, and it ends up in collectively getting drunk and doing karaoke in a shabby little bar hidden somewhere uptown.

Three whole mini albums of SHINee, absolutely violated by us and soiled with spontaneous freestyle rap and a lot of soju later Kai takes my lurching self home. At least I think he is, you could also say that I take him home to me or that we take each other home because I'm pretty sure we are equally drunk.

"Stop being gay and me, mate," I slur, hands in the pockets of Kai's jacket because it's damn cold for a night in July. "I have nice eyes, too. owl boy. I can grow a ."

"Did you know that the head of a is the same colour as the lips of the guy who that belongs too?" Kai's response is unexpected and surprisingly scientific, which makes me feel ten times more impressed than it would have made a sober me. And damn, sober me would already be really, ing impressed.

"Dude, that's magic."

"I know dude. I know."

We laugh hysterically, both barely able to walk straightly and supporting ourself on each other. The night is pitch black and silent and the sound of our laughter echoes down the street of the unfamiliar, stuffy looking neighbourhood. 

"You know, I actually never ed a girl my age." Kai's words are only mumbled, but hearing them in the quiet of the night is not that hard.

"If I was a guy, I'd prefer noona , too." I hiccup, as if this wasn't cliche enough. Something deep inside of me, my rational thinking probably, wasn't drunk yet and judging me really hard.

"Noona is great." Kai nods confidently. "You should try it someday."

"Nah man, not my style. Dongsaeng maybe, someday. At the moment I'm taking a downtime."

I look around the slightly lit street. This area of Seoul looks super uptight and familiarly. Where the hell are we?

Then my eyes fall on a certain house. Just as boring as the rest of the street, but strangely familiar. It gives me a headache just to look at it.

My drunk mind can't quite remember why it pains me so much to look at this house. I don't even remember ever landing a foot on this street.

"Do you really live on this street?" I ask Kai. "It feels strange here."

"I only live like, 5 minutes away," he deadpans.

I mouth an 'o'. "I didn't realize, I thought…-"

"Don't you remember?" Kai's mind doesn't seem as affected by the alcohol as mine, but his feet are, and he slightly trembles even while standing still. "I drove you here when-"

"Oh ." 

No more words are needed when I recognise the house everything in one fell swoop and instantly throw up.

Kai lets out a loud shriek and stumbles backwards, soon tripping and meeting the asphalt while I decorate the pretty white fence with my clumpy yellowish liquid.

"Dude, what you doing?!" He cries out hysterically.

"What… does… it look like to you?!" I yell back at him in between retching.

Karma is something really loyal.

You throw up in front of the house of the boy who rejected you, and poof, karma is here again and brings you Oh Sehun in slippers and boxershorts, looking down at you.

Kai shrieks once again, now even louder and more feminine. "Dude, that's Sehun!"

I have eyes, dude.

"What the hell is going on here?" 

I take two steps back from Sehun (and the puddle of vomit to his feet) and look up at his intimidating form. 

"I-I will clean it up!" I stutter out of panic. "Give me a mob and I'll clean it up and-"

"Why did you puke on my house?"

Well, that's indeed a good question.

I turn around to look back to Kai, but what once was my loyal shawol friend is now a unconcious boy laying beneath the kerb.

I'm about to check for him, but Sehun grabs my wrist and keeps me at my place.

"He'll be fine," he snarls. I wince at the aggressive tone of his voice. "You better tell me what the hell you were doing real fast."

"I was just… having a good time I guess?" I laugh awkwardly. "But it… kind of escalated?"

"What were you doing with Jongin?" His grip tightens and , I nearly forgot how strong spaghetti boy is.

I'm becoming more and more dizzy, the alcohol in my system making it hard to stay awake. 

"Just… karaoke," I blabber, barely understanding my own words.

"You are drunk. Don't with me noona, you did more than just karaoke." Sehun's expression suddenly gets pained; he lets go of my wrist and palms his head instead. "Do you always get this drunk?"

"I prefer weed," I burst out. 

One second later Oh Sehun picks me up and carries me over his shoulder to a car on the side walk.

"Wait… hey!" I struggle against his grip. "Let me down!"

"I will get you home and tomorrow we will have a talk about your lifestyle."

"You're not my mum!"

"Be thankful. If I was your mum you wouldn't survive the next morning, young lady." Sehun opens the car and with a swift movement, he throws me on the passenger seat and fastens my seat belt.

"What about Kai…?"

"He's handsome. He will find a way to get home."

I open my mouth to protest but Sehun's look is too terrifying so I just face my knees until he shuts the door and gets ready to drive.

"You're twelve, do you even have a license yet?" I mumble. My head is spinning like crazy.

"Does that matter now?" He grumbles and then he starts the car. "You're lucky that you've thrown up, or else I would have kissed you to make you shut up."

After that silence falls over the two of us, and I lean back in my seat and look out of the window.

I'm not sure how long I stay awake, but the lights of the streets suddenly fade from my sight and all I see is Chanyeol's face, blushing.

"I'm so glad you confessed," Chanyeol says. His voice is so cute, so shy and his face is such a nice shade of pink when he awkwardly looks down at me. "I never would have though that you'd like me back..."

And then he leans down and our lips meet, and it's the most wonderful moment of my young life.

When I open my eyes Chanyeol's not there and I have an awful headache.

" this…" I groan, holding my forehead. 

A bright light shine(e)s through the curtains of my living room, and I look down to see the head of a black haired boy laying on my chest.

My heart skips a beat because for a tiny moment I think its Chanyeol. But the reality washes over me faster than expected, because Sehun opens his eyes and yawns.

"What the are you doing here?" It's half a yawn half a grumble because damn, I'm tired and damn, I'm still drunk.

"Taking care of you, stupid." His face is as unfriendly as always and his tone matches.

"Wow, no need to get tsundere…" I mumble, too quietly for him to hear. So instead of insulting him, I settle for running my fingers through his silky black hair.

You have the same hair as your brother, I nearly say, but I shut up because I don't want to get again.

"So… why are we not in bed? I mean, not sleeping in my bed." I cough a few times.

Sehun frowns so much, his brows nearly meet. "There were those boys in your bed." It's obviously a reproach.

Now it's my turn to frown. "Yeah, because they sleep here."

"In your bed?"

I only nod.

"And you sleep in the same bed?"

I nod again.

"At the same time?"

Nodding the third.

Sehun gets up and removes his head from between my (must have been a great pillow) to look at me with the most disturbed but at the same time judging expression ever.

"So let's sum this up: In your free time you hang out with a guy who's known to be a playboy, you get drunk, do drugs, and sleep in one bed with two guys?"

"I usually don't drink!" I defend myself. "I'm just having a hard time, okay?"

Silence follows and I regret that last sentence so much.

"You make stupid decisions." Sehun's voice is tiny. I know he's not talking about drugs or alcohol now.

"You do, too." 

Sehun smiles and is about to say something, but Luhan enters the room and starts to yell some Chinese Minseok later translates me into "I hope you guys went safe because I ain't gonna rise a Park bastard of yours".

After ensuring myself that Kai is alright (his mother found him laying on the street in the morning and now he's grounded for a lifetime) Sehun leaves for work, but not without giving me a forced kiss on the forehead and the promise to stalk me when he finishes his shift.

"He's so into you." Minseok smiles slightly and I feel sick all of a sudden.

The afternoon goes by too quickly and soon I find myself in front of Sehun's working place, nervously clenching my skirt.

Why am I even here? I ask myself. I could easily brake my promise and just don't show up. But this ugly feeling of guilt makes me enter the bubble tea shop anyways.

Sehun looks good in his uniform, so good it actually makes me feel a slight tingling of jealousy when I see a customer talking to him.

I stand back and watch the girl blush at something Sehun says and walk to the table of her friends with wobbly legs afterwards.

Sehun's and my eyes meet and I swear I can see a sparkle and a slight grin. Does he think this is a game?

I throw away my pride and walk to the counter.

"Aren't you supposed to be done by now?" My words come out grumpier than expected. Why am I so angry?

Sehun grins his signature half grin. It makes me want to punch this flawless complexion.

"Give me ten minutes. My coworker didn't arrive yet."

I only snort. "Give me a bubble tea on the house, then."

"Coconut, black?" 

I'm distracted by his hair that's pushed back with a hairpin. An actual ing hairpin for actual ing girls to prevent his bangs from falling in his face.

"Yeah… no. Black, Strawberry, please." I frown. "Where's that hairpin from?"

Sehun turns back from the mixing machine in surprise. "Why are you asking?"

"Just curious," I respond. I sound too defensive and the awareness makes heat boil up in my cheek.

"A customer gave it to me." His smile is sweet when he sees me blushing. "I will throw it away after my shift."

"Why? It's cute." I look at the bunny hair clip. I sulk a little. It really is cute. It fits him in a weird way that makes me feel strangely uncomfortable.

"Because I don't want to carry garbage that worthless girls give me around." 

"Whoa, that's mean. She probably liked you." 

"Who cares. She's not you." His smile now is sad and charming at the same time. 

"Sweet talker…" I mumble, which makes him burst out in laugher.

I sit there quietly while Sehun gets my bubble tea ready. I don't dare to look at him.

"Here we go, black strawberry for my precious cherry."

"Cherry?" I blink in confusion as he hands me the tea.

"You remind me of a cherry, noona." His voice is soft and tender. "If you were a fruit, you'd be a cherry."

"That's a weird compliment," I deadpan.

Sehun laughs and shakes his head. Then, another guy appears at his side, wearing the same uniform. His coworker.

Sehun takes off his apron and bids his goodbye to leave the shop, following me outside.

The walk to Sehun's house is silent. It's already dark outside, despite it being six o'clock only, and I feel uncomfortable walking beside the guy I rejected ultimately only some days ago.

To my joy we arrive faster than expected. The stuffy looking uptown neighbourhood still makes me feel sick. Two many things happened in this street.

"My brother is an idiot to let you go," Sehun suddenly says.

His words not only send a shiver down my spine, it also feels like someone just stabbed me right in the heart.

"I guess," I mumble lifelessly. "Not that it matters, though."

Sehun shuts up at my sentence, probably understanding the hint.

When we arrive at his doorway, the mood is weirder than everything else this evening. He is staring at me and I'm staring at the doormat, so we just remain silent and still.

"Why did you want me to bring you home? Kind of untraditional, if you ask me," I joke half-heartedly. Pathetic attempt to raise the mood.

"I only wanted to spend time with you. I'm selfish." Sehun's smile is weak and his lisp is strong and I nearly melt to a puddle of goo.

"Wait a second." An idea hits me and I start to rummage inside of my backpack for the small tool we are looking for.

"Ah," I sigh out in triumph. "Here. It's nothing fancy but… here."

Sehun's eyes widen as soon as I hand him the little, transparent hairpin.

"It's neutral and stuff, but it might come in handy?" I smile encouragingly. "For work and... stuff."

There's no time to react - without a warning he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug that forces my face to look up in order to not be painfully pressed against his bony body.

And what I see from this angle is like a punch in the guts.

Chanyeol is watching from the window in the first floor, where his room is. He's just standing there, looking out of the window and focusing on us shamelessly, his face unreadable. 

It's like he's taking a on all of my feelings, watching without any motion how another man touches me. All I wanted was simply to give him my endless love.

My hands tremble, I lose my focus slowly. Although my legs feel broken, the next thing I know is standing on my tip toes and leaning in to kiss Sehun.

My eyes don't leave Chanyeol's when my lips meet his brothers and when our stares meet, his eyes widen in shock.

Curse me, Chanyeol, curse me for letting go. Who cares anyway? It's not like I could do anything else, right?

I deepen the kiss with the surprised Sehun. His arms are wrapping themselves around my waist when he kisses back passionately.

My collapsed heart is screaming, because I don't want this, and tears fill my eyes, Chanyeol's face is only a blurr now.

Don't throw me away, don't leave me alone, I chant internally, hoping that he hears me. I want you, I want you like crazy. The conflicted feelings make me feel like I was about to burst. Don't love me, you threw me away. Hold me, I love you like crazy.

He's my obsession.

I close my eyes and cling to Sehun's body, hiding my tears.

i'm still satan ʕ◕◡◕✿ʔ

this chapter is as dark as my soul while waiting for SHINee comebacks.

i promise that the next chapters will be less negative though!

also, i'm so thankful at those who leave comments and subscribe because this story is a dream that came true for me, and i really put so muchh effort on this. thank you guys!

so please give me some feedback and tell me what you think (: