“You saw us?” his eyes were wide in disbelief. The way he reacted to my statement made he seemed guilty…or was he really is? That thought made my eyes started to well. However, I tried to keep my face straight, wanted to look strong in front of him.

                “Are you guys still in a relationship?” I shot him another deadly question that even I don’t want to know the answer. ‘Please! Just say no!’ prayed my mind. Just a single ‘no’, even if it’s a lie, I’ll make myself believe in it. At least it shows that he still love this marriage, or even just the kids. But there he was, looking at me with a sorry face, still not uttering a word.

                “I guess, I’ve already got my answer,” I muttered, very low that it’s almost inaudible as I walked my way to the room. I took out my luggage and started to pile up my clothes in it. As my hands worked on their own, my mind started to blame myself for accepting his proposal. For almost fall for his whispers of love. For even believed that he could forget Bichi. That was just so fool of me for doing everything that I’ve done.

                How on Earth could I even thought of having somebody as great looking as him as my husband when my looks are just average? Heck, why did he even say that he likes boyish type of girl, when all he likes were y classy noonas? Why did I actually accepted Jonghoon’s proposal, I don’t know. My life won’t be this miserable if I waited for…

                “What are you doing?” that voice said to me, making all my thoughts halted. I took the remaining clothes from the cupboard before turning around, facing him. I breathe a lungful of air, gathering all my spirit before answering him.

                “Leaving,” I said; appeared all calmed when it’s totally opposite inside. I closed the luggage and pulled it towards the door, ready to leave this house. This very house that has 1001 memories of our marriage life. This very house that has witnessed every laughter that we shared together, every pain that we’ve gone through together, each happiness that we’ve rejoiced on and each grief that we’ve felt.

                “How about the kids, then? If you’re leaving, how about them? You can’t just leave them like that – they need you,” he said, blocking my way. ‘How ‘bout you? Don’t you need me too?’ spoke my mind, but I quickly shook it off before. Of course he doesn’t need me anymore. Or had he even needed me?

                “I’ll take them in the morning. Now, will you excuse me?” I walked pass him, pushing him aside a bit in the process. But again, I was stopped by his grip on my wrist. I turned my head slightly to his direction as a cue for him to speak out anything that made him stopped me.

                “I’ll go,” with that, he left, not looking back even once. The moment I heard the front door clicked, I burst into tears, no longer able to keep them within me. Slowly my legs felt like jelly, making me fell on the hard floor. I would’ve lie if I say that my hopes didn’t go up high when he stopped me for the second time. To think that I’ve thought like that made me felt pathetic. It’s even wretched that I couldn’t say that I myself am pathetic. 

                I never thought that I’ll undergo this kind of situation. The position I’m in now is no different from scenes in the dramas that I’ve watched before. The situation when the heroines were cheated by their husbands – I used to laugh at them for being so helpless at those times. “Just forget that useless guy and go on with your life. You have your parents to rely on; you have kids to stand for!” – That was what I’ve always said to the heroines. It’s funny now that I’m in the same condition as them; I realized how hard it was to do what I’ve said to them before. Maybe it’ll be easier if I do have my parents to rely on. Maybe it will.

*****

[Flashback]

                “Appa! You should’ve told me that you’ll be home tonight. I would’ve cooked for you. It’s been so long since we had dinner together,” I said pouting. I was from FT Island’s dorm; making them dinner. I sat next to him in front of the television. It’s pretty rare to find him lazing around when all he does is work. I cuddled with him for a while. Even though it has been two weeks since my arrival from United States, this is the first time for me to have a decent moment with him with no trace of work around him.

                “I had a meeting over dinner just now, dear. Maybe next time, okay?” he planted a kiss on my forehead and my hair lovingly. I just nodded to his reply, with my eyes glued to the television. We were both engrossed in the drama that we’re watching when I suddenly reminded of the reason Appa asked me to return.

                “Say, you have something to tell me?” I asked him, breaking the silence between us.

                “Ah! About that; I almost forgot about that if you don’t remind me,” uttered Appa, chuckling at his own mistake. I laughed along with him seeing his forgetful nature.

                “Taera-ya, it has always been my dream to see my daughter to be a lady,” he said. Even though he stopped, I could sense that’s not only it.

                “Appa! What do you mean ‘a lady’? I’ve changed these past years, didn’t I? No more loose cut jeans, no morechecker shirts with a t-shirt underneath. I even wear make-up now,” I said defending myself.

                True, I was pretty boyish before. I’ve been friends with Jaejin since forever, so he pretty much influenced the way I talk, walk and dressed. My way of talking was like a boy; my voice was loud, I talked harshly – but never profanities. Appa will kill me if I did. I used to play football with Jaejin and his friends during summers when I was in elementary school. I do have girl friends at school, but I’m closer to the boys until one of them asked me to be his ‘friend with benefit’ when I was in middle school. I admitted I was a bit boys-phobic for a while, but I cured myself not long after – I don’t know how I did so. The only hint of my gender was my long hair. And the reason for keeping it long was my dad. He said I looked very much like Umma when my hair’s long.

                The new me, I don’t know how I transformed. I guess it’s the result for mingling too much with the girls. Well, at first my roommate just wanted to see how would I look like if I dress up more girly. But, for an experiment, we bought too much garments, shoes, bags and make-ups that she thought would fit perfectly on me. Not wanting to waste anything, I ended up wearing all those things to classes and voila! Here’s the new me!

                “You do know that a lady is not a lady until she’s married, right?” I was stunned hearing his question that is more like a statement.

                “Appa…” my sentence was cut by Appa again.

                “I know, you’re still young. There’s a lot of things that you haven’t experienced yet. But, honey, your Appa is getting older each day. And I would be very happy if I could see you getting married before I closed my eyes.” My head felt heavy. I just can’t seem to understand his words…or was I refusing myself to do so?

                “But I don’t even have a boyfriend! How’d you expect me to get married?” I tried to reason him, but knowing Appa, he just won’t budge from his own word.

                "Aren't you seeing that Jaeseop boy?" he asked me again. How did he know I'm friends with Jaeseop Oppa? Like, literally friends after he confessed to me three years ago, right after I did my SAT. A few months after that, I learnt that he had debuted as the new member of UKISS. Too bad I refused him. He was such a nice guy, it's just that I only saw him as my brother.

                "Appa, we're just friends. Not more than that," I replied to him. He turned to face me, looking into my eyes deeply.

                “Please, honey. The hall has been booked on this June,” he said. My eyes widened in disbelief hearing that. Say what?

                “Appa! It’s almost February now! How am I supposed to find a groom in less than four months?!” I said – no, yelled. Never in my life had I raised my voice to my parents, what more yell to them. And now, because of this sudden idea of marriage, I just did. I saw my dad’s eyes started to get teary. Slowly, the feeling of guilty started to creep in me.

                “Please, Taera. Just this once; just this one time will I ask a favour from you. Just this time. Please.” Appa’s voice started to get shaky. I closed my eyes for a while, trying to think more rationally. I thought back of everything that he had done for me.

                Yes, I admit that he was not always around, but never once he has forgotten about me. He would call everyday if he’s outstation, asking about my days. Ever since my mom died, he had never ever mentioned about getting remarried; he’s afraid that it’ll be hard for me – that was what Jaejin’s mom had told me. It wasn’t easy for him – I know, even though he has never said it. To raise a daughter with a little bit too much of travelling really isn’t easy. To lessen his burden, I decided to stay with Jaejin’s family until I was ten. I took a deep breath before revealing my decision.

                “Fine, I will. And that’s because I love you,” I said, dejected. Appa drew a grateful smile to me. His face was almost shining in happiness.

                “Thank you, dear.” Appa kissed my forehead before pulling me into a tight hug.

[End of Flashback]

*****

[Flashback]

                “Seonsaengnim, what are you doing here?” I asked to a figure that I know too well who’s leaning at the door to my house. I had just come back from yet another ‘seon’ in this week. I’ve been attending it diligently in order to find the most suitable groom for my wedding in another three months.

                “Where’ve you been?” he asked me, head’s down. He’s still glum, now that it has been two weeks since he broke up with his dear girl friend.

                “Out?” I answered back. I went to the door to open it, but was stopped from another question from him.

                “With whom?” Head’s still down. Okay, what’s his problem now? Appearing at somebody’s house at this times and asking questions – has he decided to change his profession from a guitarist to a policeman?

                “That is for me to know and not for you to find out,” I snapped back, irritated. Just who does he think he is? Even Jaejin never did try to invade my privacy unless I'm the one who told him - okay, that's not an invasion. I was halfway to get into the house when he started to speak up again. ‘What’s with the timing? God, that’s just so irritating. Can’t I just get into my house already?’ monologue my heart.

                “I thought we’re friends? Guess I’m not then,” he uttered before walking away. I heaved a sigh. Does everybody who had just broke up will be this sensitive?

                “Oh, fine. Let’s talk inside,” I said, opening the door for him to enter. But he just stood still, not moving an inch.

                “It’s okay. I’ll just go first. Who knows I might found somebody who actually regards me as a friend.” His voice obviously showed that he’s sulking; wanted to be coaxed. I rolled my eyes before grabbing his arm and drag him inside the house.

                “Sheesh, why are you so touchy tonight?” I mumbled, thought that he wouldn’t able to listen.

                “I heard that,” he suddenly blurted out. Erk, guess I was wrong.

*****

                “So, you were on ‘seon’s these days? That’s why you were always unable to have dinner with us?” Jonghoon concluded after I told him the whole story. I just nodded as a reply. [Seon - blind date for arranged marriage]

                “But don’t ever tell anybody about this, especially Jaejin. He might go against Appa. And that would be ugly,” I said to him. He has this disbelief looks on his face hearing me.

                “I don’t think he would.”

                “Believe me, he will. He did so when my father came to picked me up from his house when I was ten. He said that Appa doesn’t have the right to make decision for me. Thank God he was okay when I said myself that I want to go with Appa. So, yeah, he probably will,” I said reminiscing back those time. Jaejin was so cute; of course Appa has the right to make decision for me. He’s truly a babo even till now.

                “Jeongmal? Jinjja jeongmal?” he asked again, not convinced.

                “How many times should I say yes? Yes, he did.”

[End of Flasback]

A/N: This chapter and the chapter after will be written in flashbacks. Hope it won't confuse you guys. And, the next chapter is still in the making, and probably will be post up next week. (I had just realised that this fic is full with series of flashbacks. )