I feel numb. I don’t feel like wanna go home immediately. I really wanna escape for a while. But, I don’t know where to go.

I saw my watch, already 8 p.m. but I still feel won’t go home. I just strolling the town, and nowhere to go. I keep my head down. Hiding my tears that sometime falling. I have no one to rely on now. Once again, I have no one.

I sit on a bench in a park somewhere I don’t know. Still feel numb. I bet my eyes swollen. Fortunately, no one know me, here, in the park. So, people won’t recognize me.

“drink it…” suddenly there’s someone came from nowhere sit next to me and offering a bottle of mineral water to me. I turn my head to see who is someone that offering the mineral water.

“hanbin?” I don’t believe it that hanbin here. This park is really far from school and his house tho.

“I saw you earlier when I was at convenience store near this park. So, I bought this for you. I thought you’re exhausted cause today’s activities…” he handed me the bottle of mineral water. I just look at him and turn my head to the bottle on my hand. I just look at the bottle without have a feeling to drink it.

“hayi-ya…” hanbin called me. I look at him. “look at you. You look unwell. Are you okay? You can tell me everything, I’m a really good listener. If you want to…”

‘is that real I look really unwell? I think awful really suit me well right now’ I thought.

“I’m not forcing you to tell me. But, if you need a friend to talk to, I will be your friend a place you can rely on if you have a problem…” then hanbin sigh. A really deep sigh. “if I had a bad mood or a bad day, I will go to somewhere, my favorite place. After that I will feel better. It’s my pleasure if you want me to bring you there…” hanbin just look at me with a concern. I know, he’s really trying hard to comforting me.

I just look at him. I’m curious a bit about the ‘somewhere’ he told me before. Then he grab my hand and go somewhere. I just in silence and let hanbin bring me there.

***

We arrived in a fast food restaurant, and it’s really full with people. I’m avoiding people right now, but why the heck he bring me here. Can he just bring me to a silence place instead? Really kim hanbin boy?

“I’ll treat you, order food whatever you want. You can order a lot of food. I bring a lot of money today. It’s okay, I’ll pay it all…” I just have my head down, then we sit. I feel he look at me. Why the heck with him?

“mmm…” I think he’s humming right now. I don’t know. I don’t care. “hayi-ya?” okay, he called me. I just turn my head to look at  him. I raise my right eyebrow. “what’s food you really want to eat now?” I shook my head immediately.

“eeeyyy…you don’t wanna eat? Really? The food here is really delicious, you don’t want it? Really? Hayi-ya…don’t be like that. You look really unwell. I’m afraid you pass out in anytime…” kim hanbin can you not?

After that only hanbin that eat his meals. He ordered me an orange juice, he said, ‘orange juice is really good for your health. It’s a vitamin. Please drink it,a bit it’s okay…’. he’s reeeeallyyyyy trying hard.

I drank it a bit. I feel guilty if I don’t, cause hanbin already ordered me the orange juice. Actually I havent drink the mineral water he gave me. I just put the bottle on my bag. “hayi-ya…” hanbin called me. Why he really like to call me? Is that something called ‘hobby’? it’s his new ‘hobby’? I’m not even gave him my glare when he called me. I’m just hugging bag. “hayi-ya…” he called me again and again. I look at him. “hanbin-ah…wait…”. I’m away from him, and calling my mum.

“mum?”

“yes, darling. Where are you? It’s already late…”

“I’m not going home tonight, I…”

“yes, darling?”

“I wanna have a sleepover party with my friends…hehehe…”

“ah… really?”

“is it okay?”

“of course, darling. Have fun!”

“thank you, mum. Bye…”

“bye…”

Sleepover party? With my friends? I have no friend. It’s a really good reason, Lee Hayi. Good… no. I’m so sorry, mum.

I’m back to my sit, and hugging my bag again. But suddenly hanbin get up from his sit. I look at him. then again and again he grab my hand again. Where the heck he bring me to for now?

***

It’s a place that really full with peoples. Bring me to a shopping place like this? I wanna escape from people, but hanbin keep did the opposite. Can he understand me that I wanna be alone? Tonight? I still keep my head down. Until hanbin ask me to sit.

“you sit here, I’ll do something for you. Just don’t take your eyes off of me, okay?” he ask me to sit, then he ask me to not take my eyes off of him? what will he do? Then I sit, and hugging my bag. Suddenly, he running to the opposite side. He approach a busking boy in a corner of the road, right in front of me. I have been here a few months ago. Where I was busking with that little boy too. I think hanbin boy ask the little boy to borrow him his keyboard.

“good evening, people. I will sing a song, special for my friend… I’ll borrow my brother’s keyboard for a while…” Wait? Whut? His brother? Hanbin have a little brother too?

“it’s a sweet reminder, for Lee Hayi, my friend…”

‘sweet…reminder?’

 

Hanbin boy start to play the intro.

‘oh! I think I know this song… this song that keep on repeat on my playlist, lately…’

I just wanna enjoy this. So, as his wish I’m not take my eyes off of him.

 

Annyeong

Oh, he… greet me? Ah… I think he greet people here…

 

it's not easy, huh?

i know you're busy

you wonder why you have to come this far

they want so much (i know)

they want so much? Yeah, it’s called people. People who cant accept easily the reality. Me too. I still cant accept the reality that I’m falling in love with Jiwon, in my last days here, actually we already have an almost-2-years-relationship, but he choose another girl. Can you feel me, hanbin boy?

 

you must want a break

it's all so loud

all so annoying, right?

i bet you want to go home (even when you're home)

i bet you do

yes! I want a break. It’s really loud, and annoying. Can you not bring me here? And, you’re wrong, hanbin boy. I don’t wanna go home tonight. You’re wrong.

 

at such times, take out this song

enjoy it like a piece of chocolate

make sure you eat your meals even if you're tired

then i'll compliment you later

it’s really for me? This song? You reminding me that I should eat my meals even if I’m not in a good mood?

 

i miss you

i like you a lot

i want to hug you more often

i feel something like love for you

maybe i really do love you

why…why… why hanbin boy look at me like that? That eyes…it’s like his eyes is trying to say something…

 

when you feel hungry, take out this song

eat it like a morning apple

make sure you eat your meals even if you're tired

then you'll be able to sleep better at night

i'm worn out

by your beauty

 

please notice me

please dont let me pass by

please love me

don't let go

 

I’m turning to a statue. I don’t even blink my eyes. When hanbin sing the last part, he keep looked at me. He even not blink his eyes too. What…what the meaning of that? Can you answer me this question, kim hanbin?

People keep give him applause, but here I’m just frozen, turn into a statue. What… what is this? Is this magic? He… he curse me?

He bow after that. He thank the busking boy then he immediately run to me. He just smile infront of me. Without a word he grab my hand again. But why I cant refuse him? Again, I’m just in silence.

We walk side by side, without saying a word. I turn my head to see his side profile. I can see he’s smiling. What happened with him?

 

“it’s already late, hayi-ya. I walk you home. I hope you feel better, now. At least, I already try to make you feel better…”

“no need to walk me home, just back to your house instead…”

“you’re not going to home?”

I just nodding my head.

“why?”

“thank you…”

“huh?”

We both stop walking and we look into each other.

“nothing…” then my head look down.

“where are you going tonight? I’ll accompany you--”

“no. just don’t…”

“I cant leave you alone, hayi-ya…it’s dangerous for a girl in the night like this…”

Then hanbin boy grab my hand again, he bring me to the han river. We sit on a bench side by side. I don’t know why, I always think that I like make people around me living their life really hard. My tears falling again.

My head really heavy, I feel dizzy. I think I already cry so much. Accidently, my head lean on hanbin’s shoulder. I cant lift my head. It’s so heavy. I’m so sorry, hanbin boy. I borrow your shoulder for a while.

“thank you for trying really hard to make me feel better. Thank you for the orange juice. Thank you for the bottle of mineral water. Thank you for ‘kidnap’ me to a place full of people but in fact I want to escape from people but you bring me there instead. Thank you for grab my hand. Thank you for the sweet reminder…”

***

It’s cold, and I just realized that I was fell asleep. Again, and I realized that I borrowed hanbin’s shoulder. I’m back to my sit position. It’s 5 a.m. now…

“how’s your feeling right now, hayi-ya?”

“feel better than before, thank you to let me borrowed your shoulder…”

“it’s okay…”

I turn my head to look at hanbin, and giving my best smile that I can do right now. He reply with smile too. It’s cold, the wheater. Suddenly, hanbin take off his jacket and he lend it to me.

“what are you doing, hanbin-ah?”

“it’s cold, you know?”

“how about you?”

“for now, it’s all about you. Don’t ever think about me…”

“thank you, kim hanbin…”

He just reply me with a smile. I open my bag, and offer the bottle of mineral water to him. I’m afraid he’s exhausted cause he waiting me while I’m sleep. But, he refused. He said, “it’s yours…”.

“it’s all my fault…”

I open our conversation. Open it with blaming myself. Open it with a confession that it’s all my fault. Me and Jiwon’s problem. Hanbin just look at me with confusion, I can see a question mark on his face, it’s too obvious.

“I’m blaming myself…I’m blaming myself to waste Jiwon’s time…for almost 2 years relationship…”

“what do you mean? I can see, Bobby always happy with you…why you saying that words?”

“but, I’m not…”

“what?! I think you are sick right now, it’s getting cold here…maybe you should go home—“

“you don’t even know what I feel. You were just look at the cover, not look the inside…”

I can feel that my tears falling again, just let my tears falling. So, all of my burden will going out as the tears falling.

“I never love Jiwon before… I just accepted him became my boyfriend, cause I was really comfortable talk to him back then. I feel that, only Jiwon can understand me in our school, cause I have no friend that really close to me. But, I have never love him. and I never know why I accpeted him became my boyfriend… he was really try hard for our relationship. Picked me up to school every morning, literally every morning. He’s really busy with his own business that I never want to know about. He walked me home. Bought me ice cream. Gave me a lot of surprise, but I never did surprise thing for him. He never yell at me. He never nagging me if I forget to contact him. but, what Jiwon usually did really annoyed me a bit. Sometimes, he was really too much to me.i don’t even know the meaning of what Jiwon’s did for me. It’s love? Or just wanna make me feel comfortable with him? until I realized that, he always stand next to me to support me, he always make me laugh and smile with his cheessy jokes you know the well-known bad jokes bobby, he always did everything for me and always try to make me happy, until I realized that he try really hard to make me love him like he love me. Until I realized this past months. And I start to love him after an-almost-2-years-relationship, and I start to believe that me and Jiwon can last for a long time. But, karma just looking at me. God knows that I don’t deserve Jiwon, and Jiwon of course deserve a better girl than me for accompany him for his entire life and make him happy. Of course, I wasn’t that girl. God arranged something unbelievable things lately. God make it clear now, that we cant be together again. It’s already over…”

Tears falling more and more. Suddenly, hanbin boy hug me. I realized that, I need a hug. I need friend to talk to.

“just spill it out, hayi-ya…it’s okay, I’m the only one who listening to you right now…no one know about it…it’s just the two of us here…” hanbin rubbing my hair slowly and rubbing my back to console me.

“I’m so sorry, Jiwon-ah…I love you, now…but, it’s  too late to tell you this…for now, what can I do for you just pray for your happiness with a better girl. I hope you’ll happy after this. I hope you’ll never see a girl like me, a jerk who waste your time…”

I release our hug, hanbin hold my hand tightly. A ‘thank you so much’ for hanbin boy it’s not enough. He’s really kind.

“I’m a girl that never falling in love with my ex-es. Never. So, I never got hurt when broke up. And still I don’t knoe why I accpeted my ex-es became my boyfriend. But, for now? I can feel that, it’s really hurt. I even cant breathe properly. I hope I can have a new start after this. A really good start…”

“you will have a good start. Start it with smile. You look more beautiful when you smile, hayi-ya…”

“ah…is that so, hanbin-ah? Why you said that? Are you ever saw my smile, huh?”

“of course! When you did whatever things you love. Without you realized, you smile a lot…”

“ah…really? Hanbin boy, are you sasaeng?”

We start to laugh together. I feel relieved right now. Like, I already throw the trash that I already kept for years.

 

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author's story:

i'm in love with Zion.t's eat. it's my favorite sweet reminder. i think it;s suit with the story.

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what will happen next?

please wait for another update yeeeeesssss???? ^^

thank you<3

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