---

“Oh,” Jongin murmurs as he glances at the polished apartment, suddenly feeling like an outsider even though he used to live in the exact same location before.

Keyword: used.

He swallows down the lump forming in his throat with difficulty when he spots the new framed photographs hanging on the walls. It used to be Sehun and him, from their childhood up to their high school days but now, it’s filled with Sehun and his new boyfriend, Luhan.

Boyfriend.

He couldn’t even believe it now – it used to be Sehun and Jongin. It has always been them in the equation; when did Luhan even joined in?

“Hey, are you going to stand there forever or what?” A frown descends on the pale boy’s lips and Jongin can feel himself cringe slightly at the tone the other is using on him. He’s not used to this kind of Sehun – Sehun is a brat, yes but he never really raised his voice on him or even keep his tone in annoyance.

“I’m sorry.” Jongin’s voice drops into a whisper as he takes feeble steps inside the apartment, feeling nostalgic yet out of the place at the same time. He inwardly cringes when he sets his eyes on different parts of the apartment, realizing the big and small changes that they both made. He missed his own home but at the same time, it’s too heartbreaking to stay inside it for even a minute long.

He rushes towards the room where he assumes where they used to stay together. Sehun has always been afraid of the dark since he was still a kid and Jongin feels his chest gets a little lighter when his mind runs over the memory how Sehun squeezes himself to Jongin’s side with his leg draped over his waist.

He holds his breath once he pushes the door open, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt as he takes a quick glance at the room. His heart drops to his feet and he feels like a bucket of ice cold water drops on his head when he sees the amount of changes in the room.

It’s familiar yet different, all at the same time.

He tries his best to avoid glancing at the other things belonging to Sehun and Luhan as he walks across the room to open the drawers. He has lost his favorite sweater, the one that Sehun has given him as a birthday gift five years ago.

It’s a little worn out and the one of the buttons forming the snowman’s eyes has fallen off already. Plus, it’s a bit immature for him to wear it since he’s a university student already but he doesn’t give a . Sehun can keep all the other things and change their used-to-be apartment but that sweater has his essence – maybe just a memory to hold on.

But no matter how many times he has rummaged through the drawers, he can’t find it at all. He feels his chest getting heavier as he scans the last drawer for any signs of the sweater but with slumped shoulders, he ended up empty-handed.

“Will you please hurry up? Luhan’s going to be here soon and-“

“Where’s the sweater?” Sehun stays mute, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion before a scoff slips past his lips, shaking his head.

“Aren’t you a little too old for that already-“

“I don’t give a , Sehun. Where is it?” He raises his voice a little and spins around, staring straight back at the lone boy leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. An unreadable emotion runs through the pale boy’s eyes, just for a second, before it diminishes completely as he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

“I threw it out. It was worn out already.” Jongin feels his chest getting heavier when those words slip out of the other’s lips.

No, no, no. It can’t be.

The only present that he treasures so much, coming from his own best friend, is now in the trash, probably in the dump with thousands of forgotten memories companying it.

He gazes back at Sehun with dullness before he pulls himself together, nodding his head with pure sadness as he walks past the pale boy. Every step away from that apartment is like leaving a piece of his heart.

When he manages to show himself out of the door, already past the territory of the apartment, he realizes he left his heart inside.

He doesn’t go back inside to get it, leaving it where it’s supposed to be.

They weren’t like this before – maybe if Jongin had made a move, would everything turn out differently? Would he still be inside that apartment he calls as his home? Would any changes twist their lives around? Would he still be in Sehun’s arms now?

Probably.

But he never really knew – he never really knew if the boy reciprocated the feelings. He drops subtle hints, hoping the other can notice him in a different light but the problem is, Sehun just brushes it off, as if it’s nothing.

As if his feelings are nothing.

But that’s okay, at least he’s the most important person in Sehun’s life.

Or at least, used to be.

“Jongin, I want you to meet someone.” The excitement evident in Sehun’s tone got Jongin in the edge of his curiosity as he glances at the honey-haired boy standing behind Sehun, his hands wrapped around Sehun’s bony arms. A frown unknowingly forms on his lips but it vanishes when he sees Sehun eyeing him with a slight frown displayed on his lips.

The honey-haired boy steps to the side, revealing himself to Jongin with a bright smile playing on his lips. Sehun is beaming straight at the boy beside him, pulling him close to his side before draping an arm over his shoulder.

Jongin suddenly gets the urge to stand up and run away, his stomach churning and twisting in all the wrong ways possible, making him dizzy. That smile on Sehun’s lips, which is reflected on the honey-haired boy’s face and also the way a single emotion is running through their eyes makes Jongin sick to his stomach.

He can see himself looking at Sehun like that but Sehun never noticed but now, Sehun has that emotion reflected back in his eyes but he’s gazing straight at another person.

Jongin never hated that emotion with so much intensity than before.

Love.

“Jongin, this is Luhan, my boyfriend.”

It’s supposed to be Sehun and Jongin only.

Sehun + Jongin.

Luhan isn’t supposed to be placed in between their made-up equation. Now, their equation shifts and Jongin despises that very fact.

Sehun + Luhan – Jongin.

As much as he wants to deny it as much as he wants, it will always be like that. All he needs to do is to accept that fact and move on with his life.

Besides, it’s been two years already.

He should have moved on already.

But he didn’t.

His feet brings him back to their old apartment. He hates being here – he hates how the memories come flooding back at him at once with a crash, sending him drowning in his misery.

Luhan had moved in a year ago in their shared apartment and it made Jongin sick to his stomach, forcing himself to move out of the apartment after a few months of Luhan’s arrival. Gratefully, Baekhyun, one of his friends back in high school, welcomed him inside his own apartment.

As much as he appreciates Baekhyun’s help, he can’t help but feel homesick and cry himself to sleep upon realizing the usual warmth emitted by Sehun’s body when he presses himself to Jongin’s side. He keeps his feelings to himself, too afraid to break down and realize he will never move on.

But now, he’s ready.

Or at least, he thinks so.

He waits for the door to swing open and he feels the air get stuck in his throat, trying to force its way out of his lips when he sees Luhan opening the door with disheveled hair and wrongly buttoned shirt. Luhan lets his tongue run over his reddish lips, making the corners of Jongin’s lips turn down in dissatisfaction.

“Hey,” Luhan says uneasily, eyeing the clearly uncomfortable male right in front of him. Sehun stumbles behind Luhan, wrapping his arms around the said male before darting his eyes to the unexpected visitor.

“What are you doing here, Jongin?” Sehun utters exasperatingly, removing his arms around Luhan’s thin waist, his eyebrows scrunched in annoyance. Jongin finds it difficult to gulp down the lump in his throat, making the words fall from his lips with incoherence.

“Can we talk?” Jongin’s voice drops into a whisper and Sehun momentarily rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest with arrogance radiating around him.

“Talk then.”

“Privately.” Jongin’s voice is strained as he lets his fingers dig around the material of his jeans, fidgeting awkwardly as he waits for the pale boy’s approval. Sehun lets a sigh roll of his tongue before stepping out of the apartment, laying a kiss on top of Luhan’s head and a quick, “I’ll be back.”

They move further down the hallway before stopping right in front of a staircase leading to the fourth floor. Jongin releases an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his brown hair before diverting his attention to his used-to-be best friend.

There’s no use of beating around the bush now.

“I’m leaving.” He says curtly, eyeing Sehun’s reaction with curiosity lingering in his gaze. Sehun’s eyes flashes with different emotions before all of it vanishes into the thin air, shaking his head slightly with a smirk.

“Really then?”

“I’m not joking, Sehun. I’m leaving for good.”

There’s a dead silence that lingers over the air and Sehun’s face finally projects an emotion that Jongin can read easily. He can see the disbelief painted on his face before repeatedly shaking his head once more, as if he’s in denial.

“Where?” Sehun manages to say with a softened voice and when he gazes straight back at Jongin’s brown orbs, his breath gets knocked out when he sees the hurt and sadness in his eyes. He thinks he’s only imagining all of those emotions on the other male’s face.

“To Prague. Yifan is inviting him to stay there and I might continue my studies over there instead.” He’s stunned by the fact that his voice didn’t shake or even break, even though he’s tearing apart because he’s leaving his best friend – used to be best friend.

Sehun stays mute for a few minutes before he finally looks up at Jongin with a stoic expression displayed on his face.

“Enjoy,” He halts and he takes a gulp before continuing his sentence. “Enjoy your trip then.”

Jongin’s shoulders slump in disappointment when Sehun walks away without any other words lingering. He’s hoping that Sehun would stop him, at the very least but no, he simply walked away, as if he didn’t tell him something very important.

It’s the last chance that Jongin had given himself, just in case Sehun will tell him to stay and probably fix their friendship step by step.

Too bad that chance is wasted away.

Epilogue

“Aren’t you going to work or something?” Jongin throws a crumpled piece of paper at Yifan’s direction but Yifan easily ducks his head just a bit, hitting the paper just in time. The bleach-haired boy throws him a smug smile before getting the coat from the couch.

“I’m now. Stay out of trouble, alright? I’ll just bring you dinner later.” Yifan gives him a salute before walking out of the door, his coat draped over his shoulder. Jongin waits for the door to be shut close before he stands up from the couch, walking towards his own room inside the apartment.

He steps inside and closes the door firmly, locking it before approaching the box hidden under than bed. He pulls it out and sits cross-legged on the floor, opening the flaps to reveal the item inside.

A letter and his favorite sweater.

He lets his fingers skim over the worn-out material of the sweater, a faded smile on his face upon remembering his best friend’s face. Three years had passed and yet, he’s still in the same spot, refusing to take a step forward, not until the pale boy can catch up to him.

He grabs hold of the letter and lets his eyes scan the words, engraving them in his heart and muttering the lines softly under his breath.

Dear Jongin,

I wonder if once you read the first sentence of this stupid letter of mine, you would throw it away, won’t you?

Probably.

Well, I deserved it, anyway. I kept on hurting you for the past years and yet, you stayed by my side. When the world turned its back on me, you were there. You never left, not even once.

That’s why I broke down when you told me you’re going to leave. I couldn’t let myself hold you back since I feel like you deserve all the chances in the world so I let you go.

, it hurts like hell. We didn’t lived together for a couple of years already but it’s the first time that got me homesick for your warmth. I miss everything about you and it hurts because I couldn’t bring back the time and heal all your pain.

I guess this is karma, huh? I never really knew how much it hurts not to have you stay by my side, not until you told me you’re giving up. You’re finally leaving me. I wanted to throw back to you the promise you made during our childhood that you will never leave me, no matter what happens. But I guess I broke mine too – I told you I wouldn’t replace you and yet, you were forced to leave the apartment because I wanted Luhan to be with me.

Remember the sweater I gave you? I hid it – I didn’t want to give it to you during that time because that’s the only thing I have left of you. Sure, I did love Luhan but you had a permanent home in my heart, idiot. No one can replace you, even my ex-boyfriend.

But I knew how much you loved that sweater so I’m giving it back to you. I never knew something stupid and dorky like that would be one of your treasured possessions and I’m glad. I’m sorry for keeping it – I just wanted it because I wanted to be selfish and keep a part of you with me, especially since you’re moving.

I know you’d probably would have forgotten me already but I’m still desperately hoping you didn’t. I hope I also have a permanent home in your heart, even if I’m selfish and I keep on hurting you.

I know we’ll meet again, Jongin. We’ll meet soon and I swear to you, I’ll make up all the lost time we wasted.

I’ll make sure that you’ll know that I’m in love with you too.

Always have been.

I was too much of a coward and too in denial to admit it.

I hope I’m not too late though.

I love you, Kim Jongin.

Wait for me.

    - Oh Sehun

 

Jongin lets a sigh slip past his lips, folding the letter once more before he hears the doorbell ring. With a frown on his lips, he stands up from his position before moving out of his room. He thinks Yifan must have forgotten his things once more, very typical of him.

The doorbell rang again and Jongin mutters a string of curses under his breath before trudging towards the door in irritation. His hand lands on the doorknob and he twists it, pulling the door open.

His breath gets knocked out of his lungs and he feels his knees weakening at the sight of the male in front of him. The male is staring back at him with a pleasant smile on his lips and Jongin’s heart did a somersault and the butterflies are flying around in his stomach once more.

“Jongin?”

He feels himself falling all over again and he can’t believe it himself. But this time, it feels new and refreshing.

This time, there is no more room for regrets and past mistakes.

Just the two of them.

“Oh Sehun.”

---

♥ author's notes
↳ Uh, this is so bad omg. It's almost midnight here and I declared a while ago that i will sleep buT LOOKAT THIS ONESHOT- okay i'm sorry omf. anyway, this is dedicated to opikonew! thank you for your idea, darling. heh. it's supposed to be a sad ending BUT i'm craving for happy endings so yasss!!! please do leave your feedback! : )