Sehun pulls his knees up to his chest as his eyes carefully watch the raindrops patter against the glass window, sliding down in a painfully slow pace. Just another night and yet, he can’t grasp the feeling of being – what?

Alone?

Lonely?

He’s not so sure what he exactly feels but he’s certain of the heaviness of his heart whenever he thinks of that certain boy.

People used to say they were the perfect couple – they were practically inseparable during their high school days. They stuck to each other like sticky glue that won’t come off anytime soon but it started to lose its stickiness when they entered college.

Busy schedules, lame excuses, and feigning ignorance when they pass by each other.

Maybe Sehun is a bit too possessive – maybe he’s paranoid too.

If he didn’t act a bit too irrational during that day, would everything change?

If he listened to Jongin’s explanation that the guy he’s been hanging out for weeks is only a friend, would their relationship change?

A bitter laugh slips past his lips as he feels the tears b at the corner of his eyes, hastily trying to wipe them off but to no avail. He lets the tears slowly run down his cheeks steadily, just like those raindrops sliding down the window in front of him.

Nothing would change – he would still be moping over the fact that Jongin is ignoring him while the latter gives him another lame excuse to not spend time with him.

He saw it coming – Jongin’s kind enough to prepare his heart for the ultimate heartbreaking news he’ll bestow upon the younger male.

I don’t love you.

He closes his eyes but behind those eyelids, he sees himself; running and running after the black-haired male and begging. He sees himself on his knees, begging relentlessly.

Don’t go.

I said, I don’t love you anymore, Sehun.

Please, don’t go. I’ll do anything.

You can’t do anything.

I’ll change, Jongin. I’ll change myself, if that’s what you want.

Jongin lets a scoff slip past the seam of his lips as he tries to pull the younger to his feet but Sehun refuses, eyes downcast and filled with tears.

Get up, Sehun.

Forgive me, Jongin. I shouldn’t have accused you.

You can’t do anything about it now, Sehun.

I didn’t know, I swear. If I only knew that you only saw him as a friend, I would-

Just…

He sees the distressed look layered on Jongin’s face, his weary eyes scanning the younger male, who’s still on his knees and begging.

Shut up, Sehun.

Jongin, I-

I said, shut up.

Jongin, don’t go.

I SAID, SHUT UP.

He flinches slightly as he feels Jongin dragging him up his feet and a punch landing on his jaw squarely. A whimper escapes his thin pair and he hears Jongin growl, dropping him on the ground.

I don’t love you anymore, Sehun! What part of that can’t you understand?

He stays mute, fingers digging onto the concrete floor as Jongin impatiently waits for his response.

We’re not meant to be, alright?

Jongin’s voice softens at the end and he hears the shuffling of feet before he feels Jongin’s slender digits gently touching his pale cheeks.

I’m sorry, I really am.

Jongin, don’t go.

He raises his eyes towards the tanned male and he watches as Jongin lets a sigh slip past the gritted teeth before he pulls the younger male close to his chest, his hair in a soothing manner.

We’re not meant to be.

He repeats in a firm but softened tone as he lets Sehun pull away from his embrace, his eyes tearing up once more as he sets his eyes on Jongin’s face.

I love you.

Sehun wants to let Jongin hear those words in a clear and firm tone but he ends up whimpering as he peers at Jongin’s reaction through his bangs. He gazes at him as he lets another tired sigh, his index finger travelling along the column of Sehun’s neck, tracing it mindlessly until it ends at the tip of Sehun’s chin. He lifts it up steadily and wipes away the stray tears escaping the latter’s eyes.

I loved you.

He breathes out a shaky sigh before letting his lips press against Sehun’s forehead, a goodbye kiss, perhaps.

There’s a difference, Sehun.

He stands up, letting go of the younger as he casts him a forlorn look, turning his back and walking away, not sparing another glance at the broken boy he left behind.

Sehun’s eyes jot open when he hears a familiar ringtone echoing in his bedroom, pulling him out of his thoughts. He groggily slips his hand under the pillow, pulling his phone out with a firm grip of his hand.

He lazily steals a glance at the sender of the message and he feels a lump form in his throat as he runs his eyes over and over, hoping desperately that the name would change.

Nothing.

It’s still the same.

The sender of the message remains the same and a whimper unknowingly slips past his lips.

Kim Jongin.

But why?

He asks himself as he holds his phone close to him, carefully and tentatively opening the message with a single click.

Today 2:57 AM
I’m sorry. I love you, Sehun.

He blinks, trying to comprehend the hidden meaning of message when another comes running in. He opens it with shaky fingers.

Today 2:58 AM
Can we start over?

That’s it – that’s what he’s been waiting for during this whole time. But strangely, he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel the excitement slipping through his blood vessels, the happiness he’s supposed to feel since Jongin still loves him.

After all this time.

He still loves him.

But no, he didn’t feel it. All he feels… all he feels, as of now, is emptiness.

Pure emptiness.

Exactly what he felt when Jongin left him behind, abandoned and empty.

He rests his head against the headboard before darting his eyes over his alarm clock, ticking off the fact that it’s already 2:59 AM. He in a deep breath and before he knows it, he finds himself writing down a message to Jongin. He exhales, not realizing he’s been holding his breath before a swift click on the send button happen.

He feels his body relaxes, the heaviness in his chest slowly subsiding.

He doesn’t know if he’ll regret this but for now, he’s fine.

He’ll be fine.

Today 3:00 AM
I’m sorry but no.

♥ author's notes
↳ this is my favorite oneshot, tbh. heh. c: