Sehun isn't supposed to be doing this - he was the one who cut off all of their ties, the first one to avoid him when they happen to pass by the halls, and the first one to break the string that connects both of them. But ironically, he's the one who is wide awake with his body shivering due to what? The coldness? The fear of being alone? Or is it because of the sudden lonliness that dawned on him when he reached out to the other end of the bed and realized that Jongin is not there?

His heart is shaking and his lips quiver before he presses his back against the headboard, his breathing becoming shallow. He's craving to hear that deep and velvety voice that belongs to the tanned male and the warm skin pressing against his to protect him at night.

Six months and yet, this is the only time that managed to drown him in his sadness and misery for driving away his sweet lover who never left his side. Jongin would never leave him, even if the whole world would give him the cold shoulder. But god, he can feel his throat run dry at the image of Jongin falling apart in front of him - crying and begging oh so relentlessly for the pale male to stay with him.

It's 3am and his heart still hasn't calmed down - his phone's light dims a little as he continues to stare passively at the screen, the number displayed on it. It's 3am and Sehun doesn't know if Jongin is sleeping peacefully or disturbingly or if he's also awake, like his current state of him. He's downright worried if Jongin would even pick it up - who would actually have the heart to pick up the phone call of the person who shunned them away?

He takes the risk though and presses tentatively at the call button. It rings repeatedly as Sehun waits rather anxiously, his stomach churning in different directions, making him dizzy in the head. The dial tone greets his ear and the male's heart drops to his stomach. He expected it, anyway but he can't help but let himself cling desperately to that string of hope that Jongin would answer.

Regret tastes rather bitter at the tip of his tongue.

He puts down his phone, completely disheartened with his insides decrepited along it.

Jongin probably hates me, Sehun thinks as he folds his legs, pulling it close to his chest as he leans his chin on it. The silence is suddenly deafening according to his ears and he figures that he should sleep and wallow in his misery when he steps in his dreamland.

But the shrill of his phone brings him out of his reverie as he swiftly takes the call, ignoring the fact that he should take notice of the caller ID first.

"Hello?" Sehun croaks out and the silence immediately overlaps the response of the caller. A few heartbeats pass by and the voice - , he can feel himself melting at the deep and velvety voice with a mixture of evident sleepiness.

"Sehun?" His name is only uttered and yet, he feels absolutely wrecked. He can almost feel his fingers shaking and ready to let go of his phone but fortunately, he had quite a strong grip on it.

"Jongin?" He tests out, his lips forming the syllables slowly and somehow, the first image that enters his mind is the sleepy smile sprawled on his plush lips. That thought made the corners of Sehun's lips turn upwards in nostalgia.

"Sehun-ah, it's 3 in the morning. Why aren't you asleep yet? Are you having nightmares of some sort?" The concern is dripping at the edge of his Jongin's voice and never did Sehun in his whole life felt the need to punch himself in the stomach.

Why is Jongin being so nice to him? Isn't he supposed to be angry at him for leaving him without any notice? Didn't he even felt depressed at the sudden cut of their strings? Why is he acting as if Sehun didn't break his heart at all?

"Sehun, are you still there?" Jongin calls out worriedly and Sehun forces himself to choke back a sob from escaping past his lips.

No, he has no right to cry over this - his absolute mistake of letting Jongin walk away from his arms, even though he begged so hard for Sehun not to push him away. Sehun has always been a bad boyfriend, always experimenting with the feelings of others and break the relationship apart whenever he feels like it.

He thought he really liked Soojung more than Jongin but whenever he makes a move on the said girl, he pauses for a while and remembers him. He sees and feels Jongin pressed up against his lithe body as they make out and chuckle after skipping classes to be with each other. He can't be with any other person without Jongin popping in his mind.

Sehun literally had no idea how much he would actually need Jongin like how he needs air to breathe.

"Sehun, please talk to me." This whole situation suddenly became ludicrous for Sehun - him calling Jongin at 3am, Jongin talking on the phone montonously because Sehun hasn't responded to his questions, and Jongin being the one who is ing begging for Sehun to talk to him. It's so ridiculous - everything that Sehun is beyond idiotic and he's just pulling Jongin into his own messed up self.

"Why are you like this?" The question slipped past the pale male's thin lips and his tone is harsher than he intended. He can actually imagine Jongin cringing, probably because of the question or because of his tone. Maybe it's none or maybe it's both. Sehun has no ing idea.

Silence greets Sehun's ears, instead of Jongin's deep and velvety voice that sends vibrations throughout his whole body. He wants to apologize - not only because of the question, but also for all of the times that his stupidity acted up. There were too many for Sehun to keep track all of his troubles during their relationship.

He's more than ready to let those words fall from his lips when that all too familiar voice comes ringing in his ears, forcing him to become attentive.

"Because I love you." It just took four words for Sehun to be rendered speechless and feel all the guilt climb up from his stomach, up to his throat. Breathing suddenly became hard to do.

"It's stupid, I know," All the sleepiness in Jongin's voice slipped away and this time, it's hard and firm.

"I knew you were just playing with me in the beginning, Sehun. I thought that I could ride along to your stupid little game because really, you were just out there to experiment with others' feelings and you think you can make me your next victim." An empty chuckle passes by Jongin's lips and Sehun suddenly feels like he wants to vomit his insides out.

"I thought I can beat you. I thought nothing was special about you so I thought that I can make you fall for me so easily." He halts, catching his breath before speaking once more.

"I guess I was wrong then. You managed to make me so soft for you. I even became cheesy and romantic because I thought you liked when I'm like that. Guess I'm wrong about that too."

Sehun is breathing hard and his hand is clutching tightly onto his bedsheets, the tears b at the corner of his eyes. He wants to yell at Jongin for being so stupid - for still being in love with someone who is ungrateful like him. But at the same time, he wants to fall in Jongin's arms and thank the heavens for allowing him to have such a thoughtful and sweet boyfriend like Jongin. He's so torn and muddled that he almost didn't manage to catch the next words thar fall from Jongin's lips.

"But if I have to be honest, I wouldn't care if you hurt me," Jongin whispers lowly and Sehun wraps his hand tighter around his phone, wanting the urge to just slam himself against the wall for his idiocy.

"Like I said, I'm such a softie for you. You can come to my apartment five years or even ten years later and I'll gladly take you in my arms."

"That's a lie." Sehun doesn't believe any of it - Jongin wouldn't accept him any longer, much less wait for him to come back. Silence is like their best friend because it comes over and over again, filling in the nonflowing conversation.

"I know myself, Sehun." Jongin finally states after a few minutes of contemplation. Sehun still has some doubt sneaking inside his heart as his head spins due to the confusion.

"I'm willing to wait for you, if that's what you want. I'll wair until you tell me to back off. I'll wait until you show off to me that I'm only going to be a waste of space in your life if I come back. I'll wait until you stop loving me."

Silence is so deafening and Sehun can hear his erratic heart beating as it gets rather hard for him to breathe. 

"I'm sorry," The sob that Sehun was trying to prevent finally falls from his lips, his heart hammering against his chest as he tries to control his breathing. He can barely hear the panic dripping from the corner of Jongin's voice as he tries to calm down the younger male, which remains rather unfruitful. 

"Please don't cry, Sehun-ah," Jongin's voice is starting to shake but it remains rather impassive for Sehun as he continues to stop his hands from shaking so badly and stop his chest from heaving so much.

"I don't deserve you, Jongin. I never did. Why do you keep on being like this?" 

Jongin stays silent over the line while Sehun desperately tries to piece himself together once more but god, he keeps on falling apart and it hurts every time.

"I'm coming over."

"Jongin-"

The line is cut off and Sehun ends up staring back at the empty sky once more.

It's been six months and yet, Sehun is afraid to face him after not seeing him for half a year already. He thinks he will never be able to compose himself after the destruction he made on their relationship and also to both of them. 

The knock on his door had him holding his breath as he stumbles out of his bedroom, almost falling over due to the coffee table but he gave not too much of attention on it. He rushes towards the door, pulling it open before his eyes lands on the male with disheavled brown hair in front of him, his breath hitching ever so slightly.

"Jongin," The name comes out as a hushed whisper and he can feel his decrepited insides crumbling as the said male takes a tentative step towards him.

Jongin doesn't utter a word - his hand hesitantly brushing against Sehun's soft cheek before it traces down his neck, up to his fingertips. He never really knew how much of the tanned male's touch on his skin would send shivers down his spine.

Jongin tugs him towards him and he gently lowers his head, pressing a feather-like peck on his forehead before he envelopes him in his arms. Sehun has never felt his stomach do so many somersaults as his heart starts to become erratic once more. 

"Oh Sehun," The slightly shorter male between them utters softly as he pulls away, his arms still winded around Sehun's waist. Sehun never registered in his mind before how beautiful Jongin appears before his eyes and the moonlight filtering through the window just adds more vibrance and life to his deep brown orbs. 

Is it possible to fall so hard for an angel like Kim Jongin?

"You have no idea how much you made me happy when you called me." Tears brimmed the corners of Sehun's eyes and he holds back the words he want to say, letting Jongin speak his mind right now.

"I didn't care if you only called me because you needed something from me. But when I saw your caller ID, I got scared." Jongin halts as he lifts his eyes, searching for any signs of discomfort on the younger male's face. He found none.

"I thought I could still handle it but I was too dumbfounded to answer the call." 

"I thought you really hated me." Sehun admits as he leans in to Jongin's warm touch, releasing a sigh of contentment.

"How can I hate someone who made me fall in love? No matter what happens, I always get pulled back to you. I'm always soft for you because I care for you." Jongin smiles wryly in return and it somehow made the pale male's stomach twist slightly.

"I want the best for you, Sehun." Jongin reaches over to him, brushing his lips hesitantly against Sehun's thin and cracked lips. Sehun didn't even have the time to register his actions before Jongin pulls back almost immediately as disappointment streaks over his features.

"Although I sometimes wish that the best for you was me." 

Silence looms over them as Sehun tries to search for an appropriate response but he ends up with a speechless expression. Jongin smiles, almost painfully before he pulls away completely with his eyes downcast.

"I guess my work here is done. Did I manage to scare off your nightmare?" The teasing tone in Jongin's voice is not enough to cover the pain hidden underneath it. Sehun blinks for a few times before reaching towards his hand, lacing their fingers lightly before gazing straight at Jongin's brown orbs.

"The only nightmare I have is not having you here by my side."

Jongin raises his eyebrows, clearly surprised as he sinks down his teeth onto his lower lip in thought, unintentionally gripping Sehun's hand tighter.

"Can you make it go away, Jongin?"

The smile on Jongin's lips is ineffably beautiful as he steps towards Sehun confidently, looping his arms around Sehun's waist before he nears his lips towards Sehun's slightly quivering pair. He presses another kiss on Sehun's pair, his answer sends the pale male's heart soaring through cloud nine.

This time, Sehun makes sure not to let Jongin go.

Not ever again.

"Of course."

♥ author's notes
↳ finally updated after 4732847834 years tbh. /bombed. i'm sorry if i haven't updated for a long time ugh. i lost my muse (yes, for a month) and all i did was to rp omg. i'm so sorry if this but don't worry! i'm working on many stories rn so please do anticipate them! please do leave your comments thanks. x

p.s: if you have any question/inquiries or you simply want to talk to me (lol), you can follow me on twitter or ask me here!
p.p.s: this isn't betad btw