Jongin lets the back of his head softly hit the painted wall behind, his legs curled up against his chest as his eyes scan the darkened room. He has long fallen asleep under the covers and anyone who sees him will probably think he’s off in an innocent dreamland but Jongin knows better.

He knows Sehun has fallen asleep with tears yet to be shed and his body shaking slightly, not entirely sure if it’s because of the cold or the lingering hurt left in his body. Jongin entirely knows that it’s because of him, Sehun is put in a broken state right now.

“Maybe we were a mistake, Jongin. Maybe we weren’t really meant to be.”

Jongin doesn’t know why but once those words fell from the younger male’s lips, he finds his world crashing down too.

To be honest, Jongin doesn’t really know if he’s in love with Sehun or not. On another context, he knows that he feels something for Sehun but he thinks it might not be as special as what he felt for Kyungsoo.

Jongin has been in love with Kyungsoo for who knows how long but in unfortunate turn of events, he’s suddenly finds himself stuck when Sehun approaches him at the rooftop that afternoon.

He remembers the flash of nervousness passing through Sehun’s soulful brown orbs, his hands shaking terribly as he pushes himself to move towards Jongin’s spot. His steps are baby-like and filled with so much nervousness that Jongin can feel how much it’s affecting Sehun right now. Lanky arms are thrown around his torso before he crashes against Sehun’s broad chest, fingers shaking yet they curl around the nape of his neck.

He can’t deny the fact he felt breathless – his heartbeat increasing unnaturally; he blames it on the lack of skinship.

Sehun’s fingers shift to running through his shaggy brown hair before his bangs are swept to the side, the younger male’s gaze boring right through his own eyes. It’s so hard to hold his fierce gaze but he managed to do it for a short time, only for his eyes to fall to the direction of the floor.

“Jongin,” He’s surprised to hear how steady and calm the other’s voice is but he knows better that Sehun is a nervous wreck underneath all of that layers of confidence. He responds with a hum leaving his lips as he cranes his neck a bit to take a look at the slightly taller boy with his arms wrapped around him.

Sehun gnaws on his lower lip, trying to keep down his anxiety as he holds Jongin’s curious-filled gaze on him. Before any of them can comprehend the situation, Jongin finds Sehun’s thin pair pressing awkwardly against own but it’s enough to wake up the butterflies swarming in his stomach.

He doesn’t respond and thankfully, Sehun doesn’t force him. Instead, he pulls away and his eyes are filled with so much hope and expectation, making the lump form in Jongin’s throat. He tries hard to swallow it but it stubbornly stays where it is, making the words disappear even before they reach his lips.

“I really like you, Jongin. I really do.” Sehun lets out a soundless breath, taking Jongin’s hands in his own cold ones but Jongin feels strangely warm inside.

“Will you please be mine?” It’s the most dreaded question – his answers lies in the possible consequences of his decision. One wrong word and he’ll have everything sink down the drain without any question. There’s no stepping back because it’s now or never.

He breathes in and he doesn’t think of anything else except for one answer.

He doesn’t think of the consequences, he doesn’t think of Kyungsoo, or he doesn’t even think of how hopeful Sehun’s eyes are now.

The word falls from his lips and a grin stretches on Sehun’s lips, making Jongin think that his smile can manage to brighten up the whole room.

“Yes.”

“You’re together with him?” Disbelief fills Kyungsoo’s voice as he darts his eyes over at Sehun then to Jongin when they were seated at the table in the cafeteria. Jongin uncomfortably shifts in his seat and the urge to comfort Kyungsoo and deny all of it is so strong but Sehun beats him to it with a smile etched on his pale face.

“Yes, we’ve been together since last week.” Sehun’s smile is so bright and Jongin’s stomach coils in a tense manner, his fingers digging onto his jeans as he glances at Kyungsoo. He has a blank and unreadable look displayed on his face but somehow, he can see the hurt running through the latter’s eyes. Jongin can also feel his own heart squeezing in pain.

Kyungsoo abruptly stands up from his own chair, leaving his half-eaten lunch on the table before he walks away in a fast pace, never looking back. Jongin’s body unknowingly acts on its own and he stands up, ignoring how Sehun’s grip falters as he lets go of Jongin hurriedly. He walks out of the cafeteria and somehow, he didn’t feel the hurt emitted by Sehun’s feelings.

Everything in his mind starts from Kyungsoo and ends with Kyungsoo.

No Sehun in between.

“You’re horrible,” Kyungsoo emits a laugh and Jongin finds the corners of his lips turning upwards once hearing that sweet sound fall from his lips. Jongin shakes his head before tilting his head to the side, eyes bright with laughter and happiness.

“Well, what can I do?” He shrugs nonchalantly, a playful smirk tugging on his lips. “He’s bullying you and I just can’t stand by and watch you get hurt, right?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze softens and he hesitantly wraps his arms around Jongin’s torso, bringing him close.

“Thank you, Jongin. That means a lot to me.” Jongin waits for the tightness in his stomach or even the butterflies flying around there but nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

He doesn’t even know why he considers this as a friendly hug.

He’s supposed to be in love with Do Kyungsoo but what’s happening?

He awkwardly pulls away and he sees Kyungsoo’s face flush but out of the corner of his eyes, he spots Sehun eyeing him from behind the wall. He catches his eyes and he grasps the fact that Sehun’s eyes widens in surprise and his own face flushes in embarrassment but Jongin can’t help but let a smile take over his features.

He ignores the curious gaze that Kyungsoo is sending him and he finds himself standing up, feet hurriedly approaching the lone boy behind the wall, who is eagerly waiting. He immediately scoops him up in his arms and places multiple kisses all over his face, loving every single sound that falls from Oh Sehun’s mouth. He feels his stomach tighten and the butterflies are flying once more.

He doesn’t want to rush to conclusions but one thing for sure, Oh Sehun makes him feel things he shouldn’t be feeling.

“You’re avoiding me,” Sehun’s voice drops into a whisper and Jongin lets a groan of annoyance slip past his lips as he slams his hands on the dining table, rising up from his chair. He avoids the hurt-filled gaze that Sehun is giving him as he slings his backpack over his shoulder, stepping around the chair.

“I’m not, alright?” He turns to Sehun, whose face is ice-cold but the hurt is forever running through his lonesome brown orbs. The pale boy approaches him and weakly pushes him, trying to radiate the anger but can’t – he must have been too hurt.

“You like him, don’t you?” His voice is begging to break and he can see how Sehun is tearing apart although he tries to ignore this as much as possible.

“Didn’t I say to you-“

“ you, Jongin. Quit lying.” Even before they can process it, Jongin’s hand flies across Sehun’s cheek, making him stumble back in pure shock. Jongin stands there, his hand shaking so badly and he wants to break apart when he sees the tears b in Sehun’s eyes.

“I’m sor-” Even before he can finish his apology, he finds himself talking to the slam of the door and the staleness of the air instead.

They don’t talk after their fight and Jongin tries to fill in his time by hanging out with Kyungsoo, putting his feelings aside for now. But he can’t turn his previous feelings for Kyungsoo back because Sehun is lingering in his mind now.

He’s been lingering in his mind ever since they started dating.

His mind is a mess ever since he started to feel things for Sehun – the same things he used to feel for Kyungsoo but this time, it’s getting stronger and scaring him. He doesn’t want to fall because he’s afraid Sehun won’t catch him.

But Sehun has always been there – arms outstretched with a hopeful smile playing on his lips.             

He thinks twice if Sehun is still ready to catch him or if he already got tired and leave, even before Jongin can ready himself for the fall.

“You can just admit it to me, Jongin. I won’t get angry.”

Sehun stumbles into his dorm that night in tears, hands shaking once more as he clings to Jongin. He doesn’t show any sign of letting go anytime soon so Jongin lets him cling to his shirt, wet from the tears falling from Sehun’s eyes. His voice is raspy and broken but once he got those words out, Jongin feels his own knees buckling, ready to fall on the floor with his knees supporting him.

“What are you talking about?” Jongin’s voice is a hushed whisper as he drags Sehun towards the couch, letting him take a seat beside him. Sehun’s fingers digs around his shirt, bringing the tanned male closer to his bony body. He lays his forehead against Jongin’s own, trying to level his breathing.

“I love you, Jongin. , I really do. But it hurts,” He sobs, fingers digging more painfully around his soaked shirt as his lips travel along Jongin’s jawline, placing sweet kisses on it.

“It hurts to see you falling for him while I stay on the sidelines, unable to do anything.”

God, it’s so painful – it’s the first time Jongin feels the searing pain ripping his chest apart and it suddenly got harder to breathe in the air around him as he watches the boy he’s falling for break apart right in front of him with fingers wrapped around his shirt.

“It’s alright if you want to break up with me. Tell me if you liked him before or you liked him after we started dating. Tell me everything, Jongin.” Breathing is suddenly hard to do as they both try to catch their breath whilst keeping each other as close as their bodies would permit.

“I want to know everything,” Sehun halts, his lips finding Jongin’s own pair and he pulls him into a pain-filled kiss, teeth tugging harshly on Jongin’s bottom lip as his fingers uncurl around his shirt, hands starting to roam his body. Jongin tries to pull Sehun and himself together as he breaks the kiss but he doesn’t let him pull away completely from his body.

“Maybe we were a mistake, Jongin. Maybe we weren't really meant to be.” Sehun admits, eyes b with tears once more and Jongin thinks it hurts.

It’s a numbing pain in his chest and he hates the feeling of it.

Jongin lets the silence lull Sehun to sleep before carrying him to the bedroom, dropping him softly on the bed and covering his shivering body with the comforter.

Now he’s here, stuck with the decision if he should step back or step forward.

He lets his eyes flutter close, his mind finally letting him rest once he makes his decision.

It’s now or never.

“Jongin?”

“I love you.”

A smile breaks out on the pale boy’s lips and despite feeling tired from the turn of events, he pulls Jongin into his arms. Jongin lets himself melt in his embrace, his own arms wrapping around Sehun’s torso, lips automatically finding Sehun’s ones.

This time, he lets himself fall.

Knowing the fact that Sehun will catch him, anytime.

♥ author's notes
↳ so uh, this was supposed to be a crack-filled + fluffy oneshot bUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. this is practically a result of my mind when i'm working at 1 on the morning omg. i'm so sorry - i tried to make a fluffy and crack-filled oneshot but : sekai + early in the morning (basically around one or two a.m.) + coMPLETELY DEPRIVED FROM IDEAS TO FORM THESE ONESHOTS = some weird ~angsty~ oneshot. ;; so i'm sorry but still, thank you for sticking with me heh. 

*side note: i decided to maybe you know, take some requests / prompts since i don't have any ideas right now sobs. but i can't guarantee i'll be able to write all your requests or something smh. but still, do send me some prompts / requests if you have any! :)