There they are again.

Sehun lets a sigh slip past his lips as he watches Jongin casually swings an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, naturally pulling him closer to his side. The piercing screams of the fans echoes in his ears as he blindly steps beside Baekhyun, who excitedly waves his arms along to the current song playing. He feels Chanyeol tugging on his hand and throwing a towel in his direction but he stares off, noticing how Jongin is practically grinning as he hands Kyungsoo the heart-shaped pillow.

“They are together again.”

Chanyeol picks up Sehun’s hushed whisper before swiftly averting his attention to Jongin and Kyungsoo, who are having fun all by themselves on the extended stage. He drapes an arm over Sehun’s shoulder and playfully whacks his face with the heart-shaped pillow, releasing a fit of laughter upon seeing Sehun’s dumbfounded look.

The fans squeal once more upon catching sight of Sehun and Chanyeol’s interaction. Sehun pulls his lips into a playful smile and attempts to hit Chanyeol on the shoulder with his own pillow when he sees Jongin back-hugging Kyungsoo, laughing near his ear. His smile drops momentarily and he turns around for a quick second, a mild scowl appearing on his lips.

He didn’t really need to see that.

There’s a knock on the door and Sehun quickly slips into his shirt, shaking his head as the droplets of water hit the floor before he trudges his way towards the door. His hand lands on the doorknob, twisting it and swinging the door open, only to see Jongin showing him a sheepish smile. He feels a lump forming in his throat and his hand tightens around the doorknob unknowingly.

“Hey,” Jongin starts off hesitantly as he peers at Sehun through his bangs, his eyes filled with a silent plea to let him inside the room. Sehun releases a sigh before swinging the door wider, stepping aside to let him in. Jongin shows him a grateful smile in return as he steps inside, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Sehun follows suit, his heart hammering against his chest as he takes the seat next to Jongin, playing with his fingers to avoid Jongin’s burning gaze on him.

An awkward silence hangs over them and Sehun feels his chest getting heavier as each suffocating second passes by. They weren’t like this before – five years ago, they were sitting on the rooftop, laughing and crying about every event that passes by them. But what now?

“Sehun,” He feels something churn in his stomach and he feels a shiver run down his spine as he withdraws his gaze from the floor and tries to maintain eye contact with the tanned male. Jongin reaches over to squeeze his hand, slotting his fingers through Sehun’s empty spaces between his slender digits.

He can hear his heart beating against his chest and he feels like he’s going to fall on the floor in any second, despite the fact that he’s sitting firmly on the edge of the bed, Jongin’s hand laced with his own. He hates how apologetic Jongin looks right now, just like every night when he thinks he hurt Sehun through the numerous fan services he has to keep up with Kyungsoo. But there’s something lingering in Jongin’s expression, as if he’s feeling regretful and sorrowful. 

Sehun badly wants to look away, to tear his eyes away from Jongin's deep brown orbs staring back at him with confusion and hesitance but he can't. He really can't.

Jongin heaves a deep sigh, his ribcage rising up slightly before it goes down back to its original position. He plays with Sehun's fingers, as if he's trying to distract himself from the following words he’ll be emitting. After a few minutes of silence, Jongin finally drops Sehun’s hand and he raises his eyes towards him with apologies written in his eyes.

“I’m really sorry, Sehun but let’s break up.”

He finally said it.

Sehun should have been prepared since he has seen this coming but no, it ing hurts. He feels like his heart is being ripped into pieces and stabbed repeatedly across his chest as he desperately tries to gather up the pieces of his heart. The tension in the room is getting heavier and he wants to cry – he wants to slap him across the face but he stay stills, too stunned and heart-broken to even move.

“But why?” He finds himself saying as he shakily meets Jongin’s apologetic gaze on him. Jongin heaves a sigh before shifting closer to him, trying to wrap his arm around Sehun’s body frame but Sehun moves away, cringing when he feels Jongin’s slight brush against his arm. Jongin watches him with an unreadable expression in his eyes but Sehun keeps his distance. He’s afraid that once Jongin pulls him close once more, he’ll break into pieces.

“I’m sorry, Sehun.” Sehun shakes his head desperately, wrapping his own arms around himself as his chest gets even heavier. He doesn’t want any apologies, he wants explanations.

“I’m sorry-“

“I DON’T WANT YOUR ING APOLOGIES, KIM JONGIN!” He raises his voice and Jongin looks extremely taken back when he sees Sehun slipping from the bed, landing onto the floor with a thud. He tries to reach out but Sehun slaps his hands away, the tears starting to brim in his eyes.

“Hunnie.” Jongin’s voice sounds so affectionate and beautiful and Sehun hates himself for letting his insides melt once more when the nickname slips from Jongin’s lips. Jongin tries to reach out once more and Sehun lets him wrap his arms around his trembling figure, the familiar warmness spreading inside of him.

He hates himself for giving in easily to Jongin.

“I’m sorry. I really am,” Jongin halts before carding his fingers through Sehun’s hair, smoothing it out gently with his own fingers but Sehun remains rigid in his arms, even though the gesture is quite comforting. “It’s just that… we really don’t fit with each other.”

“What? It took you two years to make that conclusion?” Sehun can’t help but let the bitterness seep in and Jongin lowers his head, heaving a tired sigh before gazing back at Sehun’s droopy eyes. Jongin leans forward to lay a kiss on his eyelids and Sehun feels the tears running down his eyes, just like a waterfall.

“You deserve so much better.”

“I love you, Jongin. , don’t go. I’ll do anything.” Sehun sounds desperate but he doesn’t give a damn about it anymore. He clings onto Jongin and he tightens his grip on him, too afraid to drown himself in the reality that Jongin will be gone.

That he isn’t meant to stay.

Jongin exasperatedly shakes his head before pressing a chaste kiss against Sehun’s thin ones, pulling away even before Sehun can respond.

“I love Kyungsoo.” Jongin finally says and Sehun halts completely before he feels another stab in his heart, this time, it feels like it’s driving through the flesh and sending a million of heart attacks throughout his whole body. He feels like a bucket of ice cold water is poured on him repeatedly, making him numb afterwards.

“I’m not really surprised.” His voice lowers to a whisper as he gaze back at Jongin’s eyes blankly, the numbness making its way through his veins. He’s been hurt too many times for today and he just can’t help but feel… numb to the pain.

And that what scares him the most.

Jongin stares back at him with soulless eyes, as if he’s done. Maybe he fell in too deep and dealing with Sehun right now is just a waste of time.

“I’m sorry I wasted your time for two whole ing years, Jongin.” He spats in anger and bitterness but Jongin didn’t even flinch anymore. He’s as numb as Sehun is right now. Like he’s slowly growing immune to Sehun’s negative emotions thrown at him.

“I’m sorry.” Jongin says wearily before finally pulling himself up from the floor and turns his back on the younger male. Sehun wants to reach out and pull him back and maybe never let him go but he stay stills, feeling too numb about everything that just happened. He emotionlessly watches Jongin pull on the doorknob and swing the door open, stepping out of the tension-filled room.

He secretly wishes that Jongin would look back but he doesn’t – he walks away and before he knows it, he hears Kyungsoo calling out his name in an affectionate way. He pulls his legs against his chest and he buries his face on his knees, trying to even out his breathing.

He’s too broken to feel anything right now.

And he thinks no one can fix him anymore.

♥ author's notes
↳ i'm feELING ANGSTY SO I'M SORRY IF I GAVE YOU ANGST. i don't know why i made it like this, i'm feeling emotional omf. anyway, leave you feedback! i want to know what you think heh.