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They always thought he’s the bad guy – the protagonist of the story, the heart-breaker, and the ignorant one. They say behind his back that he’s the best when bringing your hopes to the sky then crush them down on the ground mercilessly.

He’s supposed to be the bad guy but this time, hopefully just this time, he’s the one who’s going to break down.

Hard.

SCENE VI

It’s been two months.

He should have moved on by this time. Or at least, accepted the reality that they won’t be together.

But he’s still tucked in at the corner of his room, the darkness engulfing his vision as he grabs the bottle by its neck, draining its contents down his throat and it burns. It ing burns like his throat is on fire.

But it’s alright.

He’s used to it anyway.

Unlike the heaviness in his chest that’s suffocating the life out of him.

SCENE V

Reliving the past would be too horrible – too painful to even start thinking of it. But that’s how Jongin came to be, he’s the laid-back and cool guy that everyone likes and assumingly thought that he’s a heartbreaker.

But what a lie.

He’s the one who got his heart broken. Everything just broke inside of him when he hears the words falling out of Oh Sehun’s lips.

“I like Luhan. I honestly like him a lot, Jongin.”

It’s like a slap to his face or a bucket of cold water pouring on his head. He can feel the edges starting to tear away and fall off as he tries so hard to curl his lips into a smile. He tries not to scream in pain and sorrow as he clings to Sehun, not wanting him to let go. To let him fall into the arms of another guy.

Most specifically, his best friend.

He’s surprised how he manages to say smooth words like, “You know what? Luhan likes you. He likes you a lot.” He even manages to throw in a joke, “Luhan actually thought you don’t like him. He’s being bitter about it the other day.”

He wants to wipe off the bright smile lingering on Sehun’s lips, clearly amused by Jongin’s point of view with his story about Luhan. He wants to just break down and beg him, beg him on his knees to like him back and just take a chance with him.

But there’s something that Jongin fails to know, amidst all the lingering eye contacts or secretive smiles shared between them is that Sehun did fall for him before.

He just happened to miss the chance.

SCENE I

Jongin’s mind travels back to the first day they met, the sincere smile gracing up to Sehun’s thin lips as his droopy eyes curl into crescent moons. And his voice, , it sounds like an angel speaking to him and he feels his heartbeat increasing as each second comes passing by him.

Oh Sehun is perfect.

From the top of his head to the tip of his toes, his whole being is like a gift from the heavens – as if the heavens had decided to make every bit of him scream the word perfection.

He feels the electric shock travelling through his body as Sehun lightly touches his shoulder, a friendly smile plastered on his face.

And it’s too late to realize that he fell for this boy.

Quite hard, to be honest.

SCENE II

“Somebody wanted me to give this to you.” Sehun pushes a letter into his chest, making him produce a small sound at the back of his throat, his lips pulling into a frown. Sehun casts him an embarrassed smile, still continuing to push the letter in Jongin’s chest until he decides to pluck it off the pale boy’s hands.

“Who is it from this time?” Jongin drops his voice into a murmur as he turns the neat envelope in his digits, his thumb running across the smooth surface of the paper. Sehun carefully watches him, sinking his teeth onto his lower lip as he rubs the nape of his neck subconsciously. Jongin fails to catch the loving gaze that Sehun is extending to him.

“I d-don’t know.” Jongin bites back his laughter when he sharply notices Sehun’s slight stutter, having an urge to just pull him in a tight embrace. He steps forward anyway and holds out his hand, lacing his fingers with Sehun’s as he glances up to watch his reaction. Sehun looks at him with a blank expression before a grin appears on his lips, lacing his fingers tightly with Jongin’s.

Jongin couldn’t have been happier than that.

(That night, Jongin stares at the envelope in his hands before putting it inside his drawer, together with the other love letters he has received before.

He fails to read the amount of love that Sehun has poured on that paper.

He never really knew.)

SCENE III

“Did you ever regret not saying anything, Jongin?” Sehun curls beside Jongin’s body, his head placed on the older male’s broad shoulder as his finger lightly traces the lines on his hands. Jongin can feel his body relax in Sehun light and relaxing touches, allowing himself as to press himself closer to the pale boy.

Even in the darkness, Jongin can trace the other’s facial features, lighted by the moonlight passing through his curtains. He thinks Sehun is the most beautiful human he has stumbled across and he feels like he will never regret thinking like that.

“Jongin?” Sehun calls out once more, his fingers lightly tugging at the hem of Jongin’s shirt, swiftly bring him back to the reality as he gazes down at Sehun with furrowed eyebrows.

“What did you say?”

“I said,” Sehun exhales a sigh before placing his face directly to Jongin’s neck, his breathing warming up the coldness seeping through the nape of Jongin’s neck but at the same time, sending shivers down his spine. “Did you ever have a moment of regret because you didn’t speak up? Have you ever been in that kind of situation?”

Jongin purses his lips into a straight line, continuing to gaze down at Sehun’s soulful brown orbs, sending his heart to beat a thousand times faster and he feels everything twisting and curling around into ridiculous forms but only one person remains and it’s him.

It’s also been Oh Sehun he keeps on seeing clearly, amidst the crowded hallway or the room filled with students. It’s him and just him.

“Not yet but hopefully, I won’t get in that kind of situation.” He keeps his tone in a form of a joke but Sehun is staring back at him with seriousness, all the fun and excitement thrown out of the window. The tension in the air is heavy and Jongin tries, really, really tries, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from the eyes that belong to Oh Sehun.

“How about you?” Jongin lowers his voice as he tilts his head slightly to the side in inquisitiveness. Sehun’s fiery gaze softens as he lifts his head, his nose directly touching Jongin’s nose as his fingers curl themselves around Jongin’s shirt to bring him close. He can feel the rhythm of their hearts beating as one as Sehun quietly brushes his lips against Jongin’s, just ever so slightly and yet, Jongin feels his heart beating crazily against his ribcage.

Sehun seems to hesitant and afraid but Jongin only pulls him closer, teeth tugging slightly at Sehun’s lower lip and grazing it carefully. Sehun lets a moan escape his lips as he finally gets the confirmation to pull Jongin in his own little world, even for a while. They kiss and kiss, getting the very last taste until they get tired but they keep each other close, claiming that they need the warmth.

Jongin’s lips curl up into a smile when Sehun falls into a deep slumber, his head snuggled up to Jongin’s shoulder with his leg draped over his waist. He presses a kiss on top of his head, smiling once more and feeling absolutely lucky.

He never knew that might be the last time that he’ll have his sanity in check.

SCENE IV

His eyes search for that particular brown-haired male and his heart stops when he sees him together with Luhan, his eyes curved up into crescent moons as the laughter spills from his lips. He can feel his heart cracking and breaking to pieces but he deliberately ignores it as he watches up to them with shaky hands.

Luhan stops in mid-way when he notices Jongin walking towards their way with a serious expression plastered on his face. Sehun pulls his lips into a frown before turning around, only to have his wrist wrapped around Jongin’s fingers and with a tug, he gets pulled away without uttering a good bye to the blond-haired boy.

Jongin keeps on going and going, ignoring Sehun protests until they reach the back of the school, his chest heaving up and down. Sehun harshly slips his hand away from Jongin’s touch, his eyes narrowing as his fingers lightly brushes against his wrist.

Jongin fails to notice this.

He lets his fingers get tangled in his hair, heaving a deep sigh before turning his attention to the glowering Sehun right in front of him now. He hates it – he hates how Sehun is trying to look at him with irritation when he can easily spot the fear and hesitation in his eyes. Why is he even doing this?

“What’s that all about?” Sehun speaks up first, breaking the tense silence exchanged between them as he gazes at Jongin with confusion this time.

Jongin doesn’t know either. Is it confusion? Or maybe jealousy? Or is it fear?

He doesn’t know and he thinks he doesn’t really want to know.

“I don’t know,” Jongin replies with a heavy sigh paired up before letting his fingers run along his hair, messing it up a little. Sehun gazes at him with fear and he tries to step away but Jongin keeps him close, his fingers wrapped around his thin, pale arm.

“What are you-“

“What are we?” Jongin’s voice is steady and calm but terrifying in a sense that Sehun freezes upon hearing the question, his lips pursuing in thought. He waits and waist for the pale boy’s answer – any sign so he can take it into a higher level but Sehun has other plans in his mind.

“We’re nothing, Jongin.” Sehun says, his voice shaking as he tries to pull his arm away but Jongin tightens his grip subconsciously around it, making the other wince a bit in pain.

“We’re not nothing, Sehun. I know that-“

“You know nothing, alright?” Sehun’s shaky voice turns into a steady and terrifying tone as he pulls his arm away but he stays, his eyes scanning the male before him. Jongin lowers his eyes, his chest getting heavier as he curls his fingers, piercing the skin of his palms.

“We’re,” Jongin closes his eyes briefly, trying his best not to break down in front of the boy he has fallen so deeply in love with. “Not nothing. We can’t be nothing, Sehun.”

Sehun pulls his lips into a bitter smile as he lowers his head, heaving a sigh of exhaustion.

“I’m giving up, Jongin. I’m giving up.” His voice drops into a whisper as he glances at Jongin with a heart-broken gaze. Jongin can feel his heart squeezing and he’s in so much pain that he’s amazed that he can still withstand the tense atmosphere his body is wrapped around with.

“What do you mean?” Sehun shakes his head before passing by him, his shoulder brushing lightly before he leans in close enough to feel his breath on Jongin’s neck.

“You’ll figure it out soon.”

And with that, He’s gone.

Taking Jongin’s heart with him.

SCENE VII

Jongin gulps down the alcohol firing in his throat as he drops the last bottle on the ground, the noise breaking the silence in the room. He feels wasted to the bones and he just wants to sink down and disappear from the face of Earth.

Sehun is happy with Luhan.

Who is he to ruin it?

“We’re nothing, Jongin.”

He remembers how those words spill from Sehun’s lips so easily and it hurts, it hurts so much that he didn’t even hold him back. To erase his doubts and tell him that he loves him. That he wants him so badly, no matter what happens.

“That’s right,” Jongin lets a bitter laugh escape his lips as he slams his hand against the wooden floor with much force. “We’re nothing. We’re ing nothing, Oh Sehun.”

It’s too late for the realization to dawn on him that Sehun did like him, that he had fallen for him too. It’s too late already when he had ripped the envelope open and read every single word written on the letter, each forming the words send a stab to his heart.

He liked me, Jongin bitterly thought s as he pulls his knees up to his chest. He likes me a lot and yet, I took his signs wrongly.

Jongin has a few regrets in his life and he thinks this is the worst mistake of all – he kept quiet. He kept it all to himself, out of fear that maybe Sehun doesn’t like him when Sehun desperately tries to break down his walls. He stops when he thinks he won’t ever break it down but he fails to understand that just a few more jabs and Jongin’s walls would have tumbled down.

But it didn’t.

And Jongin thinks it’s all of his fault.

He’s about to let himself fall into a deep slumber when the door cracks open, revealing a silhouette of a tall person. His breath hitches and he unconsciously pushes himself further to the corner when Sehun steps inside cautiously. He can see it clearly – he can see how Sehun doesn’t want to be here.

He feels like Sehun is disgusted or probably pitying him for not being able to move on, unlike he did. Jongin wraps his arms around his own body, shaking in fright and nervousness as he gazes at Sehun. He tentatively walks to where Jongin is but Jongin lets out a shaky whimper, making him back away a little.

“W-What are you doing here?” His voice is raspy and broken but he doesn’t care. He sees how Sehun flinches slightly upon hearing the tone of his voice, making him wrap his arms around his body tighter. He’s so frightened, even by Sehun’s mere presence.

He’s not ready.

He think he won’t ever be ready to face him.

“Jongin, look. You can’t do this to yourself,”

Here it is again. It’s the talk that he’s been sparing to Jongin for the past weeks. Begging him relentlessly but Jongin is too broken to even be moved by Sehun’s request. He can feel the pity in Sehun’s voice and he hates it. He hates it a whole lot.

“You can meet other people. Please don’t-”

“Get out.”

Stay.

Jongin heaves a sigh through gritted teeth and Sehun stops short, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. He tries to move closer but Jongin throws a glare at him.

“Don’t ing come near and lay a finger on me, Oh Sehun.”

Hold me tightly and don’t let me go, please.

“Jongin, I-”

“I said, get out, didn’t I?”                                           

Don’t go. Please stay, hear me out.

Sehun is shaking now, his body frame is shaking and a sob slips past his lips accidentally and Jongin tries his best not to get moved by it.

“Jongin, please. Hear me out, just this once-”

“I SAID, GET OUT. GET THE OUT OF MY LIFE, SEHUN. I DON’T NEED YOU, OKAY?”

Don’t go. Just stay, please. I won’t survive without you. I need you, Sehun.

Sehun stares back at him with his eyes b with tears before he forcefully straightens his posture, shooting a glare at Jongin with tears already dropping down on the floor.

“Fine, I won’t give a about you.” Sehun lets out a sigh and another sob slips past his lips as he hurriedly walks out of the room, almost stumbling on his own feet before he finally escapes the tense-filled room.

Jongin sinks down and he heaves a sigh, his shoulders dropping and the exhaustion is climbing up to his veins. He’s too tired to deal with any of this. He lets the darkness take him whole, not minding the numb feeling in his chest right now.

That’s enough pain for today.

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♥ author's notes
↳ hello there! it's been a while since i updated this and yay, i finally gave you another update!!! i'm sorry if it's angst bc i'm feeling angsty today. this was supposed to be a valentine day's-themed oneshot but meh. i'll just make it up to you guys by writing a fluffy + crack-filled valentine's day oneshot! heh. but i hope you still enjoyed this one. leave your feedback please! :)