Hello!!! Enjoy the update.

By the way, I don't write on other sites and this (AFF) is the only site where i write.

Do leave a comment if you can. And, Thanks to the new upvoter!

 

And before i forgot, If you have an Kakaotalk, You can join the open chat i created: https://open.kakao.com/o/sr2Zb6d

Questions? http://ask.fm/yoonsic7_22

--

 

"So near, yet so far." What people usually say. But to me, it is more on the "So far, yet so near" She's in the Korea while i'm here in the Philippines. Yep, we're miles and miles apart. Despite the distance, she makes me feel like she's just somewhere near, and she makes me feel that she's always there for me. She cares to me like a mother, strictness of a father, and sweetness of a family. I don't know if i'm making her feel the same but i'm trying my best to let my love be felt by her. We've been through a lot of hardships and mishaps but we always settle it. Because they say that love makes you a fool. You choose to  pick what you want than what do you need.

When is a WANT a want, and when is a NEED a need?

Do choose your wants or do you follow your needs?

Tough question at first. But when you think of it, some answers would process in your mind.

First, Let's define the two terms.

Want - Have a desire for something or to possess/to do (something); wish for. From its term, we can conclude that Want is just your desire. It means, you can live without it.

Next is need.

Need: require (something) because it is essential or very important. So which is greater? Want or need? From the terms of it, Need wins by default.

But relationship wise, need, barely wins. It is the want who wins oftentimes.

You see, some people use that need to tempt you into something lost lasting then only to give you crap. Some of those 'craps' are, "I need you. I can't live without you",  "I need you more than my life" or anything. What non-sense it is. Without you, You don't have an relationship but without his/heart, he wouldn't be able to live. Ah! Forget it.

Next is the ups and downs.

Accept the fact that in every relationship, there's an ups and downs. No matter how much you try to be stable, you can't avoid it. So piece of advice, "Don't let it overtake you"

But hey! Don't take it in the negative way. Having ups and downs is a sign of a healthy relationship. Psychologist says so. Because it means that the both of you still cares about each other. Just don't to be too much. Of course.

Even at the hospital, Ups and downs signifies that (the relationship/the person) it is still living. While a flat line means it passed away.

"JESSICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" I heard someone call-out to me

"What?"

"Mr. Santiago already dismissed us and yet you're still spacing out. Come on, let's eat"

"I'm not hungry Maria." I answered. It was my friend Maria.

"It's her again, isn't it?" She asked taking the seat infront of mine. And looking at the room, everybody have left the room already

"No"

"It is. What is the problem?"

"Nothing" I answered and she sighed

"You still love her, don't you?"

"..."

"Of course. Why did i even bother to ask"

"It's not easy, you know"

"I know. And i'm not forcing you to forget her. What i'm saying is, move -on."

"Have you move on from ann?" I asked 

"..."

"Nope, right? It's been, uhm, over a year since the two of you have broken up."

"Then, do you want to be like me? Do you want to hold on to something that doesn't have an closure for over a year?"

"No... But ..."

"It's hard and ... It hurts to be honest."

"That's because you're in love that's why it hurts. There's no one who fell in love that didn't get hurt" I added

"So then, just because you love her, does it mean that its okay to be hurt? I don't think so. Judging from how you're taking it"

"Is break-up the only option i have?"

"I guess"

"Her birthday is coming soon" I answered as i lay my head in the arm rest because my tears is threatening to fall and i don't want my friend to see it

"Your gift is wasted but, it's okay. You don't want to end things between you because you've been in the relationship for a long time already." She said and i sighed. Yeah. My gift is wasted. The gift i bought for her. The gift that soon i'll be sending over but it looks like it's not the right time to give it now ...

"I'll talk to her later. Go ahead and eat. I really don't have the appetite"

"Okay. I'll just buy you a bread in case you get hungry" She said and i nodded

 

 

-

"Bi, Did you wait too long?" I asked as soon as i reach home and i saw that she's still online

"No its okay."

"How's your day?"

"It's fine. How about you?"

"Err .. Not fine, i guess?"

"Why?"

"Come to think about it, I guess we really deserve a break" I typed shakingly

"Oh? Is that it? .."

"Hmm."

"Okay? then"

"You don't have anymore to say or something?" I asked. I'm still hoping that she'll say, "Bi, i decided that it was stupid of me to ask for a break and i'm sorry for that" or something

"Yeah" Was her reply and i immediately buried my face into my pillows so no one would hear my cries

-

Days ...

Weeks ...

Months ...

Its been months since the last time i heard her voice, saw her face and the last time i had a conversation with her.

"Maria!"

"Wait!"

"Aish! You're so slow"

"I'm coming" She replied still in my room. And mom is annoying me for us to have breakfast. I opened my wifi first as i wait for her her. A message have popped in my screen and its an kakaotalk and line notification. Hmm, I'm still thinking if i should open the messages because i have a hunch that its just Maria's cousin who confessed his feelings to me just days ago.

"Good morning auntie" She smiled as she sit beside me

"Good morning. What took you so long? I'm already done with my breakfast" My mom said and Maria giggled "Eat now. I'm gonna leave you two as i'm still doing the laundry"

"Yes mom"

"Thanks for the breakfast auntie" Maria added before mom could leave and i was looking at mom's silhouette before i start talking

"Your cousin is annoying. Line and kakao, He's bugging me"

"The more you hate, the more you love. Omegesh" She answered and i gave her a what-the-hell kind of face "Fine. Reply him at least"

"How about a no?" I asked as i took a sandwich

"That's just mean"

"Fine." I answered giving up and i  decided to go with my kakaotalk first. And i saw that it's not her cousin but ... her. Yoona. "It's not him"

"Oh. Don't mind it then" Yup. she's bipolar like that but i ignored it anyway

 

-
Night came and i was in my room playing Tsum Tsum and i could get the tsum if i invite friends. I accidentally sent her an invite and she chatted me

'I got ignored :('

'Now?'

'Even last night'

'Oh, sorry XD'

'Mohae?'

'Just finished playing. How about you?'

'Talking to you'

'That only?'

'Yeah!' She answered with a sticker.

 

I knowwwww. It's kinda awkward isn't it? But i'm used to it. We talked that night till midnight. I only asked her to sleep when it was already 3am in the morning because that would be 4am KST already.

-

 

Day by day ...

What i'm afraid of have happened. Maria's and Ann's relationship is turning like ours. We're talking, caring, and everything like how we are when we we're still in a relationship.

I tried avoiding her at all cost but this stupid mind and heart wouldn't stop missing her.

 

Didn't take long, It was 3am here and 4am there and we we're laughing our hearts out while talking  on the phone when  she asked me the million dollar question.

"Do i deserve a second chance?"

"What?"

"I asked if do i deserve a second chance"

"Why?" Stupid question. But i still asked

"What do you mean why?"

"Why that you're asking for a second chance"

"Because its still you all this while. That even though i had a relationship with someone, its still you who i always think of. That i misses you."

"Look, Yoong, it's not easy .. It doesn't work like that .."

"Why?"

"You just misses me because we had lots of memories and that's what's refraining you to find someone new. You're finding a better version of me when you shouldn't be"

"No. I still love you bi. I still think of you when i wake up, before going to school, when i'm eating, throughout the day and before sleeping"

"Let's not talk about this, alright?"

"I know you're in the edge of moving on and how its wrong for me to be asking you this. But please think about it. Consider."

"Okay bi."

"What? What did you just say?"

"I said bye" 

"Okay bi. Bye. Goodnight"

And then she dropped the call

-

 

It's been days since that incident and she's not chatting me or asking if she could call or something. She's inactive at her twitter too.

"Oi"

"Hi bi" She replied and i sent her the glaring emoji "Kidding hehe~ Miss me?" She asked and i sent the glaring emoji again "Serious question. Mohae?"

"Just had my dinner. Hbu?"

"Why didn't you share it?"

"I just had corned beef for dinner"

"Still. /pouts/"

"You didn't share yours either"

"I had it an hour ago"

"And you didn't share"

"Hmkay. So what's up?"

"Shouldn't i be asking you that?"

"Why?"

"You aren't online the few days and you are not tweeting so i was wondering ..."

"So i'm right. You did miss me"

"YAH!"

"You didn't?" Hing~"

"Why youuu. Fine i did."

"Sica misses me ~ Woohoo~"

"Why did you woohoo woohooo for?"

"Because you said that you missed me hehe~"

"Ugh Choding!!"

"So, The thing you were saying?"

"I was wondering where have you been because you were not online ..."

"I'm just there."

"No you're not. Usually you would favorite some tweets even if you don't retweet much"

"I'm just there in your mind" She replied and i turn to the door first when my sister called me frow downstairs

'Let's go!'

'Where?'

'Here?'

'Why?'

'To watch a movie?' She asked and i closed my room bringing my phone with me. It was movie night that's why.  Mom and Dad is out of town too.

"Oi." My phone beeped and Krystal looked at me immediately

'Katalk Katalk. Shut it off'

'I can watch and chat at the same time'

'I don't want to hear its sound. Turn it to silent mode' She answered back and i did as told so. Who's older anyway?

"What?"

"So what if i'm not online? Beside the fact that you missed me"

"Nothing? I'm just wondering why because you're really active"

"Ahhh! That's because i told you to think about .. 'it' and so i'm giving you a leeway"

"Leeway?"

"Freedom to think. Because i want you to decide on your own so yeah"

"Think about?" Ha! Got you choding. Now its my turn to tease

"it"

"What is it"

"It."

"What is "It"?"

"You ... You're given the chance and you're using it huh"

"So "it" is me?" I asked

"YAH! "It" is the second chance ugh! Slowsica"

"Slow? /pouts/"

"Pouting? Let me see"

"Want to see?"

"Ne"

Then i sent her a pic

"YAH!!!! I throwed my phone and i almost broke it!"

"HAHAHAH Happy Halloween Yoongie" I replied while literally laughing. I wish i could see her reaction though. I know it's priceless

'Oi. The movie is a drama! You're not watching' Krystal growled with her knitted brows