Yoona was in her family's home, sitting at her own swivel chair in her room  when she decided to give Krystal a call.

"Hello soojung"

"Oh unnie! It's you again" Krystal answered in a sad tone

"Is she home already?"

"Didn't i tell you that I'll call you as soon as possible when she is?"

"Maybe she went home but you forgot to tell me or something"

"Unnie?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you looking for her?"

"I'm worried of course. She's not going home for weeks now. She isn't answering any of my calls or messages"

"Do you still love my unnie?"

"Of course soojung i do. Why are you asking? Did she say anything to you?"

"I think it would be better if the both of you would talk about it."

"Soojung, If you know anything, Please tell me. Because i really don't know what to do. I don't know where she is or what's happening to her" Yoona pleaded in hopes to get some details about Jessica

"Uhm .. Honestly .. She went home last Thursday at dawn crying. I was asking her but she isn't answering me. She just told me that she's going that's why i thought she means she's going to your home"

"Crying? Because of what?"

"That, I don't know"

"But, Thursday you said?"

"Yeah"

"Ohh. Do you know where is she right now?"

"She answers my text time by time but she's not telling me where she could be located"

"Thanks soojung. Please update me whenever she replies your text or any update from her"

"Okay. I'll do that. But unnie ..."

"Yes?"

"Do you have an affair with someone?"

"What? No!"

"Do you still love my unnie? Because if not, just let her be. Don't bother her anymore"

"Huh? Are you doubting me?"

"I'm just making sure. I like you but, even if i do and you're hurting my sis, i won't let you off easily."

"I don't have an affair okay? What gives you the idea? And, I do love Jessi. I love her so much. It hurts me when she's avoiding me and not telling me things anymore. Specially to the point of running away from home"

"Because, i hear her cries and she kept on repeating "She and her ... It hurts" other than that, i couldn't fully understand what she's saying. I don't think that the reason she's crying is because of her friends or just someone"

"Didn't she tell you anything or something?" Yoona asked getting more worried than ever.

"She didn't"

"Soojung, Can i go to your house in SF?"

"I doubt she'll be there though"

"I, She had a surprise to me there the last time we've been there and i would like to see it again"

"Would you be fine alone?"

"I can manage"

"There is a key is inside the bird box there"

"Thanks soojung. Please do inform me no matter what time is it, if you have a news about your sis"

"You're welcome unnie. But i want to ask, when was the last time you saw each other?"

"The last time ... When i got home from Prague"

"After that?"

"Just phone calls"

"Oh okay unnie. I'll just tell you if i have news."

"Thank you soojung" Yoona dropped the call with Krystal. She was dead worried. She haven't seen Jessica for weeks now nor just like she said, not replying her messages and answering her calls. She doesn't know why but she had the hunch. She buried her face at her desk, tears escaping her eyes.

"Yoona? Baby, why are you crying?" Her unnie asked entering her room. Yoona immediately stood from her chair and hugged her unnie

"Unnie ..."

"What's the problem?"

"I'm in a crisis now unnie. I have lots of problem and also, i don't know where Jessica is. I can't tell her the things i want her to know"

"Where is Jessica? Is that the reason why you're here? You're feeling lonely?" Her unnie asked her worriedly as they slump in the couch. Truth as it is, Yoona went to her family's home because she feels alone in their home. Jessica isn't around and she's missing the latter like crazy. It's been so long since the last time they talked.

"I don't know. The worse is, she have every right to hide from me or avoid me"

"Why? Did the both of you fought or something?"

"We did not fought. But .. I have a feeling that she knows what happened. Or worse, she saw us" Yoona answered wiping her tears with the back of her hand

"Saw what?"

"Yuri kissed me" She answered balling her fist while her unnie cupped her face

"Hey! It's okay. Okay? Don't make any conclusions because you're not sure of anything yet. For now, find Jessica first alright? Talk about it first"

"I'm scared unnie. What if she don't show up to me anymore?"

"She may be MIA now, but she'll show up when she's okay, i guess?"

"What if she goes back, not loving me anymore?"

"Unloving someone is that easy to you? If it's that so, why don't you just unlove her too?" Yoona bit her bottom lip "See? Unloving isn't easy. That is also the reason why love is complicated. Because it's so hard to unlove that someone. And if you don't want her to do so, give her the offer that she can't have a reason to say no. Admit what you did, Say sorry, Prove her that you still want her back, that she's still the one you love."

"I haven't done such before but she broke up with me and i did the same thing already"

"It's your ego. Choose then."

"Why are you side-ing with her?" Yoona can't help but to ask her unnie because she feels that her unnie is taking Jessica's side

"Look, I'm not side-ing with her. I'm just helping you decide on behalf of her. Look, You have choices and it's up to you to decide"

"What choices?"

"Either choose your ego and don't do what I've just said before or choose how much you love her."

"What do you mean unnie?"

"Let me put it up this way. For example, I have a candy bar in both of my hands. I want you to pick just only one."

"I still don't get it"

"Uhm, The choices you have now, only has one as an final answer. No plan B, plan C or other plans. If you choose the Ego, it would eat up the love you have for her. And if you choose Love, you will have to eat your ego."

".."

"Let's imagine the situation. For example you're in Jessica's shoes. You saw Taeyeon kissing her who you're really jealous of. How would you feel?"

"I would feel mad and jealous" Yoona answered. Her eyebrows was furrowing at the thought of it.

"To her?"

"To the both. Why did they kiss or why would they kiss?"

"You'll be mad to Jessica even if she didn't kiss back and only Taeyeon is kissing her?"

"Of course unnie. Why would she let Taeyeon to kiss her?"

"Because Taeyeon secretly likes her. How would you feel?"

"Secretly .. I'll still feel betrayed though. But I'm not going to ask for a break-up"

"Jessica isn't asking you for a break-up. She's just on her own now. Maybe clearing up her mind or anything. How you answered, is just like how Jessica would feel like when she'll know or saw that Yuri kissed you"

"Unnie ..." Yoona started crying again as she bury her face at the crook of her unnie's neck

"She'll be back. She'll be" The oldest mumbled rubbing her younger sisters back consolingly

 

--

"Unnie. I just want to ask. Perhaps, is my unnie there with you?"

"Yes she is. But I'm afraid that she'll go away once i tell her that i said that she's here, to you"

"Just don't tell it unnie. Please. For me? Let her be there as long as she want to. Give her the time she needed. I just want to be sure where she is and if she's safe"

"I'll take care of her. Don't worry. I'll make sure that she doesn't skip a meal. I know you're worried but my plead to her to go home is futile."

"One last question ... Did she open-up about what's bothering her?"

"I guess she didn't do so to you too huh? She's dodging that question. But i can see her staring blankly at times. All i know is that she's hurt. I don't know on what grounds. She's just saying that she's hurt. Is she sick?"

"There's no sign of her sickness going back. She's okay. She ... We'll know it soon. I hope so"

"I have to sleep now, okay? Don't worry. She'll be back soon as she's going to attend Yahoo Buzz awards, right?"

"Okay unnie. Goodnight. Sorry that we had to bother you"

"Friends lean on each other right? It's no big deal" The other line answered before dropping the call and Krystal heaved a relief.

 

 

--

Yoona reached San Francisco after she finished all of her schedules. Her face had a tint of disappointed as she was hoping that maybe, just maybe, jessica was there. She grabbed the said key to where Krystal told her so.

"Nothing changed" She mumbled as she examines the house. 

 

 

Yoona headed to the guest room with her broken heart. "I didn't even thank you enough for the effort you've put in every notes. It must've occupied most of your time and your hand must've hurted writing all this stuff for me" She said as she trail a hand at the sticky notes. She reached the side where the balloons was placed though its not as presentable just like the first time.

She untied the paper roll at the tip. What shocked her was that because it has notes. But, because it's not just a note. It's more like a letter.

 

곁에 머믈러 줄래?
내게 약속해 줄래?
손대면 날아갈까 부서질까
겁나 겁나 겁나 

시간을 멈출래?
이순간이 지나면
없었던 일이 될까 널 잃을까 
겁나 겁나 겁나

Butterfly~ Like a Butterfly~
마치 Butterfly, Butterfly 처럼 
Butterfly~ Like a Butterfly~

 

I'm afraid. Really. I'm afraid of losing you. I don't think i could ever handle it. The worse is, when that happened, i don't think i could stop time and re-do everything that have happened. There's a saying "Water under the bridge" and i don't want to have decisions in life to be like that. That i could've done something but i didn't.

Remember the time i was stupid enough to ask you of a break-up? You don't need to answer though. That was really stupid of me to do so. And so, i was taken aback when your message came in asking if i am free for dinner. And do you still remember when you asked what changed my mind? I remember answering you with "You. Because i love you and i was fine with dying" i answered you that way because i have come to realize that i love you so much and i won't let any other things beat that one. I didn't let my ego, jealousy or possessiveness take over me. Because if i do, would they matter? What would i gain if i let them get the best of me? I contemplated at that question of course. And it only led me to one answer. "Jessica, You'll not gain. Rather, you'll lose her from your grasp. You'll lose the one who you love and loves you back. Would you be fine losing her?" with that answer, i know that love and trust weighs more than ego and jealousy. Plus doubt because i did.

I was sooooo dumb for even letting your hand go that time. But, you held me tight. You didn't let go. You didn't let us be separated from each other. And so it got me thinking, Where is Yoongie's ego? You're too much! You don't know how much you're stepping over her and the fact that you're hurting her. 

I'm sorry hmm? I don't want you to go. I'm afraid that you'll go.

I-

 

Was the note in that rolled paper. Yoona only felt it adding salt to her wounds. Everything she have read was Jessica's inner thoughts. Thoughts that she don't get to know oftentimes because she knows that Jessica isn't the type to tell things blunt and long. She was contemplating if she's going to read another one because now she knows what the paper roll are for. She doesn't want to be hurt because the notes feels like a mock to her. But nonetheless, she chose to open up a new one. She only had a few days to stay so she needs a good time management she could have.

 

돌아와줘 멀지 않다면(않다