***


 

I stared at him for as long as ever. Fortunately, I was given a time to be with him alone. Through a hectic day of his family and guests visiting, I was finally able to talk to him. Even though he wouldn't be able to hear me at all.
 

"Oppa..." I started.

The continuous beeping of the cardiac monitor was the only sound that was answering. Tubes were stuck in his mouth and nose. And his bruises and wounds were tenderly sealed, causing his face and body become nearly unrecognizable.

I knew I was the one who caused this. There was no one else to blame but me. Before I could continue talking, I began to sob. I thought I had run out of tears, but facing him in this condition made me want to disappear into thin air. How I wish I was the one lying in that bed.
 

"Lee Taemin! You're such a coward, you know that?!" I yelled. "Don't just lay like dead there! Prove everything in that letter!"
 

It's been 2 days after Jonghyun handed me a small envelope. "I have been noticing him writing something back then. I was curious, so I took it after he had accident, and found out that it was for you. I didn't mean to read everything though, but I think it would help him explain himself to you."

I was sick of begging him to wake up. After realizing how he had made a lot of people worry about him, he had to wake up. Eomeoni wasn't having a decent sleep nowadays. His hyungs were psychologically damaged, and were messing up with their own schedules. And his company had publicized the incident that sent undying remorse and pity from his fans.

And I, I was in the verge of losing my mind. After hearing the doctor declare his condition, that he was critical, that he would be losing his career for more than a year of recovery, that there was only a half possibility of him waking up. Pain was building more and more every second.

"Wake up and live for us Taemin. Please, oppa...live for me." 


 

~~~Days have passed. But because Hannah's family had understood her situation, she was permitted to stay just a little longer. For the second time, she wasn't able to leave him again. For the second time, he succeeded in making her stay by his side. But though Taemin's condition was getting better each day, and he was surprising the doctors about his healing, Hannah wasn't sure anymore, if she still wanted to be there when he opens his eyes.~~~
 

"His heart rate is stable now. Also, his left brain has improved, and was already functioning. After almost a week of being in a coma, his records shows that he's already capable of waking up anytime." 
 

There was a burst of relief when the doctor stated the good news. I looked around the room. Eomeoni was weeping for joy. Onew, and Key high-five each other. And Kai, shook my shoulder reassuringly.

"He must've heard your cries." He whispered in my ear.

My eyes didn't leave the sight of his face, as I felt my lips curve into a smile. I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy. And I have decided what to do in order to payoff this privilege.




 

***

 

Jagiya~

You must've been hurting a lot now. So as I am, when I was forced to neglect our relationship. I was told every word that was possible of happening Jagi. I was placed in a situation, that time would sure to come, when you'll have enough of the bashing, the threats and the feeling of unworthiness, which will slowly destroy yourself. So, I have been drowning myself with endless projects just to have more chances of forgetting about us. I was making myself as busy as ever, so I wouldn't have a single minute available to think about you. But all of these were to no avail.

I was afraid of hurting you Jagi, I was afraid of losing you. But I became such a coward, for not fighting for you and just running away. I kept on telling myself that I wasn't in love with you at all, but everything I do was telling me that I can never live without you again.

As this letter could hopefully explain everything I did to you, Jagi, I was asking of being forgiven. I was hoping that you would accept me for the second time around, and grant my one last wish- to wait for me.

Please wait for me...I didn't broke my promise...I'll be coming back to you. How can I not, when you have already become my life now.



 

For the third time, I read his letter again. But right now, I was able to smile while remembering each moment I had spend with him. Those moments that I didn't knew I would be having a chance of. I clearly don't deserve to have him, but he was able to make me feel that I am worthy of being his first love.

I propped myself in the desk beside his bed. I straightened his letter against it, and started to write at the end of his writings. I folded it up and placed it under the flower vase, just to prevent it from flying.

I turned back at him with a smile. The tube in his mouth was already removed, and the wires of the instruments that was attached on his body for the past days had lessen out.

He was so wonderful. I thought of that all over again as I reached down and pecked on his plump lips. I smiled after getting disappointed of the fact that we couldn't do a French kiss.
 

Suddenly, I heard the door creak open. It was the nurse I called for.

"I'll be going now. Please take care of him until the others come. Thank you." I said while hanging the straps of the bags onto my shoulders. She nodded in response, then I went through the door.

I had one last glance of him, as I pulled the door close.
 

"Taemin oppa....annyeong." I whispered under my breath.




 

***

 

~~~Later that day, all of the SHINee members were there when Taemin's eyes fluttered open. The boys jumped in surprise and the room were filled with pure joy. Taemin couldn't absorb what was happening yet, when each of his hyungs joked around by asking him who was who. But then, before he could laugh again, he remembered something.

"Hannah. Where is she?" 
 

Everybody went silenced when the boy with round needy eyes waited for an answer. The older members had noticed the letter earlier, but they weren't sure if they could risk on giving it to whom it was concerning.

But to cut off the eerie silence in the room, Onew took courage to grab the letter and hand it to the maknae.

Taemin sorted out each of the expressions of his hyungs' faces. He knew something was wrong, so he opened the paper quickly.

He realize it was the letter he wrote for Hannah that was supposed to be hiding deep in his closet. He knew who had sneaked into his things. But before he could yell at Jonghyun's face, he noticed something by the end of the single page, that he can't remember on writing.

 

"When you wake up, continue on doing what you love. Never turn your back from it. For it is the right time for it, and not for us. Don't look for me anymore. We had lived without each other once, so let's get back to live like that. It may be hard, but if we do meet in the future, I wish it would be the right time and place then. -Hannah-"
 

Taemin bit his lip as a tear roll down his cheek. He was sad. After he had dreamed of her, begging him to wake up to be with her, he had fought hard to gain his consciousness back. But, he have awaken only to find out that she had already left him for good. Though his heart feels like breaking apart, he promised to himself that he'll do well as she says.~~~




 

-END OF PART 1-