--'The greatest downfall of being a fangirl, is when your bias invades your life; thus, making himself your daily dose of air, needing and wanting him more every single time'--
 

-

 

"Omo! Saranghaeyo oppa!" I fluttered, feeling my cheekbones starting to numb from almost an hour of smiling like a retard.

My hands tightly covered the sides of my face as my body squirms. Until now, I can't belive my eyes--they're staring at this undeniably gorgeous man of my dreams again.

From his straight hair, which falls down to his double eyelids. His pair of dark round eyes that forms into tiny slits when he smiles. His nose that stood out on his perfectly carved face. His full pink lips which overflows with tenderness. His slender muscular body, lathered with pale white skin.

Even his way of walking and his skill of shifting his adorable self to a fierce man when he moves his flawless body to the beat. To his exceptional voice that sings me to sleep every night.

He's just so wonderful. Oh so wonderful.

I began wondering how would it be like to be his personal assistant. Like, I would have to be always by his side. Do nothing but take care of him. That would probably be my dream Job.

Or even being his stylist? Manager? Back up dancer. We could dance together.
 

'her whisper is the lucifer' 

 

I know, I know, I'm way too much. But that's just what I dramatically dream of. Even though I know it's just a silly fantasy that wouldn't even get close to happening.

Ne, call me the craziest, overly-attached fangirl you've ever known. Ah, aniyo, that's too long--and lame, call me Hannah Li instead. Hannah Li, 18, Philippines!---'almost' 18 by the way.

I'll finally become legal a couple of weeks from now. And to survive through it, I have a special request to my gajog(family) for my upcoming special day. Ofcourse I want a special gift from my special day and it's---- a trip to South Korea! *Cheers*

Yeah, I know you got it right in the very first place, cause I'm a certified kpop addict. And every kpop fan (yeah girls) would probably wish to at least visit S.Korea and meet their bias---and the worst reason is to marry them! Ouch! That hit me real bad.

Well, SERIOUSLY speaking, I've been in love (well, at least I think I am) with this dancing machine, mushroom boy, maknae of Shinee. Ne, ne, I'm a shawol and I gotta admit it, LEE TAEMIN is my ULTIMATE BIAS---whoa, even mentioning his name gives me chills.

 

"Hannah! Darling I'm home"

It's mom. Well, umma I should say. I felt drums in my chest began to race faster. Faster than what it was like while watching Taemin oppa on the computer. I smiled at him one last time before turning everything off. -Shut down-

"What did you called for at my office?"

I pulled my pillow and ran downstairs with it, covering half of my face. I found mom in the kitchen, sitting on one of the chairs that surround the counter. I slowly walked towards her, putting on my never-failing 'puppy eyes', while she motioned for me to sit beside her. I did so and turned to face her while using the pillow as a shield, from her almost intimidating image.

"So?" mom asked after taking a long sip of juice from the glass on her grip.

Her eyes widened and her eyebrows lifted showing fine wrinkles on her forehead, as she waited for me to speak up.
 

"Uhm, mom--I would--just--like--to ask if--..."

"What?"

"Well, it's--for my birthday---if I could go--"
 

I didn't finished speaking in my trembled voice because of the familiar footsteps we heard from the front door. We waited and patiently gazed at the entrance.

"Oh, Lao peh!(Hokkien for father) I thought you went outside the country for business?" Mom called.

"Angkong!" I jumped from my seat as I happily approached grandpa.

He smiled as we moved to him. Mom kissed him and I hugged him as he gave a warm husky laugh, glad to see us too.

"Yes, I have just arrived." He smiled brightly, handing me a bright colored paper bag. My eyes widened, realizing that he's handing me a present again.
 

Angkong and I are the closest in the family. He knows a lot more things about me than anyone else in the family. It's amazing how he could eventually understand me, not considering the . He always says I'm his pretty pearl 'cause I'm the only girl among his grandchildren.

He never failed in making me feel like a princess and he always stood on my side when I get in trouble and dad would start to keep on pointing out what I did wrong. Yes, he's kinda spoiling me in all things, not to mention the gifts that he gets me everytime he visits us.

'Thank you!' I mouthed and he smiled brightly, making a cute wink in response. They headed to the living room while I hurried back to the kitchen and began to prepare something to eat.

I placed the food and drinks on the tray and lifted it as I made my way to the living room, leaving the present in the kitchen. I heard their conversation---no I can't understand fluent chinese.

"Oh, here's my pretty Hannah!" Grandpa teased.

They noticed me and began smiling, cutting off their funny-toned chitchat. I smiled back and began placing the food on the table. Silence--I can feel them staring at me. Please stop it's---awkward.

"She had really grown a lot." It's mom's voice.

"Yes, yes, into a beautiful girl. I can't believe it's been 18 years."

I stood in front of them, holding the empty tray. As I did a bow to pay respect on leaving, I kept my eyes on the floor. I get easily embarassed of these non-stop compliments. I was all ready to leave, but when I turn around...

"Oh yes, Hannah, what were you trying to say a while ago?----about your birthday?"

I felt a drop of cold sweat roll down my forehead as my eyes widened. I'm not sure if she'll let me go to S.Korea "on my own" or if she'd happily agree with the whole thing.

I've been living with my strict parents all my life and I felt like living with the great wall of China surrounding me, and giving me just enough space to stand up and lay down.

I forced myself to relax then turned to mom with the sweetest smile I could make. Who knows, that would be the last one I could ever make.

"Ah, you must want something for your birthday my pearl. Perhaps, something special?"

My eyes turned to grandpa. Oh, I almost forgot that he's here--to be on my side. Thank God he's here. I nodded at him feeling a little relieved. I held back my thoughts of some not so positive outcomes, and took one last deep breath.

"I was thinking if you would let me--go to South Korea for a vacation--for my birthday?"

Silence. I felt my lips press tightly together. My eyes were in need of releasing liquid while looking at mom's shocked eyes---they're burning!

*cough* Grandpa cleared his throat, cutting up the suffocating silence.

"That's a great idea Hannah! I know that's your greatest dream, and granting that request would be the greatest gift you'll ever receive as well."

Mom turned to grandpa with an 'ARE YOU SERIOUS LOOK'

"No, it's too dangerous." My ears can't believe what I just heard.

I turned at mom's blank expression, her eyes were avoiding to meet my gaze. She didn't even try to think of it for at least a minute. It's like she has fixed decisions for every kind of situation---only when it comes to me.

"But, mom?!" I tried, still with hope, but I can feel it rapidly fading. My breathing raced and I felt the burning sensation inside me. The sinking feeling starts and I'm sure of tearing up in no time.

"No!"
 

That's the last word I heard. I ran all the way to my room with my hands pressed to my face, bursting in tears. I locked myself in and broke down on to my feet, burying my face on my arms that towered on the tip of my knees. I looked up for air as my weeping became worse.

My eyes caught the colorful things that had almost completely covered my bedroom walls---so much posters of Taemin.

'I'll never get the chance to see you in person oppa, or at least step on the ground where you had possibly stepped into, or even breath the same air you've inhaled' I thought, while wiping my tears that was still flowing like a river.

I sighed as I lay my head on the door behind me. I should've not expected they'd let me. All the pride I've gathered just went all the way down. It's the worst feeling---to forbid you the things you believe you could absolutely do. I need to stop crying. It's useless.
 

Tok! Tok! Tok!
 

"Honey, let's talk."

I decided not to reply as my sobbing went out of control again.
 

"Honey, open up. I'm---I'm changing my mind."
 

***