Best Friends (SOONHOON)

“You don’t know!”

“What? What don’t I know? That you just want to play around? Damn! I know it!” Jihoon’s anger started to cool down as he looked at Soonyoung’s almost-crying face.

“I used to think that I only wanted to be able to stand beside you, to simply be near you.”

Jihoon just couldn’t understand that what he felt all this time was real, or was it fake? Was he playing around all this time? He felt something though. Again, he looked at Soonyoung and “! I hurt him.” Jihoon thought as he looked away.

“But then I got selfish. I want to show you my real feeling, that I really want to be with you. It wasn’t easy. It was freaking hard for me. But still, I got even more selfish, I want you, to want me too. But you never even look at me. When we were together, you might feel just usual, but for me, it meant a lot. I always know that we are so different. It’s so hard for me to approach you. You never fall for my jokes, no matter how hard I try. In my whole life, people have been telling me NO to the things that I like. When I wanted to do Taekwondo, they said no, I couldn’t. I was too fat. But I did. When I wanted to do dancing, they said no, that I was not good enough. But I did. I tried harder than anyone else. I tried the hardest that I could.”

Jihoon always knew how hard Soonyoung tried. He could tell that he is always a great dancer, not only from his talent but he practices hard too. He knew Soonyoung has that side that he never wants anyone to find out, he wasn’t meant to find out himself, he just did.

“And when I wanted you, they said no, that you were Seungcheol’s. I knew it too. But could I just let you go just like that? Could I just tell my heart to stop loving you? Things would be much easier if I could. But no, I couldn’t. I tried, trust me, I tried not to have that feeling for you. Maybe, you do not know how hard I tried to be cool around you, to be the one that you look at. I remember that one time when you were alone in your studio.”

Jihoon spent so much time in his studio. Most of the time, when he walked home, he could see Soonyoung in the practice room, either practicing or falling asleep.

“I knew you felt frustrated because you hadn’t gotten anything done. I ran so fast to the convenient store to get you your favorite drink. But when I came back, I saw you walked back with Seungcheol. I saw how you cracked a small smile.”

“He was there.”

“I couldn’t help but to smile too and hid myself. I thought I was happy. But as I looked at my reflection in the practice room’s mirror, I just started crying. I knew I had to hide because if I showed up, I might cry in front of you. I remember crying so hard that night and I promised myself to give up.

With Jihoon sitting so close, Soonyoung couldn’t let him know that he was crying. His tears rolled down silently as he harshly wiped them away.

“But when you gave me that hug, I fell all over again, even deeper than ever. I remember feeling so worried and scared when you hurt your ankle in the pra