REVIEW PICKUP: ApatheticEmpath

Title: 5/5 It's an eyecatching title. I would've clicked on it whilst scrolling through pages and there is also a connection between the title and the story, so full marks!

Description: 4/5 I think the description was fairly good- short and sweet. Also, you explained in the description about Paso Doble, so it shows what the title meant and also related to the story. Well for me, this description was really good since it's alluring and it makes me want to read on, but maybe you could've added a sentence more or two! Although you didn't have a poster, the picture you put in the description was accurate because of the almost scared and helpless expression on Jongdae's face.

Vocabulary: 10/10 Your vocabulary is really good.

Grammar: 8/10 I didn't find much grammar mistakes in your story, it was really good. But there was this word 'monagamous', which I think you mean 'monogamous'. Also, 

'When he was done, he looked at Jongin for explanation, some affirmation that everything was going to be fine.

It didn't.' 

should be

'When he was done, he looked at Jongin for an explanation, some affirmation that everything was going to be fine.

It wasn't.' (EDIT: Correct one should be: They weren't.)

Another mistake was 

'Sehun agreed wholeheartedly and planned to see them later tonight,' the comma should be a full stop. Nothing else :)

Plot: The plot was unique, I liked it. Since I don't really read abuse fics, this is the first time I've read a plot like yours. I liked how you developed Chen's character. It's interesting how easily he was changed from a bold and cheating 'wife' to a timid one. Whereas for Jongin, I didn't see as much of development, you could've developed his character more by maybe adding a few more sentences which he would've said to Jongdae? 

Effect on reader: 9/10 I liked this story! I absolutely loved how you included the numbers from 1-10. Personally, I like to read from a mental person's POV(don't judge me ha) and how Chen turned crazy in the end was beautiful. I mean imagining Kai laying there smiling kjlafklsj- it was really sweet. I realllllllllly love Chen's character in this story haha (sadist). I'm not a huge fan of EXO but my favourite member is Chen, so reading a fic about him was definitely cool since I've not read any. You have a unique writing style and I quite like that.

Flow: 7/10 It wasn't rushed or anything, but I found it pretty abrupt how you jumped from one topic to another like between '1,2,3,4' and '5,6,7,8' Other than that, the flow's pretty good.

Overview: 88/100 I liked your story because it was dark yet beautiful, especially the ending. Keep it up! :D 

REVIEWER: kaepie

REVIEWED FINISHED ON: 06/22/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read the story here!