REVIEW PICKUP: Boice_fanfics

Title: 3/5 I can see the slight connection between the title and the story but personally, the title doesn't really attract me.

Description: 3/5 The description is pretty informative, so it's alright. However it doesn't intrigue me.

Vocabulary: 6/10 Your vocabulary was alright, but maybe you could've added a few more words to give the story more impact.

Grammar: 9/10 I couldn't really find any grammar mistakes in the story! Good job!

Plot: 8/10 I like how Yonghwa and Ji Soo were childhood friends, and how Yonghwa disliked Ji Soo. In most of the fanfics, the lead male character would be attracted by the lead girl character but I like how it is the other way around in your story. It's very unique. At the start of the story; I was tricked. I thought Yu Han was honestly in love with Ji Soo but when I found out it was because of her money, I was shocked. I really pity Ji Soo.

Flow: 5/10 I think your story was pretty rushed. Sometimes in between paragraphs, I feel that it's a little abrupt how you end a situation and jump on to another one. Your sentences are short too, so it was abrupt as well. You could probably join sentences together and elaborate a little more.

Example:

"Yong Hwa opened his closet and found himself wondering what to wear to his first date in years. He grabbed his favorite black jeans and a black and white striped T-shirt. He changed his clothes and went to eat breakfast."

You could write it like:

"Yong Hwa opened his closet and found himself wondering what to wear to his first date in years. Searching through his closet, he picked out a stylish black clothing and held it in front of him, wondering if he should wear that or dress up more plainly. 'Dressing up so nicely would make me look as if I was looking forward to the date,' he thought. So, he grabbed his favorite black jeans and a black and white striped T-shirt and changed into those, then headed down to eat breakfast."

Since he was wondering about what to wear, you should also write the part about him wondering out. Elaborating more makes the story more interesting and less abrupt so yeah, combining your sentences together would make a great difference in the flow. Also, I was wondering why you would write Ji Soo's mother and father with their real names. It seems a little weird to me but if that's your style then alright.

Effect on reader: 6/10 Although I wasn't attracted by the description and title, the story brought me back in because it was so unique! I liked how Yong Hwa was disliking Ji Soo since she was a child and even when he realized it was her on the blind date because this it is pretty rare in fanfictions where the lead male character really dislikes the female character. I'm felt really sad for Ji Soo too, Yu Han breaking up with her like that and Yong Hwa's thoughts about her even if she doesn't know. Her mother too, forces her to break up with Yu Han even though it was probably for the better.

Overall: 65/100

REVIEWER: kaepie

REVIEWED FINISHED ON: 06/28/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read the story here!