REVIEW PICKUP: Miro-Chan

Title: 4/5 I see you've changed the title. The word "Alynm" is very appealing and intriguing itself. It arouses a sense of interest in readers who are craving to know what the story is about. And the word "" just gives readers a clear picture that the story is going to be wicked and readers can foresee abundance of vulgars in it. I'm not sure if it's a good thing, but it certainly intrigued me.

Description: 4/5 I've just read through your description about revenge. It seems evil and dirty, but not malicious and sick enough from a guy's point of view. Maybe you needa add some flare to your words to make the vengeance part seem more evil. However, I can see a total 180 degree change of chracter in the plot of the story, which is not necessarily bad, but just a little to hasty. You may need to elaborate more on that.

Vocabulary: 8/10 The vocabulary was okay. However, some diversity and versatility may be needed to make the story intriguing. I didn't sense any implication of sarcasm or any deep underlying meaning, or was there supposed to be? Let's just not talk about the excessive usage of vulgars.

Grammar: 9/10 I took another look, and the grammar seems okay.

Plot: 7/10 The flow isn't exactly amusing as (like I said before) the change of character just occurs too fast. The flow within a single chapter was fine, but I guess there were some transitional errors when you're moving from chapter to chapter. Chapter 1 feels good, but I don't think a sudden rush in chapter 2 and 3 will have a good effect on the plot.

Effect on reader: 8/10 Well, from a sadist’s point of view, much feels for the protagonist for I can truly feel her being unappreciated by this cold and unforgiving world. A story that pretty much sums up the ‘forever alone’ and ‘ostracized’ life of some people who are really just seen as tools by others in order to achieve their personal benefits. The flow should continue to arouse the reader’s sympathy towards the persona, and in the mean time let the persona develop some hatred towards her awful friends and maybe even a huge turnaround in her soft and weak personality. To make matters more interesting, the story should include a rather convoluted conspiracy to get back at her friends. But overall, the description did not fail to arouse my feels towards the persona. (This was for chapter one) The revenge starts to seem a little complicated and you seem lost while writing it. It's evil, but again, it's not malicious and dispicable enough. You may have to work on that.

Overview: 78/100 The story truly embodies the lonely soul of a young teenage girl, stranded in the crossroads of life after countless betrayals by her friends. She later seeks revenge on those "es" and tries to show her evil side, which by the way, is her true colours? To my delight, the passage wasn’t long but the message of the story was clear and straight-forward, which makes it more or less easier to read. The versatility and diversity in your vocabulary doesn’t cease to make this story more intriguing, and the continuation of the story was perfecto. Not to mention, your cover picture looks sublime! Overall, it was good!

REVIEWER: yoon_hyunseokkkk

REVIEW FINISHED ON: 06/17/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read her story here!