REVIEW PICKUP: moonlightJHN

Title: 2/5

I'm sorry but it happens to be really cheesy and anything with Cinderella is cheesy as it is really easy to give away the plot before reading the story.

Description: 2/5

Character profiles are a huge no-no. If you make a character profile, it just makes one feel like the author can't inaugurate the character within the story.

Vocabulary: 7/10

Nothing really different. Simple words and phrases. 

Grammar: 4/10

Since you disallowed the text selection I won't be able to add many corrections; just the basics though.

No matter what it's 'yelling' not 'yellings', since yelling, here is used as a Present Continuous Verb.

Try using a semi-colon [;] when you have too many commas.

Plot: 5/10

The first thing was you didn't even try to explain the features of the characters, which you should do more especially since this has an OC in it. For all I could know all these people might be Raptors something.

Another thing is that you mention SoRa' doll towards the end and you say that she carried it around everywhere. But the thing is, you didn't mention the doll anywhere else. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Other than that, most of the plot was roughly placed and felt at some points that this didn't belong here.

Effect on reader:  6/10

The same problem as before, you need to describe the characters within the story no matter how famous they are. 

Nothing else though. It was simple and expressed the feelings that you would have wanted it to convey.

Flow: 7/10

Smooth and there are no weird points where the plot breaks off but the fathers' role is a bit too unexplained to me as well as MungHee's and MungSoo's characters.

Overall: 60/100

Everything was organized and everything but the character thing; you have to work on that.  

REVIEWER: TheSparliestVampire
FINISHED ON: 10th July 2014
Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read her story here!