REVIEW PICKUP: snowkid

Title: 3.5/5 Eternal Love- I got the slightly cheesy feeling from it but Eternal's a nice word, so I guess I liked it. It doesn't really attract me though, and when I searched the title, a few other stories popped out too.

Description: 4/5 I like how you introduced your view of love in the starting, and then showed what the story was about in the middle. Best of all, you ended it with a question, which makes me want to know if they do actually survive that relationship crisis. However, your description had quite a few grammar mistake. 

"Days passed by, weeks and even years, seasons changed from spring to summer, and autumn to winter, but love still remains the same if it's really meant to be. Their did, ever since they came to know each other; spending more of their times together, they understood each other, accepting every pros and cons of the other. Their life went up and down the hills, but they remained together.

Through thick and thin, they always sat beside the other's side, not leaving them alone.

But there will be times, when even the long lasted relationship comes to an end when numerous misunderstanding takes place in the relationship."

C: "Days, weeks and even years can pass. Seasons can change from spring to summer, from autumn to winter, but love will still remain the same if it's really meant to be. Theirs did, ever since they got to know each other; and as they spent more of their time together, they started to understand and accept every pros and ccons of each other. Their life went up and down the hills, but they remained together.

Through thick and thin, they always stayed beside and never left each other alone.

But there will be a time where even the longest lasting relationships come to an end, when numerous misunderstandings take place."

As you wrote so much about how they went through so many misunderstandings and hardships, I gather the readers will feel curious to as of what those are. But your story never mentioned much except how Shisam was criticized by others. Perhaps giving more examples or flashbacks would make the description link with the story better.

Vocabulary: 8/10 I have to say your vocabulary is definitely quite good. Many appropriate words were used in the sentences which enhanced the whole meaning you meant to convey to the readers. Well done.

Grammar: 5/10 There were tons of grammar mistakes in your writing. Sometimes you tend to add a word into a sentence which makes the sentence weird and hard to comprehend. For example: 

"The same thing happened today, hearing out other's opinion on how she was inferior to other's and how she never deserved what she had in her life. It made her heart to crumple in dejection, made her lose every bit of confidence inside her."

C: "The same thing happened today- she heard people's opinions about how she was inferior to others, and how she never deserved what she had in her life. It caused her heart to crumple in dejection and her to lose every bit of confidence she had inside her."

""You're here finally," his voice sent butterflies inside her chest go wild, as her tummy compressed giving her a tickling sensation. His bright smile made her feel all the joy of the world. She let out a small smile as well, drawing closer towards him. "

C: " "You're finally here," his voice sent butterflies inside her chest flying wildly, as her tummy compressed, giving her a tickling sensation. His bright smile made her feel so much joy. She let out a small smile of her own, while she drew closer to him."

"It was already late in the evening. Enjoying the alluring sight of the evening sky, with various colors blending together and those fluffy looking clouds dancing slowly around that spacious purple sky, it was a pleasing sight to view."

C: "It was already late evening. The evening sky was an alluring sight with various colors blending together, and the fluffy looking clouds dancing around the spacious purple sky. It was definitely a pleasing sight to view."

"She finally knew, no matter what happened, Jimin had been always there for her no matter what the situation was, he was always by her side just like he promised. Few seconds later, when they were finally enveloped in a comfortable silence,"

C: "She finally understood that no matter what happened, Jimin would always be there for her no matter what the situation was. He was always by her side just like he promised he would. A few seconds later, when they were finally enveloped in a comfortable silence,"

" Pressing both his palms on both the side of his knees, bending down to inhale some fresh air rashly."

C: "He pressed both his palms on both the sides of his knees and bent down to inhale some fresh air rashly." 

There are of course many more grammatical mistakes, but you could always use a beta reader to spot them, or just read through the whole thing thoroughly again. 

Plot: 6/10 I can't say that it is an original plot. Many stories have the situation where others deem that the girl is too lowly to be with the boy, but they still love each other unconditionally. It's a plot I've read many times and tbh it's getting kind of boring. But your vocabulary spiced up your whole story, and that made me enjoy it. Also, about the flashback where Jimin met Shisam: how could Jimin have been so heartbroken over a girl for a second and fall in love with another girl whom he just met the next? It doesn't seem very believable or realistic to me. And it was weird how Jimin didn't explain much about Krystal, just that she taught him what love is. It makes me kind of curious as of why the whole school sees Jimin and Krystal as a couple when obviously Jimin doesn't hold an attraction towards Krystal. If he isn't attracted to Krystal, why would he be acting as if Krystal was his girlfriend as he laughed blissfully with her? Ditching Shisam for an ex girlfriend when he promised her for a date also seemed very unlikely to me, if the boyfriend really loved the girl.

Flow: 5/10 The flow wasn't choppy, and the pace was just right. However, your writing style is extremely confusing with your grammar mistakes- for example, you would start a sentence with "Pressing both his palms on both the sides of his knees," and end it with "bending down to inhale some fresh air rashly." The grammatical mistake where you started both the sentences with a verb made it extremely confusing for me to understand what you meant. You also have a tendency to add an un-needed word into a sentence like what I've pointed out above: "It made her heart to crumple in dejection, made her lose every bit of confidence inside her." As it was hard to understand, I gave you a five for the flow, but I definitely liked how it wasn't choppy but just the right pace.

Effect on reader: 6/10 To be really honest the story didn't give me much feels, and I even felt a little like I was going in rounds with the verb mistake. However I did like the effect your vocabulary gave on the story. 

Overall: 60/100