It no longer burned my throat nor was I making faces when I downed another shot of tequila or vodka or who knows what was in my shot glass anymore. My “no alcohol” policy had long since changed. I no longer detested it, but longed for it. It helped fill the void in my heart. Alcohol may not be the best medicine for a heartache, but it sure as hell helped me forget it, for a while at least. I had come into this bar about thirty minutes ago after I was able to escape the confines of my new manager.  I hated him! I absolutely detested Kim Jongin! He had become like a suffocating shadow. I had absolutely no freedom with him always on my back. If I took two steps to the left he’d take the same exact ones milliseconds after. He was just like a shadow following my every move. My unnies were completely infatuated with him, so they always took his side.

“It’s for your own good.”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“Where do you come up with such lucrative thoughts?”

Those were the constant responses I got from them when I accused him of having alternate motives, but what would they know! I truly believed he did though. Kim Jongin was a strange man. He had secrets I was sure of this. It was almost as if he had a sixth sense. He was always two steps ahead of me, but not this time. I had finally outsmarted him, and escaped his menacing glare and reprimands for all the bad things he saw in me. I’d say I had another twenty minutes before that guard of a manger tracked me down and dragged me back to the dorm. I needed to make the most of the little time I had left. I lifted my cup up to the bartender, so he could serve me another glass.

“You don’t think you’ve had enough for one night?” the bartender asked as he kept a firm grip around the tequila bottle’s neck. A concerned expression on his face. I brusquely pushed my glass forward, “I’ll know when I’ve had enough.”

“And when exactly is that? When you’re completely faced and everybody in this bar spreads your drunk night over the internet?” A voice said behind me. I couldn’t help but smile bitterly, alas, he had found me. “She won’t be needing anymore of that.” he told the bartender as he placed money on the counter. The bartender took the money and walked away with my tequila in hand.

“Yah! Where do you think you’re going?” I scolded the bartender as he had left me liquorless. It’s funny how alcohol makes one’s emotions flare in 10 million directions because the sadness transformed into anger for the man behind me. “Yah!” I angrily spat at him as I shoved my forefinger into his chest. “What do you think you’re doing?! Go away!”

“Let’s go” he said through gritted teeth. Irritation and anger spewing through his cold eyes. Who exactly did he think he was giving me orders? He worked for me. I gave him orders not the other way around! I quickly stood up off the stool in complete defiance, but I wasn’t exactly sure when or how the floor moved beneath me causing my body to sway all over the place. I quickly lost my balance and fell to the floor. I could hear the gasps and laughter of other people at the bar. “Just look at yourself! You’re a complete mess. Embarrassing yourself like this. Get up.” He said as he aided me back onto my feet. The flashes of cellphones took me by surprise, and they only seemed to grow in intensity. They were like angry monsters attacking me from the darkness of the bar. I gripped onto the steady arm that led me out of the the tangled mess, and into the backseat of a van. The sliding door slammed once I was in the seat causing me to shudder in displeasure of the loud bang. My body was beginning to feel the effect of the alcohol. My stomach began to churn. The nauseating feeling began to rise from the pit of my stomach.

“Yah. What are you doing? Let go of that handle.”

“I’m going to throw up.”

“Don’t ope-” Too late my torso was halfways out of the van. My hands clutched to each side of the opening to hold my weight from completely falling out. I heard shrieks of disgust as all the contents within my stomach scattered onto the concrete sidewalk.

♚♚♚

A giant pile of printed online articles, and gossip magazines landed on the desk with a loud THUMP! I couldn’t help but shudder at the noise that sent a wave of pain through my brain. Last night was evident in more than one way today. The first my extreme hangover, and the second all the pictures of my wasted night were circulating the internet. My name was the most searched on search engines. I was a trending topic on Twitter for hours now. It seemed that everyone on the internet had something to say about me. I sat there looking down at my hands truly embarrassed because this wasn’t in my nature at all. I knew that very well but these longing demons would awaken in me and the only way to silence them was alcohol.

“What do you have to say for yourself now?!” I didn’t have to look up to know the CEO was seething with anger. “And you!” I watched as his hand came down and gripped a pile of papers in his angry fist. “What exactly am I paying you for?!” he flung the articles at Kim Jongin. I finally looked up at YG in complete shock. Jongin on the other hand seemed unfazed as the papers hit him square in the face, and fluttered away after assaulting him. I saw his eyes turn towards me, and this overwhelming guilt made my eyes fall to the floor in shame. It wasn’t his fault I knew that very well, but I couldn’t willingly admit to it. I just sat there as the CEO cursed a million and one profanities at Jongin. He took one deep breath before he yelled, “Both of you get out of my sight now!”

I was quick to get up, but Jongin lingered in his seat a while longer. I wanted to be brave and stay to listen to what he had to stay but I couldn’t. I gave a prompt bow and began my long walk out of the office. I nearly made it out but Jongin’s words stopped me dead in my tracks.

“She needs to move back to her house.” he said.

“What are you trying to say?” YG asked incredulously.

“Her behavior isn’t only affecting the company's image, but it's taking a toll on the other girls as well.”

“Excuse me!” I exclaimed. All guilt and empathy towards him completely gone now. What the hell was he talking about?!

“Minzy. Get out!” YG commanded.

“No! I deserve to defend myself against any accusations he’s making against me!”

“Damn it Minzy! GET OUT!” He yelled as he slammed his fist against his desk. I stood there dumbfounded at his outburst. He had never yelled at me like that before, so there was a foreign fear cumulating in my core. I really wanted to stand my ground, but I knew that look and I recognized that tone coming from the boss. I wasn’t going to tempt the tiger anymore, so I reluctantly walked out. Angry, hot tears rolled down the moment I closed the door behind me. All the anger suppressed within me was being released in tears, and I hated it because it made me seem weak. I wasn’t weak! I paced back and forth in front of the door trying to calm myself. I didn’t want to go back to that house! I would just be reminded of so many things I wanted to forget. I wanted to be strong like Yifan and just forget it ever happened, but it was so hard. The door opened and I stopped in my tracks ready to face the antagonist to this story. He looked at my tear stricken face, so I was quick to wipe them away. I did not want to look vulnerable in his eyes anymore.

“You’re moving out of the dorm.” he stated before heading to the elevator. What? That’s it? No absolutely not.

“What the hell is your problem?!” I exploded catching up to him as the elevator doors opened. I pushed against his back because he seemed to be ignoring me. “You think you can make decisions for me? Who do you think you are?!” I kept hitting his back but he still refused to acknowledge me. “I’m not a kid!”

“You sure as hell act like one” he said finally turning towards me. He pulled me by the hand into the elevator with him. I was quick to shrug his grip off me because his touch felt toxic against my skin.

“You don’t know anything!” I seethed.

“I know a lot more than you give me credit for.” he countered.

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?”

“It means that everyone around you is suffering because of your idiotic decisions, but you’re too egocentric to notice it. Everyone around you seems to be tiptoeing around you because they’re afraid you’ll have some mental breakdown. But nobody really knows why. You’ve shut them all out, but yet you expect them to comfort and care for you. That’s why you seem to hate me so much because I refuse to baby you. You need a reality check little girl.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is and you know damn well it is.” The elevator door opened as he pointed his incriminating finger at me. I was quick swat his demeaning finger away from me. “Why don’t you tell someone? Lift some of that weight off your shoulders. Let someone help you carry that burden.” I wish I could, but I can’t. It’s not that easy.

“You don’t know anything!” I screamed after him as he retreated from the elevator. I followed suit not ready to let this argument go. His laugh rang making me angrier.

“You already said that!” he mocked me. “Wake up Minzy! You’re letting whatever hurt you win. Drown yourself in something healthy and positive not in something that will destroy you! You’re throwing your life away because of it.” He paused for a moment to think before he seemed to realise something. “It’s because of a guy isn’t it?” he said harshly. “What a waste,” he continued, “I’ve seen this scenario play out before let’s hope it doesn’t kill you too.” He must have noticed me staying quiet and still because his facial features seemed to soften a bit, but his hard exterior was still visible. “I know it hurts and you feel completely betrayed but if you keep doing the things you’re doing you’re letting him win. Just forget him…” I didn’t let him talk anymore that was enough truths for the day. I walked out of the company building in tears. I wasn’t sure where I was heading to all I knew is that I wanted to be alone with my own thoughts.

♚♚♚

“Minzy!” I heard Dara scream in relief the moment I walked back into the dorm. “Girls she’s here!” she called. Bom and Chaerin rushed into the living room with worried expressions on their faces. I was surprised to see them still awake. I wasn’t sure exactly what time it was, but I knew it was past midnight which made me feel more guilty. I was a horrible person. They had been going through this for months and only now was I realising their suffering. I looked into their tired eyes and completely felt despicable.

“I’m sorry.”I implored before kneeling down to the ground in a complete bow to show them how truly ashamed I was for causing them so much anguish these months.

“Minzy what are you doing? Get up.” I stood up, but only to bow again.

“I’m so sorry.” I begged again and again for their forgiveness. By the fourth time I stood I felt three pairs of arms embracing and preventing me from kneeling down again.

“Stop it already.” Bom cooed as she wiped the unnoticed tears from my cheeks. “Come on now.” she said as she took my hand and led me to my room. She sat me on the bed while Chaerin took off my shoes. They helped dress me into some sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt.

“No wait. I need to you all something first.” I resisted their attempt to put me to sleep. I needed to tell them the truth or at least try.

“Minzy, I’m sure it can wait for later. We all need to get some rest now.” Dara said once they got me under the comforter.

“No. We have time.” Chaerin unnie commented sitting on my left side. She looked at the other girls while patting the queen sized bed so they could join us. Bom smiled at me and jumped in on the right side holding me close to her. Dara followed taking the spot next Bom. “Tell us what’s been going on Minzy.” CL cuddled in with me and Bom and Dara followed suit cuddling up against Bom. All the memories from when I first met him to the last time I saw him came like a hurricane. Where do I even begin? I had so much to tell them, but I felt the need to filter the truth. Why was I so adamant on protecting him when he had no consideration for me? Why was I still willing to protect him when he did me wrong?

“Minzy? We’re worried about you,” said Bom as she soothed my hair. Chaerin began wiping the tears that had began to fall. Dara, reached over Bom, she took my hand into her tiny one giving a squeeze for encouragement. “Whatever it is you can trust us.” I took a deep breath not completely ready for their reaction.

“I...I’m sorry...I lied to you girls...I hid so many things...I...I fell in love with someone, and he completely destroyed me…And now I...feel completely lost...I feel dead inside.” I managed to say in between sobs. I couldn’t really see their faces, but I knew they were trying to process what I had told them because they’re soothing hands stopped moving .

“Min.. wait you need to backtrack a little we need… I mean how did this….where did you…” Bom tried asking questions to all her unanswered thoughts. I looked into each of their eyes only to see anguish and worry. I knew then that I couldn’t tell them the real truth.

I told them a less explicit version of our story. I bended the truth quite a bit. When they asked what exactly he did for a living I told them he was a businessman. I wasn’t completely lying either. Yi Fan was in charge of a business, an illegal one, but a business at that. I left out a lot too. I didn’t mention any of the darkness in our relationship. All the things I didn’t want to associate with his memory I didn’t mention. When they ask for his name. I told them the alibi he used with me when we first met, Kris.

“Why did you hide him from us?” Dara furrowed her eyebrows when I was done talking.

“Maknae he sounds great, but that still doesn’t explain the shooting…” Bom said. We all stayed silent for a minute the shooting was brought up. I scavenged my brain trying to find a proper excuse, but I was coming up blank. Dara was the first of us to speak up.

“Wait...Was he..did he...I mean when you got shot was it...him?” Dara asked as if she had connected the dots. I heard the gasps from my other unnies as they realised what Dara was saying was plausible.

“Minzy! Say it ain’t so!” Chaerin exclaimed as she jumped off the bed. Her hand flew to her head as she thought the unthinkable.

“No..No!” I exclaimed. “He didn’t shoot me...he… tried to protect me… he saved…” I defended him.

“No Minzy! It doesn’t matter! He put you in a dangerous situation that nearly cost you your life! Do not defend him! Who the is he anyways?!” Chaerin screamed in rage.

“Chaerin calm down!” Bom tried to take control of the situation. I could hear Dara softly whimper at the corner of the bed. Her back now faced us. Seeing Dara cry just reminded me that this was a bad idea. Bom pulled me closer to her side as I began to sob harder. I knew she was trying to be strong, but I could see the tears begin to fall from her big eyes.

“Unnie… no… don’t cry. No he’s not a bad guy I promise…” I begged her to believe me. “He really cared for me…” At least that’s what I wanted to think. Yi Fan did you ever really love me?

“Cared for you?! My Goodness Minzy! How stupid are you?!” Chaerin exclaimed.

“Yah! Chaerin-ah! What is your problem?! Watch that mouth of yours! ” Bom scolded.

“No she’s right I believed in his every word, and all it brought was disappointment and heartache.”

“Everybody needs to calm down! Let’s stop screaming and talk like the civilized women we are.” Dara finally spoke up with a tear stained face. “Minzy…honey, you need to tell us if you’re in danger so we can to protect you.”

“No, no listen to me...he.. I’m not... he’s...he’s gone…he can’t hurt me...”

“Minzy who is he? Do we know him?” Bom asked carefully. I was quick shake my head no at her question.

“No you don’t. He was… different. He really came out of nowhere.” I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of when I first saw him in that bar. Thinking of everything I went through with him were bittersweet memories now. “He was so unlike anyone I had ever encountered…”

“My goodness Minzy! Open your eyes! You weren’t important to him because he left! You nearly died and for what?! That left!” Chaerin fumed.

“You don’t think I know that! I want to hate him so much but I can’t!” I screamed.

“Minzy look at me.” Chaerin grabbed ahold of my face causing Bom to let go of me. I was now kneeled next to her standing form at the edge of the bed. She held my face  between both her hands. She brushed away some tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. I looked at her. Her usual hard exterior was gone. Her eyes were filled with oncoming tears threatening to spill. “Tell me the truth Minzy,” she said. “Did he… did he try to kill you?” My eyes grew in size at her assumption. I was quick to shake my head no.

“No.” I was able to croak out eventually. The next thing I knew she pulled me towards her embrace. She held me tight in her arms. Her body began to shake which told me she was now sobbing. I wrapped my arms around her trying to comfort her. Dara and Bom eventually joined us in what became a weeping group hug. “I need your help girls. I want to forget him. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Please don’t bring him up anymore after tonight.” I asked of them. It felt a bit liberating knowing they knew of his existence in my life now, but I wanted to move on. His memory wasn’t healthy anymore. Sudden banging on my door startled us all. Dara even screamed at the sudden intrusion. We all turned to see the doorknob to my room door turning.

“What’s going on?” a manly voice asked. Jongin stepped into the room eyeing us suspiciously. We all let each other go and began wiping our faces. “You girls were suppose to tell me if Minzy showed up here, but I never heard from any of you. I called you too and I got no answer, so I came to check for my self.” He explained himself. All managers had access to the dorm so it was no surprise that he was able to get in. They even had a room in the dorm to sleep in when we had late night schedules. “What I’d like to know now is why you’re all crying?”

“Ah...sorry Jongin-ah. We completely forgot to call you when she arrived.” Bom apologized. He simply nodded his head in understanding.

“Did something happen to you?” He asked me. His arms were now crossed over his chest, and he had a stern look on his face. I shook my head no. “Then what happened?” He asked us all again.

“Minzy had to get some things off her chest, that’s all.”  I felt sudden chills throughout my body when he glared at me. His eyes had a tint of panic in them though. I wasn’t sure why, but before I could analyze him anymore he spoke up, “I think you all need to rest then.”

“I’d like them to stay actually.” I said.

“I think it’s best if everyone slept in their own bed. You all are aggitated and tired, so all of you need a proper rest. That’s not possible if they sleep cramped with you on your bed Minzy.” he stated in a matter of fact tone.

“I think he’s right Minzy.” Bom said. “Plus Dara kicks in her sleep.” She laughed at her last statement.

“Fine.” I consented.

“We’re just down the hall if you need anything.” Dara said hugging me one last time followed by the other two girls.

“I’ll make her some tea to calm her nerves.” Jongin said. “You girls need to go to bed.” The girls nodded and one by one bid their farewell before exiting the room. “I’ll be back with your tea in a bit so don’t fall asleep yet.” he said once the girls left us alone. I simply nodded in agreement.

He returned a few minutes later with a mug of warm tea in his hands. “Here.” he said as he handed me the mug. “And take these too.” he opened his palm to expose two small white pills.

“What are they?” I looked up at him quizzically.

“Ambien. They’ll help you sleep, so stop asking and just take them.” He said a bit annoyed at me.

“Sorry.” I apologized taking them into my hand. I put the pills in my mouth along with a sip of my tea and consumed them. “For everything.” I said looking up at him.

“What are you talking about?” he said taking my empty mug from me.

“After this morning’s...incident I took a long walk, and I was able to self reflect on a lot of things. One thing I came to conclude was that I needed to apologize to a lot of people because of my recent behavior. You being one of them. From the moment I met you I was a complete to you, so I just wanted to apologize.” I finished off rather awkwardly as he stood there trying to figure out what to say to me. I began to sink deeper into my bed as I felt the pills begin to take effect.

“Thanks. Let’s try to get along from now on.” I nodded in agreement. “I’m guessing the girls were some of those people on the apology list? Or were the water works for something else?” he asked. “What exactly did you tell them Minzy?”

“Hmm?” My eyelids were feeling heavy now. “I told them...I told them…”

“Hey. Hey don’t fall asleep yet Minzy. Tell me what you told them. Damn it.” Was the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep slumber.

Afterword

Please forgive such a late update. This chapter was long overdue, but life is hectic at the moment. This semester at the university has been the hardest yet TT. And work is a whole other story too, so it's difficult to find time to write. However, I hope you enjoy this update, and I will be back as soon as possible. Thank you for all the wonderful comments last chapter. I was surprised at how many were quick to throw Yifan out and welcome Jongin. lol There were many that stuck by Yifan too though :) I wonder how you all will react to the outcome of the story??? Anyways I hope you leave comments, subscribe, and upvote.

Much love, DG <3