It’s been 3 years and she still loves him. 

It’s been 3 years and love is still him.

It’s been 3 years and it’s still suffocating.

But being a tough person she always does, she’d gone through the mourning phase.

The rising sun rayed through Krystal’s room window with its sparkle in Busan Saturday morning. Krystal started to shift her body from being awakened by the warm sunlight. She squinted her eyes to adjust the light as she began to stretch her body and yawned.

She always loves the way Busan’s light wake her up from her deep sleep. It brushed off her worries in mind as if it’s there to light up her whole own world. She began to straighten her body to lean her back to the headboard. This is what she’s always miss from home; her bed that directly faced the glass wall, her parents, and her house.

She never regretted her decision to move back to Busan – even if it means she had to leave off everything she’d accomplished in Seoul. She moved there the day after her graduation. She left her job as a fashion buyer and moved to Busan jobless. She wanted a fresh start. Everything about Kai had literally brought her self to the deepest of her self – she’s losing it. The first two weeks were simply a living hell for her – sobs, wails, mourns, tears, chest pains, swollen eyes, messy hair, everything.

It’s hard for her to keep it all alone. She wanted to tell everybody but she didn’t want a judgment in return. Everybody always told her to just go for a psychiatrist – they thought she was having a severe depression for crying over a person whom they said never exist.

It’s as if Kai’s whole existence in this world or his mannequin world is only known by Krystal. Meanwhile, neither the humans nor the mannequins remember his existence. Krystal wondered why did things got to turn out like this. She couldn’t be just hallucinating about Kai all these times. She believed that he’s real. Or at least, he was once real.

Krystal rubbed her eyes slowly before she removed her white duvet off of her to go downstairs. She opened her bedroom’s door to find the smell of a warm delicate bean sprout soup. She knew there wouldn’t be any better place to ensconce other than home. She really had lot obstacles in life yet this home would always manage to give her warmth that any other places couldn’t ever offer.

She made her way downstairs with a light steps and quickly trotted her way to the kitchen once she stepped her feet on the first floor. She saw her mother standing back facing her while whole-heartedly stirring on the bowl. She smiled as she made her way to her loveliest.

“Good morning eomma!” she hugged her shorter mother on her waist and placed her chin on her shoulder.

“Oh? You’re awake?” her mom answered.

“Of course. How can I resist it when it's the sun who's waking me up?”

She let go of the hug and walked herself to the fridge. She took out a container of her favorite apple berry juice for morning greetings to herself. She poured down the juice while listening carefully to the pouring sounds.

“Irene called last night. She said she couldn’t reach you through your phone,” her mom broke the peaceful silent as she evenly poured the cooked bean sprout soup to three bowls in front of her.

“Ah. I forgot to tell you. Irene’s going to Busan today,” Krystal answered with her eyes staring at the spinning glass.

She’d never lost her contact with Irene and Taemin. Even though they also lost their memory about Kai, at least they’re not being judgmental toward her. They somehow believed her. Well, they always are. But you could say that she’d lost her contact with the still living mannequins. They’re not fighting. They didn’t have problems. They’re fine. But she thought it would be better if she just cut off their bonds. That way, it would be easier for her to face the whole Kai thing. She also couldn’t believe how could the mannequins said they don’t have any idea who Kai is. She’s still thinking that they’re probably lying but they kept saying that they aren’t. But it no longer mattered for Krystal since she wanted to have a fresh start now – living a life without Kai.

“Is she staying? Tell her to stay for days. I miss her,” her mom placed down a tray of brown rice, bean sprout soup, kimchi, and hot green tea in front of Krystal and sat her self right across where Krystal was sitting.

Krystal slurped and quickly dug her bean sprout soup. She smelled the broth first before she spooned the stock and sipped it slowly – enjoying each taste splattered around her tongue.

“She’s staying her for 3 days eomma. Don’t worry,” she continued to spoon another one along with the bean sprout.

“Is she going to come straight to here or how?” her mom said before she blew her morning earl grey tea.

“I’m going to meet up with her outside and I think I’ll be back at night,” she answered.

Her mother smiled – a relieved one - that her daughter finally agreed to meet up with her friends. She couldn’t lie that she’d been worrying about her daughter all these times. She’s kinda losing the happy, passionate, cloudless, positive daughter the past years. It’s not that she’s being a total opposite. She’s technically the same but it’s as if Krystal’s putting up a mask on her face. She would appear smiley, cheerful, and jolly but she’d often find her daughter sobbed at night. She could smile the widest she wants but her eyes said another thing which is sadness and pain. Just by looking at her decision to move back to Busan – leaving all her dreams in Seoul – she knew something’s really wrong.

Krystal also spent less time outside the house now. She’d often spend her times in her room or in the kitchen to learn to cook. Her parents also had told her to find another job or at least do something that she loves to bring back her spirit but all she would every say is just she still needs time to think and to find herself fully back. They always asked what was bothering her that much but she never wanted to spill it out. She’s being a self-keeper now and it’s not good for a person like Krystal.

“Okay honey. Have fun then.”

The sun finally started to set after a lon