Ever since he received the e-mail that almost got buried under few dozens of magazine subscriptions, Jimin felt like February was moving faster than ever before, as he only had a week left before having to leave for Daegu. His days usually passed with him perfecting his cork board with either adding a new picture, be it of Yoongi or just of the snow-white scenery outside, or thinking about what small texts to add beneath each and the design he could use. His apartment had turned into something similar to a crafting workshop where scissors, paper, markers and pens, tons of developed pictures were a permanent part of the floor of his room, where he liked working.

‘Snowflakes from behind the lenses’

The more Jimin worked on conveying his sincere thoughts and own understanding of the theme, the more he came to like and enjoy it, as there weren’t any restrictions and rules he had to follow, but rather follow his own intuition and trust his creativity flair.

During the past week and a half he managed to obtain enough picture material to finish his collage, usually because neither him nor Yoongi followed the ‘a picture a day’ rule, but somehow it became their habit to go out once a day to take a photo, even if it was late at night after Yoongi’s shift ended, and he frankly didn’t want that to end, so for once he wished February would slow down. With every new photo taken and every memory attached to it, Jimin could feel how their relationship slowly developed and how Yoongi changed over the course of time, becoming more and more relaxed and natural around Jimin. Sometimes they would even hold hands and their way back.

But there was still one small thing that every now and then bothered Jimin and it was how Yoongi always avoided the topic of them going to Daegu together. Jimin really, really wished the main hero of his work to be there and witness his own story being presented, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask again. He was convinced that it would be selfish of him, because he still remembered Namjoon’s words about how Yoongi rarely ever goes back home and the older did refuse him the first time too. Was it really selfish? He wanted Yoongi to be there and witness his hard work being put out there to the public, he wanted Yoongi to be the one he gets to experience such a rare chance with, but in the end maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

--

“Where should we go today?” Yoongi asked after sitting next to Jimin on the floor. It was always interesting for him to watch the younger do his job, because both of them had really different working tactics.

“Hmm…” Jimin was engrossed in writing something on the back of one of the pictures and in the end didn’t really answer Yoongi. The older inspected the serious expression and the furrow that had appeared on his face and thought that it would be better if he just stayed away and didn’t distract him, but something about the aura around Jimin made him stay. He thought that he was getting a lot better in understanding him, but right now he was feeling lost. Yoongi reached out his hand, allowing himself to caress Jimin’s cheek and then touch the crinkled space between his eyebrows, so the unconscious frown could disappear.

The younger put down his pen and turned around to face Yoongi for the first time since he came, a bit startled by the sudden gesture. He realized that he had allowed himself to get caught up with all of those doubts and thoughts from earlier the day and instantly felt guilty. In the beginning he felt both sad and upset about the fact that the more he tried talking about Daegu, the less answers he got, but now seeing the way the older felt that there was something wrong with him right away he hated himself for being like this. He suddenly felt really tired. The stress that has been piling up more and more as time progressed really wasn’t a good combination to him and his rationality.

“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asked softly and let his hand stay on the other’s cheek, eyes fixated to his.

“I’m … sorry. Let’s take a break and not go out today? I have enough material and I don’t feel that confident about how it is turning out, so I’m gonna focus on that today. Don’t worry about it hyung.” Jimin didn’t recognize his own voice. He didn’t mean to say that. His temples were pulsating, indicating the upcoming headache.

Hyung?

‘Are you feeling stressed? Come on, let’s take a break. I will make some good coffee and go buy some cake. What do you think?” Yoongi tried again, not allowing his smile go away, even after hearing the ‘hyung’ Jimin stopped using a week and a half ago. Yoongi could see the dark circles under his eyes along with the unusual irritably, so he didn’t really try and question him further.

“I have to work on this more… Please, let’s leave it for another time.” Jimin said and focused his gaze back to the pile in front of him, biting the insides of his cheek. He didn’t want to say either of that, so why was he acting like this? Whiny and childish, as if it was Yoongi’s fault that he was feeling so uneasy. Jimin never acted like this and preferred to talk about problems straightforwardly, but now due to stress and his insomnia his bad mood clouded his ability to think straight, making him say things he didn’t meant to. Say things that he wished didn’t have a reason to say in the first place…

“Did I do something?” Yoongi asked firmly. It was hard for him to understand the sudden change in him, but he knew that sugarcoating things wouldn’t get him anywhere, so he just asked the second possible reason – himself.

‘Hey Yoongi, why don’t you want to come with me? Why are you keeping it a secret? Do you trust me… Do I mean enough to you to open up your heart?’

Jimin’s thoughts suddenly started overflowing and he felt pain spread all the way to the back of his head. Of course, he didn’t ask either of those questions. He hated himself for doubting Yoongi in the first place, but right now he felt like he wouldn’t be able to fight all of the negativity, so he tried his best not to speak. Not to ask anything. Not to say anything that he might regret later. That was just selfish.

Yoongi saw him gripping tightly the pen he was holding and probably subconsciously closing his eyes. His chest felt funny and right now, though he didn’t know how, he knew he was responsible for the frustrated expression that was on Jimin’s face. He wanted to ask him again and apologize, but then he remembered that Jimin disliked other people seeing him like this, unable to control his own emotions. He wanted to help him, yet he knew that it would be better if he left. He wanted to be there for him, but he knew that Jimin didn’t want that.

“Jimin,” Yoongi started slowly, contemplating for a long time if he should try and go closer to him, but ended up not doing it. “Do you want me to go?”

Jimin stiffened at the sudden question and his eyes widened in surprise, but he found himself unable to answer. He wanted to stop overcomplicating things and just ask him again, but then there was this little whiny voice in his head that didn’t allow him to. The voice of fatigue, lack of sleep and the deadline of his project ringing in his head, all of them combined into one. He couldn’t bring himself to say ‘Stay’

Yoongi was perplexed. What should he do?

Time heals. And Jimin needed some time to heal, be it emotionally or physically. They could always talk tomorrow.

“It’s okay, don’t think about it too much. Rest up before continuing with the rest of your work. I’m gonna call you tomorrow morning and we should talk.” Yoongi said gently, almost like a whisper, not indicating in any way that he was hurt or confused by the way Jimin was acting. Because he knew well that there was lot behind Jimin’s smile, a lot that he had yet to know about and understand fully, but for now he felt his own presence was an obstacle. He faintly kissed the top of Jimin’s head and he couldn’t hold back mouthing a ‘Sorry’.

Don’t go.

Don’t say you’re sorry.

Stay.

But Jimin only watched him smile as he left. He couldn’t move a muscle, he couldn’t bring himself to say all of the ‘don’ts’ that were on the tip of his tongue. He felt so unsteady and vulnerable, hating himself for having succumbed to the negativity, for be being so painfully human and weak. He just willingly pushed Yoongi away.

He hardly remembered texting Hoseok to come over, staring at him blankly when he saw him opening the door to his room. Was he expecting Yoongi to come back?

“What’s up with the weird text? You never make such typos, but now…” Hoseok shut up and almost gasped. Jimin had finally let some tears of frustration show, even if he was covering his eyes with his hands that were curled up into fists. Hoseok immediately went to him and wrapped his hands around his shoulders and let him soak his tears into his shirt. That was enough. Jimin didn’t need words of comfort or someone convincing him that things are okay, when they aren’t. He just needed someone that wouldn’t ask him anything, because he himself didn’t know the answer of those questions. Both of them have been in a similar situation many times before, so now the familiarity of Hoseok’s presence managed to calm Jimin down. He fell asleep for the first time in a day and Hoseok stayed with him the entire time.

--

Yoongi found himself facing the clock in front of his bed wide awake at 2:06am. His brain was unable to shut down, thoughts about earlier the day haunting him non-stop. It was the first time him and Jimin were unable to reason out and make up in the end, even though they didn’t really fight. Jimin was always straightforward when it came to problems, so Yoongi was shaken up seeing him unable to even face him properly. The more he thought about it, the more he doubted that he made the right decision to leave. It was a rare occurrence where Jimin let his emotions overtake him and Yoongi was always convinced that Jimin just needed some time to himself to sort his thoughts, but when that last happened they weren’t as close as now. Yoongi wasn’t his lover then and he probably didn’t have the right to stay, but it was different this time. Should he have followed his heart that told him to stay and talk to him, or was leaving him alone with himself, just as Jimin preferred, the right choice?

Click.

“You look awful.” Namjoon said after realizing that Yoongi wasn’t asleep. Though he didn’t particularly mean it as an insult, but rather in a concerning way. “What’s up? It’s the first time I see you awake this late.”

“I don’t know.” It wasn’t a lie, really, Yoongi really did not know what exactly was wrong.

“What did you do to Jimin?” Namjoon suddenly asked after turning off the lights and yawned, flopping down on his own bed across the room.

Yoongi stared at him in disbelief, though it was too dark for Namjoon to see.

“Why do you think I did something to him?” Yoongi grumbled and wondered how could Namjoon always be so precise with his guesses.

“I wasn’t sure at first, but seeing your reaction I guess I’m right. But if you don’t start talking in the next 2 minutes I guarantee you I will be talking to the wall.”

“I really don’t know if I did something. He was invited to a popular gallery exhibition that starts next week and he has the chance to show personal project too and I know that he’s stressed about it. You know he can’t sleep much either. I can’t blame him for being like this. But maybe I’m just overseeing my own screw up and-”

“You’ve told me about it before. The one in Daegu? When are you going anyways?”

“I’m not going with him, he’s leaving next week.”

“You aren’t? Isn’t that a really important event?” Namjoon questioned and opened his eyes, trying to fight the urge to fall asleep.

“It is…”

“Then why aren’t you going? Isn’t he upset about it?”

Yoongi didn’t answer because he wasn’t prepared for Namjoon’s question. Now thinking about it, Jimin had hinted him about the trip itself many times before, but Yoongi never really paid attention to them.

“You haven’t told him that you don’t get along with your parents much, have you? I don’t know Jimin that well, but he probably thinks that you just don’t want to go with him. Maybe he’s just sulking. But he can’t read thoughts you know, you have to tell him what goes through that head of yours. Communication and trust are the two most important steps in each relationship, they are more important than the idea of love. Questioning yourself in the middle of the night is pointless and won’t lead to anything. Just talk to him, he is your partner and you’re his. Nobody else can fix that for you.” Namjoon said quietly and sighed. He was glad that his experience could be of help of somebody else. He knew that Yoongi was smart, but one could get surprised at how he needed someone else to show him such minor details.

“But that… it’s not even that important, it’s just boring. And that’s not even the reason I can’t go to Daegu, my manager is away that day and I have to take his place. I would go with if I could, but I can’t decline it.”

“Does Jimin know that, Yoongi? Did you ever tell him any of that directly? It might be boring for you, but for a person that is having some kind of doubts it won’t be. Small things and details do matter.”

Yoongi thought about how because they have been busy with taking the pictures every day, they were always tired in the end of the day and hardly ever talked. They weren’t communicating enough. He missed all of the hints Jimin gave him and he brushed them off, thinking that talking about him hometown and the relationship with his parents wasn’t that important.

Namjoon slightly snored and ironically it calmed Yoongi dawn, making him sleepy enough and also anticipating the morning.

--

 “What happened?” he asked directly, bringing a cup of coffee next to his best friend to lure him out of the sheets. Hoseok was getting really tired of seeing Jimin pretending to be asleep and refusing to talk.

“I didn’t sleep for too long and let that out on Yoongi. I screwed up.” Jimin grumbled under his breath, looking more and more like a child with his weird mess of a bed hair.

“Did you two fight?”

“No, but he left yesterday. I made him leave.”

“It’s because of the stress and you know that. There is something else, right?” Hoseok questioned again, knowing well that it took Jimin more than a sleepless night to show his temper.

“Hyung, I think that he doesn’t trust me enough yet. That thought won’t leave my mind, even though he had proven me wrong so many times before. At times I think he doesn’t feel comfortable enough around me to share his thoughts.”

“Is that it? Then, can you tell that you’ve told him everything about yourself? Have you shared every secret you’ve shared with me with him too? I don’t think so. There are things that are just better off to keep to yourself and that’s okay.” Hoseok retorted and saw how Jimin’s face slowly relaxed. “Jimin, I know that you’re blaming yourself right now. You’re always so blunt about your worries, so why not just ask about just that one thing that bothers you? Don’t try and it keep it to yourself. Have some trust in Yoongi, but in yourself too.”

Jimin smiled at Hoseok’s ‘mom’ tone and nodded at him. He had to trust Yoongi more.

Was 7am too early to go out?

--

“Well, that seems like a dejá vú.” Namjoon smiled after seeing a young man with red from the cold cheeks behind the door, though this time he wasn’t surprised at the early hour of the visit.

A/N Beginning of the end ;u; Proper author note will be at the end of the last chapter that will probably be up on monday!! Thank you ♥