For a slip second Yoongi thought it was funny that sometimes you don’t realize how much you actually miss another person until you see them again. Jimin looked the same, excluding the bigger dark circles under his eyes, but it felt so differently for Yoongi that he couldn’t say anything.

“Ah hyung.” His voice was low and exhaustion was obvious in it. Jimin’s eyes didn’t meet Yoongi’s. “It’s been awhile. How have you been?”

Yoongi felt like his chest was being repeatedly hit. Jimin looked like he had been overworking himself until late at night and not sleeping well. The older knew he was struggling with insomnia, but he had never looked this worn out before. The idea that he might have hurt himself too suddenly hit Yoongi and he focused his eyes on Jimin’s arms and wrists.

“I’m not that good of a mind reader, but I’m okay, I didn’t hurt myself if you were wondering.” Jimin chuckled slightly, but still subconsciously pulled his sleeves down. “Hyung, it’s really late and I have an assignment to finish. If you have nothing to say then please go home for today.”

Maybe Yoongi now fully understood the pain Jimin was talking about that night. His chest really hurt.

“No…” Yoongi took a deep breath and prevented Jimin from shutting the door in his face. He knew that he had to apologize, he had so many things bottled up inside of him that he wanted to talk about.   He had to make sure that Jimin didn’t hate him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Jimin…”

“There you go again hyung... I’ve said it multiple times that you have nothing to apologize about. I’ve just been busy.” The younger muttered, still avoiding any kind of eye contact with the other. His voice was distant and low, nothing like the usual Jimin. Maybe Yoongi really had chosen the wrong time to come.

“Your phone.” Yoongi started quietly and cleared out his throat. “You never pick it up, your e-mails too. You’ve stopped coming to “Heaven”, you don’t even talk to Hoseok that much. I know it’s all my fault, but I really have nothing except the lousy apologies you’ve already heard enough. Aren’t you mad? Get mad at me, scream at me, hit me if you want to just something… Anything… I can’t deal with your silence. What should I do Jimin?”

Yoongi didn’t miss the way Jimin’s fists clenched as if he was really about to hit him. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he let out a dry laugh that Yoongi wished he hadn’t heard.

“You’re really selfish, aren’t you hyung? I’m sorry I can’t be the person you want me to be. You’re asking me what you should do? I don’t know, really. My head is messed up, my thoughts don’t listen to me, I haven’t slept in two days and I don’t think I want to talk with you right now. It’s not your fault Yoongi hyung, but please don’t ask the impossible from me. Let’s talk again another time. I’m sorry too, hyung…” Jimin said and finally spared a look at Yoongi.

The older had always liked his eyes a lot. They would always sparkle when he laughed and at times disappear when Jimin couldn’t stop smiling. But there was tiredness, guilt and pain now instead. Yoongi didn’t want that. All he wanted was to make sure the younger smiled again, even if it was for a minute. His smile had been a cure for Yoongi for such a long time, yet now he was the reason it was gone. It was wrong. Was he supposed to disappear completely and let Jimin heal? If he was the problem, then it should all get better if he just disappeared his life.

He started walking towards the exit of the building after he was Jimin disappear behind the wooden door. His felt light-headed and drowsy. He started questioning was leaving the really right choice?

‘Allow yourself to feel Yoongi, don’t be scared of confronting your own feelings.’

Hoseok’s words made him slow down. In the end how was he feeling? He hadn’t stopped thinking about Jimin ever since that night and all of his thoughts revolved around him. He wanted to make him happy again, he wanted to be of his help. He just really wanted to be around him again.

‘Spill out all of your feelings and make him understand.’

Even if Yoongi was bad at expressing himself and in reality too clumsy to do it properly, there was still another way, right? He stopped walking towards the exit, turned around just to proceed to run full speed to Jimin’s apartment again.

“Hyung, why are you-“

But Yoongi didn’t listen this time, he grabbed Jimin’s hand and slightly pushed him inside, following after him. The younger could only stare at him dumbfounded, but before Yoongi could lose all of his courage he made use of the hand he was still holding and gently pulled Jimin close to him.

“You…” Yoongi placed a kiss on his lips. “Big…” another one “Child…” and another one. If words couldn’t convey his feelings, then all he had left were actions. He was hopelessly in love with Park Jimin.

Jimin didn’t have the chance to say anything in between Yoongi’s attacks, but he pushed him away.

“What are you doing hyung? It’s not funny stop-“Yoongi shut him up again. He was a lot gentler this time, allowing his hand to softly cup Jimin’s face and calm him down. The burn he previously felt in his stomach was slowly spreading around his body every time their lips glided over each other. He tasted like coffee, traces of toothpaste and something… sweet. Jimin’s lips resisted at first, but they then soon melted into Yoongi’s. He unwillingly pulled back, but his hand was still resting on Jimin’s cheek. He was met with a confused and questioning pair of eyes that had regained a small part of their sparkle. His cheeks were flushed, there was unusual shyness around him and at this moment Yoongi found all of that endearing. He lifted Jimin’s chin so their eyes firmly meet. He felt ready.

“In the end my body had realized my own feelings before me. I never kissed you out of pity or just because I feel like it. I need you around me and just like you said that night you sometimes make me selfishly want you only to myself. I’m sorry, this is all so new to me and I needed some time to figure it out. I couldn’t risk hurting you with my half-assed feelings. But now it’s not like this. I like you. That’s not even it – I… I love you. Please allow me to love you even though I can’t express it that well.” Yoongi was feeling that the fire had reached his cheeks and he tore his gaze away from the younger and buried his face in his shoulder, mumbling a ‘this is so embarrassing’ into it.

Jimin was both motionless and speechless. But he soon felt his lips quirking into a smile that had been absent for so long. He moved his arm slowly and let it slide around Yoongi’s waist and there was no more space was left between them. Yoongi lifted his head again, shocked from the sudden action. He thought that Jimin was going to push him away again. But his eyes found the smile he was longing to see for so long so close to and directed only to him. If he had to choose a moment of his life where he had felt the happiest, it would have been the exact second he saw Jimin smile again.

“Your ears are all red.” The younger chuckled softly into Yoongi’s ear, just a few centimeters away from it which made Yoongi redden even more.

“Whose fault do you think is it?” Yoongi grumbled quietly, still feeling light headed. It was the first time in his life he was able to express his feelings with words. It was tiring, still somewhat confusing, yet it was so worth it. He didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until he felt Jimin shifting under him and he opened them to see Jimin’s face painfully close again.

“Thank you hyung.” He whispered and Yoongi could feel his breath tickle him. He felt shivers all over his back. Jimin didn’t waste his time and leaned close enough to make their lips meet again. He made it obvious that he was more experienced and took the lead in his hands and Yoongi welcomed that.

--

Rain was really unusual for January, yet it had been pouring ever since Yoongi headed to Jimin’s place an hour back. Rain was still something Yoongi couldn’t get to like and he would’ve paid attention to it, probably frown, if he wasn’t overwhelmed by his own ability to feel so many things in just one night. Maybe it was because he had become rusty from the all the years spent not loving anybody hence his realization from tonight making him even more tired.

“Take off your clothes.” Jimin yelled out from his room casually and Yoongi could only furrow his eyebrows in his direction. Seeing that he got no response, Jimin appeared from behind the door and it took him one glance at the confused older to make him start laughing soundly in a way only he could. “Hyung, I meant that you’re still wet from the rain. Here.” He threw him a pair of his own clothes, still sniggering at the horrified expression that was spread on Yoongi’s face before. Talk about endearing.

“I didn’t think anything…” Yoongi mumbled to himself, getting sick of feeling his ears burn. Feeling embarrassed as also a new feeling to him and he still got caught off guard whenever he felt it, but he changed his clothes nonetheless.

“Sure.” Jimin said smiling to himself and proceeded to make some dinner, although it was past midnight by now.

They talked about the last two weeks, or it was just the usual – Jimin talking a lot and Yoongi being a listener, throwing an answer here and there. There was only one small difference present this time – their fingers were threaded loosely and Jimin would steal a kiss every now and then, in a way that made Yoongi incoherent every single time.

Yoongi was meant to sleep on the ever so infamous couch, but that only lasted for twenty minutes until he felt a small figure slipping next to him, bringing an extra blanket to the already cramped place. But neither of them wanted to move even an inch. For the first time Jimin fell asleep almost immediately, listening to Yoongi’s rhythmical heartbeat right next to him.

A/N I think I just made up that fact that rain is unusual for the month of January... oh well it's all fiction after all

(I had to close my laptop at least fifty time while i was writing this oh my god)

Thank you for reading and commenting ;u;

I think i chose one quite fitting cutest fanart as picture of the day (credit)