Is Your Heart Not Shaken?

“I can’t believe break is over already.” I nodded in agreement to Hyosang’s statement. Today we were resuming our school life. Me and Hyosang waited for the elevator doors to close, and just as they were about to a hand stopped them.

I watched as Sabrine stepped into the elevator and straightened out her uniform. Unlike my yellow and black uniform hers was a navy blue, tan and white, skirt set.

“Good morning Jin oppa, Hyosang oppa.” Hyosang was still a little awkward around Sabrine just as I was around her friends.  As the elevator began to move I got ready for Sabrine’s usual running late routine.

“Mirror, lipstick, earrings, bracelet, and perfume. Can you hold these for me oppa?” I had already had my hands out ready to receive the items that she pulled out of her purse. I held the mirror at the angle she preferred, and by the time the elevator stopped at the lobby she was placing the items back in her bag and we were heading out.

“Well Hyosang oppa have a great day at school.” I watched as Hyosang nodded almost robotically. “Jin oppa I’ll see you later. Wish me good luck okay.” I didn’t have much time to reply as; she was hailing a cab and entering it in a matter of seconds. But before she stepped in she blew me a kiss, something I knew she did for everyone she was close to.

“She really is something.” I nodded at Hyosang as we made our short trip to Seoul Performing arts. I took out my phone and sent a quick message to Sabrine.

“Just watch your pronunciation, and be yourself and they’ll love you I promise. ;)”  She replied with a heart and thanks before I entered my school building, thrown into a sea of strangers and friends I hadn’t seen since the beginning of break.

“So Seokjin I heard that you got a foreigner girlfriend over break.” I looked up from my lunch to look at the larger boy who had sat in front of me.

“Sim Jong Su since when did we start putting our noses in each other’s business.” I watched as he turned his nose at me, now it wasn’t that I didn’t like Jong Su, it was the type of person he was that I didn’t particularly care for.

“Woori nuna said she saw you coming out of the karaoke salon with a black girl.” I looked back up again. “But your right it’s not like I care what you do so have fun, or not.” I watched as he walked away back to the table that he and his other loud mouth friends occupied.

“Wow hyung you have a girlfriend, why didn’t you tell me?” I looked across the table at Park Jimin; he was a junior of mine. We hadn’t known each other very long but we shared lots of things in common so we became fast friends.

“She’s not my girlfriend yet. So there is nothing to tell.” I said it with a smile even though I wasn’t happy about it.

“Aww hyung are you experiencing a one sided love?” I glance at Jimin who had ripped his napkin and stuck it under his eyes.

“That’s not funny Jimin don’t make fun of my Jin Jin’s love problems.” I lightly slapped Hyosang on the shoulder as the bell rang, meaning classes were resuming.

As me and my friends parted ways I let my thoughts linger to Sabrine. I wondered how her day was going and if she had made any friends. I arrived at my class and continued on with my day, counting down to when I could see Sabrine.

As soon as school was over I raced home and texted Sabrine, on my way up in the elevator.

‘I’m in the elevator, are you home?’

‘Yup. Come to mine’s before you go home.’  I read her reply as the elevator stopped on my floor, and made my way to her apartment. After ringing the bell the door was opened right away.

“Oppa come in!” I smiled at her excitement.

“Today was amazing everyone was so nice and patient with me, and guess what?” I didn’t have to reply because I knew she would answer for me.

“I met the hottest boy today.” She continued on about how his name was Min Yoongi, and that he was a senior, and exactly what she looked for. After a while I stopped listening since I couldn’t hear her over the sound of my heart breaking.

I knew I should be used to this now, especially since the two and a half months she had been here she had at least four boyfriends, plus a few dates. I sat there unsure of what to say, and after her rambling she looked at me in question.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” She blinked at me.

“I said we have a date on Saturday, so will you go with me to the nail salon?” I smiled though it didn’t quite reach my eyes.

“Sure you can count on me!” She gave me a bright smile. “I know that’s why I love you oppa.” My heart stopped when she said that. “You’re the best friend I could ever want.” I held my breath as she hugged me and placed a kiss on my cheek. Friend, that’s all she thought of me. Even as that thought went through my head, I sat there hugging her back just praying that my hugs would mean as much to her as they did for me.

After saying goodbye to her, faking tiredness, I made my way to my own home. And when I walked into my room I realized that I really was tired, tired of keeping my feeling in, tired of Sabrine being clueless to them, and tired of being able to do anything about it.

“How long will it take for you to see that I’ve been waiting for you to love me back?” the question was left unanswered in the darkness of my quiet room.