* kim hyungjun - SS501 *

*

I approached you, who was a stranger
And at the moment I was shy

You approach me even more dazzling than ever
I fall for you endlessly tonight

I don’t care if I don’t know who you are
Maybe you
are a fantasy in my dream
But it’s okay, I don’t wanna wake up

*

"Are you still really that angry at me?"

"Hey, Hyeonrin-ah, I'm talking to you, no need to give me the silent treatment okay? Just scold me if you want to."

"Scold...you?" My head tilted at the weird suggestion. I saw his hands were still tugging at my jacket's sleeve. Maybe he had pulled it to get me out of trance just now.

"Yeah. Hyeonrin-ah, you've been quiet from the moment I arrived."

"Oh..uhm, sorry."

"What do you mean, sorry? I'm the one who should apologize. I really, I mean we...those kids, we're really supposed to have study..."

"Siwan-ah...do you notice any changes in me? I mean...have I becoming a...bad person lately?"

"Huh...what...no! That's so random. You're the nicest person I know, even if not you know,...the brightest. If it were other people, I'd have gotten kicked away after caught in the act lying to go on a date."

"Oh, come on...you're exaggerating. And we're friends, anyway..."

"And you don't seem happy." I glanced slightly at him and tried my best to smile though I was sure it didn't came out much like a smile rather than a little movement of the muscles.

"How can I be happy? Joohyun..." I left the sentence hanging by itself, not planning to continue it since I couldn't tell anyone. It might endanger Siwan if he knew. Who knows what that devil would do if I leak it out? He would know anyway. Nothing I could hide from him. It's like having a CCTV implanted inside my head.

"Hyeonrin-ah, stop blaming yourself, okay. Nobody caused it or wanted it to happen. It's just...mysterious sickness. Nothing we could do about it. Besides, Seungjae hyung is staying by her side."

"He is?" The question came out extremely quiet, and I was relieved for it. Because for some reason, for some evil reason, my heart dropped a little, hearing that even with the devil destroying Joohyun's face didn't change anything else. Because Seungjae oppa is such a great person and I'm proud of him for not ditching her and instead be her support. So, why am I feeling this way? 

"Hyeonrin-ah, just because you're jealous of them, doesn't mean you have to take the blame. It just happened. I tell you what, want to go give Joohyun a visit?" He exclaimed excitedly, as if he had just suggested something genius.

"I...okay." I wasn't sure if I was ready to face them. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready. But since Siwan insisted, I waited for him to finish whatever he needed to settle and sat down calmly at a corner in the public hall, recalling last night.

"How...are you...going to get into Heaven?" The words finally came out after it took a while for his goal that didn't make sense, to sink in.

"You were asking if there was a way to undo the agreement, weren't you?"

"There is?" Dying hopes bubbled their way back to life in me.

"Of course. But it's not easy to strike a deal with the devil without a fair price. Are you really up for it? This time even if you try to back off, things will just happen as they should if you fail to comply and succeed in your challenges to cancel the previous agreement."

He was right. That devil was right. It wasn't easy at all. I don't know why I agreed. I just wanted a way out. I made him promise to never appear again if I succeed, and he eagerly agreed, saying he wouldn't be around someone as lowly as myself, if he wasn't desperate and if I hadn't invited him...which didn't make any sense since I never even invited him as he alleged. The first time I saw him was when he claimed to be Hyesung oppa's junior who wanted to so-called teach me, only to find out on the same day that what happened earlier in the morning wasn't real at all. But arguing with him would never work. He'd only use the same excuse over and over again that I'm too stupid to understand anything.

Trying to burn away a deal I wasn't even aware of, with the devil, by striking yet another deal, this time, while being completely aware of it. What have I gotten myself into, this time? He was right, he was too right. I am stupid. Maybe that's why I was the one chosen to be his target. Unless he had other victims at the same time that I was not aware of.

I just need to make sure now, that none of them would mess up, when the time comes. I need to get this blood out of my hand before this hand turn its back on me and do evil on its own. I have to be focused and strong. I don't want to go to Hell.

"Hey, you're daydreaming again!"

I looked up and saw my best friend, my best friend whose face is so fair and clear, just as his untainted childlike heart, and how carefree and cheerful he is. I was once that too. And everything just crumbled without me having a chance to even be informed properly about it. Was this how life is?

"You're sighing again. You've done that a lot today. Now stop being whiny like an old lady. You're still young. In fact, you should be calling me oppa. You're lucky that I decided to let it go."

"Huh." I scoffed. He was right though. Even though we were supposedly same aged classmates, if it wasn't because he was sick as a child and registered for school later than the usual age, he probably would have been Seungah unnie's classmate instead of mine.

Anyway, that's not the important thing now.

The real issue was about handling my emotions, and my heart - literally, when I went to visit Joohyun at the hospital later in the afternoon. Seeing Joohyun, with her whole face wrapped like a mummy except for her eyes and mouth and probably her nostrils showing, made me sad, knowing it was all my fault. My chest was burning and felt like it would explode, but I held it in as hard as I could, and tried to shift my attention to Seungjae oppa, who was as caring and attentive as ever. There was no more fear in his soft, kind eyes as they rested lovingly on Joohyun, paired with his gentle smile. He still joked with her like before, and she di