*

Shabbiness spilled on me
A toast to stupidity
There's no need to endure for any longer
Change it all out now
Now be frank inside out

Your swallowed sweetness
As the thorn keep pricking
Again fall into stupidity
Change it all out
After kind smile, doubt & doubt

Why do you have to be so predictable?
What about love?
The more I resent the more my sick love grows
The miserable me, the more gruesome me

Why do you have to be so predictable?
What about us?
My frozen heart won't wake, please save me
Please give life to my weary soul

I I I'm gonna fight

Baby, come to my side

*

[1]

"So...how was it? Fun?"

He answered nothing. Neither did his expression changed, not even a small gesture of lifting eyebrows or anything of the likes. This is harder than I thought.

'Don't waver Hyeonrin, don't think of anything.'

The silence was chewing me bit by bit, but I wouldn't be the one to end it. I would just endure it.

"What's fun?"

It felt like a really heavy sack lifted off my shoulders the moment that finally came.

"Killing Siwan."

He laughed a little, and even though I knew what kind of a person...no scratch that, what kind of a devil he is, it still surprised me that he could actually...laugh at such a mention of something so morbid. No wonder I'm an idiot. I'm the one who's surprised.

'Don't show it, don't show it. Don't think of anything.'

"You're accusing me of a great crime. With no evidence. I'm hurt."

As if there would be any of his so called evidence. And as if that hurt he's saying refers to the same hurt he caused others.

"Or...are you trying to set me up and frame me for a crime I didn't do or something?" He asked inno...no, innocent and him wouldn't be in the same sentence.

'Stop thinking anything, clear your head. Think nothing.'

"Anyway, I'm tired...I'll be straightforward. Since you've already gotten rid of Siwan, which...I don't even know why...now can you spare Hyuna unnie out?" I stared blank towards the night sky that's just as blank.

"Those are two different things that doesn't..."

"I'll help you to get to your lover."

"...what?"

"In heaven. I'll get you to heaven."

"And may I ask how?"

"How would I know? You're the genius here. Just tell me any other way besides killing my siblings and I'll do it for you."

"Really?"

He didn't sound convinced. Not at all.

"Yes."

'Think nothing, Hyeonrin. Ah...right. I can do anything just to save unnie-deul and oppa. Even...even if it's wrong. What...what good do I get doing the right thing anyway?'

Letting out the entrapped breath I had inhaled and kept for some moments, I turned to face him and remained that way until he returned the look.

"Yes." I repeated the answer and left to Hyesung oppa's room that has become my own, as much as I would rather have the warmth of Hyuna unnie to ease the prickling cold from what just happened, what I just said, did, I couldn't. It felt like I've crossed to the other side, that I had become too sinful, that I had no more right to be near her, and corrupt unnie with who I have become, of who I have to become.

[2]

"And what made you think I'd agree to break our agreement?"

It was early next morning then. I was busy washing utensils after preparing breakfast, Hyuna unnie was still fast asleep. It was still dark. In fact, I didn't even sleep, couldn't. Because I knew of how time is running out, how could I fell asleep when everything is in the state of crazy uncertainty?

"Because you're a devil, why would you have to keep to some stupid agreement when you can just have it easier and faster, right?" I turned off the tap water at the kitchen sink, not turning back to face him this time.

"So, have you thought of a way to get there without having to continue this annoying agreement?" I continued.

"Well...I hate to say this, but there is another way."

My breathing hitched at that.

"Really?" I spun around.

"You look surprised."

"I...it's just that...I didn't think there would be...what's that other way? What do I have to do?"

"Why so impatient?"

"Just what do I have to do?"

He rubbed his jaw, looking far away as if in deep thought, unless he was just mocking me and my state of helplessness.

"What if...you have to die?"

"...okay."