*

You're my everything
no matter how much i plead
you're still drifting further and further from me
just like my tears, that day when it was raining ice cold droplets..

You're my everything
even the last goodbye too

the raining pavement, that road which you left me
shouting for your name, my tears were flowing
amongst the sound of the rain, the tears that cant be stopped..
afraid that even the last tracings of you would be washed away
im so afraid just like being lost on the streets late at night

living in my heart, living in my memory
your laughters, your scent
i wont feel bored, i dont feel sick of it
my only confidence is in waiting for you
along the road which you left me, please come back.

*

"Hye...Hyesung oppa...how could you do this to us?! Eunji ssi...I thought you said we could be good friends..."

"Seungah-ya...calm down...Yah, old bastard how could you make Seungah cry?! How could you make them cry? You made me cry..." I thought I heard him mumbled the last part as quietly as he could, but even without admitting so, I could see it, we all could see it. We all could feel it. The pain.

Even though I wasn't sure if I deserved to feel such pain. It felt like I should've gotten a different kind of pain instead. One that would justify the pain I caused them. One that could release them from this curse.

No. It's too late.

"Eunji-ya...if you hadn't rushed to marry that unknown guy, this wouldn't have happened. You'd still be alive and happy...Eunji-ya...my daughter..." The wailing continued.

"Yah, are you blaming Hyung? Hyung wouldn't have died either if it's not for this marriage!"

"Kihyun oppa...stop it...this is an accident. Nobody wanted it to happen. Hyesung oppa wouldn't want us to fight...he loved Eunji ssi...Eunji ommonim, Eunji abbunim...I'm sorry...but please don't blame our oppa...we're saddened by it too. We lost them too." Seungah unnie so strongly struggled between her own sobbing to calm everyone, as she always did, bringing comfort to everyone even when nobody could offer it to her. In fact, I wanted so much to run and hug her but I couldn't move. Everything that happened have made me grew stiffer and stiffer, rooted to the ground where I stood, emotionless on the outside. Because I knew, I don't even have the rights to cry. Not when I'm the reason another life was taken, not just one, but both of them.

What have I done,...again? Why am I still alive? Why am I the one standing here and not the one buried inside there? 

Why Hyesung oppa and Eunji unnie? Why? What wrong have they done to you? If you're so bloodthirst, why not just take me? Devil ssi...at this moment, I don't have anymore energy even to hate you.

Why me? Why us? What debt do we have with you?

Why not give me all the answers now? This might be a fun game to you, but this is not funny at all. It's not.

I want to just die. But now, even if I die, Hyesung oppa, Eunji unnie, Joohyun...they're all sacrificed. Unjustified deaths.

I didn't realize when or how I ended in the warm embrace that kept getting tighter, or when I started to shamelessly cried all the tears I never knew I had. But I knew I wanted to remain there and buried my face to hide it from seeing the frightening world again.

"It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault." Those were the only words that came out of her. She wasn't sobbing as hard as Seungah unnie, but when she pulled away from the hug, I could see her bloodshot eyes. She was trying really hard to not cry. Hyuna unnie is really strong.

She kept my back even as we continued to stand in silence next to each other, as our surrounding that was filled with bawlings and sobbing, gradually quieted into soft whimpers, and as one by one of the visitors left.

Everything just happened too fast, I didn't know how to react. When I came down from the room with mind still occupied by the shocking note written with thick black ink on the table that simply commanded attention, there was only Andy oppa, looking devastated, as he explained that Eunji unnie ran away the moment Hyesung oppa came down. And Hyesung oppa had ran out to go after her. And the rest could be easily guessed, we went out to look for them, only to witness the both of them ran over by a truck.

Just like that.

Faster than a blink of my two eyes.

An accident.

Which I knew, wasn't exactly an accident. Because the Devil had said it himself, I remembered his words.

"They got married, and you lost."

But why? Why them? If I was the one who lost? Why were they the ones that have to die? Was I not good enough to be the slaughtered lamb