*

*

"Should I really do this? Is this the right thing? Or should I just listen to Minwoo ssi? Tell me, oppa. I can't just sit and wait."

Oppa sat in silence as he usually did, but the only difference this time was that, he's not even ruffling my hair with his warm palm and thin, long fingers and showing his sweet smile, that never failed to emphasize his chubby cheeks. The chubby cheeks that ran in the blood; in him, in Kihyun oppa, in myself. The chubby cheeks I could no longer reach and pinch. It's been just the third morning without oppa, and I felt like I was all alone walking along in an empty ghost town. Lonely. Scared. Of going through another day. Of making decisions.

"Oppa, I missed you." I missed you so much I could die. "I feel like a jerk asking you this,  but I couldn't ask anyone else. You always have the answers to my questions, oppa. You're the smartest one, oppa. I couldn't ask anyone else."

I sighed and stared down on the vague but still visible cracks on the ground where I stood.

"You won't be angry at me, would you, oppa? I won't regret this, right? ...Oppa, do you really won't answer me?"

"Why wouldn't you find answer from someone who could give you answer?"

"Oh...Siwan?" I nearly gasped but thankfully didn't.

"Why do you come here so early?" He stopped next to me as we both continued to face the silent oppa and Eunji unnie.

"I...missed oppa I guess."

He nodded, I could see it without turning to look at him.

"Are you still...angry at me?"

"Yeah, you punk."

"Sorry." I stared down even more, ready to be scolded or nagged.

"Does that mean you're going to tell me whatever you're hiding?" He answered, instead.

"Maybe." Should I?

"Yah, just say it. If even Jungmin hyung is worried, Seungah must worried even more. And when Kihyun hyung and Hyuna noona get back, they'll worry too. Might as well just tell me so we can settle it. It's not just about being sad about Hyesung hyung's death is it?"

He's already using 'hyung' to address him, like he addresses people he's close to. How fast had their relationship developed behind my back? If I tell him anything, would he really keep it from Romeo? He never even get close easily to people all these while, but now he's already calling him, hyung.

"So you're really not telling huh? I guess I shouldn't have come."

"Siwan-ah...it's not that. Okay, just answer this. If you've been warned that something is wrong and you shouldn't do it, but you have faith in...trying to do it, to yield good result, would you do it? Even if it...endangers people?"

"Yah, I don't understand it. Can't you be more straightforward?"

I sighed. I knew he would say something along that line. Was it really that hard for him to read between the lines to at least make some meaning of it? It was hard enough for me to reveal that much to him. How long had we been friends? Even longer than my feelings for Seungjae oppa, and he still couldn't tell? And yet, he called me dumb.

"But for some reason, it sounds like you're about to do something stupid. If you've been warned, surely it's because somebody's trying to protect you from your usual stupid decisions. But knowing you, you believe in your own stupid self even more than any amount of advices in the world, so why are you even asking? You're still going to end up doing it, right? You're too stubborn that you always have to learn your lessons the hard way."

"Tch, why did I even tell you?"

"You barely told me anything, Hyeonrin ssi." He clearly sounded annoyed.

"I did. And yet you still nagged at me."

"It's about that Jungmin guy right? There's something off about him, I just don't know what. But I don't have short term memory okay, not that short. I still remember you're trying to say something about him yesterday."

"I...did? Wait...wait...you're calling him hyung just now. But now..."

"I was just trying to see your reaction. And as expected, Shin Hyeonrin's reaction is as clear as glass. So there's really something off with him."

"Funny." I rolled my eyes at his mocking of my uhh, gullibleness? Yet somewhere inside me there's a small happiness that he's not as dumb or ignorant as I thought earlier, and he actually really lived up to his self claimed intelligence. "Yes, there's something about him. But I'm not sure if I can tell you."

Truthfully, I wanted so bad to tell him, but what if it only endangered him? I couldn't do that.

"If you're worrying about me, I'm smarter than you are, so much smarter. So there's no reason to be afraid. I could think of solution to your problems better than you."

Not this time. He's a...

"Hyeonrin-ah, who is he?"

"A Devil." It just slipped out of my mouth, but somehow, it made me relieved, with the burden of keeping secret from Siwan, lifted off my shoulders. I knew Siwan wouldn't believe me anyway. He'd pr