After he (ERIC) left, I was just completely dazed.  I was def. a deer in the headlights.  I just stood there for a good 10 minutes until my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Myung where are you?  The taping ended already.  Everyone is good to go, but you’re not here.”

“Oh…sorry. Hyungman.” I rubbed my temple.  “I’ll be there right now.”

I ran as fast as I could and finally arrived to the car.

Jiyong was waiting.

His arms were crossed and his had eyebrow raised.

“You’re late.” he spoke as if he was a strict mother.

I really couldn’t deal with him right now.  Plus, I felt guilty because I’ve been proposed to from my best friend.

“Yeah. I’m sorry.” I said monotonely. I didn't even look at him.  This was too much to bear.  Eric's proposal. Jiyong and that one chick. and now Jiyong pretending as if he cared where i was? Please. I didn't need any of this.

I brushed past him and hopped in the backseat of the car. He followed soon after.  I sat in the far back seat because I didn’t feel like talking at all, but of course that wasn’t going to happen.

“Where were you?” Jiyong turned around to ask. Geez. This guy cannot take a hint.  Leave me alone.

I looked up and saw that he was completely irritated.

 

Well, that makes the two of us.

 

He repeated, “Where were you?”

I sighed and said, “I had some business.” I leaned back down on the seat and closed my eyes.

“Are you seriously going to be mad at me forever?  All because of Sujung?” He asked frustratedly.

I opened my eyes to look at him then.  This was complete bull, I thought.  I didn’t need this right now.

I just stared at him intently, and too tired to say another word, and even afraid that if I did say something, the next thing I would say would make me regret it.

I just closed my eyes and ignored him.

“Myung, we’re here.”

I opened my eyes and saw that it was my apartment.

“Thanks Hyungman, see you later.” I said quietly and silently left the car and walked over to my apartment.

I didn’t even look back to see that Jiyong was looking towards me.

 

--

 

So I received a proposal from a very good friend of mine, and I don’t know if this other guy I am madly in love with really loves me back too.

I didn’t want to lose my good friend, but I didn’t love him as madly as I loved Jiyong.  But I thought, maybe, being with Eddie will help me get over Jiyong.  There was no reason to why I was holding on to him in the first place.  I told him to start over and he did, by getting that new girl.

And Eddie showed me he liked me.  He was there for me when I needed him. He was always that knight in shining armor. Nice, caring, calm, stable.  No drama. Ever.

 

With Jiyong it was always a never ending game.  A rollercoaster ride.  

But even if I did accept Eddie’s proposal, I could never love Eric.  

I still love that bastard. That er Jiyong.

 

I couldn’t do this to Eddie.  And I couldn’t do this to Jiyong either.  I’ll quit my job.

Yeah.  That’s what I would do.  Quit my job.  Go back to the magazine…no. Go to another country and make sure Eddie and Jiyong can never find me there.

Set up a new life, hide my identity (again) and live happily ever after with some guy whom I would fall in love with. In time.  Have lovely children.  Nice house. Quiet cozy life.

 

I smiled.

Then that smile grew into a fullblown laughing session by myself at 2:00am.

Of course that was going to be impossible.  And too dramatic.  This wasn’t some soap opera.  Please.  Get over yourself Amelie, I thought.

I turned over in my bed trying to fall back asleep.

 

 

Suprisingly I knocked out and had a very good sleep.  I woke up fresh faced and faced the bright sunny morning.  On top of that, I still had a good 2 hours to spare.

I decided to dress up a bit and look good.  Today was the day I was to tell both men I was going to bid them farewell.  Of course I wasn’t going to leave my successful career, but if Jiyong did not love me the way I loved him, then it was the end.  I would simply try to ..no…have to erase my feelings for him.  And I had to tell Eddie that I did not want to go back with him to America.  He was a great friend, but I couldn’t marry him.

That was unfair to him.

I went into my closet to see what I would wear.

I searched for something…not too casual,  but not too formal.  Should I try something that pops? Or something that was more subtle?  I let out one confused sigh and turned to just go eat some breakfast, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the plaid shirt I wore the first day I saw Epic man, Jiyong.

It was that same blasted plaid shirt that I wished I never wore when I saw him.  That day I wished I wore something pretty, something that would have caught his eye more, but no.  It was a simple vintage plaid flannel shirt that I bought for 4 bucks.

But I knew that this would be perfect for today.

I put the shirt on with a pair of my favorite black skinny’s and went to the kitchen for some food.

I checked the fridge for something to eat, and nothing in the fridge seemed appetizing.

I mean, I did have tons of fruits and vegetables, but nothing seemed appealing.  I felt like…

I wanted….

Something fatty.

 

I walked over to the nearest fast food place for a burger and French fries.

“Hello.  Welcome to burger land.  How may I help you?” The young adolescent teenager asked me.

“Hello.” I scanned the menu to see which one seemed the most appetizing and opted for the hamburger that looked the biggest.

“Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese and extra meat?” I asked.

The teen looked me up and down wide eyed. I know, this was new to me too.  I haven’t done this since ….since I was a size 10.

She stuttered a bit, “Is…Is..there anything else?”

“Yes. I want extra large fries and an extra large coke.” I added.

She shook her head as if she didn’t believe what I said and punched in my order.

“That would be ten thousand won.” she said.

“Thank you.”

After I got my order, I sat down the nearest booth and started to chow down.  The savory meat and cheese started to ooze down my throat, but a knot stopped the delicious food from going down.   I choked and tried to wash down the food with some icy coke, but it was no use.  Every bite I took of the hamburger didn’t go down the right way, in fact, I was now sobbing every time I chewed.

I was torn.

Here I was in my favorite plaid shirt and a hamburger too big to eat, sobbing my eyes out. 

I didn’t want to do this all over again.  I thought I didn’t have to.

And I thought this…I would never let this happen again, but I fell in the same trap.

I fell in love all over again to a man that didn’t love me back.  And I was another stupid bimbo because I was rejecting a man that loved me for who I was and was willing to tough out anything with me; even when I could never love him as much as he loved me.

 

God I was pathetic.

 

I put my half eaten hamburger down and just buried my face in my palms.  I don’t know how long I cried before the phone rang.

“He…hello?” I said in between sniffles.

“Myung?  Are you crying?” Hyungman asked over the phone.

“No.” I said trying to calm myself down

“Okay…well I just wanted to tell you that I’m almost to your place right now.  I’ll pick you up in about 5 minutes.” He said

“okay.” I hung up.

I put the phone down and let out a large sigh.  I straightened my back and threw away my food.

 

I walked out of the fast food restaurant as if nothing happened.  I wiped my face and proceeded to walk towards my apartment.

I got to pull myself together.  I was to show no one that I just had a melt down in a fast food place.  I matched my pace with my emotions, trying to calm my heart down.  It was ripping into shreds, but I told myself that this was the only way for me not to cry like this ever again in the future.

 

When I arrived to the apartment, I could see that Hyungman was already there.

“Hey.” I said as I hopped in the car.

“Are you okay?” He said.

“yeah.  Why wouldn’t I be?” I said pretending as if nothing happened.

“You were crying when I called you.” He said with an eyebrow.

“I was watching a love movie.  I woke up earlier than usual so I figured I should watch a movie.” I said.

“Whatever.” He said and just drove to our destination.

“So…where is this place?”

“This is the place where Jiyong and Sujung have their last date.” Hyungman said as he was eyeing me.

“So did Jiyong wear what I fixed him up for?” I asked nonchalantly.

“You still need to check up on him when we get to the place.”

“We’re not picking him up?” I asked

“No. He’s already there getting ready for the last date.”

“I see.” I looked at Hyungman and smiled, “Okay then, I’ll make sure he looks good.” I said happily.

 

 

But, of course, I felt like when I saw him.

There he was talking and smiling brightly with the pretty girl.  All wonderful in his little epic self. 

And he was wearing…the jacket. Instead of the suit that I set up for him.

Like as if it was magic.

As if this was all planned out.  He wore the Armani jacket.  And I wore the plaid shirt.  This was how we both saw each other that one fine day.  And after that a whirlwind of events came fast and past.

Here we were with it happening all over again.

I wanted to go over, approach him while he was wearing that jacket of his and hug him tight.  I wanted to tell him that I loved him still.  And I was going to keep loving him forever.  That it was okay that he was in love with this new girl who can give him so much more.

But I didn’t approach him.

Instead I hid behind Hyungman as if I was the one who did something wrong.

“Myung.  What are you doing behind my back?  Go to Jiyong and fix his clothes or something.”  Hyungman said with an annoyed expression.

“But…” I said in a small voice.

He turned around and pushed me towards Jiyong.

.

Jiyong turned around to see that I stumbled toward him.

He must have noticed the plaid shirt because he was looking at it.  And out of the corner of his mouth, there was a slight hint of a smile. 

But maybe I was just seeing things.

“Hey.” I said a little out of breath.

I know.  I didn’t even run or anything, but he still catches my breath every time.  Plus I didn’t know what to say.  I was going to give him the big talk, remember?

He looked at my eyes, and said a small relaxed “hey”.

God.  I can’t do this.

I stopped looking into his eyes, and tried to pull myself together,

I looked at his jacket and picked off a lint. (I was trying to focus)

“So why didn’t you wear the clothes I told you to wear?” I said still looking at the jacket and not his face.

“Because it’s a special day.” He said.

 

Oh. Right.  Forgot about the girl.  I turn my head and looked over to see the perfect skinny little girl.

Long brown hair done in wavy curls (she must have gone to the beauty salon today), perfect light makeup that shimmered in all the right places.  She had on a soft pink dress that looked as if she was a princess.

They could probably get married right now if they wanted to.

Damn them.

“Hello Myung.  It’s really good to see you.” She said with a perfect row of teeth.

“Hey.” I said with a smile that was nothing close to perfect.

She turned around to Jiyong. “Honey, we need to go to the dance party now.”  She lightly touched Jiyong’s shoulder.

I looked over to Jiyong to see that he was looking at me.

WTF?

What the hell?

He looked away. “Yeah.  Let’s go.  Don’t want to be late now.” He said and put his hand on the small of her back to guide her.

They walked side by side away from me and my lonesome self.

It was kind of odd, but for some strange reason, I didn’t cry.  Or get a mad heartbreak.  Again.

Maybe it was because I had so much of this.  Me seeing Jiyong with another girl.  It was just a part of life.  If I wanted to stay by Jiyong’s side then I had to deal with this.  Even if I didn’t like it one bit.

This was who he was.

And this is how I am.

It’s weird, but when I saw Jiyong walking off with that perfect girl, I just fell in love with him more.

And it’s not the kind of love where I want him so badly, and wish that he would love me too, but a love that would just make me happy seeing him happy.

It would hurt sometimes, but I think it would hurt more if I left now; if I ended everything right now.

 

And just like that, I fell in love with Jiyong all over again just like in the airport. My plaid shirt and I.

 

 

After they were out of sight, I left too because I had some business I had to take care of.

I dialed the phone number on my cell.  “Hello?  Eddie?  I need to talk to you.” I hung up and started to walk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I finally reached Eddie’s apartment and rang the doorbell.

“Hello?”

“Eddie.  It’s me.  Would you let me in?” I asked.  I started to ring my fingers.  I put my hand in my pocket to feel the hard square box.  Who would have that something so small would feel so heavy?

“Yeah.  Hold on.”

After a few seconds, he clicked the door open.

“Hey.”

“Hey” I said. 

I looked up at his face and I saw that he looked a bit tired.  His face wasn’t glowing as it used to.

I followed after him as he led me inside of his apartment.

To my surprise there were boxes everywhere.

Before I got to say anything, he spoke up first.

“I’m leaving tonight.” I looked up to Eddie and saw that he looked so tired and … sad.

He continued to talk, “I’m basically done packing.  I’m leaving Korea and going back to Cali.”  He looked over to me and gave me a small smile, “I don’t think I like Korea much.” He stopped smiling and moved over to the sofa to sit down.

I followed after him and sat beside him.

“I…” I started to talk.

Eddie interrupted.

“I don’t want to hear your answer.  I’m pretty sure of your answer, so I just decided to leave before I know.  Then at least I can have hope.” He smiled again.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“No. Don’t be.   I’m not leaving to get an apology from you.” He said.  He smiled again.

He chuckled now.  “You’re going to regret it Amelie.  No guy out there is better than me you know.”

I smiled and hugged him then.  I was so thankful to have such a wonderful friend like him.

“Thank you.  Eddie.  Really.”

He hugged me back.

“If there is anything that you need, just call me up.  I’ll always be here for you Amelie.”

He kissed me on the cheek and let go of our embrace.

“You were always there for me…for those past three years.  Thank you.  So much.  I don’t know how I could repay you.” I said.

“You don’t.  It was wonderful for me too.” He smiled big now.  Like his usual smiles when he sees me.

I smiled my crooked smile back.

“Oh. I almost forgot.” I put my hand in my pocket to get out the small box.

I handed it over to him.

“Oh. Yeah.  Forgot about this.” I put the box in his hand gently.

“Damn.  What am I going to do with this now?” He said a little frustrated.

“You could pawn it.” I said.

He laughed. “Only you would say something like that with an engagement ring.” He said.

I felt a slight sting of regret.  I should think before I talk.

“No.  I’m going to give it to someone that I genuinely care about.” He looked at me.

He continued, “and someone who would care about me just the same.” He smiled.

I smiled back.

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I was walking back to where Hyungman was when I got a call.

“Myung. Where are you?”

“I’m walking over to where you guys are.  Is the filming over?”

“Well…no not really.”

“What else does he have to do?”

Sell his body?  Sell his soul? Kiss the stupid perfect girl?

Sorry.  I am a little still annoyed over the whole love thing.

“He has to decide.” He paused. “Whether he wants to be with her or not.”

“Oh.” I said.

Right.

But I shouldn’t care.  I mean. I’m pretty sure that he was going to keep her.